Walking down the street, Plain-Man passed by the augmented reality advertisements displayed on the bus stops, which had no effect on him due to his lack of vybe. Even if he had one, and could see the surrealistic animated creatures whose cuteness had been delicately tuned and measured, he still probably would not have paid them any attention; he was on a mission.

Ten blocks away from the Nature Park, Plain-Man had decided to stretch his legs with a patrol when an alert came up on his phone, which was exactly what he needed.

Down by a shopping center, near the food court, he had been called to settle a ‘domestic dispute’ that was reported by multiple people. The location wasn’t exactly that far away and he could have taken a bus there, but something inside him insisted he do it the old-fashioned way and walk. Though he didn’t expect it would take so long, so he ended up sprinting the few remaining blocks to get there.

He crossed the bridge that lead over the speeding cars to one of the entrances of the outdoor mini-mall, entering between a fancy candy store and a Shoe Locker. He snaked his way through the passing people carrying shopping bags or nothing at all, heading straight for the food court.

Plain-Man had been to this shopping center plenty of times in his youth having grown up in its vicinity and knew where he was going without having to look at his phone. The Food Court was next to where the movie theater used to be, which had been replaced by a Pageant Hall which had become all the rage over the years. As he passed it and was about to make his way around the large, flowing fountain that had a statue of Aphrodite in the middle of it, he heard the first scream.

Running over to the dozens of tables at the somewhat large food court with six choices of quick, ready restaurants to choose from, Plain-Man came upon a scene he was, at first, somewhat intimidated by. Sitting up, with a table between them, A man and a woman stood, the woman throwing what appeared to be french fries at the man who covered his face. The woman screamed incoherently and the man appeared to be speaking as well when Plain-Man approached the couple. Off to the side, he stopped and stood next to another couple who looked at him and his mask and began to speak.

“They’ve been at it for a half-hour now. Both of them are being real nasty to each other.” The woman onlooker said to Plain-Man.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”

He stepped forward and did his best to speak over the irate woman’s yelling.

“Excuse me, folks…”

“…Charles Wallaby, why won’t you listen to me and let me speak! You are always speaking over me! How’s that a way to treat your wife!” said the woman to her husband, who turned and realized Plain-Man standing directly behind, “Good! I’m glad you’re here! Take him away!”

Plain-Man absorbed and evaluated the woman’s emotional state, seeing her rub her brow, eyes closed, pointing at her husband, who was also rubbing his brow, trying to remain calm.

He asked the both of them, “Can you tell me what’s going on here?”

The woman widened her eyes and violently pointed again at her husband, “This man right here is my husband, and he’s nothing but a lazy, low-life, loser who not only verbally abuses me, but also just assaulted me too!”

The man, speaking for the first time, “What!? I didn’t assault you!” He looked directly at Plain-Man, “Listen, my wife gets a little kooky sometimes, especially when we go to the pageant. I’ve been trying to calm her down, but as you can see, it isn’t working out that well.”

“He threw a french fry at me and told me to shut up!”

“Yeah, I did! Because you were screaming and yelling, making a scene!”

Plain-Man asked, “Can you tell me from the start what happened?”

Right as the man was about to continue, his wife spoke up, “None of this would have happened if you weren’t such a cheapskate and upgraded our positions at the pageant!”

The man looked over at his wife with furrowed eyebrows, “I wouldn’t be such a cheapskate if I didn’t have such a heavy-spender wife!”

They both went into furious quarrel about various other aspects they didn’t particular like about one another as Plain-Man stepped back and stood again next to the other couple.

This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

The male onlooker this time spoke to Plain-Man as best as could over the other couples yelling, saying, “Yeah, you see, we put out the alert for you to come; that’s my friend Dave and his wife, Jill. We were with them at the pageant when it all began.”

The man, who had short curly black hair and seemed genuinely concerned, looked the couple and then at Plain-Man, “Honestly, they’re not usually like this. It all started when we were sitting, waiting for the performance to start when Jill spoke up and asked Dave if they could upgrade and pay extra to participate in the show, but he said no. That must’ve been the tipping point because she went quiet during each dance, ruminating, and then when it was over, flew into a rage. They’ve been having financial problems lately; Dave hit a bad streak of luck and they’ve been forced to stretch every last friendly credit.”

