The rest of the week passed in a similar fashion, only without the fighting. Lisbet did get into a bit of trouble after what happened in Crow Bar. But there were so many witnesses to the escalation and, just because she was Lisbet, she ended up with a warning. She shrugged it off.

I still couldn’t shake my dissatisfaction with the job, and it showed in my sales. I did poorly all week, no matter what my efforts were to hide my true face. I felt lost as new girls came and went, looking to me for advice and enthusiasm. I could sense my time there was drawing to a close, but had no idea what to do next. I limped through my week, and felt wrung out by the time my appointment with the life insurance company loomed near.

I had filled Felix in on what Jana had found and the phone call, and he asked if he could accompany me.

We headed back to Modesto and easily found the company’s office off the interstate. Felix and I had passed the office a few times on our drives around town; I felt that I knew Modesto so well I could give guided tours. Of course, that was assuming anyone would come here on purpose.

I’d dressed simply for the meeting but was wound up like a top. I was so tense about whatever was going to jump out next that even Felix didn’t tease me in the car ride over.

When we stepped in through the door, he rubbed my back reassuringly, and I relaxed slightly into his touch. I glanced at him, and he gave me a warm smile, reminding me that we were in this together.

The office had a small reception area that was deserted. No one greeted us when we arrived, but the soothing sounds of a cleverly hidden fountain did the work of helping me feel comfortable. Large, leafy indoor plants stretched toward a skylight and were shiny from loving care. There was a good collection of art on the walls, and I was surprised to find it had a more modern feel than the rest of Modesto.

I couldn’t picture Dad ever coming in here, but a tall man in his late 40’s came striding out of an office, holding out his hand like we were old friends.

“I have a bell that tells me you came in, and my receptionist took the day off to accompany her son on a school trip. You must be Pale?” he said in a friendly manner, giving my hand a vigorous shake, catching me off guard. Felix bumped me, and I looked back to see he was holding me up slightly, and laughing at me behind his eyes.

“Easy there, Daisy,” he murmured.

Turning back to David, I said nervously “Yes. Hello. You must be Mr. Cliffstone? Can you tell me what this is all about? Why am I here? Oh, and this is Felix.”

“Please, call me David. Where are my manners? My apologies, a client on the phone distracted me earlier. We have much to discuss. Please come into my office and we will cover everything. I’ve prepared all the paperwork. Can I get you anything to drink? Water? Coffee?” he prompted, gesturing to a beverage station I hadn’t noticed. Felix helped himself to coffee, and poured me water without asking. He knew me well.

We walked into David’s office, which was a more intimate version of the front area, only with even more plants and some lovely furniture. Despite the large room, David’s desk only occupied one corner closest to the window. We took seats opposite him in comfortable chairs. I wasn’t sure what to expect or what sort of conversation was coming. Did my dad have unknown debts? Did he have a secret collection of gold bricks? Did he lie about anything else? I took a few deep breaths, which David noticed quickly.

“Please, be easy. This sort of conversation often starts off with so many unknown factors, but also just as often ends happily, if not bewilderingly. I am thorough and totally confidential. You can say anything, express anything. My job is to make sure you understand what’s happening, can figure out what to do next, and in general, support you through this unbelievably tough time.” His eyes were bright green, and he looked at me with compassion and intelligence. He had an air of confidence and decisiveness.

He had captured my thoughts exactly, so I only nodded in encouragement.

“First of all, I knew your father, Pale, and his sudden loss was a tragedy and a shock. I don’t know that I will ever achieve his masterful level of puns. They were so terrible.” He smiled gently, remembering. I felt a wave of sadness and understanding.

“Your father came in to see me shortly after I had just opened my practice here, 20 years ago. He was one of my first clients. It was after your mother had…left, and he was concerned that being the sole provider for you would be too fragile of a life together. He wanted to explore his options. I advised him to write a will, and to invest in a stock portfolio. He had a shrewd mind, and I am pleased to say he did both of these things. He came back in over the years, making adjustments to the will in relation to his earnings, and always keeping his expenses in check, despite his passion for one day flying his own plane. An expensive hobby, I might add.”

“I’m summarizing here, obviously, because it was evident to me on the phone the other day that you had no idea that he had set aside anything other than the house. I am not sure if you have gone through his papers, since I know he kept meticulous notes, but if I recall, everything related to the stock portfolio was being held in a safety deposit box at the bank. They are not authorized to give you the key; that’s my job.”

David reached into his desk drawer and handed me a key with a square silver head. A number was stamped on the top. I took it wordlessly. He paused, letting this sink in.

“Does this also have anything to do with the relationship Dad had to my birth mother?” I asked, confused.

