Failure is a rocky hill:

Climb it! Climb it with a will!

Failure is a broken bone:

Set it! Grin, and do not groan!

Failure is a tangled string:

Puzzle out the knotted thing!

Failure is a river swift:

Swim it! Swim, and do not drift!

Failure is a black morass:

Cross it! There are tufts of grass!

Failure is a treacherous pit:

Scramble! Clamber out of it!

Failure is an inky night:

Sing! Expect the morning light!

Failure is an ugly coal:

Fuse it to a diamond soul!

*******

"Is he dead?" I asked, removing my hand from the giant cocoon.

Miquella's Great Rune floated in it.

The cocoon was an odd and disgusting sight, reminiscent of an abstract art piece. The arm that fell from its opening was much too long and thin like all the blood had been drained from it.

"He is not, my Consort," Ranni explained. She was in her larger doll form since I had slain Mohg. "He is neither alive nor dead. His transformation, to what I do not know, was halted when Mohg stole him from the Haligtree. I suspect the Lord of Blood was attempting to coopt him into some new, vile form."

"He did seem to have his freak on for his half-brother," I looked at the mangled remains of the Omen. I kicked the blood mess again just because I felt like it. "I know Marika and Radagon have some sort of conjoined twins things going on, Melina knew that much, but I expected that to be the end of the incest rabbit-hole. I should know better. George R.R. Martin is a freak like that."

"One day, my Consort, we will need speak about the absurdity of thy words." Ranni sat on one of the edges of the 'palace' of blood. She was so smol, I wanted to hug her. I settled for patting the head of the miniature Ranni poking out from one of my pouches. "At times, thee seem almost mad, speaking in tongues. At others, thy deductions on the nature of the world, such as thy deduction of the nature of the Formless Mother, would astound even the most educated sages."

"Eh," I shrugged, sitting beside her. I idly picked up one of her hands and fiddled with her doll's fingers while I talked. She let me. "It wasn't hard. This place had such Bloodborne energy, you know, with all the blood. Anyway, I know the GOO are a thing here. I was half expecting him to turn into some eldritch abomination from beyond the stars, like Astel or something. Honestly, I was disappointed it was just a blood ritual with an invisible monster."

"GOO?"

"Great Old Ones," I explained. "It is a term that refers to cosmic entities from beyond the planet that operate on a different logic than us. Some are so alien that just interacting with or acknowledging them is enough to drive you mad. When Mohg started to count down from three, I knew to pay attention. He was stabbing the air, blood raining down like he was impaling something. I knew something was up. The fact that I couldn't see anything doesn't mean much. Maybe I am missing an essential item or do not have enough Insight. Either way, I was prepared when something tried to take control of my blood."

"Thy disappearing trick continues to befuddle thy foes."

"Don't fix what ain't broke," I shrugged again, setting her hand down and just holding it. It was cool. Though her doll's face was as impassive as ever, her spectral visage blushed a deep blue. I pretended I couldn't see it. "To be honest, I was a bit let down. After Malenia, I was expecting more from the last shard bearers. This guy was a mage who barely knew how to fight. To say nothing of Miquella."

"While I can understand thy desire for stimulation, my Consort, I would remind thee that thy possess powers outside the realms of even most Demigods."

One of her hands unlatched the helmet from my head. She set it to the side and gently nudged me down.

I allowed her to guide my head to her lap.

Ranni liked to run her hands through my hair whenever we had the chance to rest. It had been something Melina had enjoyed doing as well.

I liked my hair, not in the vapid way where I spent hours on it, but in that it was one of the few things that remained that reminded me of my parents. I took care of it when I could.

"Malenia's ability to slay thee was due to the limitations thee placed upon thy self and her own skill. Despite being one of the foremost warriors of the Lands Between, thy still laid her low. I would be most surprised if any could face thee. Limitations or no. Buoyed by Malenia's, Mogh's and now Miquella's Great Runes, even Marika the Eternal is not thy match."

"About that," I grabbed one of the hands running through my hair. I stared at Ranni's piercing blue eyes, willing her to understand my seriousness. I had been putting this conversation off for too long. I had no reason to justify my silence with the last shard bearers dead or indisposed. "Before we go to the Erdtree, I would like more information about your plans."

Depending on what she said, my part of the conversation would either be very easy or very hard.

"Of course, my Consort." Far from being put off by my question, Ranni smiled gently at me. "Allow me to expound a little further upon the Order I envision. Mine will be an order not of gold but the stars and moon of the chill night. I would keep them far from the earth beneath our feet."

"So," I said, trying to understand what that meant. "You are going to take Order and... leave? Just get gone? Go to space and never return?"

She had previously talked about a long, dark journey, but I hadn't thought she meant space travel. I thought it was about our trip through Nokstella, which I knew roughly translated to 'night star.'

"As it is now, life, and souls, and Order are bound tightly together, but I would have them at great remove." Ranni elaborated. "The world is better off if the Order that people live within is so far away that it is not something that can be seen, touched, or worshiped. To do so, I will leave the world along with my new Order. I will not interfere in the Lands Between, nor will they be able to interfere with me. Unlike Marika under the influence of the Two Fingers and the Greater Will. I would have the certainties of faith and touch... All become impossibilities.."

"So, even if GOOs come down and start messing things up, they can't really do much without the Order as a system. I imagine they need to work through mediums like Marika or Radagon." I paused, a realization coming to me. "That's what you meant when you said anyone who met the Three Fingers would be 'robbed of their will.' They can't grasp Order or influence the world without wearing a meat suit."

"They would have only controlled thy actions at the end of the journey when Order was within reach. Should thou fail, as Vyke did, and succumb to madness, they would have retreated to await the next Tarnished to find them."

