The forlorn look on Kuljack’s granite face was impossible to mistake. “Why?” His voice even held unmistakable sorrow. “You were so happy, loved, safe. What didn’t we do?”

I knew his situation all too well. My alter ego lived it while I sat in my head and watched, letting it happen. There was only one way that our meeting was going to end. Every prediction ended exactly the same. But for the sake of my alter ego and myself, I had to give him every chance.

“It’s not what you didn’t do; it’s what she did. Elveil took my freedom, my individuality, and more importantly, she mutilated my body to fit her twisted tastes.” My voice was devoid of all emotion. More because I didn’t know what emotion to feel at that moment. “It’s exactly what she did to you. We let her brainwash us.”

Kuljack held out his hands. “Does that matter? Does it really matter where that happiness comes from? Is it any less authentic when you feel that joy in your chest when you’re smiling or wagging your tail because she wants you to like certain things?”

I stood rigid. “It does matter. Lies are lies, no matter how you frame them. None of your feelings are genuine. That’s how she wants you to feel. I can’t live like that. You shouldn’t either—nobody should.”

He shook his head. “I don’t believe you. Feelings, no matter why you feel them, are always real. Can a person not learn to love someone else? Don’t parents guide their children through discipline, education, and praise? What about teachers? When people misbehave, they need to be punished. The punishment must be something to be feared; otherwise, it won’t work.”

The beastman’s voice softened. “Everything is better when people are happier; when we all work towards a common goal. It’s Elveil, my love’s goal, that can make everyone happy.”

“You’re justifying her actions.” I calmly pointed to the ceiling. “You’ve not been up there yet, have you?”

He shook his head.

“People were killed because Elveil said they should die. She didn’t give them a chance. SHe isn’t out there fighting the sphinx so that everyone has a better life. The only thing that she care about is gaining power so that she stays on top.”

Kuljack waved his hands in front of him. “No. That isn’t it. She’s fighting the sphinx because he banned her from his trial. He’s being unfair to her.”

I wagged a finger. “The sphinx wants fair fights. Nobody on this floor is even close to her strength. Her lashing out like this proves how spoiled she really is; how that she only wants her way.”

Kuljack stomped his foot. “You’re only looking at her finding the faults you want to see. Those who died were sad, necessary losses. A few die so that many more join her because they see that the punishment is real. War is ugly. My love will end all wars by ending the different factions that waste time and even more lives with constant struggles for more power. To end wars, you crush everything under overwhelming power. Once people aren’t worrying about who’s in charge, they can focus on building a better community. Don’t you want that?”

I slowly walked towards the stone beastman. “I don’t care. People have ignored me most of my life. Them and the greater community aren’t my concern. My sworn sisters are what’s important to me. But that butchery that I saw—participated in…”

I stopped in front of him. “Your happiness is built upon piles of corpses. It’s built with lies Elveil tells you to believe. You aren’t living in reality. You’re trapped in a dream.”

“I know you can’t see it, Rina, but Elveil’s strength—her power to decide who lives or dies—brings peace.” Kuljack paused to for a second. “When people give up their will to someone greater, it simplifies things, makes life easier to bear. People are stubborn, always fighting, always needing something more. But when Elveil is in control, everything becomes clearer, simpler. It’s as it should be.”

“So, you’d rather live a life where someone else controls everything? For what? Happiness? Happiness built on lies, death, and fear?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yes, Rina. I know you don’t understand, but for me, it’s worth it. There’s peace in following her commands, knowing she’ll use her power to keep us in line, to stop the endless struggle. I don’t need to decide who’s right or wrong—she does that for me, and I’m happier this way. Violence may seem cruel to you. If it takes a few sacrifices for others to see her vision, then so be it. The simplicity of following her is worth every drop of blood, every so-called ‘lie.’”

He’s gone.

I hung my head. “That’s what I thought you’d say.” The following heavy silence that followed was the two of us morning the other. I knew the next step, so did Kuljack, but I had to ask. I owed him one last chance. “Are you going to let me through?”

