Gabe

I drop Grace and Lucia off at the church/orphanage complex and log out.

I pull the game helmet off, the connections inside of the helmet leaving small depressions on my face. My brother recently mentioned that some companies have already started selling helmet augments - from "guaranteed removable" stickers to ergonomic inserts. I hope I don't end up needing one of those.

I lie there on my bed and let my mind race in a dozen different directions.

What am I doing?

I started playing Dungeon Quest as just another game. Almost everyone has a copy, and the game itself is a marvel. I convinced myself it was something to do in my spare time, to connect with my brother and my best friend. Something to hold my attention. Something fun.

So why then, do I find myself crying?

I know the answer, or at least part of it. What I do know is messy, and complicated, and heavy enough that I haven't been willing to think about it before now.

The issue is that Dungeon Quest is too good... and I find myself with mixed feelings. Most games don't give me, as a pacifist, the ability to really make a difference. I get bored quickly, and go back to life mostly unchanged. But Dungeon Quest does give me the chance to make a difference. It gets me. But, more than that, it fills some of my unmet emotional needs. It doesn't meet all my needs, but I find myself wanting to stay in the game world instead of living in the real world.

In the real world, I'm sort of a mess. A dreamer with broken dreams. Yeah, some days are great, I'm super successful, and my circumstances in life have helped me become who I am. I can see purpose in all of it. But that doesn't change the fact that life hasn't worked out the way I had always hoped it would.

Half of my life is perfect. The other half? Not as much.

It doesn't help that I can choose which half of my life is perfect. I can trade one side of my life for the other. I've tried that. Switch out what I want - what I choose - and see how it goes.

I grimace slightly. There is so much understated in that statement. It's not like I'm switching college majors. Ripping out a core aspect of myself, or trying to superimpose something else on it, causes huge amounts of pain and real consequences in life. Each time I've switched it has emotionally ripped me in two.

And trying to go partway? Attempting to make meaningful headway on both? Partway gives me absolutely nothing. So after trying both sides, I've made my choice. One side of my soul thrives, one side dies each day, and I'm learning to be ok with that.

Except that Dungeon Quest might offer a solution.

I get that Maribel and Grace and Lucia are all AI constructs. They aren't real people. And the "relationships" I develop with them aren't real. But the adventures we went on? The connections I have with a girl young enough to be my daughter and a prismatic slime? Those are real.

And for the first time in forever, I've found myself hoping again.

I know it isn't real. Five or ten or two years down the road, maybe Dungeon Quest will be obsolete and any connections I've made with characters in the game will be null and void. Maybe in a week I'll be able to see through the AI and the sense of connection will be gone. But. Grace's hand in mine? Lucia's weight on my shoulder? Thanks to the insane aspect of modern virtual reality, the physicality of Dungeon Quest is real. Which means that maybe, just maybe, Dungeon Quest will create something that gets me. Maybe it'll do more than just make a place where I can have fun, and give me something that can heal the broken half of my heart.

And that's where I feel mixed feelings.

If Dungeon Quest can fill the broken half of my soul, if it can meet some of my deepest desires, should I stay? Or should I run? There's a minuscule chance that real life could work out. If my calculations are correct, it's around one in a hundred billion... small enough that it'll take divine intervention. Will finding meaning in Dungeon Quest stunt my personal growth by making me escape from reality, or will it give me the freedom to thrive?

I sigh.

It's not like my problem is unique. Escapism is a big reason why people do a lot of things. Reading online novels. Playing games. Watching movies. Interacting with friends or traveling or even volunteering for noble causes - the world is full of opportunities to immerse the senses enough to forget, for a moment at least, the reality of life. To escape.

And... for now I think that's ok. Part of me would like to be productive every moment of every day. To have the perfect life, or at least to be able to push through life without feeling like I need to run away. But I'm not at that point. And if I'm choosing between Dungeon Quest and drinking, or scrolling through social media, Dungeon Quest wins out.

So?

