"This is madness!" Legarth roared as more mites settled on his magic armor. "The Bank will hear of this! They'll..."

"Sorry! Going back to the rooftop party now! My girls want more beer!" I yelled back via my megaphone.

I walked away from the parapet, sending a smile to my friends and mooks.

"Back inside," I ordered everyone. "Time for phase two."

"Phase... two?!" Cinder sputtered as we descended the stairs. "What's phase two? You've already unleashed a plague!"

"Now we expand and fortify," I explained. "Shash, status of the vault?"

"All non-combatants secured, M'Lord," the assassin reported. "The vault is sealed and warded."

"Excellent. Podop!"

The molekin enforcer stepped forward, his strength-amplifying Kitlix glowing on his shoulder.

"Sir!"

"Use your strength to obliterate walls. Begin adding a bunch of cold rooms with Yomik to the cold tunnel, make them look nice. We're going to have all of Undertown visiting us in due time. Rostika knows how to install cold runes, yes?"

"Yes, M'Lord," Podop nodded. "Me n' her have been maintaining the cold tunnel to Abystall, adding new cold runes and such."

"Very good," I nodded. "Make a new, extra fortified cold tunnel entrance from Undertown into our Guild."

"Understood," the man said, departing with my blessings.

"You know. I absolutely did not expect this much ruthlessness from my human husbando so soon," Vespera clicked.

"Oh?" I looked at her.

"Thought there would be more dancing around morality, more hesitation, more... I dunno, guilt?"

"Guilt?" I arched an eyebrow at her. "About what?"

"People are going to die, you effing knob!" Cinder said. "Not everyone is going to be able to afford this cure of yours!"

"Nah," I shrugged. "Our Guild will charge a varying rate for the cold tunnel use. Those without money will simply pay us with... their services."

Cinder's feathers bristled with angry reds. "What services?! You're going to exploit desperate people?!"

"Not exploit," I corrected. "Employ. Think about it - we'll need workers to expand the Guild and cold tunnel system. Guards, cleaners, maintenance staff. People who can't afford the treatment can work it off."

"That's... that's slavery!" Cinder protested.

"No, that's capitalism," I grinned. "Everyone will be monitored by our Guilders and also through Yulia's cameras. The AI will determine who is a knob and who is a capable employee. Those who do a good job will be paid a good salary from the sales of silver juice. Morty called me a few hours ago and let me know that sales above are going well. Those who slack off or have no talent in the service industry will be sent out on lesser jobs such as cleaning up the mite-infested magic garbage from the streets and demolishing mite-infested hovels to build luxury hotels and other nice things."

"You're exploiting the downtrodden!"

"Not exploiting. Employing. Come on Ci, would you rather they die from mite infection?"

"I'd rather you hadn't released the mites in the first place!" She complain-growled.

"Too late for that," I shrugged, spreading my arms in a dramatic gesture. "Consider this–when they seal off Undertown, all debts will be cleared. The mites will eat right through magic debt contracts, magic slave collars and magic binding tattoos. Everyone in Undertown will be free. No debt. No slavery. No more upworld owners!"

"Dang. This is some Fight Club level shit," Vespera whistled. "I haven't even thought about how the mites would destroy magic-enforced debts."

"You..." Cinder's feathers shifted through more frustrated oranges and angry reds sprinkled with small patches of excited violets. "You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Enjoying? This is an effort and a half. Think of me as a surgeon removing a very nasty tumor," I shrugged. "I'm saving this place from itself."

"By forcing everyone into eternal indentured servitude to your Guild?!"

"Not forever. Everyone will buy cold runes or rent Frostix Kitlix from us in due time. I'm giving the people opportunities," I corrected. "Look around you, Ci. What do you see? A bunch of broken people addicted to Topaz, living in squalor. We're going to give them purpose, direction. A chance to be part of something bigger, to rebuild, to grow, to beat the mites back and to emerge as the shining jewel of interdimensional trade."

