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<11/02/149,566 {Avion 148} – 07:11 | Corral Position, Genosis, Altiri Sector Space>
Even though it was only several hours that passed us by since our last link, I grew ever more anxious and impatient, wondering if I would ever hear a return call from the only voice I needed to hear right now. Without too much delay, it finally happened!
Out of nowhere, I started to feel these pulsations of psionic projection, in a source I never felt before until today. I just knew they were coming from Reed, so I was quick to focus on them. I jumped up too fast though, so I had to alert Junko to what was going on. "I think this is it! Give me a moment alone Junko."
Junko nodded, remaining in her seat as she understand what exactly I meant. She still needed to be in the cockpit, but for now I could be absent from the controls with everything in her care. I swiftly shut my eyes, concentrating more than ever before on reaching for that fading signal, pulsing like a heartbeat. It wasn't as easy as I imagined it to be, but once I figured out what I needed to feel, and what familiar signature I needed to link my mind to, it wasn't that difficult with further concentration.
"Reed!" I shouted in telepathic excitement once I felt all these senses wash over me from the person I purged. This very moment filled me with so much hope and excitement, an acclimation that I had succeeded after all! I was just so happy to hear his voice again.
After affirming that Reed did contact me correctly, I went to work ensuring the connection would be stable, which was an extra step I figured I'd have to take part in from now on. Since I was now used to his psionic signature, it wasn't hard. I wanted to think everything was well, however, I soon misread the situation - only to be told just that.
"Listen. I still have not yet decided whether or not I should trust you."
"But..." I don't get it. If he hasn't changed his mind about believing in us, why did he call back? "Why did you even bother calling me then?"
"Because," he struggled to explain, "I decided to ask more questions about your world, even though I have not brought myself to believe it. I don't really know why, I guess." Reed didn't sound too sure of himself, but something was strange about his response, something that reminded me all too much about a particular aspect of the purge I nearly forgot about; the phase of a montrum, something that can linger long after a purge cycle finishes its own job.
Even if that is true, is it such a bad thing? Reed clearly has his wits about him, and if he is being lured into all of this by a powerful montrum, then it means he won't want to let any of this go right away. It's not a success or a fail; this is merely a second chance for all of us, and I have to recall my sisters' advice on how to handle this; by helping Reed more than trying to convince him we exist. "I knew you couldn't resist! Told you school was too boring and normal without a guide."
"What guide? If I had you directing my actions at school, I would have ended up in a different place entirely."
"Ah, there's that passive aggressiveness. I see you are fully awake too then." It took some time for Reed to warm up to my presence again, but not as much as it did yesterday. I waited for him to board the bus before trying to go into any long-winded explanations, but when we did, I couldn't help but resist asking about his montrum.
"So Reed? I want to ask you about something. I think there is a particular sensation you are going through, something you mentioned before, about having a montrum for everything about us and about space."
"What about it? Isn't that your own doing from the purge?"
"Well, yes, but we don't fully understand the sensation itself... I'm just curious is all."
"You make no sense sometimes. You're supposed to be the intelligent know-it-all. How do you not understand how amazing a montrum feels?"
Amazing huh? So it is true. Every mention about a montrum coming from a purged subject mentions montrum only in a positive regard rather than negative, except for poor Mylla. I wonder... Is he already addicted to the pull of a montrum? "Well, it is part of the purge, but I never actually felt what it was like, you know? Was it something that felt incredible? Did it feel more affirmative? How strong was it exactly?"
"Strange questions, but okay I guess... The montrum was very powerful, controlling even, but it wasn't a bad sensation. Near the end, I was becoming afraid, but the montrum never left regardless. It was as if, a sensation of certainty kept coming over me; like, I was sure without any logical reason that the Altiri were real and really out there. Also, for whatever reason, I felt like I wanted to live out the rest of my life in this incredible cold blizzard, in a snow bank that goes on forever. The amount of wonder and awe I felt from the montrum, well, I can't really describe it. It made me feel more alive than I ever have been before, yet part of some different reality at the same time... Why? Is that supposed to happen?"
"Afraid so. For whatever it's worth, we don't merge montrum into the purge on purpose."
"I just don't get it. It's like some part of me isn't listening to myself about any of this. I know I must be going insane. I know that none of you Altiri can be real, but... For some reason, all I can think about in the background is the drive to learn more. I want to learn more about your world Lumina; anything and everything, every single detail, every single sensation. I know that isn't like me, so I'll take everything I hear with a grain of salt while you speak."