David’s face showed surprise, as he answered, “What? No. He’s left no instructions or provisions for her, only you. I see that you’ve had your plate full.” David looked at me thoughtfully.

“No, I am here to make sure that you understand the details of your inheritance, as well as make myself available, should you wish to continue some of the investments he has in place. Naturally, I don’t handle that personally, but I’m in touch with his investment broker, and she’s anxious to meet with you.” David paused.

“Pale, your Dad carefully nurtured the small amount of money he started with over many years, so he could share with you the fruits of that growth, to help you while you are on your own. He started with only $500, and it’s bloomed quite substantially since then. First, and only if you are ready, I’m going to read you the will, and second, we will discuss the details of the provisional statement he left. Lastly, I am to give you the letter he left for you.”

Startled, I said, “Letter? He left me a letter?”

“Yes. But he asked that you receive it after you have heard the entirety of the will,” David said. I nodded my assent.

David then proceeded to read the Last Will and Testament of Jeffrie Hugo Baumann, my father. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bring all of my grief up to the surface. Felix held my hand the entire time, when I wasn’t blowing my nose repeatedly.

It detailed that his property and earnings were all left to me, 100%, and he requested I give 5% away as charity, preferably to a flight school. He also requested that his ashes be scattered in the air, which I had already been thinking about arranging in the spring. He left only one request about his financial portfolio, which was that his investment broker continue to make the primary decisions until I’d had six months from the time of the reading of the will to become familiar with his strategies, and that I take over making primary decisions at that time. Dad was adamant that the investments continue, and I had no disagreement about that.

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The end of the reading strangely relaxed me. I guess I had feared there would be some deep dark secret, lurking in another part of my Dad’s life that I was clueless about. This didn’t seem so much blind protection, as smart planning and careful study. Sure, I was sad that once again he didn’t feel like he could talk to me, but I could see that he felt I needed a bit more time to be open to such things.

And if I really thought about it, it was not as if I’d been the most mature about my decisions. Becoming an adult is not always something we choose in Life; often the timing of it is chosen for us, and not usually when it suits our plans.

I’d been selfish and careless, and while I didn’t regret my past choices, it was time to be more mindful of my choices. We never know how much time we have left with the ones we love the most.

Breaking out of my reverie, I saw that David and Felix were both watching me patiently. I leaned forward and took a long drink of water.

“I apologize. I was lost in my thoughts,” I said, my voice stronger than when I first arrived.

“As I said, Pale, I’m here to help you understand. I can see by your face, though, you understand your father very well. You both make the same face when you concentrate.” He smiled broadly, and I smiled back in gratitude.

“So, now that we’ve talked about the provision of keeping the investment portfolio running, was there anything else?” I asked hesitantly.

“Well, yes. There are your earnings. A certain amount of the earnings were set aside when Jeffrie…passed on, as an inheritance. I assure you, the investment portfolio is still healthy, and can manage as you go through your educational process,” David said, rustling through the file on his desk.

“Ah, here are the numbers. The total amount available is approximately $50,000,” he said, looking down.

I stared blankly at David, and looked over to Felix. Felix looked at me questioningly.

“That can’t be right,” I said faintly.

“Oh, well, that’s give or take a few thousand. The exact total is $54,377.20. If you want to look at the last report-,” David broke off when he saw my face. I stood up, my jaw hanging, and held on to the chair for support. Felix jumped up in alarm, and held my arm, and rubbed my back. I shook and held my hand over my mouth. David came out from behind his desk, and held out the glass of water to me. I took a few cool gulps, gasping on the last one as it went down the wrong pipe. David encouraged me to take a few calming breaths.

I felt like one of those women from the 18th century, always fainting at the sight of a mouse or a man without a proper hat. It was ridiculous that I kept having such jumpy reactions. Embarrassed, I sat back and tried to gain my composure.

David and Felix returned to their chairs and were looking away to give me a moment. I was grateful to both of them, and cleared my throat obviously so we could continue.

David began, “I’ve seen grief reveal itself in the strangest of ways, Pale. Don’t be embarrassed by it. You’ve been dealing with more than most, completely on your own, with no other family to help share the burden. I suspect you’ve even been handling the last few weeks better than you think, as your friend here will likely attest.” David glanced at Felix, who nodded firmly in agreement.

“Again, I’m sorry for adding to your plate. But your dad was quite clear that he wanted you to feel that you have the freedom to start over and do what you want. Is the amount not to your satisfaction?” he asked.

“No, David. Quite the opposite. It’s more, much more than I thought would come out of your mouth. In my wildest dreams, I never had any idea he was up to this. It’s so much to take in, to accept. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay overnight in Modesto, and get back to you tomorrow. Can we talk again? Do you need me to make an appointment?” I asked, dazed.