I gave it good odds I would be able to fight off their influence since I was an Out Of Context problem. Still, Melina would not have believed me unless I told her everything.

Unless I had trusted her completely.

Thinking about her still hurt.

It always would.

I sometimes awoke screaming, dreaming of a fire that wouldn't go out and consumed all I held dear.

I could do nothing but watch her burn.

The worst part was that no matter my nightmare, Melina would never blame me. Even as I reached out to save her, she smiled at me and told me she loved me.

I always awoke in tears, Ranni holding me as I sobbed.

I don't understand why the Demigod was being so supportive.

It couldn't be just because I was the most likely to become Elden Lord. If I had learned anything during my time with her, no force on earth could make Ranni do what she didn't want to.

She would rather die.

Still, as far as I could tell, she had been truthful about her plans. I hadn't expected her to lie, exactly. I just wasn't sure what the plan was.

If she wanted to rule the Lands Between as Marika had, I would have supported her for all the help she had given me. I would have eventually had to leave, but while I was here, I would provide aid.

If ruling had been her goal, then this conversation would be easy. I would promise support, and that would be that.

Knowing Ranni wanted to leave, taking Order far beyond the reach of the natives of the Lands Between made the conversation harder.

Our goals lined up, and there was no reason not to make the offer except for my cowardice.

After Melina, Millicent, and Malenia, I swore I wouldn't allow it to hold me back.

I just hoped Ranni couldn't feel my hands shaking.

I guess she did because she looked at me with worry.

"Wouldst thou come with me, even now, my one and only Lord?" She must think I was silent and shaking because I was rejecting her Order.

That wasn't it at all.

"It's not that I don't want to go with you," I said, and her face fell, so I hurried to continue. "I have a bit of a situation on my hands, that's all." She looked at me in confusion for a second before realization overtook her.

"Thy companions and their curse," she waived one of her hands negligently. "Worry not. We need not depart right away. No curse shall be able to stand up to us once we control Order. You will be Elden Lord, and your duty fulfilled. We will free them. From there, they should understand their place in things."

"Yeah...," I said slowly. I procrastinated, putting off the explanation I knew would come. I took a deep breath and counted down in my head. 3. 2. 1. Fuck it. "My curse isn't to become Elden Lord."

She looked at me in confusion.

So I told her.

I told her of a world without magic.

I told her about my life. I told her of Fromsoft and their games. I told her about the Waifu catalogue and a silly little story that had become a nightmare. I told her about fictional worlds and dimensional travel.

I told her the truth about the Island and the women on it. I told her about what we had discovered about the nature of our imprisonment.

I told her about the benefits of being bound and the demerits.

I explained, my voice shaking, about the power the women of the Island held over me and how I used Command Seals to mitigate it.

I delved into my fears of mind control, of losing who I was. My greatest fears were not of an enemy but of an accident.

One wrong word and I would be undone.

Emma had bound me to my flesh in that cell.

Diana had bound me to my sanity before I lit the First Flame.

One had dissipated after a minute.

The other had kept me burning in the fires of the First Flame for thousands of years, unable to go hollow.

More than that, I told her of my hope and dread upon attaining my Freedom. I would have everything I ever wanted, but I would never be able to truly leave those women behind.

Though I had long ago found a loophole to Diana's inadvertent command of 'Don't you dare leave us!' I was still bound to stay 'near' them. I had mitigated it by spending more time with them when they were summoned.

If, as I suspected, they had all fallen prey to my lures, they would never let me go.

That was why I was so hurried to get them their freedoms. The longer they were trapped on the Island, the more infatuated they would become.

And, more than anything else, I understood how mad someone could go from love.

"So," Ranni said hours later after listening to me tell my tale. "Thy companions are infatuated with thee. Thy are cursed, but only to love and obey their commands."

"I'm sure I could learn to accept my love for them in any other circumstances," I explained. "My real problem with the situation is that they can't just kill me but control me. Going mad isn't a problem. Even before this whole thing started, I was always an odd duckling. It is going mad from outside influences. If I go crazy, it should be because of me and no one else. Someone out there fucked with my mind and made me susceptible to them and, possibly, anyone else I bind. That's what pisses me off. I'd have no problems if they went full yandere but couldn't control me."

"I do not know what 'yandere' means, but I understand thy problem. The solution is simple."

"Really?" I perked up, hopeful she had discovered something I was missing.

"Of course, once I am 'bound,' I shall use our new Order to change the nature of thy curse. They will no longer be able to influence you in the new world. Their mouths will not form the words, nor will their minds be able to consider the option."

"If I was willing to mind-control them, I would have from the beginning. Besides, I thought you wanted to remove Order so it wouldn't be abused." I sagged.

I didn't want to be controlled, nor did I want to control others.

Tempt them with my lures? Sure, and if they fell for them, that was on them. But I feared being trapped within my own body or having my personality wiped so much that I wasn't willing to inflict it on others.

"I wish Order at a remove so it might not influence the world. I intend to use all power available to facilitate our journey, my Consort. I see thy point about control, however." Ranni put one of her hands to her chin in thought at the difficult conundrum we were in.

For a minute, she was lost in thought before she shrugged her shoulders in an uncharacteristic move.

"Never thee mind the intricacies of the Harem. Melina entrusted such to me. We shall settle the matter once we have established our Order, left the Lands Between, and we have attained thy Freedom. Should the need be, bind me with these Command Seals of yours. Then thee need not fear I misspeak."

Wut?

No, seriously, what?

Ranni, the Demigod who discarded her own flesh rather than be controlled, had just asked me to use a Command Spell on her.

All so I wouldn't be afraid.

That 'harem' thing would need to be clarified, but I was too floored by the latter part to think about the former.

My expression must have revealed my absolute bamboozlement at Ranni's last statement.