I let myself breathe calmly, certain that at the very least, all of Reed's reactions and behaviors within this montrum were considered normal. It was a little strange to think of in hindsight though. The pull of the montrum is that which can attract through strong curiosity, almost to a point where Reed might feel like he is forced to think of us in better regard. Is it right for the purge to control this much of his mind, even if the effects will soon wear off?
I couldn't be sure, because I didn't learn much myself on the way to his school. Reed only asked me tactical questions for the ride there, like, the color and size of our star, our sector coordinates, how we use coordinate stretching for clairvoyant seeking, among other finer details. Eventually, we got to his school again, as he phased out his surroundings to focus on mine, when the curious prospect of examining me in my own mirror came up again.
"Since the connection is really strong today, you can see." I made sure to slightly boost the connection well enough to let Reed see through my eyes directly, and was certain it was already working. However, as I waited impatiently in front of my own mirror for Reed to get a good detailed look at my face and upper body, something about his staring made my mind race and my body tremble ever so slightly. Never feeling this before, I didn't know how to react.
"Wow... That's incredible. Her eyes are so beautiful!"
"Don't flatter yourself!" I pretended to be annoyed to mask whatever I was feeling. His simply and short compliment made me jump a little, my mind to race even faster. I could tell this was making me nervous, but I was more confused than certain of anything.
Plenty more happened throughout the class, as I struggled to keep my mind focused on helping Reed and thinking clearly. I didn't know why, but more than ever, the only thing I could think about was Reed; his face, his mind, and his heart... Why did he call me back? If I were sure it was only the montrum before, I wouldn't need to doubt any of this, but I can tell the reason must be deeper than curiosity. He is asking me questions, but he is also putting in no effort to talk to anyone else. It's messing with my head and I have to know why! "Reed?" I uttered bashfully.
"Yes? What is it Lumina?"
"What... I..." What I wanted to tell him hung in my throat, frozen with my chaotic thoughts, unable to express how I felt. There was one more conflict brewing in the background too. I'm supposed to be helping Reed, but even if I get all of this right, and he becomes more attached to me, the long summers of Georgia that will eventually follow could also hurt him... I don't know what to do anymore, because no matter what choice I make, anything I do will somehow hurt him in some way in enough time.
"This is a first. You actually have a touchy subject too hard to get off your chest, the great and intelligent Lumina?"
"Just shut up!" I shouted bashfully. Right or wrong, I have to know how he really feels. We're not close enough to know from this telepathic link, and I must know if I'm really making him uncomfortable or not. "What do you think of me?"
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"What? Oh, well..." He paused in his reply, probably to batter his entire brain thinking about it. "I don't know, I mean... Good question."
"Take your time, I'll wait." I can't keep doing this without knowing the reason. Reed? It's okay to be curious, but there should also be genuine interest in us too if we are to continue. If he hates me, I'll probably never see him again. If he becomes too attached, I might have a separate problem to handle later on.
"As far as beliefs go, I still think you are a hallucination, some beast born from a fractured mind damaged by my own isolation... But I'm not kicking you out right now."
"You called me back despite not knowing. Why? Clearly something has changed."
My question confused him momentarily, and it was some more thought before he answered. "I don't know. Maybe I've just decided to accept losing my mind while slowly going insane."
"Why would you ever want to be okay with that?"
"I don't want to do anything," he emphasized. "It's just that, ever since yesterday morning, so much has happened; that's what it feels like at least. And as crazy as this will sound, if you weren't here with me yesterday or right now, I wouldn't be pairing up with Banarus or the others; I would be sitting by myself still. The situation is exactly the same with one tiny exception. With you here, I have someone to keep me company. I couldn't enjoy hanging out with Banarus, or Malica, or anyone else."
"So then, you're enjoying this?" I can't begin to express how relieved I was to hear that. I thought my entire presence was so burdensome to him yesterday, based on the fear and shock our greeting generated. I was right then; I should focus on helping Reed make friends, even if he leaves me for it in the end.
"No, but hearing about you and your world is interesting... What's that word you used again? Montrum! I have a montrum for everything you've been explaining to me, one brought up by my own mind. Now that I can't stop thinking about it, I don't know. Life just feels more interesting because of it. I'm learning so many crazy things from this experience. Not believing that it is real isn't an excuse for me to dismiss it, not unless I can be 100% certain, which I can't right now."
I still didn't believe him when he told me that. I can understand any explanation paired with montrum as an excuse, but I just don't see it as a reason to contact me again... But then maybe it is. Maybe the montrum of a purge is so powerful, people have no choice but to explore where it leads. "So then there is some chance you think I am real?"
