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34. Broccoli and Murder

34. Broccoli and Murder

Res had expected to get some attention. What he didn’t expect were the hundreds of people that wanted to talk to him. Generals from the military tried to convince him to scrap his brain core and continue with a gut core. They even promised him his own squadron of soldiers. One insistent general even told him he had a chance of becoming the commander of the royal forces.

Res harrumphed when he thought about what fool would voluntarily take that position. Working all day and maintaining discipline? – No, thanks. Other richer nobles tried to bribe him with ridiculous amounts of money. It was enticing, but he preferred not being under the thumb of anyone. What turned Res off completely was when they presented their daughters like stock. When one father talked about how beautiful the legs of their daughters were, Res had to stop himself from vomiting.

Around him had formed some sort of waiting line. He was already panicking that his plan had worked out too well when his saviors arrived. Deep in his heart, he hoped he didn’t need to follow the gruesome path it would lie out for him.

To the great discontent of the people waiting and the duke that was chatting with Res, Granny swooped in. “May I have a short word with my apprentice?”

As the relation between teacher and student succeeded everything, they had to back down. Res took a deep breath and gave Granny a grin. “Thanks, Granny. I needed that.”

One of the oldest woman Res had ever seen stepped forward and held up the flat of her hand for him to kiss it. Res had enough of political play and grabbed the hand in the most peasant-like manner he could think of. Jason gave a report that he hadn’t found the target. The old woman was irritated, but continued to smile:

“Nice to finally meet you, Res. I am Eurora and my family has been in the service of the southerner kingdom for over twenty generations now. I have great connections to our academies and I will let you study there if you pass our entrance exam.”

Granny gave Res an encouraging smile, and he wanted to decline, but Jason interrupted. “Bro, Bro, wait … Ask for her name. Her actual name. It is rude, though.”

Res gave one of his most apologetic smiles and asked: “I am sorry, I know little of your culture and I don’t intend to insult you. What is your full name?”

The woman hesitated for a moment but still replied. “My name is Eurora Armonioso.”

Jason exploded with excitement. “Bro, that is my fucking daughter … She must be my great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter. One of those brats made something out of herself? Her great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother was a whore I liked. I fathered her eight times. Ahhh, the good old times … Wait … You are me and I am you.”

“Hmmm.”

“When her mother, Gianna, and I went on a drunken tangent, I threw up in front of a witch’s door. That hag laid a curse on our children, but I wore an amulet that weakened it. The curse was meant to turn our children mentally disabled when a parent would say the word ‘I love you’. Because of the amulet, it was reduced to only forgetting what you wanted to say when I say the word ‘Broccoli’. Try it, bro.”

Now completely invested in Jason’s idea, he asked in a casual tone: “What kind of knowledge do you have in your libraries?”

The woman took on a smug expression and changed her voice to a lecturing tone. “We have …”

“Broccoli.”

At first, Res only thought the woman was confused, but she clearly lost her entire speech. In his head, Jason shouted in victory and Res gave her an innocent smile. “That doesn’t sound like lots of knowledge.”

His comment made the woman’s anger flare up immediately and she pointed his finger at him. “We have libraries that …”

“Broccoli.”

Once again, the woman forgot what she wanted to say, but now she looked more confused than angry. Jason was keening with laughter by now. “You have libraries. Ok.”

“Not any, our …”

“Broccoli.”

Granny was looking at the ambassador with a pleading gaze, but the woman only stuttered. Out of the edges of his vision, he spotted a gate that was he had ingrained in his mind. A nervous flick of his gaze confirmed his suspicions. With an apologetic smile, Res left the old woman to her stuttering and made eye contact with the target.

His target looked like every other noble. Not too lavish, but also not too cheap – An ordinary noble. In fact, so ordinary that it turned extraordinary. With a smile, Res approached the noble’s group, all the while keeping his eyes locked on the man looking at him. It was hard to keep the hostility out of his gaze. The image of the cut off heads was still burnt into his mind. In the cool eyes of the man, one could only see curiosity and arrogance. Now, they both stood face to face and Res reached out to shake the man’s hand.

