I get about two hours into my practice when Jarvis interrupts. “Kevin. There’s something odd going on here. I was wondering if I could presume upon you to test something.”

“My plain plant! I would love to exchange favors. What can I do you for?”

“It appears to me that you are absorbing thaumic energy much more quickly than you reasonably should be. I would like to test my hypothesis. Forgive me for sharing some technical background:

"You know that a full supply of thaumic energy provides a day of functioning. What you perhaps don’t know is that an unevolved human being has a maximum capacity of about ten units of thaumic energy. When your thaumic supply reaches about nine units, you become quite hungry. You experienced that when you healed yourself with thaumic transformation gel. At six units, you become thirsty as well. At four units, fatigue begins to impact you as your body stops expending energy effectively, and you reach sleep-ready exhaustion at two units. At zero, you die.

"You have also experienced overfullness. When you consume thaums directly and your body contains more than ten units of energy, you begin to feel bloated. You have experienced that as well, if I recall correctly, and when you do your body fairly quickly sheds the thaums back into the air.

"Without further theorizing, let us cut to the chase. I would like to drain your thaumic energy levels down to the hungry level, and then measure how long it takes to restore fully.”

“How are you going to drain my juice? Do I have to practice fighting and shit for a while?"

“While eighteen hours of escrima practice would do nicely to exhaust your reserves, that seems like a longer delay than is necessary.

"Your thaumic energy is indeed stored in your body as juice. As in your last world, your blood contains most of your thaum supply. If we were to remove a bit of your blood, roughly a pint, you would reach the hungry state again. And then we could measure the time until you were sated again."

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Nervously, I interrupt, “Are you some sort of plant-pire? Like from the Bloodfields in the Liscor movies? Are you trying to steal my blood?”

“I don’t want your blood, Kevin. And I remain an immobile plant. In fact, I was going to teach you a different method of extracting thaumic energy without vampirism, and ask if we could use it."

“Ok. Lay it on me, Chief Little Tree."

“Do you have a congenital naming defect? I don’t believe I’ve been addressed the same way twice in sixteen days together.”

“No worries, big Bud. I’m tryin’ to find a name that sticks, but nothin’s soundin’ right to me. Never met a talking plant before.”

“Very well, Kevin. Our anthropologists have studied 30 billion hours of pre-transition human culture as captured on video, and have discovered that humans already have a method for extracting vital value from themselves. We modified it slightly, and it takes only a bit of additional concentration.

"You need to mentally focus on a level of thaumic energy that you would like to reduce yourself to. It will be much like communicating with your metronome or escrima coach. May take a moment to capture. Also, there are limiters so that you don't expire of thaum deficiency. You can only expel thaums down to 90% the first time you try it, 80% the second time, and so on, down to a hard limit of 20%. You can never expel thaums below 20% of your maximum capacity.

"Once you have the number firmly fixed in your mind, and it begins to resonate, you simply reach behind your ear, and pull out a coin. Your thaumic levels will drop to the number you thought, and the coin will contain the rest. Try it. Perhaps 90%.”

I think hard on the number 90%...reach behind my ear, and POOF. I’m holding a coin, and I’m hungry all of a sudden. That’s some real David Copperfield shit. Looking at the coin, it’s an R-Thaum with a 1 on it."

“Now, if you would, could you focus intensely on your drumming until you become full again?”

“Dude, you don’t have to ask me twice.” I twirl the drumsticks with a performance-style flourish. Damn, my tail doesn't twirl. That definitely needs work. And then I ease into Zep. Fool in the Rain is a fun starter.