I basked in the warm feeling of my cleaned and repaired clothes that were still warm, as if they had come out of a dryer. Not that it was something I experienced a lot of. I always walked into the Salvation Army and picked out clothes whenever I needed new ones. Washing my clothes was a luxury I rarely afforded, and I would go weeks, if not months, between washes.
I smirked as I waited by the door for Elara to return with Shadara. It took me going to a fantasy world where my life could be ended at any time and I had to face the worst horrors ever imaginable to experience something so rudimentary for everyone else on Earth. Kinda messed up, if you ask me.
Elara floated towards me alone. I tilted my head, and before I could ask, Elara giggled. “You weren’t the only one who decided the bath was a wonderful place for a nap.”
A snort snuck out of me as I covered my mouth, which then turned into a genuine laugh. ”If you guys charged for the bath services, you’d make a killing.”
The ghost maid joined in my laughter. “We would, and then we would have even more servants in this mansion.” She waved her hand. “We don’t want that, so we’ll keep it free for now. Unless there is a sudden staff shortage.”
Killing… Ghosts… “Wait, do people who die on this floor come back as servants? If I die, I’ll become a maid?” My back locked up as I lost all desire to laugh.
Elara kept laughing. “Not always, but I think you’d look cute in a frill maid outfit I’ve seen some of the others in. And don’t worry; I’ll see if I can petition to train you. We would still be good friends.” She then stopped laughing to look at me. Another smile spread across her lips. “Come on, it’s not that serious. And the last thing any of us want is for anyone to die.”
“Oh.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Okay. Just don’t scare me like that. It sounds like you’ve given it too much thought.”
Elara waved her hand as she floated to the door. “Sorry, but your face was just too perfect. I couldn’t help myself.” She cleared her throat, although I don’t know why. “Shadara said she’ll need some more time to clean up and dry out her fur. She said to tell you she’ll catch up when she’s ready.”
I nodded as I followed my guide through the door. After we appeared in the hall, I held up my hand. “Do you mind if I get some more food? While we were in the dungeon, I burned through quite a lot of energy and need to stockpile more while I’m here.”
Elara waved down the hallway of identical doors. “It’s no problem at all. I’m glad you enjoyed it so much that you want more.”
The food is good. “And if Shadara wants to get some shopping done before going to sleep, she can. I know she really wants a magical bow.” I scratched at the back of my head. “That is going to be possible here, right?”
“Absolutely.” Elara led me back to the grand hall of tables, where some other people were eating. “Unlike all the other amenities, you’ll have to pay for the less mundane things, like magical equipment.”
I looked around the room. “Should we tell everyone about the possibility of what could happen? Get as many people to evacuate as we can."
Elara bit her lip as she crossed her arms. “That might not be a good idea.”
Correct. If a large crowd of people are attempting to flee, it might force the plans of the one who could attack the sphinx. You could also inform them involuntary, and then they begin enacting their plan anyway. Your desire to help others is admirable, but it would only lead to putting yourself at unnecessary risk. If you could leave a message after you leave, it would be better. It would warn others while you were safely away. Your safety is our top priority.
“There just seem to be too many people to not do something.” I sat down and stared at the table. “But I see what you mean. You shouldn’t yell fire in a crowded movie theater.”
“I don’t know what a movie theater is, but causing chaos in any crowd is likely going to end with many more getting hurt.” Elara sat across from me.
I slapped the table and nearly stood up. “Could you talk to the other maids and servants? Would you be able to get them to encourage the people here to head to the next floor? Is it possible?”
Elara’s mouth hung slightly open as she blinked at me. “That… yeah. That would work. I can’t say how many people will heed the advice, but a warning like that should be enough.” She smiled. “You’re quite the caring person, Rina.”
I ducked my head down. “It’s that I have killed others and have died myself. Dying was unpleasant, so much so that my mind repressed the experience.”
The memory was tucked into a corner of my mind like a box packed in the deepest corner, so it never saw the light of day again. If I wanted to, I could reach out and pull it out. But even considering it, it left me feeling ill.
“And killing others left a bad taste in my mouth.” I sighed. “They were going to hurt me and maybe kill me. It was self-defense, but I still hated the feeling that I had done it. I’ve also lost friends. Nobody should feel that kind of pain. If I can keep others from feeling that, then that’s good.”
