"What's the dungeon's alignment?" I asked. "How come I don't see a forepost down here? This seems like a pretty place for a watch tower or a hunting lodge."

"Duskbloom, M'Lord," Shash said. "Everything that glows below - the grasses, the trees, the animals are infected by it. Looks pretty but weakens and cripples a mage," the assassin continued. "The tiny glowing mites secrete a mana-bond disrupting agent that slowly seeps through armor and gradually wears even the toughest man down. Those trees? They bloom from bodies of adventurers who perished here and are covered in the parasitic mites almost entirely. Those lovely-lookin’ waves of light dancin' across the fields? Swarms of luminous parasites looking for new hosts. Very slow, very sneaky death by a million magic-draining buggers. The ones closer to the fjord-labyrinth are bigger n’ stronger too. They are attracted to magic. Things that spawn in dis dungeon outside of a lockbox are slowly drained of mana by them."

"I see," I leaned forward, studying the mesmerizing patterns. "And you said this place provides meat for Undertown? How? The steak you fed us was pretty raw and definitely not glowing."

"The local beasts have adapted to it and can survive with it. Their lives are magic-less and short due to the Duskbloom and predators, but they also breed fast. Cold kills the mites," Shash explained. "Culimancer Rostika stores the meat in a large freezer filled with a few Frostix Kitlix. A couple of days is enough for the cold to dissolve even the deep spores completely. Gives the meat a bit of a sour-salty taste, almost like the sprinkle of fresh lemons."

"Ewh," Kat blanched. "I thought that was the sauce."

"Soooo... how does one hunt down here safely?" I asked, realising the reason for the long cold tunnel.

"Specialized, x'pensive gear," the assassin explained. "Armor covered in ice-runes. Keeps the mites off ya. Problem is, it also gives the hunter frostbite. A hunter must have high vitality to resist the cold, low level in everything else and the agility to move quick enough in and out. There are a few low level runners who can move fast enough to reach the edge of the labyrinth or dive into the sinkhole to grab whatever mediocre loot manifests there from time to time."

"Uh-huh," I considered. "And what if someone without magic went down there?"

"Without magic, M'lord?" The assassin blinked. "Everyone has crystalline hearts in em'. Once enough mites settle on a ‘kin, their crystalline heart is drained of mana and 'ey faint and then perish. Duskbloom is death to all life, slow destruction to all artifacts not secured with cold runes!"

"Say, how fast can they drain magic artifacts of mana?"

"The big ones deeper in can dismantle magic armor in a day. The ones here take about a month to drain an artifact. Magic shields cannot stop them. Only the cold kills them off."

"Ha," I exhaled. "Ha Ha ha ha!"

I stared at my new, beautiful dungeon, laughing like a madman.

"M'lord?" Shash asked uncertainly as I continued laughing like a supervillain.

"Sorry," I wiped tears from my eyes. "It's just... perfect. Absolutely perfect. A dungeon that kills by draining mana."

"Perfect for?"

"For me," I said. "Shash, return to the pub. I'll come by later. Going to stay here for a bit and make plans, maybe do a bit of dungeoneering. Also, order everyone to buy and steal Frostix Kitlix. Nobody guards those, right?"

"Indeed. Frostix are considered less valuable and common and they are usually not guarded well. How many Frostix Kitlix should we acquire, M'Lord?"

"All of them," I said. "I don't want anyone else to have a single Frostix Kitlix. Hire thieves and hunters to raid every fridge and ice box across Shandria."

"Your wish is my command," the gemkin vanished in the cold tunnel.

I returned to dungeon-gazing.

A flock of anterred lanky beasts rushed across the hills, with the sound of hoofs thundering across the distant field. I watched them with a smile. A cat-like thing with glowing antlers caught one of the beasts tearing it away from the herd and then sat down nomming on the flesh.

"Alex!" Cinder growled, grabbing me as I leaned down to observe the predator. "You can't go down there alone. Even if the mites don't target you, there's still clearly very dangerous wildlife down there."

