Chapter 12
Best friends
I lent into Pill. He held me to him, gently speaking to me in Dallie. I didn’t really listen to what he was saying, but just the sounds of Dallie comforted me. They reminded me of home. They reminded me of Calla. The fact that Dallie reminded me of Calla comforted me and made me cry even harder.
Every single emotion I had been bottling up for the past few days poured out of me. I slowly deflated until, instead of sobbing, I was just crying. Once I had controlled myself enough, I turned to Pill and hugged him back. That was the reason I had missed Pill so much. He would joke around with me, but the moment he sensed I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. He had always been there for me. That was the moment I fully appreciated him.
I peeled myself away from Pill and looked into his eyes, “boomba boomba.” Thank you so much.
When I looked over at Staggy, Gill, and Figra, they were all looking sufficiently uncomfortable. Colour rushed into my face. I had just broken down into a blubbery mess in front of these people. I wasn’t too embarrassed about Staggy seeing me that way. He had seen me in a much worse emotional state, but Gill and Figra? That was embarrassing. I barely knew these people, and they had just seen me at my worst. I liked Gill and Figra, but I don’t think we were quite at the point where that was appropriate.
I was not in the mood to stay and talk, so I sprung to my feet and began to leave. Where? I had no idea. I just wanted to be away from that very awkward social interaction.
“Rico!” Staggy was coming towards me. I sped up. I didn’t want to talk to him. Not when I was such a mess.
“Rico. Stop.” He was using his stupid, commanding voice. It was the same one he had used when he told me to let go of Calla. It made me stop. The memories that tone brought made me stop. I began to cry again.
Staggy came towards me. I fell into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him. I cried. I cried into his shoulder. He hugged me back. I could hear his tears. Feel them on my shirt. I pushed myself closer to him. He was warm. I felt safe in his arms. His arms. It was the same way I had felt in Calla’s arms. Safe. Warm. Happy.
It had been such a long time since I had felt the same way as I had in Calla’s arms. That made me feel guilty. I felt like I was replacing him. That guilt made me push Staggy away. He stumbled back from me. That made me feel guilty. Staggy stood there, looking at me. His mouth was slightly open, and tears still fell from his eyes. His blond hair was tied back in its normal bun, but its usual neatness was gone, replaced by a mess of hair in what could maybe be described as a bun.
I couldn’t look at him anymore, so I turned and left. That made me feel guilty. He didn’t deserve to be pushed away, either physically or emotionally. Even though he didn’t deserve how I was treating him, I felt too much guilt. I felt like I was disrespecting Calla’s memory. Being happy was wrong when he could not share it with me. It was stupid, and I knew it was stupid, but I didn’t want to be happy when Calla would never be able to feel an emotion again.
I needed to be alone, but morning announcements would be happening soon, and I didn’t want to get beaten for missing them. When you get beaten, they are sure not to injure you too badly, so you can keep fighting, but they still hurt you pretty badly. The morning was cold. Frost was beginning to form on the grass each night. The wind blew harder, and the trees began to shed their leaves.
I found a place at the edge of the forest where I could sit and be alone for a while. I leant against a tree and cried. That seemed to be my favourite pastime now. The tree bark was scratchy and uncomfortable. The air was too cold. My clothes too itchy. Nothing felt right. Nothing had felt right since Calla had died. I didn’t think anything would ever feel right again.
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I was consumed by my thoughts and my tears. My grief whirled around my mind, making sensible thoughts impossible. I hit my head against the tree trunk in an attempt to remove the grief from my mind. My nose hurt, and now my head hurt.
I would have stayed there all day, hitting my head against a tree, but the bell rang, calling us to the green. I pushed myself onto weak legs. I had a pounding headache, and my nose still stung. I was embarrassed that I had broken down. I needed a hug that didn’t leave me feeling guilty. A hug that made me feel better, not worse. I needed Calla.