“Motivated by guilt.” Elara stood up from the seat with a frown and a shake of her head. “I was expecting more. As a piece of advice, don’t let guilt guide your actions. It isn’t healthy.” She headed off. “I should know. It’s what got me killed. I’ll be back with burgers like last time. Don’t worry, I remembered your tastes.”
My mouth dropped, and any words I wanted to say never formulated in my head. I grabbed my head and stared at the table. I was left alone to the dull roar of the people eating and talking.
My mouth went dry. Am I? Was she right to say that I’m letting my decisions be dictated by my guilt for killing those two at the gate?
Your desire to make up for the decisions you make is a common human trait. Believing that you can eventually absolve yourself of any responsibility for your actions that led to consequences you are uncomfortable with is pointless. Like sanity, guilt is another society-based construct that you will do better off ignoring.
I wanted to glare at Orange, but with a lack of a body to look at, I gritted my teeth instead. So would it be better for me to be a psychopath in your opinion?
Not at all. We believe focusing your energies on actions at the moment you’re making them is better for you in the long term. Your empathy and desire to have friends like Killa and Shadara are good for you. We intended to urge you to consider consequences objectively rather than based on previous emotional grievances. You can’t change the past. Don’t let your past failures derail your future.
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The silence lingered, wrapping around me like a heavy blanket. I couldn’t shake off the weight of Elara’s words or Orange’s timely but unnerving input.
Am I merely allowing remorse to steer my choices? Or is it a genuine drive to prevent harm, born out of empathy and a need for redemption? How will I know what the right or wrong choice is?
Right and wrong are entirely subjective points of view. These are social constructs that inhibit optimal decision-making. It is worth your time to decide what you want and why you want it. Then do what you need to reach your goals.
Orange’s voice echoed within my mind. That’s all fine and dandy, but sometimes I have to make snap decisions and don’t have time to consider every detail.
We understand that in some situations, you either have limited time or information may come up. In those moments, we believe you should decide on something. Not making a choice is still a choice, but one that often leads to your detriment.
But those decisions could still cost people their lives.
You can’t save everyone. With life comes death. If considering everyone’s lives causes you trouble, narrow your scope of thought. You are a testament that death is not always the end, but simply an end.
That’s not what I’ve been told happens here in the Soul Nexus. Bark and Killa said that the Soul Nexus takes your soul when you die here.
Do you know what the Soul Nexus does with the souls it collects?
Well, not really. Other than it created Elara as a copy of her original soul, that is.
As I talked about the ghostly maid, she headed over, pushing a cart full of platters of assorted burgers and sandwiches. Do ghosts even have souls?
You could ask.
“I brought your food.” Elara chirped, setting a plate down in front of me.
Her voice was so peppy and happy. It almost made me wish I didn’t ask, but I did. “Elara, do you have a soul?”
The ghost frowned. She silently placed all the food in front of me and drifted through the table and into a seat across from me. “That’s complicated.”
I didn’t start eating. Instead, I shifted in my seat. “Complicated? As in having an artificial soul and being banned from the afterlife complicated?”
Elara shook her head. “I don’t know much about the first part. But the second is true. I am a copy of Elara’s original soul. I know that. All of her memories are my memories.”
“But do you have a soul?”
“I don’t know. I wish I knew.” Elara hung her head as her voice dropped. “Part of me thinks that I am a soul, or at least a mimicry of one. The Nexus created me, but it didn’t give me many details. Nobody I know seems to have the answers.”
I picked up a burger and mechanically took a bite. The flavors burst in my mouth, momentarily distracting me from the heavy conversation. But as I chewed, my thoughts looped back to another thing Elara told me.
I put the burger down. “Elara, how did you die?”
Elara gave me a wry smile. “It was on this floor in a dungeon. In fact, it was the dungeon you and Shadara went into. Me and my friends heard about Gary and decided to find him. My sister contracted lycanthropy before we arrived. She protected me from a werewolf, and was bitten in the process. I wanted to know if there was a cure for it.”
A shiver ran down my spine. “Your sister, she came to the Nexus with you? Why?”
“At the time, it seemed so important.” Elara’s voice grew emptier. “We were orphaned at a young age. And while I didn’t care, she wanted to meet our birth parents. She met this demon, who told her about this place and that it could grant any wish. I wasn’t about to let my sister go alone. And who doesn’t want to have a wish granted?”
