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<11/15/149,566 {Avion 148} - 09:13 | Corral Position, Genosis, Altiri Sector Space>
In no time at all, our weekend passed by in a flash. When I linked with Reed this morning, I knew that he had thrown every ounce of stress from his condition straight into a lockbox, his sleep cycles helping him forget all about the terror that haunted him during his last school day, something he has dubbed a UAD attack.
I felt it from the very instant I connected to him this morning, this unnerving excitement, such carefree happiness, a feeling that a massive weight has been lifted from his chest even though nothing has really changed. Strange as the behavior was, I didn't fight it at all. Reed was strangely in an amazing mood, and by association, so was I.
"Good morning, ladies and gentleman of the world!" Reed twirled around in his dialogue, holding his head high and mighty with the largest smirk on his face, something I didn't need a mirror to see.
"What is with you today?" Banarus was just as curious as I, observing Reed as he sat in the clustered desks with her group yet again in math class. Despite what Reed told me earlier, he always seemed drawn to this group of people, as if he was sitting here without other choice. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who noticed.
"I will sit, think, and live right in this seat."
Where is he getting all of that energy from? It's amazing to see such a one-eighty in no time at all. Are all humans like this, capable of a polar mood shift in such short of time due to mere rest? I guess I could just ask him... "Seriously Reed, you are okay right?"
"Tisk! Tisk, Lumina! Accept that I must be in a good mood today."
Tit for Tat I suppose. He clearly isn't faking his excitement. Maybe I worried for nothing. I was so afraid Reed was going to have another UAD meltdown over the weekend, but he had no such report to deliver to me. The moment a day went by from his last attack, everything seemed to back to normal, even though nothing had really changed.
I wondered if today's math class would be as boring as the last, but in no time flat, the girls sitting by Reed were already willing to engage with him, perhaps attracted and thrilled by this flare of bubbly positive energy. Malica went first, wondering if it had anything to do between what happened with her and Reed. Imagine our collective surprise from Reed's next response.
"Eh, water under a bridge. So, what's new in the world?"
"Wow! I think this is the fastest I've ever seen someone get over a girl, one who actually had an effect." No subject matter, no matter how dark or painful just bounces right off his skin today. In fact, this might be the very first time I've ever seen Reed this confident before.
"I really don't care anymore. Malica is so small in the grand scheme of things... For instance, just look at me and my new life." Does he mean to include me when he says that?
"You sure?" Malice skeptically pondered.
Banarus was suspicious of Reed's joy too, if only because of the speed of it. Even during my involvement in his life, Reed was more recently down and out of sorts overall. "You seem so happier all the sudden. Two weeks ago, you couldn't even look at me or Malica in the face. I mean, what are you thinking about that's so great?"
Reed didn't really reply to Banarus's comment, but he wasn't put down by it either. On the other hand, I couldn't help but notice that one detail Banarus spoke of just then. She mentioned the timespan of two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, or rather fifteen days in total; that is the amount of time I've been communicating with Reed, not every second of every day, but more than enough to get comfortable with the situation.
Now that I think about it, Reed hasn't panicked or freaked out about my presence once, not since after that first day at least. He already told me he accepts my presence, but until this very moment, I wasn't sure if he only said it for my own sake. Reed, is it true? Are you happy right now because you've already grown totally content with the way things are in our very situation? Or, is the reason something else? I hate to be presumptuous, but not knowing is driving me crazy! Yet I can't ask him directly.
Maddison and Reed then began joking about some Arby's commercial I had no input of. They got along so well so suddenly, the moment just felt too surreal for me, like some kind of dream. "Well, it's happened. I'm at a total loss for words today."
"Well then, I guess I'm going to force you to watch that Arby's commercial. In fact, while I'm at it, let's add the McDonalds commercial on there too, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and the all-powerful Socker Boppers!" Even though he was joking, this powerful rush of excitement from within crashed into me like waves, such pure bliss and spirit glowing from within his aura, something he probably didn't wear on his face. Reed was already becoming an expert in separating his speech and his emotions between telepathic communication and verbal communication. It was all the more reminder that things were changing for the better. "Seriously though. Why is it such a big deal that I'm happier today?" He asked the question out loud, to include my answer along with everyone else's.
