The sun was setting by the time the duo finally reached land. Nick's ass had never been more sore. A whole day sitting in a boat with no cushions and absolutely zero lumbar support left him feeling ragged. Nami, who was far more used to this lifestyle, appeared as flawless as when they began. Life really wasn't fair sometimes.
Docking their ship the two intrepid thieves made their way into town. It was obvious from the beginning that something wasn't quite right. There were no people.
"Where is everybody," Nick asked. It was a ghost town. Completely abandoned. Hopefully it wasn't a literal ghost town. That was something Nick wasn't prepared for. His sleep paralysis demon was more than enough, thank you very much.
"I don't know. Probably hiding somewhere on the island till the pirates decide to leave," Nami said, completely unperturbed by the deafening silence. It wasn't like it was the first time she had seen such a sight, and considering her chosen occupation, it wouldn't be the last.
Nick nodded as the two of them continued their walk, "Makes sense. Normies probably can't take on pirates. Still, it's pretty creepy."
And it really was. Everything was still where it was abandoned. Food, clothes, various wares, all left behind. Thankfully, Luffy and Zoro should come by and take care of Buggy and his crew and the people can resume their lives.
Spotting something on the ground, Nick stopped to pick it up. It was a teddy bear, probably some little girl's favorite toy, if the pink ribbon were any indication. What made Nick grit his teeth was the dried blood on it.
Nami stopped and watched Nick make an angry face. While her eyes were sad, various memories playing out in front of her, she couldn't let them control her. She wouldn't let them control her.
"Come on. Let's find someplace to rest and get some food. Then we can plan how to get the map," she said gently. This may have been Nick's first time seeing such a thing, and while it was far from the worst she has experienced, her empathy well wasn't so dry as to ignore his feelings.
Nick grimaced, but nodded in agreement. Food and rest sounded good. Placing the teddy bear back on the ground, he swore to make them pay. Luffy and Zoro might never get the chance.
Nick followed Nami as she stopped at a large, fancy house. It wasn't a mansion by any means, but it was a step up from the surrounding buildings. Must belong to one of the wealthier families living here.
"This should work," she said, stepping up to the door and opening it without a problem. Guess nobody thought to lock it as they were fleeing. Not like it would have stopped her.
Stepping inside, they took notice of the trashed interior. Seems like the pirates have been here. Hopefully, they didn't take the food. Or the beds.
Luckily for the two of them, it seemed like they were more interested in the valuables rather than getting a good meal. There was bread, cheese, jam, smoked ham, and some fruits. It was easily enough for the two of them to fill their bellies.
Nick's stomach growled as they prepared their meal. He didn't realize how hungry he was, and he would need the energy for the task ahead. After what seemed like untold eons, two full, delicious plates of food were ready.
Nick sat down at the dinner table, ready and eager for food, while Nami took a short bathroom break, Nick waiting patiently for her to return before digging in. Several minutes later she was back, and it was time to eat.
Taking the first bite, Nick practically moaned in ecstasy. What was this, Food Wars? Well as long as no tentacle pops out and starts fondling him, it should be fine. But if it fondled Nami…
After the first few bites, Nick decided to ask a question, "So, why'd you choose this house?" He took a swig of water and watched her expression. He had a feeling why she chose this particular house and wanted to see if she would admit it.
Nami stared at him and shrugged her shoulders, "It was the nicest house. That means they were more likely to have extra food laying around. Why do you ask?"
Nick just gave a little grin, "Oh, no reason. Just curious I guess." The real reason is that the people who owned this house were better off than the rest, meaning some missing food wasn't likely to hurt them very much. If they had taken it from a poor family, people who couldn't afford much food, that could have much bigger consequences.
Nami really was a big softy at heart.
Said girl was staring at the smirking man across from her with a raised eyebrow. Just what did he find so amusing? Whatever, doesn't matter. They had more important things to worry about then whatever stupid thoughts were bouncing around in his head.
"Alright, I think it's time we talk about how we're going to steal that map," Nami said after finishing her meal. Nick looked at her and nodded, swallowing his last bite of food.
"Right. First we need to know where they stashed it right? I saw their ship as we docked, think it could be there?" he asked.
"Maybe, but I don't think so. A map to the Grand Line is pretty rare, so I doubt he would let it out of his sight," she responded.