She rubbed her forearms before she continued, “But during our time on this floor, one of my friends was murdered in his sleep. We thought Gary could also help us find answers to who murdered him. We weren’t ready for the mimics. We hadn’t seen them anywhere before that point.”
Elara then started hugging herself. Her voice grew higher and more frantic. “I should’ve seen it coming. The signs were all there. I was just blinded by everything that had happened. It was my fault she was even infected to begin with. We should’ve retreated. But no, I pushed on. I pushed everyone on. I needed to cure my sister. Watching her suffer hurt so much.”
I snapped my fingers. “Elara, hey, Elara. It’s okay. Stay with me. You can stop.”
Elara seemed to calm down as she hung her head and lowered her arms. “Sorry. It—it's a painful memory. I told you I didn’t have the same experience with death as you.”
I put on a smile, hopefully cheering her up. “You did say that. Will it help you calm down if I told you how I died?” Elara nodded. “I was minding my own business, heading to a hotel to sleep in a bed for the night and maybe even pick up some food while I was at it. It was a profitable day for me. But as I was walking down the street, someone called my name. Then they started shooting at me. I tried to run, and he caught me. And…”
The box with the memory of my death was still tucked away. I didn’t want to touch it, but seeing Elara break down in her story left me feeling guilty that I was afraid to do the same. No, not guilty. I’m not doing this because I’m letting guilt dictate my actions. She’s my friend, and I want her to know that she’s not alone.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “And when he did, he put a bullet in my brain. I begged for him to spare me, but he said he couldn’t. But some part of me flinched, and the shot didn’t kill me right away. My head had a bullet hole in it, but—but I could still feel the pain. The burning hole and paralysis as I felt my blood draining was agony. It wasn’t until the second shot that everything ended.”
Elara’s face twisted with horror. “Why would you tell me all that? Are you trying to tell me your death was worse than mine? I didn't ask for all that detail.”
I shook my head violently. “No. Not at all. I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. Dying is terrifying, and I know exactly what you went through. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
“Well, you blew it,” Elara said with a more expressionless face. She then relaxed. “But I understand the sentiment now. And thanks.”
I picked up the burger again. “So, what happened to your sister? Do you know?”
“No. And I likely never will. But after this long, I hope she died before the curse completely took her over and she forgot who she really was at heart.” Elara floated out of the seat and turned to leave. “She was the one who killed me. When we found Gary, she was asking all kinds of strange questions about how to grow stronger, not cure her lycanthropy. But when I asked Gary, she snuck up behind me and killed me.”
I swallowed the bite I had taken and put the burger back down. I don’t know what to say to that. Is there anything you can say to that?
Elara gave me a quick, half-hearted smile before floating away. “I’m going to go check up on Shadara. Please, enjoy your food.”
I looked down at the food. My appetite was nowhere to be found. I know I should eat, but how can you after a conversation like that?
The feeling of someone watching me was gone while I was talking with Elara, but after she left, it was back. I looked around the room, but with the four dozen people spread out across the massive room, I couldn’t tell who or if any of them were responsible. Then I remembered Elara saying she had a friend murdered in their sleep.
Orange, can you keep watch while I sleep?
Unfortunately, we are limited to your sensory inputs. If you could sleep with your eyes open, then it would be better. Otherwise, we are limited to your hearing and smell.
I frowned. My sense of smell and hearing are nowhere near Shadara’s. We’ll just have to block the door then. Do you think that will be enough?
We estimate a 77.55% chance of successfully uninterrupted sleep.
And the other options?
The blockade is insufficient at holding back intruders, at which point your death is guaranteed or you are captured and forced into slavery or the like. There is a 20.11% chance of death and a 2.34% chance of other unpredictable options.
Orange, that doesn’t instill any confidence.
Whatever the outcome, the consumption of nutrients is still required. Continue consumption.
I don’t feel like eating anymore.
For your survival, we must insist.
Fine. I ate the food, but it didn’t taste as flavorful as before, and each bite took more effort than the last. When I finished, I was ready to sleep. Elara returned to take me to the room Shadara was already sleeping in. I let her sleep as I barricaded the door. Elara didn’t like the idea, but that didn’t stop me from pushing the heavy dresser in front of the door.
I slipped into more comfortable clothes as I crawled into the bed next to Shadara’s, ready for whatever training regiment Orange had planned. I hadn’t forgotten that she was going to teach me how to fight while I slept.