“I know how that feels,” Plain-Man said, observing the couple still arguing with each other. He stepped forward and intervened.

“Alright folks, let’s calm down! We’re in a public area after all, and you’re really causing a disturbance. How about we settle down and see if we can talk this out?”

“No! I want you to take him away for assaulting me.”

“I threw one french fry at you! That’s it! That’s not assault!”

Jill, the upset woman, snorted at her husband and stormed off.

“Great now, she’s run off.” said the stressed out Dave, “Wait, Jill come back!”

Plain-Man was about to follow when the other couple stopped him.

“I would just leave it. They have to eventually settle down. We’ll send your credits anyways…”

“No, I’ll stay,” Plain-Man spoke adamantly, “I want to see if I can talk some sense into them. Plus, I wouldn’t feel right about taking your credits for nothing…”

“Well, it looks like they’re heading back into the Pageant Hall…”

Plain-Man noticed this too and quickly jogged over.

Never having been in a Pageant Hall before, Plain-Man was surprised to find the whole interior had been completely darkened and was barely illuminated by blacklight and the glowing images of various made-up pantheons floated above the ceremonial rooms. He saw groups of people, mostly adults, walking either into or out of the doors on either side of the lobby, some giving him a weird look, but he saw no sign of the disputing couple.

Picking a door at random, he entered and passed through the curtain.

On the other side, he found a large, shadowy open area that resembled an amphitheater with walls that dripped with some efflorescent goop and people around sitting in the stands. From their seats they looked down upon a hooded human in an all-black robe carving signs in the air with their fingers. After a few motions, a sudden bright spark shot from they’re hands and flew into the sky, transforming, taking the shape of what looked like a giant red salamander with bulging eyes that begun doing somersaults over the awed audience.

Plain-Man had enough of this and decided he should check somewhere else.

Heading back into the lobby, he immediately heard a familiar voice on the other side.

“Dave, can’t you just leave me alone?!”

“Ugh, Jill can’t you keep your voice down!”

Before he could get close though, Plain-Man had to follow to Dave, who followed his wife, Jill, outside. Now both of them arguing by the fountain, Plain-Man approached and tried to intervene.

“Hey! Listen guys!” Both of them stopped and listened to Plain-Man who was now the loudest, “Just cut it! Aren’t you two sick of arguing yet? I know times are tough and it can be hard on everybody when you’re under the gun, but you two aren’t the only ones! I’m sure most of these people you see here, sure, on the outside look happy and successful with their shopping bags and coffee drinks, having a good time. But just know, on the inside, they most likely are having similar problems much like yourselves. All this ‘pageantry’ and stuff you can get with your friendly points, it really means nothing. It’s all empty concepts and thrills, ones and zeroes to fill empty people. What matters most are the relationships we have and the times we spend together, in person. Because at the end of the day, that’s really all that we have.”

Plain-Man finished his spiel with eyes closed, expecting the couple to again fly into a rage. Hearing noting, he opened them and noticed both Dave and Jill were silently looking at him, their faces now a little bit more friendlier. They then looked towards other and simultaneously grabbed each other’s hands.

“I’m sorry, Dave. He’s right. I really do love you. I was just upset I wasn’t allowed to dance…”

“It’s fine sweety. Next time we go, I promise I’ll figure out a way to upgrade us. I know how much it means to you…”

“No, no it’s fine, honest…” she turned to Plain-man, “Thank you so much for your help, sir. What you said really helped. You must be a really wise person under that mask…”

“Just doing my job, ma’am. I’m glad you two are able to figure things out.” Plain-Man said, who had completely made up his speech on the spot and wasn’t sure where it had come from.

“Well, just know from now on, we’re going to try our best to get a long and be a happy couple.” She wrapped her arm around her husband’s, leaning on his shoulder and smiling up at him.

The man nodded at Plain-Man, “Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it…” he said, walking around the fountain, away with his wife.

Plain-Man let out a huge sigh.

“Whew!... alright, let’s see here…”

He took out his phone and marked his mission complete, receiving a healthy amount of credits.