"If things are as thee claim," she explained, "then we can do nothing here. Once I am upon thy Island, I shall enquire into the true nature of thy Consorts. I shall not begrudge thee if thee attain Freedom and flee from us while I do so. Simply know that I shall chase thee beyond time and space, through worlds eternal. I suspect I will not be alone in the attempt."

Looking over my actions, my inaction caused the most trouble. What I didn't do. Yes, it stemmed from a good source.

The women were a danger to me, that was a fact I don't think anyone could deny, but it had been my choice to keep it a secret, to not work things out with them.

Even now, questions whirled around my head.

Was I really 'me?'

Had I forgotten orders that, even now, were twisting my thoughts and actions?

Was 'I' already dead, and the 'me' of now just a new creation of the Island women?

My manic desire to be free would make sense then, as would my love for them.

Most of the women I had chosen in the Catalogue had been heroic in nature, or at least lighter on the morality grey scale.

A few of them, however, were more than willing to manipulate one man, a stranger and a potential slaver if it would free them.

If I could trust my memories were real, then none of the women had done anything that intentionally caused me harm.

But that was a big if.

At the end of the day, it came down to two things.

Was I content to be trapped into inaction by my paranoia?

What steps could I take to improve myself from my Rot if not?

I believe I told Robin, the first time we met in the cell all those centuries ago, something like, 'Even if I am insane, I have to act like I am sane. That is the only way to live.'

It was time I lived by my own philosophy.

"You are right," I said as I stood up. I offered the Demigod a hand, which Ranni took, and lifted her to her feet. "We can't do anything here. Whether I bind you or not doesn't change my situation. So, I'll return the question you asked me earlier. Wouldst thou come with me, even now?"

"Of course, my Dear Consort."

And I kissed her.

It was a light thing, her doll body unable to function as flesh and blood would, but I needed to do something to show Ranni what this conversation had meant to me.

She had supported me all these years, and I had extended my trust to her, and she hadn't betrayed it.

I would rather trust you than simply continue to spoil from within.

The fear was still there.

It always would be. Such was the nature of a phobia.

I felt no lighter after our conversation, and no weight had been lifted from my chest.

Whether we found a solution to my little 'mind-control' problem or not was immaterial at this time.

All that had changed was that I felt a little more confident and like my old self.

I can't stop using command seals, maybe not ever, but I had taken the first step to reaching out to trust someone.

Time would tell whether it was the right move, but I felt content knowing I was trying to heal my Rot.

********

If there were one thing I was good at after all this time, it was saying goodbye.

Some were just harder than others.

"Who are you?" The misbegotten blacksmith asked as I stood before him, his eyes unfocused.

I fingered the sword at my waist.

It was a straight sword, unlike the katana and greatswords I had favoured since arriving in Elden Ring. Forged utilizing the power of all the Great Runes and stones carved from the corpse of the ancient Elden Lord Placidusax. It was plain, boring almost. There were no glowing lines, fancy runes, or excessive ornaments.

A simple weapon.

A simple sword.

A weapon fit to slay a god.

"I'm no one important," I said softly, voice only slightly louder than the crackling of flames.

Hewg was one of only a few who remained within the burning Roundtable Hold. Most had relocated to Stormveil, though who knew where Gideon had disappeared to.

I'm sure his betrayal will be sudden and inevitable.

After forging this god-slaying blade, Hewg seemed to lose himself, almost going hollow in a way.

Of the man who once called me his Lord, nothing remained.

"Could you tell me what happened?" He continued to hammer away at another weapon. "Why is the Roundtable burning, in ruins? Why does that girl weep for me? Have I forgotten something of dire importance?"

Bile rose in my throat.

For this alone, I would kill Marika.

Hewg was a perfect example of what I feared becoming. He was robbed of his free will, memories, and personality stolen from him by a higher power.

Not even able to recognize those he loved.

"She is in mourning," I explained as I looked at Roderika. She was openly crying as she watched us. "She recently lost her father."

"Hm," he grunted. The crackling of fire around us and the ringing of his hammer was all that sounded in the Hold for a moment. "He must have been proud. I have never seen such a gift for Spirit Tuning before."

"He was. And she is proud of him."

Those were the last words I ever spoke to Hewg, my blacksmith of decades.

I left him to his work, approaching the red-cloaked woman.

"My thanks, my Lord," Roderika said as I approached while wiping her eyes. "Though he might not remember, I'm sure he would be happy to have your sentiment. You have always done right by him and I. I only wish he would allow me to take him from this place."

"Even if he doesn't want to leave," I said as I laid my hand on her shoulder. Power flowed from me, a dark blue tint coming to her eyes. "I expect you to live. With him if possible. Do not stay at the Hold. There is nothing here for either of you. Go to Stormveil and let Kenneth and Nepheli know I sent you."

"I can see it," she spun around the Roundtable Hold with wide eyes. "The Starlight! Your Grace!"

"I'm not a god or Elden Lord yet, so it's not permanent. A few months at most." My Talents allowed me much more liberty than most players would have. "You already know the way to Stormveil. I am just expediting the process. It should be strong enough for you to teleport with Hewg, even if he isn't cooperative."

"Thank you, my Lord." Roderika bowed as I turned to leave.

This had been one of my last goodbyes. I had a few things to do while I waited for the next summoning. I would send off my items and let the women know it was time to start the ritual.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

From there, I wouldn't delay the next summoning, giving me a week to kill Marika, Radagon, and anything else that might try and stop me from standing before the Elden Ring.

I was looking forward to the challenge.

"I'll take care of the spirits. You take care of yourself," I said before I teleported out.

I reappeared upon the path leading to the Carian Manor.

