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<11/01/149,566 {Avion 148} - 14:20 | Corral Position, Genosis, Altiri Sector Space>
No matter what I kept telling myself, the longer I shared this incredible space with Reed, the worse I felt for all I was doing here. Despite how desperate and determined I was before, it wasn't as easy maintaining that kind of energy all throughout this amazing day. Hearing from Reed that I'm nothing more than imaginary data wasn't something that I took lightly, but after spending these few hours with him, other things I ignored started to surface.
I had to consider the reason he viewed me as nothing more than hallucination, and more importantly, how he was feeling in this present moment. If my presence here really is doing more harm than good, then I shouldn't push too hard. I was supposed to bring myself here to help, not to harm. "There is plenty to learn about the Unity. We are not some made up screen of imaginations like you think we are... But I'm sorry I didn't notice your feelings earlier."
"What do you mean?"
I took a quiet long exhale, laying out my confusion for his understanding. "I'm talking about the way I introduced myself earlier, about the way that we met... I should have assumed earlier that you would not have believed me. But when the purge finally activated and finished, I just got so excited and carried away. You refusing to believe in our existence really shouldn't have surprised me at all, but it kind of did, and that's my fault."
"Don't worry about that for now. Just answer my question, about the purge."
"You really want to learn more?" I don't understand. I thought he was totally upset with my very existence, but I can't be sure what he's thinking about now... I shouldn't be surprised. Emotions don't always weave through telepathy when they are impure and mixed with other thoughts, and for Reed especially, I sense a kind of speediness to his processing unlike something I've never notice before. Maybe all he wants to do right now is absorb as much information about us as possible. Still, it is a lot to take in for anybody.
"I asked didn't I? Tell me everything about the role of a purge. No, tell me more about my role in all of this. I thought that the Altiri hated all men. So why am I suddenly the first to be purged?"
"Because you are different to others." I noticed his difference from the moment I laid eyes on this hidden gem of a human. His very thought processes are unique. The manner in which he observes the world around him is unusual yet precise and sharp. He's highly insightful and kind where other men are not. There isn't a single variable within Reed that matches any personality that Legasso had; of this I am certain.
"Bullshit! I'm still a dude, am I not?"
"That's not what I meant," I argued nervously.
"Whatever," he nodded. "I just don't see the significance of myself in the picture here."
"What do you have to complain about Reed? Take a look around you right now." I waited on Reed to actually do what I told him to, to really take another look at the current environment he was in, and also to help him realize how special he really is. "Right now, everybody in your entire school is going about their business, taking notes, cracking jokes, all living their life without a single clue for the rest of the world around them. You've always been able to sense more around you than they have. They're all young right now, but most will never be exposed to the truth that you and I know. Your powers of observation rival that of everyone on top of this."
"Tsk!" "So I'm special now? You know I can't just accept that."
"You're talking to another person using telepathic communication, unbeknownst to everyone else around you! Meanwhile, everybody is bunkered down in their studies, pop culture, and absorbing material that could very well become useless material. Don't you find that amazing?" How many people does Reed notice and observe with so much attention and detail, only for nobody to ever return the favor back to him? How many people ignore all interaction with the only one I've seen go out of their way to make friends with others? This isn't supposed to be one sided, but despite all difficulties, Reed hasn't changed who he is, refusing to compromise his personality for the sake of a single soul in this school or the last. Am I really the only other person to notice that?
"Of course I do Lumina, but you have to understand something. Even if you are real, even if you and I are really using telepathy which is an incredible power in itself, having those abilities does not make me special or above other people. I can't put my own value above those around me like that. Our association with each other does not make me a better or more important person."
I could only stand tall with my hands at my side, smiling that this was the conclusion he sought. I wasn't trying to make my analogy to him so material, but even though he saw it this way, Reed doesn't even have nor want a superiority complex, even though he is a bit superior to others for sensing more. Do they call it modesty, or a different kind of respect? Whatever the case, this is exactly what I was talking about before. "You see? That right there is what I'm talking about. Most other males would be so self-absorbed at the very thought of the opportunity of having such an ability."
