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Paladins of the Pickle Goddess
19. The Pen and the Sword

19. The Pen and the Sword

The metal grate was very plain. The bars were cast iron and immaculately maintained. Not even a hint of rust around the edges. It was a large rectangle, the approximate size of a door. Beyond it I could only see water. I gave it an experimental pull. Nothing happened.

“You see why we requested help,” said Camilla. She was still standing too close. I stepped a little further away from her. “We can’t pull it away on our own. But the bars are too close together for anyone to go through on their own.”

“Then what? Can you breathe water?”

“We could swim. There must be an end eventually.”

I looked sceptically at the unbroken flow of water. “Better be a quick swimmer,” I said. “Looks like there’s a lot of water above us.”

“Surely this must be planned,” she said. “There’s no other way up. We’ve checked all of the entrance portals. No ladders. No other access. Just this grate.”

I looked behind me, at our entire group. They were standing in a polite line. All staring at me. “You,” I said, choosing at random. “Gnaeus. You can swim?”

He looked to either side, like he could avoid me, and finally met my eyes. Next to him, the councilman’s assistant, Balbinus, held the lantern up a little higher so I could see their faces. “Yes,” he managed.

“Good,” I said. “You’ll be helping Duran and I.” I wasn’t going in the water without someone to pull me out, and Duran would insist on coming with me. Mass-wise, though, I needed a backup plan. Gnaeus would do. I hoped.

“What about your- your other companion?”

“Apis will supervise, in case we need help. Besides, he has to hold the lantern.” I was already taking off my cloak. Why had I ever decided to come looking for Durandus the first? He didn’t deserve this much effort. I could have gone on the run to escape the taxes. Maybe to somewhere warm and tropical. One of those places they served drinks inside of a pineapple.

Instead, I was here. Cold, wet, and forced to confront a metallic grate. Andrena?

Like always, there was no response. Why had she pulled me into the field of the gods if she didn’t want to be helpful? This whole Paladin business was a bad deal. I took the Abyssal sword off of my back and handed it to Apis. He leaned it against the wall.

“You have a plan, then?” He said it quietly, at least, so everyone else couldn’t hear. He’d put my cloak under the sword, all in a neat pile.

“I’m going to look at the grate up close,” I said.

“Then what?”

“No idea.”

Duran popped up between us, forcing me to step back. He held up the paring knife. “You think this will work on cast iron?”

I pushed the tip down with a finger, gently. “No. Remember the blade. Don’t dull it on metal.”

I felt him glance over at the Abyssal sword more than I saw him. “That goes double for cursed swords,” I added. “We’re looking. Just looking.”

After a great deal of twanging as the harp got put away, we were finally ready to confront the grate. I stared at the rush of water for a few more minutes before I took a deep breath and stepped out and down.

The cold hit me first. I forced my eyes open, blinking against the rush of water and the flurry of bubbles. My remaining clothing dragged me down. I saw Duran, hazy and blue, struggling to pull himself up. The rush of water from the grate was pummeling him under. I couldn’t see the harpist.

I reached out and grabbed Duran by the nape of the neck. With my other hand, I reached out, and out- there. I had the grate in my other hand. My muscles screamed in protest as I pulled. Inch by inch, we approached the metal.

I pushed my head closer to the grate. Was it all one piece? Someone must have built it. How did they install it?

Something behind the grate waved at me. I pulled back so rapidly the water pummeled me back towards the metal and I hit my forehead on the metal, exhaling some of my held breath in surprise. When I opened my eyes again, they were still there.

A man. He wore armor, gleaming as perfectly as it must have on the day it had been made. I couldn’t make out the details of the emblem. On his back was a sword with an embedded gem. None of it had any color.

I recognized his face, I realized, gut dropping. The same man as before. Why was my insanity creating consistent visions now?

He was entirely transparent. Beyond him was a murky, watery darkness. He made a vague hand signal. He was pointing at something.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

I grabbed Duran’s hand and pushed back from the grate. When we emerged, sputtering, it was to see Gnaeus still standing on the stone, completely dry. “You,” I snarled. “You were supposed to come with us.”

“Was that a ghost?” said Duran.

I wrung out water from my tunic and avoided eye contact. “Ghosts aren’t real.”

“Then what was it?”

I hadn’t thought that far yet. “A shared hallucination.”

Duran had pulled himself halfway out of the water and had wrapped a dripping hand around Gnaeus’s ankle. “He can come and check,” he said.

I didn’t really want someone to confirm that I had completely lost my mind. Then again, I had asked Gnaeus for help, and he had been a complete coward. He deserved to go look for non-existent ghosts. “Good idea,” I said. “Since he was a coward last time, and all.” A few minutes later, and he was in the water with us. “It was just beyond the grate,” I admitted. “I’m sure there’s nothing there.”

The second time was just as difficult, trying to get past the flow of water and to the grate. This time I forced myself to stare at the edge of the grate as I approached it. There was no gap in the iron, no path I could find to wedge in a tool and pull it away even if I thought we could swim up. This didn’t seem to be a path made for us to step into the temple- just a way for the water to drain out.