"One small step for me, one giant forepost for all humankind," I told her. "I'm not gonna hunt down there myself, Ci. Don't you get it? This is the perfect place for a human colony. Where we won't be bothered by Omnids or anyone really. Those mites are a natural defence against magical bullshit like you."

Cinder blinked, looking somewhat offended.

"Even if humans could survive the mites, there's predators and dungeon Sentinels deeper in. And what about food? Shelter?" Kat asked.

"Details, details," I waved dismissively. "We've got a whole underground criminal organization now. We can figure out logistics later. Right now, I just need to test if I'm actually immune to the mites."

"No," Cinder said firmly, grabbing my arm. "You are NOT climbing down there to test if glowing death-mites will murder you or not."

"One of you can fly me around," I suggested. "The mites clearly don't fly unless disturbed. They sit on grass, like lazy ticks."

"Are you seriously planning to colonise a dungeon?" Cinder demanded.

"Yes," I said. "Why not? The mites only target magical beings. Humans from Earth have no magic, no crystalline hearts to drain. We could build a whole settlement down there. Just look at the size of this freakin' place. We could farm the land, hunt the beasts, trade with Undertown, walk around and collect neat magical artifacts wherever they spawn. It's perfect!"

"Perfect for getting yourself killed," Cinder hissed, her grip on my arm tightening. "What about the dungeon core? What if it decides it doesn't want humans living in its territory?"

Vee looked thoughtful. Katherine had a grumpy-cat face on.

"Dungeon cores, if Morty is to be believed, aren't very sentient," I pointed out. "They're just skills. This one is a magic skill that prints cute glowing mites. What's the problem? Come on. Who wants to fly me around for some scouting? Io? I see those wings. Come on, how about a nice trip around the hills? We can rate cute girls while we're at it."

"Umm," Io rubbed his leather jacket covered shoulder. "I actually… can't fly."

"Can't or won't?" I arched an eyebrow. "What the hell dude, what kind of a moth are you?"

Io fell silent. Kat seemed to frown. I looked between both of them. Something was clearly going on there.

"I just... don't fly," Io let out, pulling his wide-brimmed hat lower.

"What happened?" I asked. "Break your wings and they grew back wrong? The incarnator didn't fix it? Got some kind of a condition?"

"Nothing happened," Katherine cut in sharply. "He just doesn't fly. Leave him alone."

Three of my team members looked defeated. Even normally cheerful Vee seemed to be infected by their rapidly deteriorating mood, or was simply forlorn about something. Maybe they were all annoyed with me because this place would kill them slowly while I was immune.

They all needed a picker upper, hope, something to look forward to.

"Oh! Ci, how's my Dark Lord mantle?" I asked the annoyed-looking Quetzi.

"You mean your ridiculous performance back there with the boasting and the promises of building whore houses and gambling parlors for everyone?"

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"Was I convincing?" I grinned at her. "Did I strike fear into their crystalline hearts?"

"Are you fishing for compliments or something?" She asked.

"Maybe," I shrugged. "Or maybe I'm trying to distract you all from looking so gloomy. Come on, I just acquired a whole criminal organization! That's pretty cool, right?"

Cinder's feathers shifted through troubled grays and frustrated orange-violets. "You just... you always do this. Rush headlong into things without thinking about how it affects others. First the Guild, now this crazy colonization plan..."

I waited for her to produce her point.

"I..." Cinder wrapped her wings around herself. "You're changing everything so fast. The Guild, Vee, Kat, the school, my parents... and now you want to build a human settlement in a deadly dungeon? Don't you ever just... slow down? Where are you running to? Why?"

I wanted for her to speak some more but she simply watched me with a concerned look.

"Mmm... I have very specific needs," I said.

"What needs could possibly require you to become an underground crime lord?" She hissed, wings fluttering.

"Take a guess," I said. "Go on. All of you. Go ahead and guess why I'm doing all of this."

"Revenge against Omnithornia?" Cinder fired.

"Money?" Vespera suggested.

"Power?" Katherine added with a deep rumble.

"Information?" Io offered.

"I said specific needs," I said. "Those are terrible generic needs with no plan."

"Fine then, enlighten us," Katherine growled. "What specific needs require building a criminal empire and colonizing a death-mite dungeon?"