I would say goodbye to Iji and tell him it was safe to release Blaidd in a few weeks. Ranni's Shadow would be free from the Greater Will and its Two Fingers once we had left the Lands Between. While there, I'd swipe Selvus' notes and any books still in the Rises.

I was surprised at the quiet when I appeared upon the path leading to the manor.

Usually, I could hear Iji hammering away as I approached.

When I found him there, burning in black flames and surrounded by the bodies of the Black Knife assassins, a part of me was unsurprised.

Elden Ring had been kicking my balls this entire time. What was one more tragedy?

"Oh, Iji," Ranni appeared beside me. With a wave of her hand, the black flame was extinguished. The troll did not stir.

I knew why.

The Black Knives still retained fragments of Destined Death.

Iji would not be coming back.

I hugged her from behind as her magic carved a pit in the ground. As her doll body remained impassive, I could see her spirit shake with tears. She lowered the blacksmith in and covered it with dirt.

Stone shaped itself into the image of the man, bent over his anvil and reading. No words were carved on it. These minor spells were well within Ranni's abilities, even in her doll body.

We stared at the monument for a few minutes as I cast my spell to destroy the bodies of the Black Knives.

Unlike Iji, they would probably reform somewhere. That was actually for the best.

They would have to live with the knowledge they failed as we left the Lands Between forever.

Sometimes living with failure was worse than death.

"He knew what he risked when he aided me on this path," Ranni said eventually. "He always spoke of his death as inevitable. I had hoped he was wrong, but I see he was still the wiser of the two of us." I said nothing, letting her mourn. "May I ask thee something, my Dear Consort?"

"Of course."

"Please sing a dirge for my teacher. I do not believe he ever heard one of thy songs, even as Blaidd bragged about them. He was quite jealous of my Shadow for the opportunity. Despite his race, Iji was a lover of the arts. He enjoyed reading and music. Games of strategy and cunning. He was..." Her voice cracked a bit, but she kept going. "He was the gentlest man I have ever met."

I held her as she quieted down, searching for one I felt appropriate.

I started to hum.

"The day is done, the time has come

You battled hard, the war is won

You did your worst

You tried your best

Now it's time to rest."

We stayed like that, holding each other even after my song finished and the last notes left me.

Eventually, we had to move on. We were both worried about Blaidd, trapped in the Gaol.

When we reached his place of incarceration, we found it empty. We searched for a while but found only the barest of traces. Thanks to my Talents, I could determine that the Shadow had escaped alone, which did ease our fears.

Buoyed by this news, we teleported to Ranni's Rise. If he was free, Blaidd would have come here. We hoped to find a trail to follow. Worse comes to worst, I could delay our departure while we searched.

We needn't have worried.

We found Blaidd at the foot of the Rise, surrounded by the corpses of the Black Knives.

Unlike Iji, he still lived.

"Blaidd!" I waved at him as I approached, happy to see him still alive. "You dog! You had me worried!"

He stood, turning to me while he muttered to himself. "No. I'm part of her very being! I could never betray her! No matter what might happen... Ranni... She needs me..."

He lunged, greatsword swinging down at me at a speed few warriors could see, let alone react to.

I side-stepped it easily.

"Dude!" I backed away from another swing. "It's me, your bro! Wolf-buddy!" He continued to swing at me, muttering to himself. He wasn't really seeing me, moving on instinct. I wonder how long he had sat here, by himself and surrounded by bodies, wondering if he had been betrayed by Ranni. "A little help here, Doll!"

Dodging under a wide swing, I tripped him. As he fell to the ground, ice gathered in my throat.

In a game, I would have needed to kill him, but I had options here.

So long as Blaidd wasn't completely mad or set on committing suicide by Elden Lord. Nothing I could do then.

Ranni formed in her larger doll as Blaidd struggled to free himself from the ice binding his limbs. Given enough time, he could have succeeded.

"Blaidd!" Ranni called, as close to shouting as I had ever heard her. Blaidd stilled. "My Shadow. My brother. What is wrong with thee?"

"You left me!" He snarled at her, and she took a step back in surprise. "You and Iji! You should have known I would never betray you!"

"I knew it was never thy intent to betray me," Ranni explained as she approached the wolfman, who stilled at her touch. "We placed you in the Gaol to protect you. The Two Fingers would not allow their tools, thou or I, to escape them. Please, they have already taken Iji. Do not allow them to take thee from me as well." Her voice was pleading, and I could see it reaching the Shadow.

"You should have trusted me," he repeated as the fight left him. "I could have saved Iji."

"I know," Rannii said, her tiny body hugging the thigh of the massive wolf. "I know."

I left the pair to talk, entering the Rise to liberate it of its contents. I mostly tossed the books into one of the magical pouches, though I had to stifle a laugh when I reached the top of the tower and found Ranni's chair.

I knew she looked taller the second time I visited!

That isn't the proper way to use an almanac.

I was only gone for an hour, and, when finished, I found the pair conversing quietly. Blaidd was free of the ice.

They stood as I approached.

"My Dear Consort," Ranni said. "I thank thee for thy mercy with Blaidd. I would have grieved the loss of my Shadow."

"Sorry."

"It's fine," I waived off Blaidd's apology. He looked like a kicked puppy. It took all my self-control not to tell him to 'sit and roll over.'

"I would ask thy leave," Ranni continued. At my questioning look, she elaborated. "I shall be taking Blaidd to Raya Lucaria. He will not be able to follow us on our journey. I have asked him to guard my mother in my stead. I will also be saying farewell to her. T'is long overdue."

"Sure," I agreed readily. "Want me to come with you? I already said bye to Jerren and Sellen, but seeing them again wouldn't be bad."

"Nay," I was surprised she shook her head. We hadn't been parted since I found her in the ruins of Manus Celes. "I need not only stop there. I need retrieve an item. My dowry. It will take me a few days."