Someone tugged on my sleeve. I looked up. It was Duran, pointing.

He and Gnaeus were both staring, hands clinging tightly to the grate. Beyond, the same man still floated. His armor still shone. He’d pulled out his sword and was pointing to something.

I made a rude gesture at him, out of sight of Duran. He didn’t blink. Well, there was one plan failed.

I squinted. His armor was a strange, rather antique looking design. It was as if he had been taken straight out of the last war. There was even a bear on the front plate. No one had borne a symbol of Ursus since all of his paladins had disappeared.

I shook my head with a dispersal of bubbles, forcing myself to look away. No. Ghosts weren’t real, and this must just be-

Duran grabbed my wrist and moved my hand downwards, to where the sword was pointing. I blinked in surprise. There was a weakness in the grate. A pair of nails, directly into the stone. They were inset into the metal and tucked so tightly in that I wouldn’t have seen them. So that was how they’d fastened it in.

My lungs were burning. I let go of the grate and let the water take me away, kicking to the surface and emerging, coughing out and breathing in.

“Are you all right? Did you find a way through?” Camilla was leaning over, eyes wide.

I let my eyes drift towards the Abyssal Sword. It was supposed to separate souls from this world. Could it… get rid of ghosts? Send them to the afterlife?

Not that I was trying to get rid of any ghosts right now, of course. Everyone knew ghosts weren’t real. Even if they were, I was sure they weren’t the type to swim.

People said goddesses didn’t appear in creeks, either, and look where that got you.

I looked away from the Abyssal Sword. “Does anyone have tools small enough to pull out nails in the cast iron? It looks like I could pull it out that way.”

Spread out on the stone, our assortment of tools was depressing. For a moment- only a moment- I missed Katla. Those lockpicking tools would have come in handy. I even would have appreciated the rabbit.

As it was, I reached in and grabbed what looked like a sharpened pen. “What is this made of?”

Camilla made a horrified noise. “That’s pure steel! It’s a specialty-created fountain pen for only the council in order to-”

“It’s a pretty small nail, but this might manage it,” I said. I sank back into the water as she made another horrified shriek. “Unless you’d like to try it?”

“What about a- a- fork or something?”

“Nothing’s small enough.” I had my doubts about the pen, too, but at least it might fit. Those nails had been tiny- I questioned if they were even able to hold the grate in. I was willing to bet it actually was wedged in there, and they just kept it aligned. Still, it was worth trying. “Well?”

“I… fine. But please try not to damage it.”

I kept my eyes down as I got back to the grate this time. It took me four different attempts to finally begin to pull the nail out, the pen slipping. I was only able to use one hand; the other had to hold onto the grate as I slipped around with the fountain pen. Why had I volunteered for this? I should have made Gnaeus do it.

Still, the nib of the pen finally slipped under the nail, and I was able to begin pulling it up. After I’d figured out my technique on the first one, the second one came up easily enough. It felt like trying to do repairs on the stove; people always put nails in the most stupid places, as if someone wouldn’t have to come back and fix it later.

When the second nail was nearly free, I glanced up as I tried to pull it free.

There was nothing but dark water beyond.

Another yank, and the nail was free. With it, the grate came free- straight towards me. I tried to push it up, but it was too heavy, dragging me down- deeper and deeper. I exhaled in panic as I struggled to push it off of me, but my limbs dragged me further. There was nothing but the deep. My last breath escaped my lungs.

Only darkness remained.

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Swim! You’re going the wrong way! That’s down!

“You’re so demanding.” Why was Andrena always yelling at me? I was sure other goddesses were nicer to their paladins. “The paladins of Ursus actually liked him,” I told the voice echoing in my head. Everything was moving too slowly. “In case you were wondering.”

I do not wish to choose another paladin! You have the strength for this- I believe in you!

When had the field of the gods disappeared? Andrena really needed to work harder on providing an environment. “You can’t do anything about anything,” I told her. “I already quit. Go away.”

There was a spark of light. I blinked.

“Elysia?” Apis shook my shoulder. “I think all the water’s out, but you need to breathe.”

I pushed myself up on an elbow. When had I gotten to shore? “Oh,” I said. Someone had put my cloak underneath my head. “That’s going to take forever to dry.”

My thoughts were all jumbled in my head. I had to stop getting injured. Yesterday, preferably. I put a hand to my forehead. Had Andrena actually…

“Did you come in and grab me?” I said.

“I was worried when you didn’t resurface.”

It was very… quiet. “Wait, where did everyone else go?”

“The others, ah, started the swim upwards.”

“Those- those-” I stopped talking. The headache had resumed.

“Maybe we should stay down here,” said Apis. “You just nearly drowned.”

I stood up. Everything got much brighter, then much darker. “Those traitors! I’m not waiting for anything.” No one cheered. I glanced around. “Well? Are we going, or not?”

Apis raised his hands in surrender. “Let me wrap the sword first. The water might damage it.”