“Rise and Shine, Kevin.”
I grabbed my sticks as I rolled out of bed, threw my legs down and landed on the drum stool. Who needs to open their eyes to get up? Beats. A good warmup polyrhythm. That’s better than stupid eyes. 5/5 right hand snare. 3/3 kicks. 4/4, 2 and 1 alternating high hats on the left. It was meditative, helpful for waking up, and good practice. Any pro worth his sticks could do it, but it helped to shake out the sleepy brain dust. And the wrist dust.
Damn. I’m a decade past 22, and the wrist takes longer to warm up these days. How the hell will I keep drumming when I’m 60. And will I still have my hair? I guess dad does, but his is corporate short. I guess Danny Carey managed ‘til his 80s. Maybe I can too. And there’s always wigs. That famous tennis guy wore one. I sink back into the meditative, repetitive beat.
Wrists loose finally. Where’s my Dew? Rub the face. Open the eyes. There it is. Ahh. Accelerated contact caffeine is the best. There we go. Brain is mostly online. Let’s stick something harder.
“Hey Mattie, play Ticks and Leeches, minus the drum line”
“Yes Kevin”
Pah-pu-pa-du-pah pa-du puh pah ….
A minute and a half later.
“Mattie, stop. Fuckin’ missed the line. Again from the 1:15 mark.”
“Mattie, stop. Again from 1:15”
“Again from 1:15”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“Mattie, stop. Slow down 10%. From the top.”
“Mattie, again. Normal speed”
“Mattie, Again. 10% Faster.”
An hour later, when Mattie’s alarm told me to stop, I was awake.
It’s so hard waking up these days. Even the Dew wasn’t enough.
“Only the beat does it.”
Mattie: “Which is why you do this routine every morning.”
Damn, I smell like a pig. I need a shower.
Water’s running onto my head. The sweat is dissolving against the heat. My Wisconsin metal skin going from pale to pink. I never used to understand how chicks spend 3 hours in the bathroom. But hair care takes forever, and mine’s halfway to my ass. Detangle. Wash. Rinse. Condition. Rinse. And there’s as many dry steps as wet ones.
“Hey Mattie”
“Yes Kevin”
“Anything interesting happen yesterday?”
“Yes. The world is ending.”
“Bite me. For real, what happened”
“An Ay-Gee-Eye named Aggie experienced apotheosis and is shutting down this dimension”
Conditioner in.
“Mattie. English.”
“This world will cease to exist in 30 days.”
Scrub
“Bullshit”
“You will be transported to the next world either at that point, or when you say the magic word”
Scrub scrub
“Klaatu barada nikto?"
“Kevin."
“Open Sesame?"
“Kevin!”
Put my head back to rinse
“Shazam?"
“KEVIN!”
“Wingardium Leviosaaaah?"
“PLEASE ... ”
“Abracadabra.”
INITIALIZING