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Save Me (GL)
Struggle

Struggle

Sam's P.O.V:

I got lost in that feeling for a bit and when I returned to my senses again I found that I wasn't able to stop myself any longer, and I turned to Judy as I asked her about her first relationship.

I don't even know why I did that, maybe it was because of Alex's words or I just wanted to compare other people's relationships to mine... I just asked her...

Even though for some reason I felt a bit calm when I heard her say that she never was in a relationship, I didn't concentrate on that because my mind was on another thing at that moment...

So I asked her again about what she expected her first relationship to be like... And again she mentioned happiness... Just that word, one simple word, it was a word I heard many times, I used many times and I don't think that it could be any more familiar... It was happiness...

After I murmured that word to myself, Judy asked me in a somehow timid voice if I was happy in my relationship with Brittney...

'Sam... Are... Are you happy in your relationship...' It was as if I still could hear it echoing in my mind.

That question broke the seal I had on my emotions, and as if a flood I felt something coming up from deep inside my chest as I talked between sobs about how I didn't feel happy with Brittney in ages...

My voice was breaking, I was choking on my own words and I had a problem calming myself down.

Yet I tried my best to calm down, I didn't want to cry in front of Judy because of that, and I didn't want her to see me like that.

Judy lead me to a bench and had me set, after sitting down I soon calmed down a bit and asked the question which was in my mind since the beginning...

What did she think about my relationship with Brittney... I don't know where did I get the confidence to do so, but I just did...

To be honest, a part of me just wanted her to comfort me, to make all those chaotic thoughts in my head go away... I just didn't want to continue how I was... So unsure and worried... Yet another part wanted from her to tell me something else... And till then, even I didn't know which side was winning...

Judy didn't hold back at all as she talked... She seemed so agitated and her tone had a hint of anger in it.

I just set there listening to her speak and even after she finished I just sat there frozen... I knew that what I heard from her had a bit of truth to it at the very least... It was just that a part of me didn't want to accept it... I didn't know what to do or think about...

So I did what I did many times in situations where I felt unsafe... I ran... I couldn't take sitting there any longer than that... I just wanted to run somewhere safe... So I left while apologizing...

I didn't even turn around to look at her, one reason was that I was guilty, I didn't want to see more of her hurt expression, and another was because I was afraid that I won't be able to stop myself from returning to her and crying between her arms...

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With my head still a mess with those thoughts I finally reached home... I stood at the door for a long while... With my head lowered, my thoughts a mess and my heart beating fast.

Finally, after who knows how long, I opened the door.

Entering I smelt a faint scent, it took me a short while to recognize it, and just as I did I saw Brittney walking towards me.

I was like a mouse being stared at by a cat, she had a weird air about her... She didn't talk to me at all... She just held me by the wrist and pulled me inside before slamming the door shut behind her.

I started having a bad feeling, at that moment I had already recognized the smell I noticed and also why Brittney's voice sounded a bit weird on the phone... It was alcohol, Brittney was drunk...

"Bri... Brittney...?" I asked in a trembling voice while she walked towards me after closing the door.

"So you have finally returned huh? After spending your happy time with that b*tch... You... You think you can leave me NOW!... After all, I did for you... You will never leave me, you GET THAT! Never."

Brittney was drunk and her voice was full of so many emotions, anger, madness and so many others, and hearing it, I started getting afraid.

She was so similar to that time she strangled me all those years ago, the same anger and madness... The same smell of alcohol in the air... All of that.

And noticing it I started to panic, my body shook and I felt a chill going through me as I heat was leaving me.

Brittney closed on me while I just stood where I was like a shocked rabbit because of a car's headlight.

"Sam... It was your fault this is going to happen to you... You're making me do it..." While saying that she stood next to me and took my bag from me forcefully.

Opening it unsteadily she took out my phone and looked at me in the eyes with a maddened expression while saying:

"You... You hang up on me... You ignored me... You b*tch, this is how you treat me, your girlfriend... For someone else... You don't need this... You don't deserve it..."

After finishing her words she threw my phone against the ground as hard as she could.

After venting some of her anger on it, she focused on me again, seeing her expression I finally moved, it was just a step back but it seemed as if that made her even angrier.

She lunged at me and pushed me down, set on me and started strangling me, at first I didn't do anything except looking at her pleadingly, wishing that she would release me, but she didn't, she just kept looking at me with a twisted expression.

Her hands were around my neck, it felt painful and I couldn't breathe, I wanted to breathe my body was demanding air as I struggled as much as I could to make Brittney release me.

I lifted my hands and tries to remove her's, yet it didn't work, she was holding me tight, making sure that I won't be able to struggle free.

I started feeling despair and my fear only grew at the thought that I might really die there.

As a last struggle, I pushed my hands towards her face.

I don't know if it was because she was drunk or if she was lost on the thoughts of attacking me, but Brittney was leaning down on me way too close.

So when I lifted my hands I reached her face, feeling hope amidst my despair I caught her hair with one hand while the other, following my instincts, went for her eye.

She finally reacted and tried to move her head away, but because I was holding her hair she couldn't, leaving her with no choice but to release me while trying to defend her eye.

Seeing that, even in my relief I kept on holding her hair as I used it and tried pulling myself up.

Brittney was pulled down as I set in my place and swung the hand holding her hair and moved her head with her body following behind it, pushing her away from me.

While she was still laying a distance away from me and while I was still coughing with tears in my eyes, I crawled as fast as I could to 'our' bedroom, one of the few rooms which could be locked from the inside and the closest one to me.

After I entered I hurriedly closed the door behind me before locking it.

When I finally did that I slid down the door while crying, coughing and holding my neck.

"...B*tch... Open the door, I said, OPEN THE DOOR, YOU B*TCH..."

while I was still like, that the sound of the handle moving along with Brittney's angry voice reached me, I shook in my place when I heard that, and I hurriedly put my hand on my mouth, while still crying.

Brittney didn't stop hitting, shouting and cursing at the door for a long time, finally, after God knows how long, the sound from outside stopped.

I couldn't sleep at all that night, I didn't even move from my place at the door, I just set there while crying at first, and to just sitting in silence while thinking at the end...

I don't know what time it was when it happened, but I finally stood up while trembling all over, it seemed as if I was in a trance, with no fear nor worry I turned to the door, unlocked and opened it.

Walking out I saw Brittney laying on the ground next to the door, she seemed so different then from how she just was, no madness, no violence and shouting, just a gentle beautiful face... But I knew at that moment... That even though I still loved and cared about her... I was never going to look at her the same way ever again...

Moving toward the door silently I saw my phone, it might have been luck, but it was still working, the screen had many cracks going through it but it was still working, it seemed that it hit the side of the sofa before finally hitting the ground.

I also took my ID, put it in my pocket and left the house.

Standing at the door, I turned to look behind me for the last time before murmuring while closing the door:

"Farewell..."