I answered him first, certain I already knew the reason, partly amazed that he didn't. "Because to them, this change is a bit fast. You weren't this happy before, not even in my own eyes. Naturally they think something happened, and if it's about me, you obviously can't tell them that." It's not too much of my business if Reed wants to give up some of these blessed secrets to others, but I already warned him before not to be too suspicious and reveal our existence to other humans, for his sake most of all. I hate that he has to lie and cover my existence up, but I already know how it will end if the whole school learns about his communications with aliens.
"I promise! Nothing strange or weird has happened to me over the past few weeks."
"Bit of a stretch to the truth there..." The past few weeks have been nothing but strange and weird for Reed, strange most of all since he never knew of our existence until then. As for me, I've only slipped in and out of nervousness; me, the great Lumina am nervous to talk to the person I've sacrificed everything for, and only Junko noticed it before I could.
"A stretch? We're involved in a lie the length from here to the fucking moon! These are supposed to be what friends I have, and I can't even tell them a thing about you!" His analogy caught me for a moment, but he made his immediate frustration to the ladder obvious. All this time in his burning excitement, and he still wasn't perfectly content? Was Reed merely shoving all other feelings aside to make room for this morning's upbeat, ignoring all possible problems just so he didn't have to deal with them? I didn't think he was ever one to ignore anything on his conscious, but then Reed has never really faced stress like this before, harboring a secret he can't share with anyone, not a single soul. "But honestly, would they ever believe me if I did tell them?"
I knew full well they wouldn't. The instant he mentions to any human that I exist as part of his life, is the same moment Reed will never be taken seriously. He wanted me to give him something, some sort of hardcore physical evidence he could use as leverage, but when it comes to purges and telepathy, we don't get that luxury to bestow to our nodes. Even though I have much to learn about human society, I was certain of this much; the implausibility is visible to me from distance! Before I could try to explain it to Reed, Banarus cut me off.
"But that's not what I heard." Banarus was trying to change the subject slightly, revealing the true reason why she was so confused by this. "Just a few days ago, something happened to you in gym. Was it just dehydration?"
Reed froze and stuttered trying to come up with a proper explanation for what happened last Friday. Even I wanted answers, but I also knew it was the one thing Reed didn't want to bring up today, his recent UAD attack. Reed was kind enough to summarize what he told me before and explain it to me again, confirming some of what he suspected after getting more of his memory back.
Still, even after conversing with the Royal Scryers, we never got close to an answer on what this ailment really was. Reed only calls it UAD because there isn't anything else to call it in the first place. Boredom that sets off a psychotic raging meltdown, followed by partial paralysis and possible loss of consciousness, followed by a full mental slowdown for that entire day's remainder? It's unheard of for us!
"I'm still working out what was causing that, but there's no need to worry about it. Everything's fine now!" Reed's tone and body language stressed otherwise, not that he was really worried in the first place.
Even I could tell he was overselling such a response, that he didn't want Banarus and the others to worry about him, or maybe he didn't want them to think about UAD in the first place. For all I know, he could be worrying about how the whole school will see Reed now that he's already had one meltdown in front of others. Is he ashamed of having this condition, even though it's likely my fault?
Banarus didn't seem to give a normal reaction to Reeds assurance, and afterwards, she fell silent. "Aaaand, now she's onto you. Good job Reed."
"What? No, no way! I didn't oversell it that much. This is Banarus we're talking about. There's zero chance she suspects a thing." So he knew he slipped up just now, and thinks she's that dense?
"So, who's Malica's replacement?"
"Ayeie!" I quickly covered my mouth on instinct, not meaning to react to the surprise. Why did Banarus say that though? Malica's replacement? Me?! She couldn't be more wrong! Reed trusts me now more than ever before, but he doesn't think of me that way, I don't think...
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
As Reed tried to argue that Banarus had it wrong on that detail, I did all I could to keep myself together, my heart now racing at the thoughts I had locked away. What if Reed and I started to become something more than just friends? What if Reed and I started dating?