"I don't want to dance around you all day guessing whatever bullshit goes in that human head of yours," Cinder sighed. "Just tell us."

"Yeah," Io looked at me from under his wide hat. He had a "Knight Chalice-Approved!" box of chocolate pocky sticks in his right hand and was chewing on one like a cigar.

"Spill it, Lex'," Vee clicked her beak, pacing left and right, all of her feathers dark. "What's your grand master plan?"

"Very well," I walked to the middle of the balcony outcropping. "I'll only say this once so you better listen up. My needs are thus..."

I made a dramatic pause and armed my metaphorical glock at my companions.

"I need to save a beautiful angel from a level 40k dreamweaving eldritch entity," I said, bending one finger and giving Cinder a poignant look.

Bang. Cinder froze, gray wings igniting with pink-gold-violet colors at the edges.

"I need to create a mega-corporation that rivals Golden Star industries." I bent a second finger, looking at Vespera. "To offer something better for the CEO of SimmiTech Industries to merge with."

Bang. Vee nearly fell off the platform in her pacing. She flapped her white-sprinkled wings to straighten out, staring at me with wide gray eyes.

"I need to hire an army of Seers and Scrutimancers to peer into the gates a certain moth makes to understand the Truth about the nature of reality and corpse worlds." My eyes moved to Io as I bent my third finger.

Bang. Io's pocky stick fell from his mouth.

"I want to build a beautiful, dark, twin-city for a certain dark kitten," I bent my fourth finger. "A place where she can walk anywhere without pain and never have to hide who she is or what she can do. Where she can be free to smile, to run, and to dance as much as she wants to."

Bang. Kat choked.

"To draw, to write and to publish her book about a supervillain girl named Alexa who refused to give up hope and pushed forward no matter what hardships were in her way," I concluded. "I'm sure it'll be super popular in the booming city of human colonists living in a dungeon."

Silence reigned.

Katherine seems to have regained her wits faster than the others.

"W-what?" She forced the words out of her dragon-feline maw. "You can't..."

"You can't stop me," I said. "I do what I want. I'll call this place... Kathopolis. Or maybe Katsburg. Katallion? Katanstinople?"

"S-stop kidding around," Katherine growled, but her emerald eyes were wide and her tail was twitching erratically. A gray-blue blush had crept across her scales visible even in the gloom of the cavern.

"I'm not kidding," I stated. "One hundred percent serious. Picking out a name in my head now."

"Yeah okay, sure," Katherine crossed her arms. "You're gonna turn that medieval cave-dump plus these glowing hills into a modern city overnight, with wifi and everything?"

"You..." Vee let out, Valley girl facade gone as if blown away by a hurricane, beak wide open. "You're going to... challenge my father's company merger? For me? I don't... Lex, come on, don't say that! Don't give me hope like that, damn it! That's not possible! I will be forced to take a one way glider to Thunderland in four months when winter semester ends. You can't build a human colony, or a corporation here in four months that'd rival Golden Star... It's just not... Logistically possible!"

I turned to the Mothman.

"The truth is an elusive mistress," Io mused, grabbing another pocky. "I fear it will take more than this moth's lifetime to understand the nature of reality. The answer to the ultimate question might take millenia to answer if the musings of Douglas Adams are anything to go by."

"Right. Why does everyone forget the time dilation?" I asked, looking over my companions. "Delve class is on Fridays. If my math is right, that's 1.6 years per week. Four months of winter semester is three hundred and thirty six months. This place won't change instantly, but with the right financial support, guidance, people, year by year..."

"Oh, Ohhhhh!" Vee yelped, humming like a generator, electric sparks crackling over her cheeks like a blush. "Of course! I'm such an idiot birb. TIME! Twenty eight years! You could actually... Holy sheet!"

Her beak slammed shut and then her eyes ignited with pure silver from within like deep pools of liquid mercury.

Before I could say anything else, I became wrapped entirely in black and white feathers and my world turned sideways.

"Thank you, thank you. THANK YOU!" She yelled into my ear. I realized that I was falling.