A shadow flickered in front of me.

"Oh hey Kat," I said as Katherine manifested in the dining hall, panting. "How did your jogging exercise go?"

"What exercise?" Katherine's emerald eyes blazed with urgency. "We need to leave! The Bankers are sending their men to attack this place! Now! Grab onto me and I'll take you into the deep and..."

"Nah, it's fine," I said. "I just started a nice little biological warfare campaign. Things are just getting interesting!"

"Alex! You don't understand! The Arx Bank..." Katherine panted. "They control everything. The bracelets... The translations, the Stats. Even the Topaz trade. Instructor Zal is the one that's been importing Topaz to Arx from some other dimension or something! The Bankers sent assassins!"

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"Oh, is that all?" I grinned. "Don't worry about it. I've already dealt with that. The assassins ran away as did the enforcers."

"Mites? What mites?" the Stollwurm panted, looking at the long faces of our companions. "What... what happened while I was gone?!"

"Relax, sit down on a couch by the fire. Why don't you tell us what you learned," I said. "Then Vee can tell you what I did on my exciting first delve to Arx!"

----------------------------------------

. . .

Kat stared at Vespera with a catatonic look as the Thunderbird finished narrating out my accomplishments, while I flipped through the yellow binder that Kat gave me, taking photos of every page for Yulia to process later.

"Let me get this straight," Katherine growled, her glowing, cat-like emerald eyes fixed on me. "You released Duskbloom mites into Undertown, blamed Em and now plan to charge people for access to your cold tunnel decontamination chambers?"

"Mhmm," I nodded. "Gonna make extra chambers and temporary residences within the large cavern system below our Guild."

"And you think this will... what? Make you the King of Undertown?" Katherine demanded. "I go away for an hour and you manage to cause a local apocalypse?! If I wasn't so out of breath running here through the deep to save your stupid ass, I would smack you so hard..."

I slipped behind Vespera. "No smacky. Birb-waifu shall protek!"

"Waifu?!" Katherine's spiked tail lashed dangerously.

"Joint custody," Vespera clicked cheerfully, petting my head. "Me n' Ci co-own his pink ass now. Don't damage the goods, K, or I'll be annoyed."

"Okay." Kat tiredly rubbed her snout. "Right. Whatever... Can we focus on the fact that the Arx Bank wants us dead for screwing with our Topaz-peddling Koshei Instructor?" She asked. "They're not just some local criminal organization - they're something ancient and powerful. Their bracelets are everywhere, tracking everyone's Stats on Arx, gathering data..."

"Yes, yes," I waved dismissively. "Evil megacorp with magic surveillance tech. Very scary. But consider this - many people in Undertown are too poor for fancy upworld bracelets and have already sold their free bracelets for Topaz. And those that haven't... Well, we can politely ask them to take them off."

"Ask them to take it off?" Katherine blinked. "You can't just ask people to take off their bracelets! These things are essential - they translate languages, show Stats, store mana..."

"And spy on everyone," I nodded. "And attract hungry mites. Which is why we'll offer alternatives."

"What bloody alternatives?" Kat demanded.

"Phones from Earth with a personal AI," I grinned. "Yulia can handle translations just fine. I'm going to dump an ungodly amount of Earth tech into Undertown. And everyone will have to use it. Because unlike the mana-storing bracelets, it won't attract the mites."

"HA!" Vespera burst out. "Lexy isn't just taking over Undertown - he's going to make everyone switch to human tech! The mites will bloom on anything magical, so people will HAVE to use human-made Earth tech!"

"Exactly," I grinned. "No more magical bracelets tracking everyone's every move. Just good old-fashioned human surveillance through phones and tablets via my lovely AI."

Vespera doubled over in giggles, waving magisteel talons at me. "OMG. Staaaap. I can only take so much supervillainy in one day!"

"The Arx Bank won't just sit back," Kat pointed out. "They'll come for us again."