Unfortunately, it seemed he wasn't convinced. "Enough of this single importance crap Lumina! I am not some 'center of the universe' person. I don't care what I'm doing now, or if I was the first person to try something new. I'm just curious is all. I still don't believe anything you've told me is true. I have nothing to go off of!"
"I know that Reed." I was right then. Reed is only curious about what left there is to be learned, but it in no way helps him become certain whether any of this is real, and I feel like this is somehow my fault... What am I supposed to do now?
A long silence between us both persisted for a while, both of us feeling awkward about each other. "So then what was your plan exactly?"
"I... I don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know? Based on what I've heard, you don't just purge people on a whim."
He has no idea. It's true; people don't purge on a whim, but my reasons are far more complicated than what I can put into words. What was my plan exactly? I don't know anymore. I got it into my head that all of this would be simple and easy, imagining the scenario one way, then revising that later on to be even easier. I got caught up in my own excitement, absorbed by too much hope from within. I figured, if at least twenty other aggressor groups can purge a human and convince them they are real, it would be no challenge for me at all, not even a bump in the road.
Why didn't I listen to myself from so many years ago? I knew this was going to cause half as many problems as it solves. No purge is ever perfect, and when we get involved in the lives of any human, their life has to turn on its side before we can ever get along. The shock of our existence isn't easy to handle. The implications of having to keep this a secret from other humans can be just as painful. Then there is also the personal debate of deciding whether one is simply insane for believing in us, or blessed. I bet not every human who has been purged sees our involvement as a blessing.
"I don't want to upset you Reed. I just wanted to meet you like this. And then I did, and it was amazing... But I don't know where to go from here. I did all of this to help you, to be friends with you, and to talk to you about anything you ever want to. I didn't purge you for any other specific reason Reed. I'm making the rest up as I go, really."
I tried my best to shut out the other voices in my head, memories of phrases my sisters warned me of nearly a year ago, about how all of this can so easily backfire. Their doubts exceed my own, but their doubts may also be valid enough. I must be crazy to purge someone for any reason, and I knew the risks before taking them. My sisters may have been right all along, but I don't want them to be right. No matter how bad things are, I have to do my best to make this all work. If words won't be enough, then I have to do what I can to convince Reed that I am real! "Take a look to your left... There! You see that blond hair girl? You now her?"
"I've seen her before in this class, but I don't talk to her. Never spoke to her, so I don't know her at all."
Good. If she is a stranger, then he hasn't done his own investigations into this student. Reed isn't the only one who knows how to stare at someone and extract various life details about them. I too have this skill, one I forged over thousands of years from clairvoyance. People always have body language about them, and other unintentional displays of tells they don't think about. Sometimes it's based on the exact kind of shoes they wear, how big their purse is, how alive and alert they seem in class, among various other tiny traits. Nobody can get it perfect every time, but she doesn't hide much about her. Reed may have observation skills too, but not the same level of experience I do in using these skills; so to him, if I learn something about someone that he could not possibly know, maybe that should do it. "Okay... She has at least one sibling, and babysits on the side for extra cash. She has a boyfriend, but not one she is too serious about."
"What the? How can you even tell?"
It was easy for me to understand the first part. The clothes she is wearing and the decorations on her purse and shoes shows off plenty of money, but not too much. It means she is well off. Combined with the fact that she is somewhat mute and a bit quiet just sitting there, half-paying attention to everything, whatever she does in her spare time must involve care taking. The money must be coming from a babysitting job, as many kids these age are getting into this new trend. The lack of energy indicates a sibling or more, so it's either one of two, or both.
There are a few more boys in this class than there are girls, yet despite this, the stranger is willingly choosing to sit alone, so they have no intention or interest to flirt with others, when she could easily pull that off. She might not have an interest in men, but the picture slightly hanging out of the back pocket of her phone case states otherwise. Since she isn't madly texting though, I'm led to believe she doesn't care much for the moment of romance; plus, the back pocket of a phone case is not the best place for such a tiny photo.
"I just know. I've learned to read people really well. I have good observation skills too, though I had more time to put it to practice. One day, you will improve this skill like I have as well."