"Hm, they've also collected a fair amount of treasure from this island too, right? If they stashed it somewhere beside their boat, couldn't the map be stashed there?" he prompted.
The two remained quiet for a moment, thinking. So far there were three possible places the map could be:
1. With Buggy himself.
2. On the ship.
3. A secret stash on the island.
Unfortunately there was no real way of knowing until they did some recon and the daylight was just about gone. It may have made stealth easier, but it made seeing a whole lot more difficult.
"Ok so let's plan for all three," Nami started. "If it's on the ship we can just sneak on board and take it. Easy peasy. If they have a secret stash, we'll need to follow someone who knows where and take it. And everything else." Her eyes turned into money signs at the thought.
Snapping out of her daydream, with just a bit of drool on her chin, she continued, "But if it's with Buggy himself, we'll need some kind of distraction."
"And I suppose that's where I come in?" he asked, as she beamed at him. Figures. Well, nothing to it but to do it. Besides, he was looking forward to messing with them anyway.
"Whatever. Before we put me in imminent danger, we should check the ship first shouldn't we? Right before dawn should be a good time," he threw out there. Nami seemed to think about it for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"That'll work. Gives us plenty of time to rest and they should still be asleep. Who knows maybe we'll find some good treasure on board too," she said dreamily. It was as adorable as it was greedy.
"Alright, now that that's settled, I think I'll take a bath. I still have PTSD from my time in jail," Nick shuddered. The phantom stink clung to him even now. A permanent phobia etched into his psyche.
"Wait just a second. Haven't you ever heard of ladies first? You can take a bath after I'm done. I don't want your sweaty boy germs infecting my bathwater," Nami said, standing and making her way toward Nick.
"Oh I don't think so. I'll have you know I'm a true believer in gender equality. You can wait your turn like a good little girl," he responded.
"What the hell does that even mean? If you don't get out of my way I'll fine you an extra 100,000 Beri," she yelled. By now they were in each other's faces, and a good old fashioned Mexican standoff ensued. A bitter duel between sorta, kinda friends.
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Sweat dripped down their faces as they stared at one another, eyes sharp and ready for any sudden movement. Muscles tensed, and jaws clenched, they waited to see which one would make the first move.
It was Nick! Using their closeness to his advantage, he exhaled sharply, blowing air into her face, forcing Nami to close her eyes and distracting her for a crucial second. He quickly sprinted out of the room and down the hall, only to realize something.
He didn't know where the bathroom was.
Nami was hot on his heels, jumping on his back to slow his progress, not knowing Nick had no idea where the bathroom was. She "gently" strangled him as he tried to pull the crazy woman off of him.
She might not be the strongest person in the world, but Nami sure had one hell of a grip! Nick could barely enjoy the feeling of her breasts on his back, what with her choking him and everything. That was not a fetish he had.
Stumbling down the hall and trashing the interior even more, Nick managed to open a door, hoping to find the elusive bathroom, but alas, it was only a bedroom. This was a fatal mistake that would cost him dearly.
"You don't know where the bathroom is, do you?" she questioned him slyly. He could practically see the Cheshire grin on her face, the one the cat makes when it gets the canary.
At least she wasn't strangling him anymore, so there was that. But now she knew his dark and terrible secret.
Jumping off of Nick, she shoved him into the bedroom with surprising force. Catching himself before he could faceplant, he turned around, only to see the still smiling, still sexy, figure of Nami. With a little wave goodbye, she slammed the door shut, and ran off.
Nick tried, he really did, but Nami emerged victorious. It was all he could manage to find out where the bathroom was. The last thing he saw was a perfect, pillowy ass disappear into the room.
He had lost. "I hope you choke on it!"
Nami only laughed in response. The battle may be over, but the war had only just begun. They would have many more battles in the future, some he would win, some he would lose, and some would even end in draw, but the war would never end.
That's just how important being first in the bathroom is.
Nick grumbled to himself, deciding he might as well explore the house. No reason to stick around. Who knew how long she would take. He made his way back toward the bedroom.
As he entered the room, he noticed it was just as ransacked as the rest of the house. The bed was upturned, the dresser splintered, and the closet pilfered, clothes strewn about all over the place.
Wait a minute, those clothes looked about his size, give or take. Getting a closer look, they indeed seemed about his size. Nick was sure they wouldn't miss an article or two of clothing right?
Meh, who cares. Finders keepers.
