I woke up in a swamp, underwater. No, wait. That was just my mouth. My eyes couldn’t open underwater, because they were soaking in vinegar. My nose was clogged full of stale sweat and old dog. My head was a 10 lb. hammer I couldn’t lift. I wiggled my toes, just to make sure I could. My toes told me to shut the fuck up and go back to bed.

I winced, focusing on the alarm clock-3:25 pm. What. Happened?

I rolled over onto my back, and started to groan. But even groaning was agony. Why did that hurt so much? Oh, I remembered now. OH. I sat upright, and fell off the bed. This was horrifically painful to every part of my body and I curled into a ball, remembering the previous night in flashes.

Moving very cautiously, I took a hot shower and had some bacon in an attempt to be human again before work.

One hour and about five Advil later, I made a mental note to write a will for when I died from liver abuse. Unbelievable. Now I knew why they said a hangover was like death warmed over.

As I made my way across the city, my cell phone rang. The sound was so astoundingly loud it echoed in my head. I narrowed my eyes and stared at it for a second. Nefarious, evil device. Who on earth would have thought this tiny thing could kill a person, a perfectly innocent, hungover person, where they stood? At the very least, I felt like dropping a bomb on something. Anything.

While I reveled in my violent fantasy, my phone went to voicemail. The relief was so intense that, in a moment of benevolence, I decided to call them back and find out what they wanted. Maybe I could kill them later. Plus, I didn’t want my phone to ring again. Ever.

“Hello? You just called, and I’ve decided not to kill you right away.”

“Goodness, what’s that all about? You sound a bit… off. Are you hungover?” I heard Meredith ask, cheerfully. God, I was so glad it was her, but at the same time, the option to torture was not entirely out of the question. No, torture was too involved. Maybe a quick shot to the head.

“Ye-eess. Speak very softly, and I will spare your life. Try to breathe quietly too; the Advil haven’t started working yet,” I said, rubbing my temples.

She laughed, holding the phone away. Quickly she stifled it.

“Ahem. Well, the bad news is, we need you to come in to the office a little early. Rehka has quit. ‘I’m Bored’ were her exact words, I believe. We are working a concert tonight, and we are short a girl. You won’t be working a regular run like usual. Felix was emphatic we should call you; said you’d never want to miss an opportunity to make a fool out of yourself. Though he said it kind of nasty. I think he’s upset with you. Did something happen?”

I filled Meredith in on the second half of the evening, and she was even more amused at the idea that Felix followed me into a bar.

“You’ve made quite a stir of things, haven’t you?”

“I have no idea. I can’t even think straight; it hurts too much. I don’t suppose Selene would give me the night off, for complications from my lobotomy?” I asked hopefully.

“Well, had you actually scheduled a brain surgery, she might’ve. But seeing as she’s heard every excuse in the book, I’m pretty sure she’ll see right through you, and figure out you are just hungover. That will only make her more determined to get you in here. She might even cuss you out in French. That could be really funny.” Meredith was enjoying herself, but I could still blame her. I wanted to stab things.

“Fine, I’ll be there. What time?”

“5:45 ought to do it. The trays are built differently and we have to learn new stuff.”

“See you soon.” I hung up and glanced at the clock. Shit. I barely had enough time to get to the office, and considering how slow moving I was, I was going to need all the help I could get.

If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

¤ ¤ ¤

I made it to the office, and there was a swirl of frenzy going on. Four hot pink outfits were hanging out on a doorframe, and four trays were already set out. They had been stripped of cigarettes, and a pile of candy was sitting next to each one. Selene was seated on a stool, and looking the part of an unforgiving headmistress. I could tell instantly from the moment I stepped in, that 1) Meredith had told everyone I had the rock n roll flu, 2) that this included Selene, who looked pissed off and tight-lipped, and 3) the only person who didn’t care about any of this news was Ransom.

I made my way to one of the seats, where Susannah, Lisbet, and Meredith all gave me questioning looks. I shot Meredith a silent finger bang! and she grinned back.

The next hour and a half went a little like usual with a couple of changes. We couldn’t carry cigarettes into concert venues, so we doubled the amount of candy and lights in the trays. This changed our tactic for selling, and the profit margin seemed like it would be smaller. Susannah assured me that the profit margin could be much higher; you just had to keep working the room. The trays were also twice as heavy, weighing in at a staggering 35 lbs around each of our necks. For 6 hours. While we did wear a helpful foam roll neck pillow, it tended to get in the way. The lights were more numerous, and there were a few that were quite complicated. Selene began demonstrating the lights’ flashing red, blue and green strobe effect for customized messages. I immediately left to get dressed when my hangover that had started to abate came thundering back. When I came back out, Meredith confided that she would teach me about these later.

The other girls were actually being nice. I think it was because they felt sorry for me. I was grateful for it; I couldn’t deal with the pressure of getting my look together, as well as being playful in the office. We were dressing all the same, no variation, and our trays also had to be laid out the same way. My tray was so incredibly heavy that I couldn’t believe I could carry it around all night in the same venue.

Ransom offered the front seat to Lisbet (figured) and the other three of us piled into the back of his canopied truck, squashed down to lay flat with our trays, trying to get comfortable. Turned out it was impossible. The ride seemed very bouncy back there and I struggled to keep my stomach calm.

We arrived at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, where Phil Lesh was playing that night. I had no idea who he was, but Susannah was beside herself. She gushed about him all the way there, so I became curious about him too. Well, soon enough I would either love him or hate him, since I would be in there all night.

Susannah was the micro-manager of our night, and she did an amazing job of giving Meredith and me some last minute tips on how to work a single event with other Tarts all around. In no time at all, we were in a good groove, making good money, circulating multiple floors, and never conflicting in prices or running into each other. The best tip I learned all night was to rest my tray on the garbage cans, since there was nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE to sit down at a concert. The music really was amazing, and the crowd was so friendly and happy to be there. I was feeling recovered from the night before, especially since I almost never had my blinky lights on. Lisbet cornered me at one point, gave me a long stare, and sent me back out with all of them on. Like everyone else, I couldn’t say No to her.

We were there for several hours, and shortly after eleven we got the call that Ransom was outside. We were all high from our excellent sales, but happy to set our trays down in the truck. Meredith, Susannah and I all flopped on our backs, tucking our legs in wordlessly as Ransom went to shut the truck canopy door. He looked slightly surprised, but said nothing, as usual.

Back at the office, as we unloaded our stuff, Felix came over to me, and touched me on the shoulder.

“Yeah?” I said, a little stiff.

“Pale, we just got a call. You are going to have to leave,” he said, hesitating.

“What? What are you talking about? I did fine tonight,” I said, confused.

“It’s not that. It’s your dad. He’s in the hospital,” he said quietly. The whole room was subdued, as I stared up into his face.

“My dad?” I whispered. “Is he, wha happen …” I couldn’t get the words out. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I looked away.

“He’s fine, but the doctor asked for you to come in first thing tomorrow. He knows it’s a bit of a drive, and I told him that you work late hours.”

“Fuck that. I’m going now,” I said tensely, looking around for my coat and bag. Felix handed me my things, automatically.

“Of course. We’ll take care of things here, ok? And Pale ... let me know how it goes, ok? If you want to talk, I’m here.” He mumbled this, but gave me a long look, punctuating that he meant it. I melted a little, touched by his caring after last night. Then the crushing worry of my dad washed back over me, and I was stiff as a board again.

Thom patted me awkwardly on the arm as I left, and I gave him a nod of acknowledgement on my way out. I got in my car, and drove straight to Dad’s, collapsing and crying myself to sleep in my old room, dawn still many hours away from the horizon.