"That's not even—"
"Go talk to her if you don't believe me. Go on! Ask her what her life is like and you will see for yourself. I'll even throw in a bonus hint. This class right here is her only elective, and she has one more honors class." Not once has she let her eyes drift over to the lesson on the chalk board or to the instruments of the class. This may be a music class, but it doesn't mean everyone will be interested in music. She could care less about the fine arts, and the only explanation for that is that this class elective is nothing more than a required filler. All middle and high schools have them.
It took a bit of argument between us to convince Reed to even attempt confirming my points. Little did I remember how much trouble he actually has in talking to other people, regardless of what purpose it be for. I wanted to address this little problem just as quickly, but I knew I didn't have the time for helping every issue. First must come proving I am right.
Soon enough, he got out of his seat and asked all of the right questions, confirming mostly what I already said to be true. It was when he got to the final question that a mistake had been made.
"Do you think you can tell me if you are seeing someone right now?"
"Uh oh!" I didn't have enough time to tell him why that was the wrong way and wrong time to poise that question to the student. What came next was a predictable upset from her, even though it all felt cliché. Doesn't Reed realize how that questions sounds coming out of the blue? It's as if he straight up asked her out!
After being scolded by the little princess, Reed retreated back to his seat embarrassed, and it got the attention from most of the class including the teacher. "Everyone needs to stay in their seats. You know better Reed."
"You probably could have phrased it better. But at least now you know I was right." It wasn't subtle, but it should work.
"Shut it Lumina! You're the one who wanted me to say all of that! I can't believe I just embarrassed myself like that!"
Is he really embarrassed so easily? "I thought you didn't care what others thought of you."
"Only if I don't care about them first. You have no idea how horrible that was. Everyone thinks I'm a real creep now. Besides, her reactions were probably her response to how awkward I was just now. It proves nothing."
Way to blow things out of proportion. Still, if that isn't enough proof, I'll have to add another prediction. "Fine then. Let's switch targets. Take a look at your teacher instead."
"Who? The substitute?" His nervousness already told me I wouldn't have as much luck the second time. After that first upset, he probably won't ask to confirm, but I'm still going to try anyway.
"I can tell right now that he... He has only had sex once in his life, is not currently married, watches videos online at home for fun... And he lives in a very small space with limited access to food and water." My first guess was a stretch even for me, but I knew I was right about the rest of the detail. Reed gave one clue up by stating he was a substitute teacher, which means he gets paid even less than regular teachers, and for middle school, that salary isn't very high. As a result, these people live in lower income situations. There's a kind of passion or spark missing from this teacher, which tells me he is the kind that wastes time at home doing very little if anything at all. His lips are chapped and dry, and he's skinnier than what any adult that age should be, so the guy must not eat or drink much. People who live like this often don't have female company around. I'm willing to be wrong about my first point, but I'm confident about the rest... I should probably make sure Reed doesn't ask about his sex life though.
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"What the hell? That's just gross! I don't want to hear about anyone's personal life anymore. Got it Lumina?"
Well, that takes care of one worry I was about to have. Still, if he isn't going to at least try to figure this out any other way, what else can I do? "What else can I say? I am trying you know."
"Try some other way," he demanded quietly.
"I know of no other way Reed. I already told you that I'm new to this situation too. I really am trying my best." All these years, scryers have tried to come up with better ways for us Altiri to prove our existence to humans for situations exactly like this one, and yet not one answer could be presented. Reed had a good one prepared earlier, about bringing multiple humans simultaneously purged and alive together, but the Royal Scryers would never allow for that.
"Convenient. You're new to this, I'm new to this; I guess we'll never know the truth then."
"I told you to have faith in me." Reed of course ignored me, and would for a bit more time through the lesson. Oddly, the instructor was going off about economy instead of music, which made no sense to me at all, though it did peak his interest enough to learn more about our world's lack of economic system. It was nothing more than additional curiosity though. As far has getting him to trust me more, I don't think it worked at all. In the end, it made me more silent than before, because I was all out of little plans to try. I still stayed with him though, even though the moment he got back home from school.
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<16:11>
His home wasn't entirely like I remembered. The neighborhood was the same, but it looked as if they moved out of their previous area and into a different housing complex; a move within the same neighborhood. I got first class view to the space around him, and quickly towards one of the two most important people still in his life, his mom.