"One percent. I only calculate a one percent probability that you and the Altiri are real and that my world really has been turned on the side."
"That's good for me to hear, just so long as you don't get too attached."
"Too attached? Now you lost me."
"I'm sorry." I sniffled slightly, doing my best to push back primitive tears. "It's just that, I've realized since yesterday night that you and I cannot really become the most amazing friends without a price to pay."
"You literally just told me that you purged me and told me everything just for that specific reason! I know that I've been saying that you're just a broken part of my imagination, but that's my opinion, not your own. You think you're an Altiri alien, one of thirty-two million in a galaxy far – far away. You think you taught me how to use telepathy, by purging me and putting me through all of that weirdness. That's your story, isn't it? So why then would you suddenly change your mind and say we can no longer be friends anymore? Answer me Lumina!"
I answered on immediate instinct, unable to handle his sudden anger to my words. "It's not like that okay! But, maybe I made a mistake after all. I shouldn't have acted so quickly to send a purge." What am I saying exactly? I wasn't trying to tell Reed any of this, but the words were slipping out without a second thought.
"A mistake? I thought you said you only get one shot at this purging business."
"I do only get one chance. And I used that chance on you."
"So then you're stuck with me now. Get over it already. You can't undo the past, unless you have some time travel machine you are not telling me about."
He's right. I can't undo what I've done, and I should stop trying to give up on this so easily... But thinking about the pain he might go through if he does one day love us too much is something I don't want to even consider right now. "I still wasn't thinking it through. I scouted this area, one that is known for temperature dark zones. This thing we have right now, even if we tried to get used to it and make it work, it would never last."
"Temperature problems? What on Earth are you talking about?" Before Reed could hear me explain, the bell for the class rang, until Reed packed up and made his own transition, not that it would have taken long to explain. "We'll continue this in math class."
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<11/02/149,566 {Avion 148} – 09:10 | Corral Position, Genosis, Altiri Sector Space>
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Chapter Theme Shift: Soul Dreamer ~ Unusual Cosmic Process (Depths of Consciousness)
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It didn't take too long for me to explain the details of heat disruption to telepathy in his math class. He seemed to understand this part of telepathy easily, and strangely, did not seem very concerned with the results or my previous warning. Instead, he continued to concentrate on learning more about my world, and a little more about me.
Something about the long moment made me feel better about what I've done, that there was a chance I was helping Reed after all, instead of making his life worse. I can't explain why the mere possibility of causing problems for Reed put knots in my stomach, but the conflicting thoughts were only making it harder for me to behave as I should. It took everything in me to remind myself of the core purpose of my mission here, as reminded by my own sisters.
In any case, I got to learn more in depth about what Reed endured during his purge cycles, that he did get a full taste of everything, even though the information phases was a bit lacking near the end. I was honestly more impressed with the amount of information overflow he was able to handle from me in such short moments. Most people get severely overwhelmed when they learn this much information, especially when paired with the unusual affinity of awe. Instead, it's as if Reed cannot get enough. Is his brain really that fast? How many simultaneous thoughts does this boy have?
Either way, we spoke for the entire period of math class, until we finally settled on the agreement that I would help prove to Reed that he does have what it takes to talk to people better than he ever has before. Though this wasn't my first idea, I decided I would help by feeding him every exact phrase or sentence to say to any particular individual, like how they do it in some of those movies. With telepathy, we have this one advantage.
Once we ended up in gym class together, it wasn't long before our little project really started... Truth be told, the little experiment had a strong start, but it didn't go very well. Reed seemed to surround himself with people he barely knew, but who acted like they knew him even more, and they weren't all very nice either. I tried getting him to talk to Laura, Abby, and an interesting girl named Zero. Our efforts were unfortunately mixed results, mostly negative.
It's not that I or Reed messed anything up; this only happened as a series of back luck moments, that and the fact that some of the kids in this school were wild with a screw loose or two. I didn't realize that in the time of only two years from my last clairvoyant studying, the cultural behaviors in this area had already changed so much. What was cool two years ago was lame now, and what was yesterday's news was last year's news in the minds of others. One awkward moment after another, despite all my best efforts, even though Reed could clearly see me trying my best, in the end, it did little.