Chainmail covered arms and legs wrapped around me, sparkling wings shot open and we straightened out, gliding above an ocean of glowing fields.

Magisteel-wrapped talons dug into me, electric currents jumping between her and my hexamesh suits. She was whooping loudly, crackling with thunder, humming like a jet engine, spinning madly through the air.

Then, she banked slowed, letting me breathe.

Armored elbows wrapped around my arms and then her talons dug into my temples, electric charge rushing across my brain, detonating across all of my neurons like explosions of pure thought.

[Flight. Happiness. Joy. Thunder. Lightning. Pure, unbridled HOPE.]

Lightning struck from her into a glowing tree far below us, setting it on fire.

[Death to the idiot frog. Vengeance. Destruction. Revenge.]

The landscape below blurred into streaks of bioluminescent green and blue as she accelerated.

[HOPE. Twenty-eight YEARS. TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OF POSSIBILITY! Freedom. FREEDOM. FREEDOM!]

Talons dug into the sides of my head, drawing drops of blood. We banked around the gargantuan waterfall, the cascading water drowning out the noises of crackling and thunder emanating from her wings.

[Friendship. Trust. Happiness. Joy. Love... Love... LOVE... LOVE!!!] Images, ideas, concepts woven from pure electricity rushing into my head like a dam breaking.

Growling behind us. Demands. Yelling. A flash of rainbow-wings.

[Mine. Mine. MINE. MINEEEEE!]

Lightning struck at the rainbow-inconvenience.

Banking low, moving closer to the deadly, glowing fields, flashing past glowing jagged, trees covered in fluttering bits of grass instead of leaves. Soaring above a thundering, racing herd of horned elk-like beasts with elongated, glowing snouts covered in mite-growths.

A screech of fury splitting the air behind us.

Rainbow wings blazing like an aurora, an explosion of color, a threat from one predator to another, moving faster than physics should allow.

Murderous blue eyes.

"VESPERAAAAAA!" Cinder's scream echoed across the bioluminescent hills, amplified by her magically enhanced voice. "DROP HIM RIGHT NOW!"

[Never. Never. never. NEVER. MINE. mine. mine. Hope. Joy. Satisfaction. Smile. freedom. FREeeeeeeeeeeeeeEDOM!]

Lightning surged between us, intricate fractal patterns of pure energy. Resonance between her crystalline core and the feathers I devoured in berry shake-form.

Flying above the labyrinth of fjords now. Waterfalls below. Waterfalls around, coming from the ceiling. The ceiling suddenly reduced. Fjords above us, fjords down below.

The Thunderbird's emotions, raw and unfiltered pounded through me like an electric jackhammer. Her joy, her hope, her desperate desire for freedom all mingled together in a storm of sensation that threatened to overwhelm, to overwrite my consciousness.

There was probably a me in there somewhere but it didn't matter.

All that mattered was the current between us.

The gaps between the rock above and below thinned out.

Cinder was gaining on us, her rainbow wings blazing with fury as she pursued us through the twisting canyons.

"VEEEEEEE!" A voice behind us. "STOP! PLEASE!"

"No!" Vespera laughed maniacally, her voice crackling with electricity. "Can't catch us! Won't catch us! He's mine now! My human! My hope! My freedom! I've claimed this prey!”

[Forever. FOREVER! FOREVER! UNSTOPPABLE! TOGETHER!!!]

We shot through another narrow gap between towering fjords, lightning flashing along Vee's wings as she navigated the increasingly tight spaces.

[Joy. Speed. Thunder. MINE!]

The gap ahead suddenly closed, rock walls squeezing together. Vee banked hard, nearly vertical, talons digging into me painfully as she pulled up.

The sudden change in direction caused us to lose speed. A rainbow blur slammed into us from behind.

We tumbled through the air, a tangle of black, white and rainbow feathers. Vee's electrical field went haywire, sparks flying everywhere as Cinder's claws tugged at me, trying to pry me off the Thunderbird.

Rushing, whitewater river below us filled with jagged rocks.

Yep. This was how I was going to die. An aerial battle between two flying cryptids for whomever wanted me the most.

Truly the best way to go out.