Still, the exchange from before was different than I remembered, less verbal, less intense. Reed refrained from saying much at all to his mom, and she seemed to return the same energy.
"Make sure you finish all your homework."
"'Finish all your homework?' That's all? I guess a few details did change." That isn't the same Marrie I remember at all. It's as if she's partially checkout out of everything. Reed too; he and Marrie used to talk a lot more, but Reed intentionally refrained from saying any more... Actually that much could be from my current presence.
"What are you so hurt about? I always have stupid homework; that's what school gives onto me these days."
"Still..." She used to greet him at home with much more enthusiasm, becoming the highlight of both their days. Did the divorce really inflict this much damage on everybody? Does Reed not even care about the changes I'm noticing now? This isn't how a family is supposed to function.
"Who the hell is that guy?" I asked in surprise, not paying much attention to where Reed was going until he seemed to stop before him. It wasn't Reed's own father, because I've seen Nigel enough to tell the difference. Nigel isn't exactly what I would call a heathen either, but a person who still walks a rope right on that line. In some instances, Reed's father hasn't been the best influence, but certainly far away from a net negative. So, I must ask in curiosity who this new character is.
"Lumina? Meet Peterson, my step dad. Word of warning, he's kind of a dick."
"Step dad?" When did all of this happen? I've never once seen this man in my life. Before I could think any further on how strange it was that I should have noticed him sooner, I immediately noticed some other details about the tall adult, details that made my heart race and my entire body tremble from memory. "No! Oh fuck no! This isn't going to work!"
"I can tell you don't like him very much. Well that makes two of us. Better get used to it though."
I don't think Reed realizes what the problem is here. It's still early for me to be certain, but I'm already able to sense more than enough about this guy that doesn't sit right with me. One issue was his behavior to Reed's presence; there wasn't a reaction at all, even though the twos' eyes clearly met. Red flag number one, Peterson gives Reed less attention than his mom does, which is already low today to begin with. Red flag number two, the way the man moved about the kitchen, walking or standing, had a kind of territorial aura to it, a body language of spacial ownership and domination; this is a well-known trait of a heathen. Red flag number three, the way Peterson was eating the doughnut, rather the mess he was making in the process. Tiny crumbs spilt to the counter with no plate underneath to protect it, and the guy didn't even look down to acknowledge that he was making a mess; total carelessness, which under certain conditions is also a heathenish trait. Reed, what have you gotten yourself into? You should know to keep your distance! "If he tries anything..."
"Jesus! He's not abusive or anything. Calm down."
I couldn't calm down, and my eyes were locked entirely on Peterson's entire movement and body language. Every little thing about the guy, while still not well-defined, brought back so much of that hatred I've been trying to suppress all day. It was easier making it through school since Reed had nobody bullying him this time around, and most of the guys there were too young to even look like a threat, while most teachers were too cringy to mean anything, but this guy right here means business. His height, his strength clearly visible given the t-shirt, and every other mannerism about Peterson was one masculine trait after another, including that tattoo he didn't bother to hide. People like this are most likely to be heathens, most likely to be distant copies of Legasso! Red flag number five, Reed already stated that he wasn't a nice person, so this can't just be deceiving looks! "Look at him," I hissed. "The way he walks, the way he behaves..."
My own nervousness and rage mixed together, making me feel like I was about to jump out of my skin and blast off. Heathens are our enemy, and they deserve only the most painful and excruciating death! I was just as nervous though, since it's been too long since I've ever seen one up close and personal like this, and yet the one person I care about on Earth is literally face to face with one right now. What do I do?
Before either Reed or I could say anything, Peterson finished his doughnut, huffing for some strange reason before heading to the sink, filled with a piling mess of pots and pans, all while Reed went for what he came in for, a bottle of water from the pantry. It was then when I heard the aggressive and manly yell. "Is somebody going to get over here and do these dishes?!"
At that point, it felt as if my heart and blood stopped frozen for a few seconds, my mind tracing between ancient memory and this very moment. The additional context and the way Peterson was obviously treating Reed was all I needed to know to confirm the gut feeling from within, that the very person I was observing matched what I feared it did, up to about 89%. Unable to hold back anymore, I went into immediately fight or flight autopilot, drawing my frozen saber and preparing to slay the demon before me! "Heathen!"
