My time at home came to an end too quickly. Putting on my uniform again felt just as wrong as it had the first time I had worn it. Even though I put on my softest shirt, it still felt like sandpaper in comparison to my own clothes. The boots, which had always rubbed a little, now felt like they were taking layers of my skin off with every step.

I had lost a lot of my physical strength, so walking to the station with my pack was embarrassingly difficult. I was panting when I got to the station, and that was with breaks on the way.

When we got to the station, my mum was already crying. Tears were starting to form in my own eyes as well. It had hurt leaving them the first time, but the second time was even harder. Now I knew how likely it was for me not to come home. How likely I was to never see their faces again. It hurt. I had already had to say goodbye to Calula and Dad.

We still had fifteen minutes before the train to Kâlimèth would arrive. Fifteen minutes before I had to say goodbye. Mum and I sat in the waiting room. The cold was really setting in now. Snow was going to start falling soon, but that also meant my birthday was coming up soon. There were only five days left of Leechi, which meant there were eight days till I turned seventeen.

The waiting room was small, with just one bench along the back wall of the room. It had one window that let in very little light. We had closed the door against the wind. Unlike other stations, this one didn’t have a fireplace to heat it. It was almost as cold as outside. While it was small, it was very clean. What had always confused me about the room was the strip of blue paint along the bottom of the wall. It was really just a half-hearted way to try to brighten up the room. In actuality it managed to make the room more depressing, but that could have just been due to my own emotions.

Mum didn’t say anything for about five minutes. Until she suddenly pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear, “please come home again.”

The tears that had been threatening to come for a while started. They stung my eyes. “I’ll try, Mum.”

Her sobs grew louder. She knew just as well as me how likely it was for this to be the last time we would hug.

When Mum released me, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I rested my head on her lap, and she began to gently play with my hair. It was the same thing she used to do when I was a child. It felt so familiar and comforting.

I could feel Mum’s breathing. I tried to match mine to hers like I did when I was younger. It had always helped me control my emotions when they had taken over. I had never been good at stopping my emotions from drowning me.

When I finally managed to control my emotions enough that it didn’t feel like I was drowning, we only had three minutes left before the train arrived. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

I couldn’t think of anything to say to my mum that didn’t sound insincere. That didn’t sound like I was just trying to sound sentimental.

When the train finally pulled into the station, I nearly broke down. Nearly collapsed onto the platform. I didn’t want to go months without seeing my family. I didn’t want to die without seeing them again after this moment. I didn’t want to put them through that.

The soldier dies, but the family is left to bear the weight.

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I couldn’t remember where that phrase came from, but it had engrained itself into my mind. I think it may have been written on a memorial statue, but I couldn’t be sure. It was one of those things that lives in your memory without out you having any recollection of how it got there.

I gave my mum one last hug. “I love you to the stars and back.” I whispered in her ear.

“Come home, Riri. Come home.”

I then let her go.

She stood in the exact place and position I had released her in.

On shaky legs I climbed into the carriage.

Mum had tears running down her face. She gave me a small wave.

The warning whistle blew, and the train began to move. I stood at the door watching as my mum got further and further away. I didn’t go to find a seat until I couldn’t even see the train station anymore.

When I sat down, I noticed I was crying. I don’t think the tears ever really stopped, but at some point, I stopped noticing them.

I was going back to the most terrifying place on earth. The one and only good thing about returning was getting to see Pill and Staggy again, if they were still alive.

I hung my head in my hands and let the tears flow. I had no want to stop them. This was something that deserved tears.

“Are you all right, young soldier?” A voice cut through my tears.

I looked up to look at the person who had spoken to me. He was clearly quite rich judging by the way he was dressed. He was wearing pants that were so flowy it almost looked like he was wearing a skirt. His shirt had intricate gold embroidery across the collar and down the front. His outer jacket was a deep shade of blue with a floral pattern embroidered in a slightly lighter blue. It also had delicate gold embroidery around all the edges. He had waist-length hair with two blue Tibtans that matched his jacket beautifully. His hair fell in beautiful curls that beautifully framed his face.

It was a truly stunning outfit that matched the beautiful face. While it was a stunning outfit, it was one of the weird outfits where it seemed as though the person couldn’t quite decide if they wanted to wear traditional Dallie clothing or a more Mino style of clothing.

I think I gawked at his outfit for a few seconds before I came to my senses and replied to his question. “I am all right, sir. Thank you for asking.”

The man gave a half chuckle, half sigh before sitting in the seat opposite me. “What is your name, young soldier?” He offered me a handkerchief.

I took the handkerchief from his outstretched hand. It appeared to be made of silk. “I am Fi-Rico, sir.”

“Fi. What a lovely family name, though quite a common sound in these parts.”

“Thank you, sir. May I ask your name?”

The man slumped back into his seat. “No, you may not.”

His reply took me aback. It was a rather impolite thing to say. “I’m sorry, sir. I did not mean to be disrespectful.”

He gave a good-natured laugh. “Oh no, the fault is all on me. I would just prefer not to share my name. I am sorry for my rudeness.” The man then leant forward. “Fi-Rico, I am so sorry to ask you this, but is there any way you could write me out a message in traditional Dallie? I’m judging by your perfect Dallie; your complexion and the place you are coming from that you can write in traditional Dallie. Please do correct me if I’m wrong.”

His question surprised me even more than his rudeness. “I do know traditional Dallie, though my letters are not always the most even. My teachers would often chastise me for it.”

The strange man clapped his hands together, and a smile spread across his face. “Oh, how truly wonderful. I really couldn’t care if the letters aren’t perfect, you will be able to do much better than me. Unfortunately, my tutors never saw fit to teach me traditional Dallie script.”

“I shall get my pen and paper, and you can dictate.” I began to open my pack to find my writing supplies.”

With a smile so large it seemed forced, he said, “oh no, you will be using some of my supplies. I have some traditional writing paper and some special ink I would like you to use.”

This interaction was just getting stranger and stranger, but he did not seem like the kind of person to argue with.

He took a few seconds to rummage around in his bag before producing a stunning dip pen that looked more expensive than my whole home, some paper, and the strangest-looking ink I had ever seen. It was clear at first glance but shifted colour every time it moved.

He passed me the writing supplies along with a backing board to rest the paper on.

The man clapped his hands together once more. “Shall we begin?”

I nodded, feeling well and truly befuddled.