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Paladins of the Pickle Goddess
30. [Sidequest] Roast Rabbit

30. [Sidequest] Roast Rabbit

The statue of Teuthida smiled down upon Katla. Or perhaps she frowned. This was why Katla hated temples. They always carved these statues to be dreadfully vague, impossible to interpret.

She hated the way the stone eyes bored into the back of her neck as she squatted down and arranged the corpse of the rabbit. Her belly rumbled, but she ignored it. She had a different mission today.

A ghostly hand reached towards the rabbit and tried to scratch it between the ears. Nothing happened. Katla swatted it away anyway.

“Stop interfering,” she snapped.

The man stared at her, mournful. Why did they always have to look so sad? It was hardly a trial, being brought back from the fields of the dead. What did he have to do in the afterlife that was so important, anyway. Plant turnips for the bear god?

Katla actually had a job to do. He should be thankful he could help.

“Stop whining,” she said, even though he hadn’t said anything. He couldn’t, of course. In his spectral form, he couldn’t impact the world at all. He could only see and move.

Not that it stopped him. He used his ghostly hands to imply she had loose morals, or, potentially, that she had a very large member.

“In the north, that means nothing,” she told him. She reached into her coat and extracted a single vial. She paused for a moment to stare at her remaining supplies. Four vials of blood. A lancet. Twelve empty vials. A case and a bowl. Three corpses; two rats and a rabbit. The rabbit was starting to stink- she’d had it a little too long.

She swallowed. She needed this to help her quest, even if she was running low.

Katla pulled out a single vial and allowed her coat to swing closed. She popped open the cap, then poured a little of the blood out onto her finger. The ghost leaned in. She could see the hunger in his eyes, mixed with the fear.

Katla waved him off, watching his spectral body disperse and then reform in the wake of her hand, before she began to draw. An outer circle to trap the spirit. An inner circle, to specify the mortal body. Then, a great deal of writing. Equations for time, for space, for how the spirit would be bound to Katla’s will only. Every time she completed another rune, she watched the spirit lose opacity, leeching out of the room.

The rabbit’s leg kicked, then stilled. She dabbed more blood onto her finger.

Four more runes. Banishment to the stars in case of punishment. The feeling of pain. All of the mortal impacts. Another kick of the rabbit’s legs. She saw it blink.

Katla leaned back on her heels and re-read her runes one more time. This was the crucial moment. Her last chance to fix any of her mistakes before the final act.

They were perfect. She let herself smile, just once. She might be bad at mazes and middling at combat.

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But she was a fantastic necromancer.

Katla leaned forward and drew a single bloody line across the top, connecting the inner and outer circle. The spirit and the mortal body, becoming one.

The rabbit blinked one, blinked twice. Then with a start that was a little too jerky to be true life, it brought itself to a stand.

It opened its mouth as it cracked its neck. Katla heard every bone in its spine pop. “What?” it said. “I already told you you can take yourself to the fields of the dead, for all I care.”

“This isn’t about what you want,” said Katla. “My team. Have you seen them?”

Four days. She had fed the ghost with blood for four days, after the initial summoning. Such strength should have been enough for it to see the entire temple and some.

The rabbit’s mouth stayed closed. “You must do my bidding,” said Katla. She leaned forward. The rabbit’s eyes weren’t a pure dark, anymore. They were a shimmering green with no pupil. It glowed in the half-darkness of the maze. “Otherwise, you will be banished among the stars, left in our wake for all eternity. Your soul will never be reborn, even if you act in service to your god as you promised.”

“Does it even matter? You have my god in chains.”

“I’m no theologist,” said Katla.

The rabbit scratched behind its ears with a hind leg. She watched it. Finally, ears flicking back, it said, “Fine. I saw them in the- in the-”

“You also cannot lie,” she said, and felt unbearably smug about it. "Well? Shall I have your corpse for dinner?”

“You’re horrible,” said the rabbit. “You know, in my service I had to do a lot of awful jobs, but at least they usually asked me first. They didn’t just summon me from my nice afterlife-”

“Yes, yes,” said Katla. “Have you seen the others? What do they do?”

“Well,” said the rabbit, “I have seen ghosts. Dozens of them. They do an angry woman’s bidding. She stalks around, and she yells.”

Sólveig. “Is she doing anything? Has she fought anyone?”

“Last night, she had two people in a circle like this one. I would be worried, though. Seemed like she was running out of blood. If it were me, and I got free of something like that… well, you’d need to dodge my axe.”

Katla froze. “Wait, what?”

The rabbit hopped forward. It had seen her weakness. “Was my explanation confusing? Two people, in a circle. Alive at the time, in case you were wondering. I didn’t know you lot did that.”

“She wouldn’t,” said Katla. “Was there a blonde woman there? Tall?”

“There’s a blonde woman,” said the rabbit. “She’s in the center of the temple. In chains,” it added, smug. “I do hope you weren’t depending on her.”

Katla stood up and paced. If Sólveig had started to- no, she wouldn’t. Even Sólveig knew they had to keep their mission secret until they had captured the Voice. But if she had lost contact with their leadership…

She was out of control! No one else would think to participate in such madness!

“If I were you,” continued the rabbit, “I would leave. It seems like that woman’s one step away from getting brought before the Beetle for heresy.”

“Shut up!”

The rabbit scratched behind its ears again. Katla inhaled, then exhaled. “Where were they?”

“Oh, am I allowed to speak again, Oh Mistress of Death?”

“Obviously!”

“The circle with all the water. I thought I saw some lilypads.”

Katla kicked the statue. “Not part of the plan, then?” said the rabbit. “You know, I would tell you to pray about it, but I assume that’s not what you people do.” It sniffed. “There is one person in the maze who’s making progress. But I seem to recall… what did you tell him, again? That you were too good for his help? Ah, but my spying eyes seem to have seen that he got help from the Priestesses, and here you are, still behind-”

Katla shrieked in rage and turned. Before she could think better of it, she swiped the blood away. There was a flash of bright green as the ghost reared up. For a moment, she saw him as he had been in life. A paladin, reaching for his axe. Cheeks flushed, ready to fight for his god. Then he was gone, and all that remained was the corpse of a rabbit.

“Damn that Sólveig,” muttered Katla. She picked up the rabbit. She might as well cook it for dinner.