"Whoa! Relax Lumina! Heel!"
My hand gripped the sword handle too tightly, for it was about to break, and I only now realized that my physical proximity did not allow me to directly engage and destroy the enemy. It didn't deter me from my desire to kill this one. "I'll fucking kill him! I'll rip his neck from his spine and turn that husk of skin into confetti! He'll know no greater pain!"
I didn't care what Reed thought of me in the moment; I didn't even think about it, my focus stolen by this immense threat before us. However, Junko also seemed to catch voice of what was going on, especially since I was going loud and vocal in my complaint. "Easy does it Lumina! You're there for Reed, not to get even with heathens."
I knew already that Reed would be unable to hear Junko talking, since she was doing so telepathically on an unshared link. But she still doesn't understand the situation. This heathen is directly in Reed's life, so it is all of our business now. He's an enemy, and he must die!
"Stop Lumina!" Reed suddenly seemed interested in getting the hell out of that area, retreating to his room. "Uh, I'll be in my room for a while. I got lots of homework to do."
"You got tones of chores to do in this house too!" Peterson yelled with so much hatred and so much rage, it was an enigma on its own to why his mother wasn't trying to end that madness and snap his neck instead.
If he yells at my Reed like that one more time, I'll fly this ship down there and kill him myself! Reed's solutions seems to be retreating and running away to his room. While it was a nice bonus to hear Marrie and Peterson finally argue, I needed to see far more justice than that! "You don't have to take that crap! Get back in there and go knock some teeth loose!" I won't stand for this! I won't allow some asshole to force his way into Reed's life and mess everything up, not after all this!
"Lumina! I will force you to calm down now if you don't yourself!" Another threat from Junko, which I ignored again.
"What is your deal right now?" His reaction already reminded me that he must have been missing some information from the purge, as well as some of our shared influence.
"That guy is an absolute heathen! He follows the same behavior patterns as Legasso! I know it, because we were all trained on what to look out for. They're one and the same! And that means this man needs to die!"
"Oh give me a break! There is no doubt that Peterson is an absolute dicklord. But for god's sake, he isn't a mass murderer."
"Not yet you mean. He is fully capable of the same if motivated." Legasso wasn't a mass murderer either when he started out, but everybody always seems to change, especially on that world. All heathens want the same thing; power, control, forced loyalty, respect where it is never earned, and the will to inflict damage on others for their own shortcomings. Peterson is not the first of his kind to show up on Earth, and I knew this can only end badly.
"I had no idea you were this hostile to the people that you hate."
"Only to heathens! They're the enemy of The Unity, enemies of us both!"
"You're just getting carried away. That guy isn't totally evil, not like Legasso."
After giving myself a moment to breathe, I finally managed to calm down a little, even though Reed was still wrong about his own words. "Oh this should be fun to watch. Just you wait. The heathen in your kitchen will play nice for now, but over time, he will only get worse and worse. All heathens do! And when they grow into that behavior, they never change back!"
Silence endured for a few seconds, allowing us to think more while I waited on Reed for his understanding... Even if he thinks this rage is so unusual, to us, it's the most natural feeling in the world after what Legasso did to us. I've seen so much additional harm be made by heathens on Earth, some by other females, but mostly by heathens. Even without that context, Reed should understand how wrong Peterson's behavior is. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way!
"I'm sorry that Legasso killed all those people, and the people you loved... But you can't just lash out like that every time you see a man through my eyes. It doesn't get either of us anywhere."
"Euh..." His words weren't all that shocking, but it was very similar to the warning Junko just gave me... He's right about one thing. Trapped up here, all I can do is get mad, scream, and threaten, though my voice will never be heard by the heathens who deserve to hear our wrath, and I doubt Reed will parrot our anger willingly. "Alright... I won't freak out about it, for now. But stay the hell away from him. He's evil, and he's dangerous. Count on it! I don't want you to put up with any of that."
