Wind crashes through the tattered sails of the overturned ship. The metal of my gauntlets lets out a clank as I pull us up onto the rim of the rock-crashed boat, sitting afloat on the edge of a dead sea. The water is sweet and smells vaguely of vinegar. A deep, heavy dampness is in the air. As if it were as thick and as wet as the water below. Looking around the space that is floor fifty-one, I search for my next goal.

One step at a time, you know? It’s great to have big goals in life, but the way you reach those big goals is by reaching little goals first. Isn’t that right?

The slime wiggles in agreement, shaking my arm around as she sloshes back and forth.

  Nodding, I leap towards the sideways angled mast of the ship, doing my best not to fall off and fall into the water as I land on it. I don’t think I can swim in this heavy armor. Not in real water at least. I’d sink like a rock.

  Anyways, yeah, I want to escape the dungeon and that’s great and everything. But the way to escape the dungeon is to climb one hundred floors. The way to climb one hundred floors is to climb one floor.

I leap, grabbing hold of the tattered fabric of the sail. I tussle around, flapping in the wind as if I were a piece of fabric myself, until I get a good grip and start climbing upwards.

  One floor at a time. That’s the trick. One step at a time. You’ve heard it before, guy, I’m sure. But it’s true. If your goal is to climb a mountain, you’ll never do it. It’s too much. Look at you, you can’t even swim. How are you gonna climb a mountain? Come on. Have some realistic expectations for yourself.

I raise a hand, climbing higher as the wind shears along my backside.

But what you can do is this. You can take a single step. Even you can manage that, you freaky degenerate. Then you just gotta take another one. Then another one.

  The slime reaches out, grabbing the fabric to ‘help’ me climb. She’s not really strong enough to lift either of us, let alone both of us, but I appreciate the gesture. Anyways, yeah. You get what I mean? Yeah, I think you do. We’ve been doing this for a while now, so I’d be really disappointed in you, guy, if you don’t understand at this point. Even if you don’t have eyes like I do, at least not all the time. But that’s fine, I don’t blame you for it, you are the way that the world made you.

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

  Up to an extent at least. The rest is all your own doing. So don’t blame the world too much and maybe take a look in the mirror now and then. Then, once you finish with that, go outside and take that step that we just talked about. Grab a sword and stab the hero to death. Take his eyes. One at a time. Shove them into your hollow skull so that you can feel pretty too. You deserve it, friend. Whisper frog sounds lovingly into his ears as you steal them. It’s just the right thing to do.

“Ribbit!”

Ribbit, I sigh longingly, yearning to clutch my flush cheeks.

  Grabbing hold of the beam jutting out of the top of the mast, I pull myself up into the uh… mm… basket, thing. There’s like… a bucket at the top of the ship’s mast that people stand in. Like a bird’s nest. But for people on a boat. I’m climbing onto that, okay?

Reaching my initial destination, I look around, scanning the floor for the exit. I hope it’s not on the other side of the floor, across the water.

  You know what? I bet it is. Looking around the floor, I see no indication of an exit anywhere near here. I bet they had to take this boat from that side of the floor to this one to get down across it. Kind of like in the ape swamp, where the bad things were. Remember them? They were…

They were…

  I narrow my eyes, lowering my gaze down towards the ocean. Grabbing hold of the railing, I lean forward, looking down into the water below myself. Carefully, I scan the surface of the entirely flat, smooth ocean for any ripples or any disturbances. With utmost caution, I look to see if there is a bad thing in the water. That’s where they always are, you know? The things that reach. The bad things. They’re in the water.

Looks like the coast is clear though. Or uh… the water. Turning around, I look back at the literal coast behind myself.

Ah, shit.

  Standing up high, atop the mast of the ship. I stare down below myself, back towards the staircase rising up to this floor. I watch, as the silhouettes of the hero-party rise up, walking together now again. The hero, the wizard, the monk and the priestess all rise up from the floor below.

  “And the priestess?” I repeat out loud, muttering my thought as I stare at the group of adventurers, stepping onto the beach. Not a single one of them looks like they’re dressed or, well, undressed to go swimming. A shame. I’d like it if the hero-party took an hour to lounge around and swim in the ocean together with me. I bet it would be fun. We could play in the water and then make a sand-dungeon together. Maybe if we made it look fun enough, the dungeon-master would even come by and play with us. That would be great! I would really like that.

“It would really be a lot of fun,” sighs the slime, feeling the same things that I feel.

I nod. It really would be. But that’s not the dungeon we live in. Not today at least. Looking down to the hero-party, who as a collective look rather angry, I raise a hand and wave a friendly wave.

  It only takes a second before I find myself leaping through the air, as a great mound of fire comes. A coiling serpent made out of fire rages as it crashes over the sands, melting them into a slick glass from the incredible intensity of the heat. As I crash down, the world erupts into a crystal shimmer as white-magic begins to explode all around myself. The crystal slivers shine through the air, reflecting the hungry eyes of the fire that comes to surround me.

  Ribbit! I leap, rising through the air as the spot beneath myself explodes into a pulverized mass. As I jump backwards, feeling my cape flutter against my back, I hear the sound of a pair of metal boots walking my way. I hear the sound of a sword unsheathing. I hear the shining ringing of a crystal bell.

I guess we’re doing this again.

Not that I mind, haha! This is my favorite part. I grip the lance tighter, bringing it to bear as the coiling tendril of lashing fire shoots up towards me.