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Paladins of the Pickle Goddess
25. An Axe to a Swordfight

25. An Axe to a Swordfight

I looked up after the grinding stopped to check if there was another diamond. Above where I had been cradling my head in my arms- to protect my neck from darts- was an axe. Aimed directly at my neck, as it happened.

Well sharpened, was my first, illogical thought. Not many people aimed axes at me. I almost glanced over my shoulder to check for who it was aimed at before I thought better of it and looked up the blade and towards who was holding it.

She wasn’t very tall. More compact. Pale skin. Paler hair. As if she’d been born and raised in this temple, no light to speak of.

She wasn’t even looking at me, which was the most insulting thing. I had a big sword! Well, usually.

The axe blade stayed firmly pointed down at my throat as the woman stepped over my prone body and reached forward to take the diamond inside of the squid.

Wait. Why was I just letting her do that?

I had a big sword.

I rolled away from the edge of the axe, reaching for the sword where I’d thrown it to the side. At this moment, I wouldn’t even object to Andrena coming in for a little bit of godly intervention.

Behind me, I could hear the squid head grinding closed. I unsheathed the Abyssal Blade.

It gleamed in the light. Sharp. Well-oiled.

I had never used a sword before. It couldn’t be that hard, could it?

I turned around. The woman had the gem in one hand. In the other, she held the giant axe. Her muscles tensed. She was striped with muscle and scars. When she smiled at me, it wasn’t kind.

She said something to me. I didn’t recognize the words.

“You’re going to have to translate,” I said. I hefted the sword in my hands. “I don’t speak the Northern dialect.”

Some words were universal. She slipped the gem into her chestplate- rude, I would have to touch that later- rolled her eyes, and moved to a two-handed grip on the axe, rolling her right shoulder. Casual. She even cracked her neck. She had to be in her mid-twenties at most. I was willing to bet both of her knees still worked. This wasn’t a fair fight at all.

I felt my gut drop. “Actually,” I said, “Let’s look at this logically. I earned that gem. You can’t just go up and steal-”

That was when she came at me with the axe.

In a panic, I tried to deflect it. I missed. However, the weight of the sword was enough that I stumbled back and she missed, too.

For a second, we stared at each other, mutually stunned by my incompetence. Unfortunately, she wasn’t stunned for long. She came at my knees. I turned and ran.

It turned out that didn’t work, either. I tripped and rolled away from another thud of the axe next to my ears. It severed a few strands of hair. She was shouting more in the northern dialect.

Why hadn’t I practiced with the sword? It felt foolish and too big in my hands now.

Andrena? Do you have any swordfighting powers? I could use them right now!

I rolled away again, kicking at the woman’s knees. She jumped over my kick.

“You aren’t a pilgrim,” I muttered, hand slipping on my sword. I swung it up to try and hit her again. She danced back, then hauled up the axe for another try. I had another few moments at best. We were closer to the water now. I glanced back. Should I just jump in? Would she be crazy enough to follow me in?

I pushed myself back up into a standing position and tried a two handed swing. For the first time, the axe met the sword in midair. I felt the impact all up my arms. It nearly knocked me over. Was this what knights dealt with?

She slammed again. The axe slid up the blade- as it approached the guard, she leaned in. I dropped the sword in a panic. She hauled the axe up, and I felt my heart nearly stop.

Then she stumbled to the side. Something had just hit her at full speed.

“Grab the sword, Madam Elysia!”

Duran. I stared at him, then grabbed for the sword. The woman threw Duran off easily, but now that he was distracting her she didn’t seem to know who to focus on. He had one of his paring knives, trying to stab her. She kicked out at him, scrunching her nose in disgust.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

While she was distracted, I swiped at her with the sword. When I made contact, the edge of the blade swiping against one of her exposed arms, I almost didn’t believe it until I saw a bead of blood begin to bead up along her shoulder.

My heart was racing. Could we do it?

Duran tried to stab the woman again. She slapped out at him, hitting him across the face with the back of her hand while she advanced on me with the axe. With her free hand, she reached across and swiped away some of the blood from her cut.

As she made eye contact with me, she licked some off of her fingers and smiled.

So. She was crazy.

She reached out and snapped her fingers, saying more in her language. I waved my sword in front of me vaguely. “Don’t get any closer! And give it back- there’s more where that came from!”

When in doubt, be intimidating. Although she didn’t seem very intimidated.

She looked to the right. I followed her gaze, although I kept glancing back at her face in case it was a feint. It was as if the woman had given up on attacking me for the moment, which I could only take as a blessing. I was hardly equipped for a fight.

Where her eyes tracked was a green glimmer of light. Then another. Then another.