“I am sorry that we had several misunderstandings in the past and I would like to remedy that.” The man raised his eyebrows.

“It seems I have misjudged you. I thought you would attack me then and there. It is fine either way. What do you propose?”

“I have gone against you - I have failed and I admit defeat. I want us to be allies. Your council needs a reformation that I can bring you.”

The man’s eyebrow’s furrowed in contemplation. “What would you do that could be worth the risk of cooperating?”

“I could stop the prostitution trade.”

The head of intelligence laughed as if he had made the funniest joke on the entire planet: “No one can.”

“I can’t stop it without force. You know that every prostitute takes pills that hinder pregnancy?”

“What if I told you I have four hundred children, ready to poison each one of those pills?”

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

The man’s eyes widened at the immense scale of deaths that could ensue. “You would have forty thousand women killed?”

“I will do what I must.”

The noble took a step closer which meant that their torsos touched. Res could smell the foul breath of the crime boss. “If you try anything … and I mean anything … I will kill you. Not like others would. It will be the baker’s boy who drops the poison onto your bread.”

Res looked deep in those dead eyes and nodded. Content with Res’s commitment, the council’s head of intelligence shook on the deal. With a flick of his wrist, Res let his special prepared nut touch the noble’s hand. He had infused that nut with aether while thinking of fornicating earthworms. The noble seized up in confusion and Res unbottled all his rage. His hands balled into fists and, before the noble could react, his fist connected with the thug’s temple.

In the instant of impact, he hardened his fist and let loose all his anger and frustration he had kept bottled up. With an inhumane cry, Res punched through the skull and into mushy brain matter. A red mist covered the room. When it settled, Res stood over the decapitated body of the council’s head of intelligence. The entire room stared at the tournament participant who had murdered in cold blood.

“Bro, the bird is in the basket. I repeat: the bird is in the basket. RUN!”

Aether shot into his body faster than ever before. The elite guards in the room reacted by drawing in aether as well and preparing binding spells. With an enormous push, Res broke through the only window and out into the city. If he hadn’t reinforced his body, Res was sure that he would be dead by now. With significant effort, he could pull up in time to avoid ramming headfirst into a three-story family home.

“Phew Bro, if the nobles had reacted in time, you would be dead now.”

Res allowed himself to relax as he shot over rooftops and buildings. Now it was only a matter of pushing himself to the other side of the city and vanishing.

“Ah ah ah. You don’t kill nobles and get away.”

He had only time to harden his body, before an enormous force hit him from above. Even with the hardening of his flesh, it felt like a horse carriage had driven over him. Res couldn’t react in time to push off the ground and instead further reinforced the hardening of his body. Luckily, his trajectory was aimed for a side street. *Boom* His impact sent debris and pieces of road flying everywhere. Like a ball of destruction, he continued to tumble and carve through the street and into the soil beneath.

At last, he came to a stop and got back on his feet. He ignored the screaming citizens running about and focused on the form of the attacker. Instead, he focused his intention on the descending form of the prince. The prince’s hair stood on ends and a liquid white armor had materialized around him. His entire being glowed with several rings and chains that were … Worked into his body? An arrogant chuckle could be heard clearly over the sound of screaming people.

“You don’t seem to get the direness of the situation, do you? Uncle says that I am only allowed to use 5% of my power in the city for my self-defense. The time has finally come to remove the stain you are from the world.”

Res muttered to Jason. “I wish that ‘Broccoli’ thing would work with the royal family, too. What is your assessment, Jason? Have some mental insights or tips to avoid getting killed by your descendant?”

“The prince has inherited the arrogance from his great-great- … Never mind. He is arrogant and definitely not playing with the 5%. That boy is on some serious steroids and those shiny rings in his body aren’t under master craft rank for sure. In five seconds, I can activate the ring of shadows. Then you have around five seconds until he gets his bearings and one minute until I can use it again.”