* * *
When I got to the central green, most of the camp was already assembled. I would have gone to find Pill or Staggy normally, but I didn’t think I was ready for that. They would probably want to talk to me, and I didn’t want to talk. Also, finding them in the crowd would have been a nightmare.
“Good morning, all of you. I have nothing to report, so find your lieutenants to get your jobs for the day. Thank you,” our commander stepped off the podium. There was a grumble through the crowd. He hadn’t given us any information on anything for days. He wouldn’t give us information on what was happening anywhere in the kingdom. We needed answers, and he wasn’t giving them.
I found lieutenant Da-Biwana. He was looking very disgruntled as people in my platoon bombarded him with the questions our commander refused to answer. He was running his fingers through his short black hair.
“I haven’t been told anymore than you have. If I get answers, I will share them with you,” he had to shout to get his voice heard. “Now please line up, and I will give you your jobs for today.”
I fell into line. Pill was a few people in front of me. I really hoped he hadn’t seen me. I was not in a talking mood.
I got to the front of the line, and Da-Biwana looked me up and down, “what happened to your nose?”
“I accidentally hit myself with a stick.”
“I think what I meant to ask was who punched you.”
“No one punched me. I was just very stupid and hit myself with a stick.” I’m not entirely sure why I didn’t just tell Da-Biwana the truth. I think I was just embarrassed that I had gotten punched.
“You are a lost cause. You’re mending clothes today. There is a box of clothes behind me. The sewing kit is in the box.”
Ever since they learned I could sew, I had only been doing sewing jobs. I was now a master at mending socks.
“Thank you, Da-Biwana,” I gave a small bow.
I got the box of clothes for mending. I found a place in the sun. I sat down and pulled out the first thing for mending. The shirt had a ripped seam. Those were the easiest ones to fix. A mending job got significantly more difficult when it wasn’t on a seam.
The simple task of sewing relaxed my brain. It was nice to have something to do that I was good at. The sun gently warmed my skin, and the wind tickled my skin. The grass was soft and comfortable. There was a gentle background noise of voices and birds. I was so at peace with the world. I hadn’t felt that happy and comfortable in such a long time.
I hadn’t even realised how much time had passed until I reached my hand into the box and found nothing in it. It popped my little bubble and brought me back to reality. The shadows around me were now long, and I suddenly felt cold. The sun was already begging to disappear behind the tall Ramla mountains.
My stomach grumbled at me grumpily. I had skipped lunch, and my body was having none of it. I pushed myself to my feet. I reached my arms up to the sky for a stretch. I then made my way towards the dining pavilion, where dinner was already being served.
Once I had gotten my food (rice, lettuce, and a mystery meat), I found Pill, Figra, Gill, and Staggy sitting in our normal spot. I found a spot between Pill and Figra.
Without looking up, I said, “I’m sorry for how I treated you this morning. I was not in a good emotional or physical state, and I took it out on you guys. I’m sorry.”
Pill began to say something, but Staggy cut him off. “Thank you for your apology. I am glad you are feeling better.”
I felt Pill's arm slip around my shoulder. “Tam su feem amee. Ga tata mateena ofala,” you are all good. I was never angry.
The rest of dinner was fun. We mostly just complained about how incompetent our fucking commander was.
I waved to Staggy, Gill, and Figra, “Good night. See you in the morning.”
Me and Pill then made our way back to the tent. The night was cold, and the wind was strong. There was a smell of coming rain hanging in the air. It may have been cold, but I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I loved my friends so much. More than words can describe.
I fell asleep easily that night. The sound of the wind in the trees and the gentle pattering of rain on the tent lulled me to sleep. One dream visited me that night.
I was back home. Me and Calla were lying in bed. His arms were wrapped around my body. My head rested on his shoulder. Our heartbeats were in sync. Or breathing the same. I was warm, happy, and safe.
* * *
I was startled awake. I sat bolt upright. The bell was ringing, but it wasn’t the normal rhythmic sound of the morning bell. This was constant ringing. The emergency bell. The Tiffer were invading the camp.