From behind the trees, from behind the bushes- emerging from the walls, and up from the dirt. They emerged as hands pulling themselves up from the ground, from mists condensing into shapes. From eyes blinking and growing into entire faces.

Not just one man in bear armor.

An entire army.

All watching the woman. I looked between her and the green ghosts. “What’s happening?”

She put a second hand on her axe and swung it back and forth, then smiled. There was blood left on her teeth.

Behind her, Duran was still prone on the ground. I felt a spike of rage and held the sword back up. “Well, do your best.”

I shouldn’t have said that. Her best was very good, and my best was a little worse than nothing. I ducked another attack from the axe, then tried to stab her and felt the axe glance across my arm, leaving burning pain in its wake.

Wincing, I stumbled back.

The ghosts moved faster than I had expected. They were a horde, now, more than I could count. They made it hard to see the space beyond. I couldn’t see the column Apis had been hiding behind, (had he run? I hoped he had) everything obscured by eyes, faces, spectral armor.

They were reaching for me, too. Grabbing for my arm. For the blood dripping there.

As they grabbed for the blood, I thought I saw them growing more solid. Stronger. Were they eating me?

I stepped back. The woman in front of me was still smiling. I swung the sword out, feeling childishly vengeful. Was this how it would end? What a stupid way to die. Killed for a gem I barely cared about, looking for an alcoholic ex-employer who had barely remembered my name.

Hopefully those kids would feed the bees-

As I swung the sword, every ghost I touched dissolved.

I blinked. Of course. It was an Abyssal Blade. It sent cursed souls to the stars. I glanced around. “That’s right,” I said, waving the sword at the ghosts. “Get back! There’s more where that came from!”

I waved it again. Another ghost dissolved into sparks of green under the barest touch of the blade. A few more ghosts stepped back. I thought I saw fear on their faces.

If these ghosts work for her, then why were they helping me?

I glanced between them. Now that they were stepping back, I could see Duran sprawled out behind the woman. She was raising her axe again, but Duran was stirring. I could catch my breath.

“Duran,” I shouted. “Can you move?”

He pushed himself up. “Yes!”

“We’re swimming,” I said. “On three.”

Wherever Apis was, he would have to fend for himself. If I had to fight that axe-woman again, I would die. For sure. I met her eyes once more- she was staring at the ghosts, brow furrowed. When she looked at me, she looked almost disconcerted. Like she never would have expected me to survive.

When she reached to grip her axe tighter again, I knew it was time to leave. “Three,” I said, and began backing up, the blade still out.

Duran was already running. Ghosts widened their eyes as he darted straight through their torsos, splashing into the canal. I followed him.

When I came up, gasping for air, hand still tight on the blade as I kicked, it was to see the woman staring down into the water at me.

I waited until I was halfway across to look back. She was still staring. All the way across. Why wasn’t she chasing me?

I shuddered. Had she already gotten what she wanted?

----------------------------------------

“We can’t just leave him.”

We didn’t have supplies. We were wet, cold, and I was trying to wipe off the abyssal blade. Also, every time I saw anything shining I kept thinking it was a ghost. Duran was shivering in the night. A good bruise had started to develop across his face.

What did I get us into?

I shuddered. I had heard a lot of stories as a kid, but bloodsucking ghosts were new. “I wouldn’t just leave him,” I said, staring across the canal. “If I knew where he was. But Apis is a pretty smart person. I’m sure he just ran.”

“I’m not sure,” muttered Duran. “What if he thought they needed help? Or what if they had bees?”

“They probably didn’t have bees.”

“But you don’t know that.”

We still hadn’t crossed back to check our camp. I slumped back and wrung my sock out again.

“Look,” I said. “You’re hurt. It’s not right that someone- well, she might have killed you. If you want to, we could go home.” Please say you want to go home.

Duran straightened up. “No! We can’t go!” He leaned in. “What if they’re why the temple is closed?”

“We’re just here to find your father,” I said. Not that we’d been successful. Or even gotten close. “Even if they are why the temple’s closed, you saw how she fought. How are we supposed to do something about that?”

“We could be tricky! What if we did what the third cycle of the great heros did, and cooked her a big meal that was actually poison? Or if we dug a big pit, and filled it with spikes? Or if we-”

“Right,” I muttered. “I need to stop letting you listen to bards.”

As much as the bruise across Duran’s face looked bad, his energy stayed high until he fell asleep partway through his third explanation of how to dig a spike pit. I was left to stare across the canal, where we’d fought the axe woman.

I stayed awake as long as I could, hands on the sword. Me, after all this time- on watch. It was almost laughable. Apis will be fine. He can handle himself. I could almost believe it.