"Oh," I said lamely. Marriage was... well, it was something, and I wasn't the biggest fan of the concept of dowries. "I thought the Dark Moon Greatsword was your... dowry."

"T'is the traditional return gift for Carian Princesses upon our engagement, true." The doll nodded its head, its face calm and impassive. The spirit twiddled its thumbs, blushing. "I speak of a gift from me. One only I can give. It is to celebrate our ascension, nuptials and thy crowning as Elden Lord."

God, she was so cute when she tried to be impassive like that and failed utterly.

I shared a glance with Blaidd, a communion between bros passing between us.

"Alright," I nodded my head once more. It wasn't like I could control her anyway. I wasn't one of those guys who needed to know where my woman was at all times. I was possessive, not jealous. "I won't leave without you anyway. Just don't take too long. I will have the ritual go off in ten days or so. We will have to delay for another week if you're not there."

"It shall return by then, my Dear Consort." She turned from me, starting to cast her teleportation spell.

That was one spell I had yet to learn. I hadn't seen the need when I could just move through sites of Grace.

"Will you have enough power with your doll?" I couldn't help but worry a bit.

This was her second teleportation since she had rested. I was concerned that she would need to rest again before we needed to leave. She slept for years, and I was eager to see if my plan would work.

"Thy needn't worry. I shall never be wanting for power again."

That wasn't ominous at all.

As the portal opened, I turned to Blaidd and offered him my arm. He grasped it by the forearm in the way I had shown him, and for a moment, we embraced in the manly tradition of those who have seen Predator.

"Take care of her," he told me as we separated.

"Will do, wolf-buddy," I nodded and then paused. I would never get another opportunity for this. "Sorry about this." He looked at me in confusion. Though he was taller than me, it wasn't by so much that I couldn't reach his head.

His tongue lolled out of his mouth as I scratched him behind the ears.

He was as fluffy as I had expected.

Though I could see Ranni's spiritual body roll its eyes as she pulled her Shadow through the portal, I knew she did.

I was too busy laughing to make a comment.

Blaidd might not be Best Boi, but he was definitely Best Dog.

Of Elden Ring, at least.

********

"My Dear Consort," Ranni's voice whispered in my ear. I was so surprised that I flinched. Against most opponents, it would be irrelevant, too quick to notice. Against Hoarah Loux? I might as well have waived a red flag. "What exactly are thee doing?"

Our fists held each other in place, still locked in a contest of strength. The first Elden Lord held me firm, our fingers intertwined, as he stomped the ground. Spikes rose up to impale me.

... I just realized how gay that all sounded.

I must have been overcome with the Jojo spirit at the sight of a real fucking stand.

"What's it look like," I grunted in the effort, trying to coat my feet in magic and float to avoid the rocks. "I'm wrestling."

I was only partially successful. I managed to keep my feet and not be hurt, but my stability was broken, and my foe was able to bear me down in the contest of strength.

My arms buckled, and the mountain of a man slammed a knee into my sternum. My breath was driven from my chest, and I gasped. Knocked backwards and into the air, the warrior followed me with a roar that promised further violence.

Leaping into the air, Hoarah Loux grabbed me from the air. Hands the size of my head grabbed my waist, and power bombed me into the ground.

Ow.

My spine was not meant to bend like that.

Rather than try and kill me when he had the chance, the chieftain of the badlands lept away.

"Get up, Warrior," he called as I found my feet. My power was already healing my wounds. "Thou have slain my sons and seek to become Elden Lord. Stand! A crown is warranted with strength! Should that be enough to fell thee, I would weep for the Lands Between."

The man had good instincts.

Had he followed up with his attack, my neck was bent at an angle to blast Placidusax's Ruin at point blank.

I would regret ending our fight that way, but I was on a bit of a time crunch. I had been delayed due to the treck here and the battle with Gideon and now Godfrey.

Apparently, burning down the Erdtree destroyed the capitol, disconnecting the sites of Grace nearby, so I had to make my way here the long way.

I hadn't expected to face both of my fellow tarnished, and if I died to either, I'm not sure I would have enough time to reform before the girls performed the ritual.

To miss my chance due to some miss-timing would be annoying.

Thankfully Gideon was an easy fight. The All-knowing was an excellent mage and knew spells from all over the Lands Between.

It didn't mean he was a good fighter.

He hadn't trained his muscle memory to use his abilities at the appropriate time without conscious thought.

I was pleasantly surprised to find Godfrey, now Hoarah Loux, was a much better challenge.

That and he had a motherfucking Stand.

One of the holdovers of having all my memories from my life carved into my brain was that all the excitement and emotions I felt for things back then were still present today.

And I had been hyped to watch the next part of Stone Ocean. One day, I would find a world that had the entire series released in the most high-definition media available to that species, and I would binge it in one go. (Go to a Jojo world, you say? Are you nuts? I would fucking die!)

To see a Stand, one as cool as Serosh, had been incredible.

It was a bummer when it was killed, but that, too, had been cool in a brutal sort of way.

How could I not get carried away a bit after that?

Which was what Ranni was asking about.

"And why, pray tell me, art thou naked and covered in oil, my Dear Consort?"

"He was doing it too," I gestured petulantly to the mountain of a man, equally as nude as me, even as I dodged one of his charges. Though he was covered in blood rather than oil. "It's the proper way to wrestle. The greeks did it!"

...Maybe using the ancient greeks as an example wasn't the best. They were kind of dicks.

And gay. Which wasn't a problem, even if it wasn't my cup of tea.

And pedophiles. Which was a serious problem.

Point was I shouldn't be imitating the greeks.

In my defence, the man had just stripped himself of his armour, killed his Stand and covered himself in its blood.