No! No! No! I can't keep having those thoughts! Something like that would never work in the first place; a telepathic relationship wouldn't even be possible! I'm supposed to be here to help Reed anyway, help him fit in, make friends, and be his best self. What I feel in the meantime is second to him.
"What is it Lumina?"
Oh crap! He heard me?! How much did he hear? There's no way he could have heard my internal thoughts all the way through! It can't be!
"Uhp! Hold on, I have to shut their dumb idea down."
Is he really more concerned about that right now? Maybe he didn't hear me. Oh, what a relief!
"That's naive of you to think. I don't go around replacing old problems with new problems."
"Well, I'm glad to hear I'm not a problem."
"Shut it... And think more highly of yourself for god's sake! You and I are friends now, so you deserve at least that."
Friends? So Reed acknowledges it now? I asked him before what he thought of us, and he wasn't sure enough to give a clear answer... Somehow hearing that is still so amazing, so magical! I can't explain why, but I feel so good just hearing him say that!
The growing chatter became more chaotic, especially when Maddison chimed in to give her opinion. "Now that it's said though, I kind of feel like it's true."
With a sigh of mild defeat, Reed tried once more to assure them they were the ones who were insane. "Look. I've made a few new friends, and I'm in a good mood because of it. That's all."
So, his good mood is all because of me? He sees us as friends now, and that's the entire reason he's in high spirits? I couldn't help but unleash a wide smile, how amazing it feels to make his day just by being here!
"Oh..." Banarus and Malica both let out their shameful responses at once, forcing us to wonder what they were expecting in the first place.
"Huh. Now they're all guilty for bringing it up, except for Maddison." It makes sense they would seem shameful to tease him about something like this. It's no secret at all that Reed has no other friends, mostly because he never goes out of his way to speak to other people. In the past, his problem was lack of effort due to lack of confidence. I seem to have patched this problem as best I can, but despite this confident boost and improved effort, Reed still isn't having any of the natural luck making other human friends. Part of what he said to them was a lie, the implication that he had found multiple friends, for I knew better.
But, I've been helping Reed all this time, more than I've realized before. I never understood what exact plan I was following, so I never expected to get this far. Now that I have, I understand why his last statement caused some of them grief. They all expected Reed to fail, to continue sinking in despair and loneliness. Instead, I pulled him out of that black hole, and none of these humans can be allowed to know who did it. Did they assume his happiness was entirely false, fabricated only as a means of saving face from something worse? I wish I could read their minds right now to know.
Reed did his work to change the subject, impressing me - that he could sway anyone's mind with verbal finesse if he just focused on it. It gave me some more time to think, about where all of this might lead to, where Reed and I would be if we keep this going, keep hanging out with each other even though I have much less to teach him about our world. His montrum about the Altiri comes and goes, but mostly it has gone away for the time being. It means everything he was been putting up with has been entirely on him and him alone. I still wonder what exact thoughts he has of us, and of me.
Before long though, I was distracted by the scene of Maddison and her friends messing with Reed's hair, feminizing his appearance for their own fun, a fun which Reed oddly didn't oppose to. He explained this to me before, that his desire to embrace anti-masculine sensations has remained strong, while also mentioning that, despite our now shared hatred of heathens, Reed refuses to bring out that aggression and cling to it like I do, something I've had to accept. Still, I wasn't expecting him to be this sassy in his random moments of life even after the purge. Am I really responsible for this, or was this behavior in Reed all along? Are you sure the purge isn't still affecting you in some way?"
"No, I don't think so."
The strangeness isn't easy to define. Has anyone else ever had a male friend who is into girly themes all the time? I can't explain why, but it's just weird to me. I feel like it is my fault that he has become this way, since I basically demonized the very concept of masculinity, this one thing I don't regret doing. I never tried to push him into being more feminine though, and I'm certain it couldn't have come from me, because I don't act this way either, not to this level of sass. As I said before, one of my sisters was probably a princess back then, and I just don't know who it is.
