Water splashed around like crazy as I struggled. “What did you do!” Aze shouted at Fala. I had been calm before this. In fact, I wasn’t even responsive.

“Time out! This is boring! I am the one narrating this!”

“This is my story.”

“But I was the one watching.”

“You were watching me in the bathroom? What is wrong with you!?”

“I am kinda stuck with you. That includes when you are sleeping.”

“We’re going to have to talk about boundaries.”

“Ha hahaha!! You are joking, right?”

“No, you’re the most unreliable person I know.”

“Shut the fuck up! I’m going over this shit! Let’s see... ah, yes. We were at after I said Fala looked yum yum to your tum tum. Also, I’m calling you Toilet Girl.”

“That’s not my name! That was one time!!”

“But it was funny. Do you even know your name?”

“No... wait... It’s something with l in it.”

“Ok, L it is. Now ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this show rollen!!!”

“Who are you even talking to”

“Shut the fuck up! I have spoken!”

Anyway, I was up on a shelf when L was fixated on Fala. I decided to mess with L. Fala was looking like a snack, not in the metaphorical sense but the literal. I couldn’t help it. I even suggested using spices, and I’m the "bad guy". When she is hungry, I’m hungry. Honestly, I’m trying to help her help me.

I’m pretty jelly. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get a bath, lay in warm water. Fall in toilet water. Never going to let her live that down. Perhaps I should tell Silver. I really want to see that cute face she makes when she feels embarrassed. I’m going on a tangent now, time to reign it back in.

Journey entry number sixty-nine. She went into a self-realization about being a cannibal, which is and isn’t true.

“No! That’s weird! This is weird! Why am I fantasizing about this!” I am confused by why I was daydreaming about this. “I’m not a cannibal! I’m not!” L panicked internally.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“The pot is calling the kettle black,” I whispered. I just really wanted to say that.

“That doesn’t apply here!”

“You're welcome. So are you going to eat her?” I asked L, but the little dipshit didn’t respond.

“Hello,” I evaporated from my elf on the shelf pose right in front of L’s face. “Your mama was a hoe,” I got no response from her. “Huh...” I started talking about myself.

Imitating L’s voice, I said, “You devilish handsome monster. My mom wasn’t a–”

I cut myself off, “Tricked ya! You dumb shit! I was talking about a gardening hoe.”

I splashed my hand in the tub, “Ima said piece of shit right now. I’m just talking to myself.” Looking back at L, her pink and red eyes were still void of life or pudding. I really want some pudding, preferably chocolate.

“Let’s get her clothes off,” Aze said, pulling off L’s clothes.

Fala waved her hand over L’s face, “Hello! Are you awake?”

“Stupid redhead, of course, she’s awake,” I shouted at her. I then poked her head.

“OW!!!” Fala said as she rubbed her head.

“What did you do?” Aze said, removing the last of L’s clothing.

At the center of L’s chest was a hole. “Wow!! Her hair is really pretty.”

“What’s that?” Fala said. She then reached for it. “It’s pretty.”

“Looks like somebody has been deep inside you.” It was boring since she couldn’t respond. “As silent as a brick or dead cat. I get those confused.”

Fala reached into the hole in L’s chest. L started twitching as Fala rubbed it. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I said, splashing water out of the tub. I mean, I could’ve prevented what would happen next, but I didn’t give enough shits to care. Multiply it by twelve and divide it by death. Even death couldn’t describe how much shits I could give. Well... dead people do soil themselves. So probably not a great analogy. Fuck! This is boring when I’m not fucking with somebody.

They shouldn’t have fucked with a child predator’s core... I know what I said. When they touched L’s core thing more, she moaned like a cow. Fala squeezed it too tight. Which woke up L from her nap? Trance? A shutdown?

I evaporated back onto the shelf; they fucked up big time. L screamed herself awake. They literally fondled the ball of a killer... Hah, ball. L squirmed like a wild animal in a trap, struggling against Aze. She slipped out of Aze’s grip and bit Fala on the shoulder.

It was amusing. Fala had a giant hole in her shoulder that was sprouting blood like a bloody geyser. “On top of old smokey, covered in blood. I just realized I’m singing about a meatball.” L dashed toward the corner of the bathroom, smashing into a wall. This causes a bucket of towels to drop on top of her.

“Yum... She was sweet,” I had tasted what L sank her teeth into. “I want more. How about you?” I poofed like a magical fairy right in front of her. I could see her mouth, which was covered in blood. Her eyes looked as if she was stalking prey.

“Aren’t you hungry? You haven’t had a proper meal in months. Give in. I’m hungry, you’re hungry. There’s a tasty piece of meat there. You can easily overpower them. Satisfy that hole.”

“No,” L had regained control of her body. “What happened? Why is there blood?” L started crying.

“Great! I’m hungry! Whatever, at least I can tease her.” I sighed to myself. “We’re going to starve.”

Silver entered through the red door, "Well, it looks like I'm not needed right now." I faded away like fifty percent of the universe.