I had gotten caught up in the moment.

Sue me.

Getting behind the first Elden Lord, I gripped his waist with both arms. My muscles bulged with effort as I lifted the massive man over my head. With a roar of my own, I suplexed Hoarah Loux into the ground.

Rather than let go, I twisted my body to wrap him in a full nelson.

I tried to get his head into a neck crank and snap his spine, but the man roared.

The sound had magic in it, on top of being impossibly loud.

My ears rang as I was forced to let go of my hold.

Hoarah Loux leaped into the air before crashing down with a fist slam. I rolled out of the way, but his combo wasn't done. Though I dodged, the shockwave pushed me from my position, knocking me to the ground.

While I recovered, he plunged his fists into the earth.

"Thy might want to move, my Dear Consort."

If Ranni's tone of voice didn't tell me she was exasperated with me, the fact she was talking while I fought told me everything I needed to know about her thoughts on this fight.

That was fine.

She didn't understand the manliness of this fight.

If I hadn't already bound Torrent and sent him to the Island ahead of me, then I would go crying to him.

A man sometimes needed bros.

The first Elden Lord growled as he tore his hands from the ground in a rush of energy that I quickly lept away from.

As he rushed towards me, hands formed into claws, I decided to change tactics. Hoarah Loux favoured slams, holds, and using his power to affect the earth around him.

While not the size of Radahn, he was still much too large for any wrestling techniques I could think of.

Magic hazed around me as I burned the oil from my body.

Time to Bruce Lee this bitch.

I jumped, lightened myself with gravity magic, and kicked his chest.

He barely flinched, trying to grab me out of the air. Thankfully, I had tricks even the best martial artists of my world couldn't hope to replicate.

Rather than be forced to land after my last attack, I followed my attack with a platform under my feet. Pushing off of it, I flipped over the mountain of muscle, kicking the back of Hoarah Loux's skull on my way.

He stumbled forward slightly but swung his massive fist backwards and would have caught me with it had I not formed another platform to push off of.

Even as he turned around, I swung a kick at his back.

Rather than try and attack me again, he tried to gain some distance by jumping away.

I followed him, landing what blows I could, never giving him room to breathe. I did not touch the ground.

For over five minutes, I pestered him from the air, flipping, flying, and being the most annoying and stinging bug I could be.

Float like a butterfly, sting like Ali.

But it wasn't enough.

I could hit him and avoid getting hit in turn, the generally accepted condition for winning a fight, but I couldn't land any decisive blow. He was too tough, too thick for my punches or kicks to damage him unless I hit something vital.

I would have to make an opening to hit something vital.

Dropping to the ground for the first time in minutes, I pretended to pant for breath.

As I expected, Hoarah Loux was eager to repay me in kind after weathering my attacks.

Sometimes a fight can be decided by one's mentality rather than their fist or blade. Psycology could be a more deadly weapon than any sword.

He lunged, winding up his right arm in a move I knew would lead to a choke slam.

I ducked under the grab, getting close.

I had only one shot before he kicked me.

Purple lightning gathered around my fist, blasting out as I punched upwards. I aimed for that sweet spot above the stomach but below the sternum. The solar plexus.

Godfrey flinched as the air was driven from his chest.

With that opening, I punched out again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

I would like to say I tried to stifle the sounds that came out of my mouth while my fists fell like rain.

I would like to, but it would be a huge fucking lie.

However, I will maintain that literally everyone else would have done the same in my position.

Though their cry of choice might have been different.

"Oraoraoraoraoramudaoraoraoraoraoraora!" Temple. Nose. Chin. Jaw. Neck. Throat. Solar Plexus. Kidneys.

I threw punch after punch, all empowered by gravity magic, at some of the most vulnerable places on the human body, and the guy just would. Not. Fall. Down.

But he did stagger and flinch.

It was time to finish him.

Rather than coat my hand in gravity magic, I formed draconic claws. Fingers pressed into a tip, I plunged my hand below Godfrey's left ribs.

My hand snaked upwards, cutting its way under the natural defence of the ribcage, and reached its target.

"ORA!" I yelled as I tore Hoarah Loux's heart from his chest in a fountain of blood and bone.

The bastard was still standing, even without his heart. For a second, I thought he was like Greyoll and had more than one heart. Then he spoke, blood flaking his lips and beard.

"Brave Tarnished... Thy strength befits a crown."

He fell forward with a loud thud.

The flames engulfing the Erdtree crackled as I panted for breath, covered in his blood.

"Was that necessary, my Dear Consort?" Ranni appeared at my side in her large doll.

"Necessary? No. Awesome? Yes." I calmed my heartbeat, casting magic to clean myself as I approached the clothes I had discarded when I decided to match the first Elden Lord fist for fist.

Radahn had been my most exhausting fight. I had stayed awake for days, fighting, planning, and concentrating.

Malenia had been my most challenging fight. Ever. Despite being as skilled as I am, I had died at her hand more than any other being in existence.

Hoarah Loux? He had been the most fun I had in a fight. Period. I was still grinning as I tried to stuff my bloodlust-induced stiffy into my pants.

In my defence, that was as gay as I could possibly get since I wasn't a fan of the male form. There was something about a good fight that really got me going.

Melina had been insensate for a week after the Festival of War when I was done with her.

I was never in danger of losing, even if I had already given most of my stuff to Raven. I was simply too strong, even without the Great Runes. The biggest reasons were my Inexaustable Trait and my new abilities with Miracles.

I had stayed away from them during Dark Souls because, hey, fuck the gods.

In Elden Ring, I needed to dabble in them, at least a little, for my plan with the dragon communion to work. So, how did I do it if I couldn't bring myself to have faith in the gods?

By following the classic shonen trope of believing in myself.

