(This takes place during Episode 49, after Gabe cleans his room, before going back to get Grace & Lucia)

Gabe

[You have entered a Quiet Zone. All messages are disabled. You are silenced for the duration of your stay. Logging out will move you to a Safe Zone outside the Quiet Zone.]

I don't relax easily. Grace and Lucia are at the orphanage and I walk up the mountain to quietly collect my thoughts near the rainbow spring, yet I still find my mind wandering. I could fight it. Try to force myself to relax, to stop thinking about anything. But that rarely actually works. So I let my mind wander. First it wants me to make a to-do list of everything that needs to be done, both in-game and in life.

* Take care of the plants in the PAX dimension

* Take care of Grace until the rest of the kids have their classes / help with other kids

* Learn Spark and other magic spells for Pacify

* Learn weapon skills for Pacify

* Make enough money to purchase an inventory bag (long term - maybe Jade can help with that?)

* Complete a dungeon as a pacifist

Taking care of the plants has to happen pretty much each day. Maybe I could ask Miyoko or a member of her family if there is anything I'm missing. Lol. Who am I kidding? I probably won't ask her for help even though I should. She's already done enough for me. But this is a game... and maybe... ugh. I'll ask Grace for help with that. She's much better than I am.

The first step from the rest is going to be learning Spark and weapon skills. Training arc here I come! Practice everything, get some experience in the wilderness, and then find the easiest dungeon around... and... hope my new skill can somehow make it possible? Yes.

I lean against a tree, closing my eyes as the rough bark rubs against the back of my head. I don't want to do this next list. But my mind is racing and I know it's not going anywhere. I'm definitely not going to be able to relax without it.

* Work out (Dungeon Quest doesn't count since unfortunately it doesn't interact with muscles)

* Meal prep (I've been eating more snacks, more calories, and fewer meals since Dungeon Quest - I need to focus on healthy, filling food)

* Laundry

* Work - writing and design projects

* Make time for friends & family

* Make some goals

* Fill out a dating profile? Maybe? Probably not.

That wasn't so hard, was it? The work bullet is pretty short... but at least it's there.

The reality is that I feel like I'm at an impasse with work. I quit my job to work on design projects, but there are portions of the projects where I lack the ability to make meaningful progress. I've done a ton of work, and I have something incredible to show for it, but it's still missing the last part before it's done. I'm woefully inadequate at that last section... and being incompetent plays games with my self worth.

I exit the note and close my eyes again, just listening to the water.

The game must be trying something new, since the Quiet Zone notification wasn't here the last time I visited. There are other groups here, but the only sound is the waterfall and the wind. I try to speak and no sound comes out - just the sound of nature all around me. I'm ok with that. One of my pet peeves when I'm out in nature is the people who bring speakers with them and blast noise everywhere they go. Thankfully there's usually plenty of space to avoid them, but I've been on outings more than once where someone in my group assumed everyone around them preferred death metal to the sounds of nature.

I still find myself struggling to relax, so I move to a better location. I use my belt to tie my backpack to a large nearby tree and strip down to my shorts. It strikes me that there's no way to remove the metal (metal cloth?) gauntlet on my arm, nor the bracelets or rings. I once had a ring get stuck on my finger when I was a kid. The finger swelled up black and blue. Had to cut off the ring. Pretty sure Jade & Koji are the only ones who could cut this stuff off me.

I dive into the water. It's cold. Cold enough that I catch my breath and shiver for a moment until my body adjusts. They even have that mechanic inside a game? This feels like a real mountain lake. Instead of heading for the island in the center, I make my way toward the small cave where I first found Lucia.

The cave behind the waterfall is small. Smaller than before the cave-in and subsequent remodeling when the boss was defeated. There isn't any sign of the pathway Lucia and I followed to get to the class change crystal either. But there is just enough space to sit partway in the pool and lean back against the rocks.

Much better.

Maybe it's ironic. Maybe it says something about me. But I find myself finally relaxing... falling asleep... soaked and cool and surrounded by water crashing all around me.