Yet another element of this strangeness is that Reed is as straight as an arrow. I for one never doubted this, though many other humans seem to question the sexual orientation of guys who act out in feminism. I once tried to worry that it could affect his reputation, but on this one issue, he didn't care, not in the slightest. He does care if the school thinks he is a freak and worries what possible reactions may come of having our new secret life exposed, but on this one issue among others, Reed doesn't even give the matter any thought. There's just something about that behavior I love most in him.
Fun as the class period was for us, there was more fun to be had after long enough. Our shared journey through classes was fairly uneventful, until Reed finally brought me to full attention in his Homech class. From there, the day never grew boring.
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Chapter Theme Shift: Dumb ~ Clannald OST
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<14:22>
Though he didn't have much time to explain to me today what kind of class Homech was, this was an instance that I needed little explanation for. The class-type never used to exist, but it has become common place in many public schools. Students often see Homech as an escape from their core studies, and take it any chance they get to duck out on having too much extracurricular homework. Other times, the only aspect that attracts most is the cooking element of the class, usually since students can enjoy personally baked sweets. A perfectly functioning Homech class would teach students how to cook safely at home, for themselves and for others.
For Reed, his reasons for joining Homech were apparently elements forced on him by whoever kept messing up his class schedule in the past. Since Homech is a required elective of Saffrin Middle School, I wasn't sure what he meant by it at the time. I was still in for a few surprises of my own though.
One of which was the amount of people in this world compared to my own. Even from Reed's eyes, it might not appear like much on a surface level, but more humans are born and raised every single day, a population ever growing. The thought alone is jarring, since the reverse is true for my home-world in Genosis.
Another lesser surprise was how easy Reed took to the task of sitting beside so many beautiful women, cute for their age I mean. I don't want to exaggerate too much. Sitting beside someone and talking directly to them are two very different subjects, at least for the introverts. If it were me sitting in that chair instead, it would be such a simple matter for me to introduce myself and talk about anything, of this I am sure. For Reed on the other hand, the fear of saying anything strange or embarrassing is crippling enough to stay mute forever, and I feel like this is something many other people have in common.
Appearance plays into this as well. Even though I know Reed won't admit it, he is still a guy, and no matter what, it means he is even more nervous around those attractive in his eyes. Even if he isn't looking for someone to flirt with, some of those thoughts are impossible to suppress. I can tell from his subtle eye movements between them and the base of the table, from the fidgeting of his thumbs, and from a few moments where his mind is totally mute just to lock me out, that Reed is no different in how this very seating placement would make most people feel. What I don't yet understand, is the reason why he still makes effort to resist those sensations; that despite all that is evident, Reed wants things to stay platonic with everybody else. I don't want to ask, so I never did.
Of the four he sits with now, Zero is the most curious one to me. She was once one of the five targets of people that I tracked back in 2002. I only prioritized four humans, and Zero was one who almost became a focus for me, yet didn't. If I had never laid eyes on Reed, then Zero could have enticed me as well, if only for the reasons that some parts of her remind me of Reed somehow, that and her much stronger psionic aptitude I measured way back then.
"So do you really not care whether or not these new friends of yours is hot or not?"
I was a little taken aback by the randomness of Laura's question, though Reed seemed most prepared to answer, fault of myself for getting distracted in thought. They were only chattering about anything really, and I did my best not to interrupt Reed since he was having an enjoyable time with them.
"That's a horrible assumption to make about me. And also, I couldn't care less about the size of somebody's breasts. In fact, I don't care about them in any regard."
Of all the things to talk about, I should have known they would wind up on the subject sooner or later. It's still an interesting fact to keep in mind though. It's no secret to either of us that Reed is already at this age of looking up content online, though he would never really show me any of this yet. I don't know why, but part of me was relieved to hear him admit that. Breast sizes don't matter to him huh? Not lots of Altiri have big breasts, and I'm certainly no different. This tough skin I'm always encased in, it's easily comfortable since I'm used to it and nothing else. Now I wonder if some of the others in this world have issues with chaffing.
"Oh, so you're a butt-man?" Laura is as blunt as ever.