In all seriousness, I 'worshiped' my own draconic form. Absolute faith in a higher power.

Turns out religion has a lot in common with narcissism.

Who knew?

My religion, Mikael Mythology, involved rituals that called for healthy living, mutual respect, blood sports and worshiping the female form.

Hallelujah! Praise be!

With the ability to cast healing spells, not limited to using a seal, Soul and Blessed Talent, and an inexhaustible power source?

Anything that didn't kill me in seconds, I would regenerate from.

That just went to show how dangerous Malenia was.

She would cut me to ribbons in moments, constantly slicing me so I couldn't regenerate. Though it was lesser than mine, her regeneration had taught her everything she needed to know about how to kill me.

"Did you get what you wanted?" I asked as I put on my armour.

I had given all my good equipment away to Raven, so it was simple stuff. I had chosen to keep a suit of armour taken from one of Godrick's soldiers. It had been the first full suit I had gotten in the Lands Between, and I had an extra set.

I was still grinning like a loon from the fight.

"I did," the Demigod had turned her doll away while I dressed, but I had seen her soul peeking.

The little voyeur.

"What was it?"

"This."

For a second, I couldn't determine what I was looking at. A rune arc? I had plenty of those tiny shards of the Elden Ring that were nowhere near in power to a Great Rune.

Then I relaxed my eyes the rest came into focus.

"Is that..." I asked as I took a hesitant step closer.

"It is," Ranni sounded so adorably smug at seeing the surprised look that I wanted to tease her.

I held back.

I would let her have her moment. She deserved it.

"I thought you had discarded it?" I lightly reached out to Ranni's Great Rune, the only one I didn't own and had no hope of getting.

Ranni slid it into my hands.

"What was once discarded may be retrieved once more."

A feeling of complete power flowed through me. A sense of unity, certainty, and resolve overcame me.

I knew, with utter confidence, that nothing could stand in my way. That I would succeed in everything I did. I could regenerate a lost heart before.

I could regrow my entire body now.

I could see why people would fight and die for this feeling.

This final boss fight would be a cakewalk.

********

"It's time," I said, standing from my place sitting on Marika's corpse.

She was lucky she was already half dead when I arrived. After everything she put me through with Melina and Hewg, I wouldn't have killed her slowly.

I could feel the unique and familiar energy well up in me, indicating I had less than an hour before my next summoning.

According to Medea, this meant that our timelines were intersecting.

"Very well," I pretended not to hear the petulance in her voice.

The fight with Radagon and the Elden Beast had been so easy that we had to kill time for a while. One had been half destroyed at the start, and the other had tried to fight me by inundating me with power.

It was a poor match-up for both of them.

I had decided to teach the Demigod how to thumb wrestle while we waited.

Despite being twice as well-armed in the battle, she lost every time. Doll joints were inferior to genuine thumbs in the ring.

That and I cheated.

Ranni approached the severed head of Marika the Eternal. Lifting it above her head, she channelled her power through the corpse as it dissolved into light.

"To every living being and every living soul."

Ranni did not speak loudly, but everyone in the world heard her.

In a destroyed town, a small Warrior Jar looked to the sky and the blue moon that covered it. The warrior voices were silent within the small form. Bairn, Alexander and Diallos recognized the man who towered over and stood behind the new goddess.

"Now cometh the age of the stars."

The golden and red glow of the Erdtree, bathed in fire, flickered and faded.

Unsupported by its god, the massive tree started to topple.

Great branches and innumerable leaves fell down upon the ruined Capitol of Leyndell. The earth shook with their landing.

Wandering merchants worldwide played their sombre song, bathed in a blue glow, as they welcomed a new age.

"A thousand-year voyage under the wisdom of the Moon."

The falling leaves tell a story.

A story of one man, a woman, and their steed against everything the Lands Between could throw at them.

Sellen, her watcher Jerren, Blaidd and Rennala watched the moon grow behind the Erdtree's fall. Raya Lucaria was silent.

"Here beginneth the chill night that encompasses all, reaching the great beyond."

A story of life and Death.

Of madness and emotion.

Of a man who fought for his freedom and a woman who would burn the world for her love.

Within Stormveil's halls, refugees of the War of the Shattering resided. As one, they knelt in prayer to their new Elden Lord. To the man who had saved them.

"We go now into fear, doubt, and loneliness... As the path stretcheth into darkness, following our guiding moonlight."

The dark moon shrunk, growing smaller and smaller in the distance.

After a minute, the two figures upon its face were but silhouettes.

After two minutes, it was but a star in the distance. One of the countless others.

After three, no one could see the dark moon at all.

Factions stopped warring.

The dead stayed dead.

For the first time in millennia, the Lands Between were at peace as they gazed up at a sky unobstructed by a towering tree.

Stormveil would rebuild its power and reign over the lands in the coming years after forming an alliance with the Carian Queen of Raya Lucaria.

Destined Death, now part of life, once more would claim all eventually.

The War of the Shattering would fade into myth and legend as those who remembered it passed on in books and tavern tales. Stories would still be told of its participants, but most wouldn't believe in them.

They were but a creation myth, made to explain how the world works.

Still, names were remembered.

Starscourge Radahn.

Malenia, Blade of Miquella.

Ranni, Goddess of the Guiding Moonlight.

And of the Elden Lord.

Mikael Godsbane. Mikael the Dragon. Mikael of the Clensing Flame.

Mikael the Free.

**

"T'is done," Ranni said as she delivered her message to the world.

"Thanks for that," I held her hand as the energy built within me. I only had a few minutes left. "Getting my name out there helps a lot."

Strictly speaking, there was no need to time some things so precisely. I was just doing it to stack the deck in my favour.

"Certainly, my Lord Husband."