"Fine, I'll avoid him for tonight. It's not like I got much choice, since I have all this homework to do." Reed didn't try to hide how daunting his tasks seemed, pulling out folders and stacks of paper. "Some of the work is studying. Of course, it's not like I learned much in class today. Somebody made sure that didn't happen."
"Somebody must have dragged you away from your studies for one day. Oh what horror shall you be wrapped up in without your perfect scores?" Why do parents make perfect grades in school so important? They have a significance, but not one that should precede everything else in life.
"You invaded my mind, my school, and my apartment. It's too late for me to be bothered by it now."
Is he trying to say that he isn't bother by my presence anymore? Wait, "You live in an apartment?" I thought all this time it was a different kind of housing complex... Now I'm confused on the difference.
"My mom does, and I mostly live with her. But every weekend, I get to spend two nights at my dad's house."
"That's a decent setup. I'm glad you are still doing that." Nigel was mostly a positive influence in his life, so some time away from the enemy and with his father is a good thing in my book. "Want to skip the homework and go for a walk outside?"
I wasn't sure if he would agree to the offer, but Reed thought about it for nearly half a minute before getting back to me, frozen in thought. "You know, normally, I'm not the kind of guy who skips homework to show an imaginary girl around."
"Normally? What makes you think any of this is normal for either of us?"
"Good point... Fine. But only for one hour."
I threw my arm up in the air with a cheer after getting some more time with him. "Then let's adventure, human companion!"
"Just, Lumina! Stop that."
"Fine." I changed my tone to be as monotone and void of excitement as possible. "Let's go on adventure, or whatever." My altered response got him to chuckle slightly, and the moment seemed to last as a strange kind of bitter sweetness. I was never able to get Reed to be convinced of our own existence, but despite that, he was more than willing to talk to me after going outside to walk in the sunlight and cool air.
Reed and I enjoyed what next time we had together, as I got to relax and listen to how he has evaluated much of his own life, about how he remembers moments of his past, what was important anyway. In return, I gave one of my secrets up to him, sharing with him about every little moment of his past I watched growing up (minus some awkward moments I won't mention yet). He seemed interested to learn what I knew about him, what I learned when I still had my long range clairvoyance, which kind of wrapped back around into the reasons I purged him, as it pertained mostly to wanting to befriend him and hang out afterwards. Even though I mentioned this more than once before, it felt like he was actually listening normally this time, quietly processing like he always does.
Before we knew it, one hour turned into two, and Reed went home to finish his homework while I kept quiet during his work as promised. I got to really see in depth what some of his homework was about. By the time night fall came, he was an absolute mess, an exhausted mess.
"I'm so tired," he complained, unable to shake the strong drain dragging him down. "And mega thirsty too." Slamming yet another bottle of water down, he savored every last drop.
"Yeah, telepathic connections can do that sometimes. And we've been connected all day, so drink up." I've been passively drinking water too without mentioning it, but everything else aside, I was feeling perfectly fine. I wasn't tired or drained from this connection, probably because it was a decent strength connection, and because I never sleep.
"I didn't know that could happen. Does telepathy really dehydrate me or something?"
"Of course. Any time a person uses any psionic power, they have to stay hydrated. Without enough water, the effects could be harmful for both of us, and I want none of that danger." I don't know if the scales are ever the same for drain between Altiri and humans, but this basic principle is drilled in a lesson about post-purge operations. It still has me wondering more about how our own bodies produce endless amounts of biological energy, when we drink but never eat, and when we live but never sleep. There must be something more to that on a cellular level, something even I'm unable to know.
"Yeah..." Reed was more than just drained, and it was beginning to show quickly, while the telepathic connection became weaker quickly, a sign of impending physical and mental exhaustion. "I'm going to bed Lumina."
"And that means this first connection will have to end..."
"You'll have to do the honors. I know nothing about this, remember?"
This is it! This is the moment where things will succeed or fail. "Okay, so here's how this works. Right now, either one of us can kill the connection. It doesn't take a lot of effort to do. But afterwards, only you can initiate telepathic contact with me again, and only in the morning, after you've been awake for one full hour, when you've regained your energy."
"Okay..."