Maybe it's a matter of perspective? That feels right. It's not the action itself that is the issue, but the reasoning behind it. If I turn to Dungeon Quest, reading, or anything as a way to escape from life, I'll never solve my problems. Well. That's an overstatement. Whatever. It'll be an obstacle instead of a help. But if I approach Dungeon Quest, instead of as an escape, as a way to fill my emotional bucket? Maybe not the best option, but still pretty good.

Yeah. That feels right.

More tears.

It's ironic. I'm crying because I've given myself permission to play Dungeon Quest. But more than that, to fully emotionally engage. To let it really meet my emotional needs. More than just an escape, to give me hope and strength to thrive in the rest of my life.

I laugh and wipe the tears from my face. I guess that entails actually living the rest of my life, right? I take stock of my feelings. Gratitude, a little bit of catharsis, and some hope for the future. I'm not suddenly a superhero, and I can't do everything. I'll start by doing what I feel like I can do today: eat some vegetables and start to clean my room.

----------------------------------------

Kai

I look down at the bracelet on my hand. Other than the clothing on my body, it's the first thing that's really been mine for as long as I can remember.

[Bracelet of Equanimity]

[Though tensions run high

True clarity guides the mind

And brings, with it, peace]

It's the reward I got with Gladys from our adventure.

I look back up. Apparently our score is higher than the guild staff member expected from previously unregistered adventurers, so she tries to convince Gladys (who is very obviously in charge of our small party of two) to take on guild requests. After searching through the board and the quests held by the receptionists, she takes three different requests (the maximum allowed at our status) and we make our way back outside to the town square.

I walk beside Gladys and glance over at her new pair of yellow, orange, and white small triangular earrings. They're rounded and slightly glossy... almost like... sweets? Each triangle hangs at the end of a small ring that goes through her ears. I was afraid she was going to have me wear them when she held them up to my ears... but for some reason she already had holes in her ears. There aren't any in mine. Hence why I'm wearing the bracelet.

[Candy Corn Earrings]

[Stoke the fires of love even when you're far apart! Increases feelings of love, affection, and fidelity toward the person you love. Bonuses increase with increased distance.]

(Truth be told, when Gladys saw the passive effects of the candy corn earrings, she did think about piercing Kai's ears, putting the earrings on him, casting a love spell or getting him drunk with love potion, putting him to sleep somewhere, then teleporting a million miles away to activate the earrings before coming back to claim her prize. However, the simple thought of being so far away from Kai triggered the effect of the earrings she held in her hands, and instead of enacting her plan, she immediately put them on and vowed that she would never leave his side.)

Gladys: "Should we do the quests now then? Or go look at the inn that the guild recommended?"

Kai: "Well, we won't be able to do the quest when it gets dark, right? We can check out the inn whenever we have time. I say do the quests if we can do that. That way we can also maybe make some money so we can afford to stay."

Gladys: "I agree. Let's do these quests, and then keep exploring."

---

Gabe

I get back to the front of the church. Grace is playing with Lucia in the courtyard.

I message Koji because I want to learn magic spark. I'm playing for keeps now, and Pacify says that I should be able to learn anything. Magic is pretty much the perfect place to start, right?

While I wait for him to respond, Grace, Lucia, and I water the plants in the PAX dimension.

They're growing amazingly well. The tomato plants (at least that's what they look like - they have the same leaf structure) are growing tall, and the rest of the plants look great. None of the plants have flowers yet, so I haven't been able to stress about pollination, but I'm guessing that may happen sooner than later.

It takes me significantly longer than normal to water everything, and I'm sweating from the exertion by the time we are finished.

Well.

I guess that's a side effect of "Pacify." Watering plants doesn't require much effort, but tripling the effort required ends up being a lot.

*ding*

It's a message from Koji.

{I'm at the market helping Jade with her apprentices. Apparently she isn't very good with kids lol.}

{Wait there for me! I need you to teach me magic spark. I just got a sweet new skill that lets me learn magic. I'll tell you all about it when I arrive.}