"I'm sorry," I said. "Are you perchance the Arx Bank rep? How do you know what they're going to do? In a week or less this entire place will be crawling with magic mites. Topaz is a magical drug. We cut the supply off. Now the mites will eat whatever the gangs have stored up, along with local money... which is also magical unless you forgot. Do you remember what happened during the Coronavirus lockdowns on Earth?"

Kat opened her mouth and closed it.

"The idiots ruling Shandria are just going to seal Undertown off," I said. "Maybe forever. They aren't going to waste money on saving a bunch of drug addicts and criminals."

"Oh," the Stollwurm let out.

"Exactly. They'll just wall this place off, let everyone down here rot," I continued. "It's cheaper and more effective to brick up tunnels than to help people! But we'll be here, offering solutions. Cold tunnels. Human tech. Jobs. Currency. Purpose. Hope."

"And you think the Arx Bank will just... let you take over this pace?" Katherine demanded.

"Let me?" I laughed. "What are they going to do? Send more bulky knights or invisible assassins? Into a mite-infested zone? Good luck with that. Their magic won't work here soon. Their bracelets won't work. Their control will slip away day by day, mite by mite. They'll hand Undertown to me on a silver platter."

"They might try something else," Katherine tried. "Something worse. You don't understand what these people are capable of."

"No," I said. "YOU don't understand what I'm capable of. Look at what I accomplished in one day. One single day! And I'm just getting started."

I waved the yellow folder.

"See these names? These addresses? These are all Bank representatives in Shandria. I'm going to start releasing this information into an appropriate direction. The people of Undertown need someone to blame for this. The Arx Bank in collaboration with interdimensional criminal Emerald Stratos and Lord Zalimar orchestrated a dastardly plot to kill everyone in Undertown to make... parking lots or... something. The point is, he who controls the narrative controls everything else. And I'm going to make sure everyone knows exactly who to blame for their loss of homes and businesses."

"Damn," Io commented from his cozy alcove. "I was right to get on your team. You really turned out to be the biggest catastrophe of all, Lex.”

“Lex Luthor!” Vespera cackled, slapping her knees. “Just need to shave him for authenticity!”

"You knew that all this shit was going to happen?" Cinder demanded, glaring at the Mothman.

"I didn't know the details," Io shrugged. "I simply... sensed something truly catastrophic about this man. Something incredibly... delicious. This is it. The End of Undertown."

"You could have stopped him! Could have warned us!" Cinder protested.

"About what?" Io asked, dark gray eyes glinting under his wide hat. "That the mixie magic-less teenager who took photos of us during our smoke break on a Tuesday was basically the worst kind of a walking disaster possible? One who will destroy everything in his way with... words and mundane actions? Like you would have believed me! You, Em and Vee would have just called me a knob! Nobody ever listens to my opinion! I warned you all about our last show being a disaster and you still went through with it!”

Cinder struggled to formulate words, glaring daggers at the moth.

“When you're right, you're right,” Vee patted Io on his shoulder.

"Consider this," the Mothman said at Cinder. "He's pretty much demolished you, Cat and Vee... and yet here you are... looking the happiest I've seen you in years. He's destroyed Em's reputation at school, destroyed Zalimar, destroyed the Gloomy Horse Guild's independence, and now he's destroying all of Undertown.”

Cinder sighed.

“And the weirdest part?” Io added. “Everyone just... lets him do it or assists him in this. Because in the end it's better for everyone involved. In the end, a new, healthier forest grows from a forest fire. Eventually, Undertown will be rebuilt. It will never be the same. Katsburg will rise in its place. All of this is the currently unfolding disaster. I am thoroughly sated."

Cinder simply blinked at the Mothman. Then she slid down onto the stone couch, struggling to digest his words of mothy wisdom.

I sent Io a thumbs up and sat down next to Cinder. The Quetzi's face became less predatory, snout drawing back in as her anger gradually subsided.

I offered her my hand.