I wasn't sure how I felt about her calling me that, but since I didn't have time to get into it, I let it slide for the moment.

Besides, considering what I was going to do, it was a bit ironic, and I loved a good bit of irony.

"You have everything?" I asked, despite knowing the answer.

I had already given her the Godslaying Blade so she could bring it to the Island.

"I do." Her doll face was placid, but I could see the worry in her eyes.

"Don't worry," I held one of her right hands, the one without the ring, in my left. I gave it a squeeze for comfort. "Based on what happened with Priscilla and Torrent, you will just fall asleep and wake up there. Your clothes, items, and everything you hold will appear with you."

"I know." I sometimes wish she was flesh and blood so I could pinch those pouting cheeks.

It wasn't the same when they were porcelain.

"You know," I said, distracting her. "In my home, when you are married, it is traditional to exchange rings. You already gave me yours after my fight with Godfrey, so I should give you mine."

I slid the shrunk form of the Elden Ring upon her bare ring finger as she stared at me in surprise.

I stumbled slightly as the feeling of power and absoluteness left me.

"My Lord!" Ranni held me in her arms, glowing with the power of the Elden Ring. "Why have thee given me the Elden Ring?"

"I told you, I have to give you a ring on our wedding day."

And I kissed her, nibbling on her lip as I did. I wasn't sure she even felt things from the few times I had kissed her, but she hadn't complained, so I didn't stop.

It did nothing for me, as attractive as she was. She was inanimate.

If I wanted to be crude about it, it was no different than a well-animated but cold sex doll.

It was more about her feelings than my pleasure.

She fell asleep in my arms, her body dissolving into the moonlight as she was transported to the Island.

Hopefully, I will see her there soon.

*********

My plan was both simple and complicated.

At its bare bones, using a summoning ritual any Fate fan would be aware of, to summon a Servant, I would be summoned into the Dragon that wrapped the Jeweled Island.

People could be summoned while they still lived like Saber had been in the original FSN.

Spirits could also be summoned into other bodies, like what happened to Jeanne in Apocrypha. Being called into my own body shouldn't be a problem at all.

Servants could also be summoned from both the past and future. From actual history and what-if histories. Even Servants who were 'fictional' like Sherlock Holmes, Nursery Rhyme, and Moriarty, could be summoned.

There was no reason I wouldn't be summonable so long as the conditions were right.

So I set out to stack as many things in my favour.

I spread my fame worldwide. The last few minutes with Ranni were just icing on a cake I had been baking for half a century. Nobody in the Lands Between did not know my name and deeds.

I aligned my body, mind, and myth as closely as possible with the concept of 'dragon.' I had hunted that race to extinction, glutting myself on their blood, magic, and hearts.

The women of the Island had done their part too.

A ritual circle made of my own blood, carved by Medea and Scathach, with my favourite weapons and armour used as catalysts. Their chant was utterly restructured, like what was supposed to happen with assassins and berzerkers, to accomodate me alone.

It was performed at the exact moment our timelines overlapped.

This summoning ritual was so specific that it was impossible to summon anyone but me.

I had stacked everything in my favour in this attempt at my Freedom.

Everything worked out exactly as I had planned.

I should have been Free as soon as I disappeared from the Lands Between.

I should have been Free.

********

My eyes were closed, and I saw worlds.

I floated above them, little beads on an endless neckless.

Four worlds lay behind me. The first three were welded together to form one whole.

Infinite worlds stretched before me.

I knew what they were, even without explanation.

They were cells.

An unending list of worlds to act as cells as I transferred from one to the other.

I left that chain of cells behind, called by power, words, and blood.

Moving yet standing still, I found myself not in front of an infinite chain of beads but an enormous Dragon wrapped around a Jewel.

Though I had been warned, I struggled to comprehend the sheer size of the beast in front of me.

I had seen big things before.

The Erdtree or Placidusax were the first that came to mind, though in my previous life, I had seen plenty of massive mountains such as the Rockies, Mt. Fuji, or the Alps.

It all paled in comparison to the white beast in front of me.

With no reference point in space, I couldn't accurately estimate its size. I could only see its complete profile because I 'flew' from so far away.

Most of the Jewel was hidden by its massive bulk, but I briefly saw an Island.

Dragons, lesser than the white beast, slept upon it. Scales of black, gold, white, red, purple, blue, and green glittered under a red and blue light.

I had a moment to wonder about the colours of the beasts before the individual details were lost to me as I approached at incalculable speeds. Eventually, all blended together in a never-ending field of white scales.

As I 'approached,' I could feel its bottomless well of power and recognized it for what it was.

It was Mine.

This Dragon was ME.

Joy filled me as I 'flew' closer to MY body.

My plan had worked perfectly.

All that was left was to merge with a body already filled with my power.

Then I bounced off it.

Like a bouncy ball, I hit those white scales and rebounded at equal speed.

What!?

No.

No!

Nononononononono!

Like someone had pressed rewind on a VHS, everything flowed in reverse.

The horizon of white scales retreated further and further away.

Eventually, I could make out a wing and limbs, and finally, I could see MY BODY in its complete glory once more.

Then it started to shrink in the distance.

As I was pulled into the fifth bead in an infinite chain, I screamed a soundless scream of rage, pain, and fury.

The Dragon, without waking, idly scratched the spot where something had stung him.

Space was supposed to be mostly empty. Why were there so things that tried to bother him?

Stupid meteors.

At least it wasn't the bird again. That thing was too damn frisky for its own good.

Uncaring about the world around him, the Dragon continued to enjoy his Dream while it could. He luxuriated in being with those who were His after so long apart. Even after millions of years, he never tired of their presence.

Still, the Dragon was looking forward to the appointed time.

It was almost time to wake up.