"But in order to do so, you really have to focus hard on the sensation you can feel right now. It's much harder to explain than to just try yourself. Luckily, that purge has already trained your brain's subroutines to handle it, so you will always be capable." Explaining this process is nearly impossible, but I was assured it isn't necessary. "The purge skips the step of how and only focuses on the what aspect of psionic projection. You'll know how to call me back if you focus on that sensation currently in your mind, and on me." I know that he understands what I'm saying, enough to make it happen again. I didn't purge some random fool.
"Come on. Get to the point already."
"I'm serious! You've been telepathically connected to me all day. So your brain should know what sensation to tap into, what emotion to feel, what psionic signature to lock onto. Just close your eyes tomorrow, and focus on calling me back with all the power you've got. Use the power of your mind. Use your psionic sense to call my name with utmost will, and concentrate on how this feels in your head."
"Are you by chance referring to this slight buzzing tingling sensation inside my head?"
"Yes. That will be your way of contacting me again. Once you succeed, that new connection will last all day long, until we kill it again. The cycle continues like that after day one."
"Okay... And what happens if I instead do nothing?"
I couldn't hide the disappointment of hearing that as I slumped a bit lower with a saddened sigh. Does he really want to make that choice, to never contact me ever again, to throw away all that progress that we both made together? I want to force more connections if it were a power within me, but it isn't. Reed won't be able to sense my effort to call him, but I will sense his. He has to be the one to make this choice, no matter what risks are up in the air. "Then I promise you, one hundred percent, you will never hear my voice again. You will never know what it is like to have me by your side every day, living through your senses."
"Never-ever?"
"Well... To be honest, you would actually have to avoid contacting me for ten or eleven consecutive months to permanently lose this ability for good. If you stop using telepathy for that long, it will cause psionic atrophy, and you really will lose it for the rest of your life. But now I'm just being specific. The choice is still yours. I can't be the one to call you after tonight. You have to be the one to make that work."
"But how does something like that work?"
"When you go to project the signal, think only of me. It will help concentrate your thoughts. Focus on that buzzing sensation again, and focus on me at the same time; desire my connection. I'll feel it from here. And once I do, I'll lock onto your psionic signature, perform the same steps, and then stabilize the connection for the both of us."
"I see..." Reed lost himself in deep thought for a moment, and I couldn't pick up on what he was trying to process, though he decided to just tell me afterwards. "Did you really do all of this just for fun?"
"I... Well... I mean, I'm serious about this." Why can't I answer him? I didn't do this for fun, but this single day I've spent with Reed has been the most fun I've had in such a long time. I can't deny that some part of me is selfish in this, but I can't tell him that either. What's more, the way I feel about him now, it's stronger than it was before, yet new and confusing, in ways I don't understand.
"I understand. Okay Lumina. I'll call you tomorrow... Maybe." The very admission that he might not was enough to make me cringe visibly, though it wasn't an assured 'no' either, so some hope managed to survive inside.
"I really hope so. See you later Reed... Good night."
"Good night."
Even though it pained me much more to do this, I knew I had no other choice but to let this moment go, to cut off the connection myself, so that Reed could get the sleep he needs. When it was done and over, I slowly sank to the ground with Junko standing beside me, curious in watch for all that happened.
"Are you okay Lumina?"
Something took all my breath away, so I couldn't breathe or speak. Junko tried to help me stand up, but I didn't want to move. Instead, every minute of today flashed before my mind over and over again, until I finally returned to reality, realizing how much had actually happened, and how much was said. Without understanding why, I sat down in tears, my heart cracking without breaking, my mind racing from too much uncertainty. "I don't think so."
The moment was strange and unique for both of us, and Junko did all she could to hold and comfort me. I wasn't a total wreck, but I wasn't all put together either, not after collecting all that happened. "Did he agree to return a connection next day or not?"
While the answer wasn't a hard yes or a hard no, I knew already what the probability was that he would ever call me back, and that thought put some expression on my face that answered for Junko alone. "I'll have to wait to be sure, but I don't think he will... He doesn't even believe that we exist." Surely there were additional issues, but all I cared about in the moment was being able to hear his voice again. The new silence that now existed from his absence hurt far worse than I ever thought it would...
What do I do now?