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Killing him still feels wrong. Kuljack is brain washed. This isn’t who he would be if it wasn’t for Elveil. Tavor was an understandable kill, but I don’t like the way he died. All that suffering and eating him… That’s never going to sit well with me. I don’t want to kill Kuljack. I want to believe that he can be saved, because if he can’t, then what hope do I have?

Kuljack’s shoulders slumped. “Are you going to try to kill my love?”

I liked my lips. “Yeah.” There was another oppressive silence. “There’s no other way this can end, is there?”

“It seems not,” he answered.

I closed my eyes. “I don’t want to do this, not with you.”

He nodded and closed his eyes. “I know. I don’t either. But we both have to do what we have to do. I’m going to miss you. You were always so easy to talk to. And you made a beautiful fox.”

I had no tears to shed for him, although I wanted to. I’m sorry Kuljack; I couldn’t save you.

I activated my lycan form as he raised his arms to slam down on me. His movements slowed down until they were almost stationary. I stepped to his side, kicked his leg to collapse it, grabbed his shoulders and threw him into the wall.

He embedded into the wall. I forced my system to create a simulated display of my stats in my lycan form.

Lycan Form

Effective Level:

373

Agility:

3626

Arcane:

780

Power:

3292

Quickness:

3986

Resilience:

3496

Toughness:

3506

An effective level of three hundred and seventy-three. So much power, and it’s not enough. Kuljack doesn’t stand a chance. I don’t want to do this, but I can’t have you standing in my way either. You’ve left me with no choice.

Before Kuljack could even move, I ran over and buried my claw straight into his chest. My mana cycling plasma through it sliced through him like he was made of bread dough. Kuljack’s body shuddered, but he was still alive. Like me, he didn’t have a heart. So I took his head into my other hand and crushed it.

I earned three million, one hundred seven thousand, one hundred fifty-four shards and five stat points. The fact I received stats or shards was meaningless to me. none of that was important to me in that moment.

My hope was to never kill you, Kuljack. I keep telling myself that I’m different from her. And yet… here I am, taking a life with the same cold determination she’d use. You were never a monster. You were looking for the same thing I want—peace. Now I’ve made you just another casualty in this war. You were as much a victim in all this as me. Now the Nexus has your soul to do whatever it wants with it. This isn’t the fate you wanted nor deserved. But do any of us get what we want? And what do any of us deserve in the end? We’re all monsters inside.

I returned to normal and sat next to Kuljack’s corpse, wrapping my tail around me to cover my feet. And I’m one of the worst. I’m no better than her. Everything she did to me, I’m doing to others exactly what she did to me. Have I done anything different, really? The line I thought I was walking, the one that separated me from her… it’s gone. Maybe it was never there. Elveil isn’t the only monster. To kill a monster, I’ve become one too. Which is worse, the monster I’m making inside me, or the one I am now?

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. The lines are so blurry, I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. All I’ve proven is that my conviction is just as ruthless as hers. And Kuljack… He was content—happy. He found joy in his surrender. Who am I to say that my view of freedom is worth more than his. Am I the who’s really lost? Am I just rationalizing my own evil?

There were no tears to cry. There was no augment to buy for them. So I screamed into my knees, hoping to scare away my sorrow. How many more will I have to kill? People who, like him, only wanted peace—even if it’s a hollow peace. Kuljack was content. He didn’t see himself as a victim. But I… I decided he was wrong, that I knew better. I forced my truth on him, just like Elveil would have. And for what? Is my freedom any more real than his happiness?

It didn’t work.

So I shot to my feet, put my unspent points into arcane, and climbed out of the dungeon and into the streets. I jumped up onto a roof and headed straight for the colosseum. If I couldn’t scare away my sorrow, I was going to try to run from it. Then, if that wouldn’t work, I was going to hide from it in the heat of battle.

My mind was as blank as possible. I didn’t want to feel or think about what I was doing. One objective ran through my head. If I don’t see Killa or Shadara again, the least I can do for them is make sure they are safe. And if Elveil is alive, they aren’t safe. So even if this kills me, I will kill her.

If there is any deity listening, please let this kill me, then take my soul and destroy it. I must be stopped.