I waited for a bit while Reed struggled to come up with something more profound to say, all just to avoid admitting that he was into Laura's suggestion. It was the same speech he gave me earlier, that personality is more important than appearance. I know he isn't lying; it's something we both agree on. Still, when push comes to shove, is that a lesson he will actually live up to? Many people on Earth claim to be one way only to turn out the opposite. No, not my Reed. He should be fine at least.
Uncertain if my continued silence would be too abrupt for him, I decided to let Reed know that I would just stand by and watch, just as he brought up the dress thing on his own again. "Well... I'll just sit back and watch."
The moment of reality playing out before me was so serene and peaceful. Even if I was only watching, this all felt so perfect. Reed was having fun on his own. Maybe all the time he's spent talking to me on and on has loosed up that mouth of his, or maybe as he said, my presence has given him the confidence he was missing before.
It was strange though, once he brought up that old stuff again about dressing up and all. There wasn't anything I could do about him embracing a girly side, but it highlighted something for me I didn't think about before now. Something Reed told me before, during his purge, was that he got to meet some interesting people due to this strange element of his. Girls in this place either find it fun or hilarious that any guy would be as feminine as Reed was, which incidentally gave him more attention.
I had to ask if Reed was only going that way again now, as a strategy to get more girls interested in him. From where I was standing, it seemed that way. On the other hand, his pure enjoyment of either or was enough to stop me from asking in the first place, less I spoil the moment.
"Wait, are you serious?!"
"Nah, it's just a dare is all. I don't think they're actually going to put me in a dress and high heels... They just want to toss makeup on my face and braid my hair is all."
"What a difference." I nearly laughed at the simplicity of his thought process. Would Reed really allow his own classmates to give him a makeover? I don't want to ask this either, just in case I'm not ready for the answer. As soon as their joyous laughter calmed down though, Zero popped a more serious question.
"So... Why do you hate men?"
"Because I know most are completely evil inside." Reed's words, despite lacking all the context for Zero on what we both knew, reminded me of that day. Looking back on it now, I think I may have gone too far when I freaked out about his social surroundings.
Heathens are everywhere on the earth, and I won't allow Reed to be influenced by them. If he learns to hate them, even if it's only for my sake, I can live with that. Unfortunately for him, the reasons for that hatred are not something other humans should know.
"No, I mean, how exactly do you know that?" Just as I thought, Zero wasn't going to let that piece of logic slip away. It wasn't easy to convince Reed of the truth, and I only managed to do so by sharing fragments of my own distant memories of heathens with him, a power I wasn't sure would work through telepathy until it did. No matter how many years we pass, nothing will ever erase the horrible acts I've seen with my own two eyes.
"Sorry, I can't help you on this one. The real reason isn't something that you can just explain to them, not without giving too much away in return. If you tell them that a heathen killed a million women, they'll then ask what reference that is to. You can't kill a million people without becoming world famous." The humans never had as dark a moment in their own history, less it be their own undoing. The closest world-wide darkness we've ever seen in equivalence was The Holocaust, and some horrible things that went down in Russia during their rise of the Soviet Union, and this is only bits and pieces of what we know. All things considered, Reed can't share what we know about heathens in a manner that would make sense, not yet.
Reed just as swiftly changed the subject in front of everyone, to whatever would be a lighter mood, but having the subject brought up again put things on my mind I would rather push off for later... I can't stand it when I can only focus on the past, while the present is already beckoning for my attention. I wish I could remember her. I wish I could recall her name or her face, my mother, who once loved me so, was now a vague memory passing in the wind.
Heathens made it all happen, and so I hate their kind, anyone related to Legasso by any means. I have to keep that burning passion of fire alive, because the alternative is always a soul-crushing weight burring my heart below the floors I walk.
In retrospect, it has me wondering why Reed chose my side that day. Does he really hate heathens as much as I do, or was it all acting to make me feel better? His anger I felt from before was genuine, so there must be some reason, something that goes beyond simplistic telepathy and memory sharing, or maybe I'm just overthinking it. At the very least, I could enjoy this blissful moment, Reed having a better time than normal, capable of saying more than he used to at the drop of a hat, while I sit back and watch as passive observer. How many more days like this will we have left?