The floor is lava.

Literally.

Magma bubbles around myself, as I stand atop the elevated stone pillar and look out over floor fifty-four. A great sea of bubbling ma…

Wait, didn’t we say we were going to call it lava?

Okay, yeah. Uh…

  - A great sea of bubbling lava surrounds us. A deeply radiating heat fills the area, the sweltering inferno in the air rising up to reach me even on this high pillar I stand atop of. That’s basically what this floor is. A giant sea of lava, filled with broken and collapsed pillars and walkways. It’s not exactly a great place to take the family, but it’s an incredible way to save on heating costs inside of the dungeon.

  I leap, jumping over to the next platform. Each of the pillars is a good three or four minotaurs tall and about a goblin’s length in diameter. Not much room to stand on if you’re built a little larger. I bet this floor sucks to be on when everything is still alive. I bet there are a lot of really annoying things that try to knock you into the lava. There’s just me and the slime right now though and that strange roaring sound I hear coming my way, rippling and cracking through the air as it soars.

Uh -

  I only just leap away at the last instant, my hand grabbing the next pillar and pulling myself up, as a new crackling rings out and I leap again, avoiding the second fireball flung my way. As I fly through the sweltering air, I see her out of the corner of my eyes, the wizard, her hands engulfed in a raging flame.

  Fire flies my way and I only just manage to avoid the next blast, that explodes against the rock just behind myself, a wave of heat blasting my shredded cape out sideways, the worn fabric billowing in the deathly hot winds. She lifts a hand and dancing flames fill the gaps between the tips of her fingers.

  With a scream, she flings the next ball of fire my way and I make my escape, trying to get to the next platform. A second explosion blasts out before me, destroying the pillar as I am in midair, heading towards the crumbling thing.

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Shit.

Like a falling tree, the stone column falls my way. With a quick twitch of my arm, I smash the head of the lance into it and leverage myself up, leaping again.

It’s hot. The air. The fire. The feelings which I feel are radiating from her. What’s the matter, wizard-girl? You seem upset.

  I land on all fours on the next pillar, feeling the heat radiating through the stones come up to warm my body. As if I were standing atop a sun-kissed rock. I’m a lizard. I’m a lizard! I flick my tongue, trying to wet my eyes. But then I remember that I don’t have either of those things. Physically at least. Don’t worry about that stuff though, guy. It’s not about the tongue in your mouth, it’s about the tongue inside of you.

Wait…

A goopy hand comes up to rub my chin for me. Did that sound wrong? I wasn’t trying to make an innuendo. I was just saying that -

  The world erupts into a raging red inferno as the fireball explodes against the tip of my lance, as I swing it out at the last second, the blast engulfing me in a radiating heat that surges past me like a rushing gale.

Oh. Right. Sorry wizard-girl. I got distracted in my thoughts there for a moment.

  Raising my gaze, I look over to the red-haired girl who is flinging fireball after fireball my way. It’s her favorite thing to do, apparently. I leap, avoiding the next blast as I try to think about it a little more. Have I ever seen her use any other attacks? I think she just likes fireballs. A lot. That’s fair. I mean -

I land, catching myself before leaping again. Ribbit.

- All I do is leap. So that’s okay. We all have our favorite things to do. I like being a frog. She likes burning things alive. Live and let live.

  Stones collapse into the pool of lava, sending splashes of the molten liquid flying up into the air, the red goo soaring and creating a dramatic spectacle, much to my delight. I love stuff like this. With a spin, I leap backwards and jump over to the next platform, sparing a moment to wave to the wizard. I’d love to fight you, wizard. But I can’t stay on this floor for too long, it’s a little too hot for my friend, you see?

  The slime bubbles, lethargic and gloops around as she sits nested inside of my ribs, doing her best to avoid touching the metal of my armor that is absorbing the heat of the floor. I’m pretty sure that if you’d touch me, you’d have a bad time honestly. Take it from a professional, don’t wear plate armor near lava if you have skin or organs or any of that goopy kind of stuff.

The wizard arcs her arm back as I fly, flinging another fireball. That’s odd? I look as her eyes look somewhere else entirely.

That one is never going to hit me, where are you even aiming? I watch as she swings her arm out, throwing the next fireball. It doesn’t fly towards me, it flies… beneath myself?

  The fireball splashes into the surface of the lava and explodes, sending a shower of lava flying into the air. Droplets of scorching liquid rain down all around myself, splashing against the metal of my body, smoldering and scorching it, as it begins to eat away at the surface. I think my cape is on fire.

  I leap again, grabbing my cape and try to put the fire out as best as I can. The tattered fabric looks like shit. Ah. This is the worst! I look down at the slime inside of me who is clearly having a bad time too, but then I return my focus to my cape and hold it against my skull, rubbing the soft fabric against my cheek. You poor thing.

I glare at the wizard, gripping my lance tightly, wondering if she hasn’t gone too far this time.