David laughed slightly, clearly happier that the news was received well, and said, “No, you can just come in anytime. I’m here from eight in the morning until about three in the afternoon. The bell for the front door rang, and he jumped up. “Excuse me, I am expecting a delivery that will need to be signed for.”

When Felix and I were alone, we turned to each other in total disbelief.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Believe it or not, I think I am going to be ok. I feel strange. Surreal, but lifted up. I feel above the pain. David has been really helpful,” I added.

“Yeah, he seems to really care about his work, and about your case in particular. Do you have more questions right now?” he asked.

“No, I want to get out of here soon, maybe get some dinner. Can we stay at a hotel tonight? I don’t want to be at Dad’s,” I said, distracted. I could hear David coming back in.

“Sure thing,” Felix replied. David entered and closed the door. He sat down quickly at his desk. He focused his green eyes on me.

“How are you feeling? Do you have any questions?”

“You said there was a letter for me?” I asked, reminding him.

“Oh! Yes, of course. He filled this out after his first stroke. He said you would want to read this in private.” He handed me an envelope I recognized from my dad’s desk. It had his scrawled handwriting on it, with my name across the front. I stood up, and Felix stood up as well.

“David, it’s been a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for being so friendly and professional. You’ve been very easy to talk to. I’ll be in touch tomorrow.” I shook his hand, and he gave me the same vigorous shake as before. Felix and I headed out the door and into the parking lot. I stood next to the car just holding my Dad’s letter. Felix wordlessly opened my door and walked around to get in the driver’s seat.

I got in, deep in thought.

“Can you drive us to the house? I want to open this there,” I said. He nodded, and turned down the interstate.

As soon as we arrived, Felix turned off the car and gave me a stop-and-pay-attention look.

“Pale. I want to tell you something.” He leaned in close to me, hypnotizing me with his eyes. I was pulled into his yearning and momentarily forgot about the events of the day.

“Yes?” I said, breathless.

“It’s just…I’ve always wanted…” he started, breaking off as he nuzzled my neck.

“Oh?” I said very faintly, not really paying close attention as his breath passed up to my ear.

“I’ve always wanted a sugar mama. Will you take care of me now?” His tone was joking, and he nipped me playfully on the ear. I blew out an exasperated breath and gave him a shove. He cackled, and his joy made me smile despite myself. He scooped up my hand, giving it a gallant kiss.

“Don’t worry, Daisy. I’m not that kind of Texan.” He gave me a tender kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be in the house, just holler when you’re ready to go get some dinner.”

As I watched him walk in the house, I was amazed at the transformation between us. A few months ago, we were barely managing civil conversation. So many changes, so fast. What did I do with all this new information?

I looked down at the letter in my lap again. So many of the answers might be in here. Or none of them. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read my dad’s last words. I didn’t have to open this now. But part of me knew that I would, which is why I had directed Felix here.

I opened the sliding door and walked into the garage, switching on the lights and shutting the door behind me.

I went to the workbench and sat down. I thought about him for a few minutes, still deliberating. Then, before I could stop myself again, I tore open the top of the envelope and pulled out one page.

My beautiful daughter,

There are many things I could say about my life. It’s so hard to face the cruel white paper before the enormosityness of my feelings for you, and for this life we have together. Nothing is as important to me as your happiness. From the moment I saw you, and your eyes that looked through me, I knew you were family. It was hard to know, as a father, what was best. I think sometimes I bully you like Han Solo does to Chewy, but it is because I want so much for you.

The only thing I can try and help you understand are my letters with Shake. Your birth mother was a part of your life that you can never replace. No matter how you came to me, no matter how close we are, you two deserve to know each other. I waited until I thought you would be ready, and not restless, to meet her and not lash out. You have some of my German steady-mindedness, yes? But you also have impulsiveness. I love that in you. I love it so much, even though it drives a father crazy. You drive me to the store; you drive me crazy, ha!

Please know that all I want to say was like Obi-Kenobi, I will see you again. I love you, my daughter, my love,

Dad

I folded up the letter and collapsed onto the table, laughing, crying, and shaking with emotion. The sun streamed in the window and hit the bench, illuminating his little kingdom, the place he plotted and schemed his whole life just to better mine.

The letter was so inimitably him; I felt a hundred facets at once, my love and exasperation, his planning and his wisdom, his grace and teaching. I saw myself in him so much. No one ever knew me like he did. I felt all of this and a sweet sense of symmetry in the universe, a place of knowing more about who I am and where I come from than I ever had. He clearly wanted me to know Shake, so I would honor his wish.

I pulled myself up from the bench and touched the letter to my heart.

“I love you too, Obi-Wan,” I whispered.