I did want to initially highlight to Reed that Zero was an interesting person, since I recognized her as one of my four persons of interest back when I was focusing on this part of Georgia for hidden gems of people and their behaviors here. It took me a moment to recognize her, since I wasn't expecting her to develop so well; talk about coincidences. I didn't tell Reed about it though, since it wasn't important. The moment did however remind me that part of the reason Reed might be having so much trouble talking to women could have to do with how attractive he probably finds some of them to be. Even if he claims he isn't seeking a girlfriend after his last breakup, I'm skeptical it's as easy as he thinks it is.
Yes, I did skip over the details of how it all went down, but only because we have plenty enough of an overlap between our shared perspective of how this day went. If you want to know the specifics that badly, re-read “Chapter 28-C: Wingwoman” of the original Overlap. Reed already tells the story well, and I aim not to repeat it word for word.
In conclusion, we were both equally frustrated by how poorly our attempts were at getting Reed to talk to the girls he wanted to. Even so, he hit me with an unexpected conclusion that I was never prepared for. "Stop blaming yourself for something that isn't our fault. I told you already, it's fine. I believe you this time, about wanting to help me anyway."
"You do?"
"Lumina? Without you, I still never would have had the guts to talk to Zero, or Abby, or anyone else that I don't know in the first place." So it seemed, Reed still saw value in what I tried to do for him today, not just by my own efforts, but by realizing that he wouldn't have pushed himself this far without my interference. It was something I had not thought of before until now. "My point is, no matter what I said before, you actually seem to know what you are talking about, most of the time. Even though your advice wasn't initially working before, I got the sense that you were really trying your best. Sorry for thinking otherwise."
I really was trying my best, and I'm overjoyed that he realizes how much I care that he makes friends and becomes happy. Still, I wasn't sure exactly where that left us in the moment. Reed was already in his room at this point, having been home from school, and so any time tonight, he might once again let me go, possibly forever. When I asked him about this though, he delivered us both a new ultimatum.
"There's something about all of this that's too dynamic for a simple hallucination. More importantly, I could tell for most of the day that you were putting all of your focus into helping me, helping me make friends that is. Before, you were going all out of your way to prove whether or not you existed to me. I know that's still important to you, but this time, it wasn't more important than giving me a chance to make at least one friend. I don't know why you felt the need to help me so much, but that's the special thing about you Lumina... You're nice to me."
"I... I was just doing what I wanted to, in order to help you." Oooh! It feels so good that he said that, knowing I'm doing something for him, knowing I'm being nice to him. Why does that feel so right, to make him happy even at my own expense? Maybe I am losing my touch, but at least I can do one thing right. "That's because I want to help you, with anything. It doesn't just have to be friendships Reed. If you ever want any advice on anything, or just someone to talk to, that's what I'm here for."
"And to think, considering what a purge actually costs and what it can do to people, you went through all of that trouble just for this? So that you can talk to me or help me out in life? I'll tell you something Lumina. All of that Altiri stuff might sound amazing, but you sure picked a silly reason to purge somebody, and me of all people..."
Maybe... Thinking back on it now, it seemed more spontaneous than it did sincere. I still can't describe what I felt that day, when our eyes locked for the first time even when he couldn't see me. I felt something from deep within Reed, something incredible, and it's as if I just knew, even though I couldn't have possibly known. My reasons for wanting to purge him are a bit weaker in circumstance than what I've heard other aggressor groups go through, but after hearing how happy Reed has become in only two days, I can't say I regret what I've done anymore. "Yeah, well... I made my choice."
"You sure did... But I've come to a decision on something. Whether or not I believe that you are part of the real world will no longer have any bearing on whether I contact you again in the future. I'll have to get to my work soon, but tomorrow morning, I'm going to call you back."
"You really mean it?!" Oop! I didn't mean to blurt that out so brazenly, but I couldn't help it! Reed just agreed to call me back again and again! Did I really do it? Did I finally earn enough trust from the one person I want to be with?
"Of course. We have this telepathic power now, right? What's the point if we don't try to use it? Besides, I'd like your help again, talking to people tomorrow, if it's okay with you."
Yes! Yes! Yes! "I would love that! I'll make sure everybody in that school loves you, or else." My excitement erupting from me, I couldn't hide how happy I was to hear him want me around and want my help. We were right all along, about the approach I should take. Real friends help each other before they are ever really friends, and I'll help Reed with anything and everything, no matter what!
Days, weeks, years, I don't care! I'll make sure Reed and I become best friends... And then, afterwards, I'll do what I can when that summer of hell decides to roll in. I'll worry about it later though... Okay, I've got this now. I can finally make Reed happy in any way I can, whether or not he believes in us.