“3 … 2 … 1 ... Now”

A giant globe of darkness appeared around the prince and Res pushed aether into his legs. When he was ten meters above the ground, the prince shot out of the cloud of darkness. The prince possessed complete control over his body in the air while Res had to struggle to keep airborne. Despite having the clear advantage, it seemed like the prince didn’t want him to escape again. With an enraged expression, the prince drew his sword and threw it. Res chuckled at the move but was actually happy for the extra boost it would give him. When he pushed against the sword, his power tore apart like wet paper.

Panicked, Res stopped all his pushing. Instead, he reinforced his body with all the power he could muster. His actions actually saved his life as the sword missed him by a centimeter and only hit his calves. Instead of bouncing off the skin, the sword cut through his flesh like it was butter. The pain hit him and he only had time to conclude ‘sword = bad’ before he smashed into the roof of a nearby house. He had never thought he would think such a fall was only annoying, but his hardened flesh tanked the impact like it was nothing.

What was unnerving though was the fact that the prince was flying at him with the sword in his hand. Res had never experienced life and death situations to such an extent. Even though he had meditated on those kinds of situation forever, he still froze up. The only thing that saved him was the timely intervention of Jason, who pushed him to the right. The whistling sword cut through the entire stone floor of the apartment he had crashed into. The threat of a sword that could cut stone like it was nothing, spurred Res on and he pushed off once again. The hairs on his neck stood on end, as another whistling arc of the blade missed him by an inch. He felt like he was a pesky mouse and being toyed around with by a tiger.

His premonition confirmed itself, when the prince teleported in front of him. Even though he hardened his stomach, the prince’s fist sunk ten centimeters into his flesh. He had tried to soften the blow with an aether push, but as with the sword, the armor tore his aether push to pieces. Blood spurted out of his mouth in a red spray and he doubled over from the pain. Such simple-minded animalistic furious …. Pain.

In an instant, the prince was behind him and pummeled his spine with the force of a battering ram. A loud crack resounded, but the prince continued his relentless assault. The prince teleported right in front of Res with his fist positioned so Res would impale himself on it. The prince appeared behind him and delivered such a kick into his loins that Res was sure he was infertile now. For several seconds he blacked out but awakened once again to the torture. He could feel his mind slipping on aether: He didn’t want to feel the pain anymore.

If you were to let … An excited voice broke his train of thought. “… the fucking sewers …”

Res saw only darkness around him, but he could feel himself fall. Suddenly, he saw light again and a globe of darkness against the wonderful blue of the afternoon sky. The animalistic instinct of survival screamed at him, so he pushed aether into all his body. Not a moment too late as he crashed into the rock-hard pavement of an alley. He was jostled around by the impact like a rag doll. During his tumbling about, he caught a glimpse of the mad figure of the prince high in the sky. The burning pain was building to an agonizing crescendo. His body was signaling him: ‘Give up already.’ and Res was agreeing with it.

“Bro, don’t leave me, man. You can pull through this like I did. We can’t mess it up now, I still haven’t fucked a mermaid. That is still on my bucket list.”

“I can’t stand up, I broke my legs.”

As hard as he tried, his legs wouldn’t budge. Jason chuckled and added: “Rock n’ Roll, baby.”

His gaze focused on a manhole cover ten meters away from him while blood poured out of his ears. The prince high up in the sky got his bearings back and searched for his target. He didn’t need to search for long to find the red blood trail on the ground and his target rolling around like a log. The prince’s prey came to a stop and fussed around with something on the ground. As soon as the prince realized what Res was about to do, he swooped down like the angel of death.

“You die here, you RAT!”

Res pulled at the latch with his bloody hands, it felt like he was a two-year-old child trying to open a door. Finally, he dislodged the manhole cover which revealed the black abyss underneath. Like a fish thrown on land, Res flopped around, trying to get into the hole, but the prince was nearing too fast. His instincts screamed at him to run, a predator was coming for him, but Res continued on. Like the mouse he was, he scrambled back into the hole he had come from.

When he was already two meters down the tunnel, a silver flash appeared at the mouth of the tunnel. The prince’s sword flew at him once again. Res’s head swam with such pain that he only stared at the incoming sword strike. Accompanied by a mad cry of fury, Jason used the last of his aether to move Res a centimeter.

*THWAK*