Ruffling through all the strung about garments, he eventually found some he liked. An off white, henley style long sleeved shirt, with the sleeves pulled up to his forearms, and a leather vest with thick wool lining the inside. A pair of blue pants made out of a fabric Nick wasn't sure, along with a nice leather belt. Dark brown leather boots completed his new look. They were a bit worn but fit so much better than the pilfered ones.
All in all, Nick thought he looked good. Kinda like Han Solo actually. Better than looking like a Marine at any rate. There was probably a law about it anyway.
He was keeping the Marine coat though. He didn't give a damn if it clashed with his outfit, he earned that bitch.
Heading back to the living room, he noticed a light coming from outside and a noise. It was loud and cheerful, sounding like a college frat party. It must be the pirates. Celebrating their ill gotten gains most likely.
But this was good. If they were partying, that means they were most likely drinking. If they were drinking, they wouldn't be at 100% the next day. Hungover pirates should be much easier to deal with than sober ones. He hoped they drank a lot.
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"Drink up boys! That's what our livers are for!" shouted a gruff voice. Cheers erupted at this proclamation. There was nothing better than a cold beer after a hard day's work. A hard day of pillaging but a hard day nonetheless.
The one who gave the order was none other than Buggy himself, in all his clowney glory. Clad in his red and white striped shirt, light blue pants, purple scarf, and orange coat, he certainly cut a… figure. Not an imposing one, but uh, well… There was an attempt.
Not that anyone would tell him that. They wouldn't live long if they did. Just like if anyone mentioned his nose. His big, red, perfectly round nose. Most people when first meeting the clown pirate assumed it was fake, part of his shtick. They learned the hard way it was real.
And that Buggy was very sensitive about it.
Downing a big glass of booze, Buggy sighed in content. This is what being a pirate was all about. Drinking, fighting, robbing, and more drinking. Something that goody, goody shanks didn't understand.
Well that wasn't entirely true. Shanks sure knew how to drink, and he could fight. A little bit anyway. He was nothing compared to the great Buggy, in his not at all humble opinion. It was the last thing Shanks never understood. The final criteria for being a great pirate.
Gold! Taking what belongs to other people for yourself. All things shiny and valuable. Adventure? Friendship? These weren't things a real pirate craved. A real pirate desired one thing above all else, and that was treasure.
And that was why Shanks would always be a failure of a pirate in Buggy's eyes.
Ugh, thinking about that red haired bastard was ruining his good mood. Speaking of treasure, Buggy's mind drifted to his most recently acquired prize, a map to the Grand Line. He could finally leave the East Blue and pursue all the treasure he wanted.
That was why they had been here partying for days now. It was a celebration of all the riches they were sure to find when they entered the Pirates Graveyard. And wasn't that just a silly name? It was enough to make him chuckle. Buggy was immortal after all.
"Captain, may I have a word?" questioned a voice next to Buggy. Turning his head away from his partying crew, Buggy saw that it was Cabaji, one of the leaders of his crew.
Cabaji was a green haired man, with half of his head shaved and the other half covering his face. He wore no shirt, but had a long checkered scarf around his neck and a sleeveless trench coat on his torso. Clean white pants completed his ensemble.
"Yes, what is it Cabaji? Speak," he commanded, returning his attention to the party. He watched in amusement as his crew juggle knives and breathed fire. They had put a lot of effort into their acts, and Buggy could appreciate the dedication.
"I was just wondering how much longer you planned to remain here in this town?" he questioned. Not demanded, questioned. Buggy didn't tolerate his crew demanding things of him, but he didn't mind questions. As long as they weren't questioning his orders that is.
Grabbing another large mug of booze that his minion poured him, and boy howdy did Buggy love having minions, his thought over the question as he gulped it down. Cabaji waited patiently, knowing better than to rush his captain.
"Hm, in two days. We'll finish bleeding this town dry tomorrow and take whatever provisions we need. We can set sail the next day after one final party. One that will end in a flashy bang," he responded, his voice lowering and taking on a menacing tone.
A small bead of sweat dripped down Cabaji's head at his captain's tone. He knew what that meant. The town would be subjected to their special Buggy Balls. A few of those and there would be little of the town remaining.
Buggy jumped to his feet and thrust both arms into the air, "You hear that, boys! We leave in two days, so drink your fill tonight! If your head isn't pounding by morning, you'll walk the plank!" he shouted, to the cheers of his inebriated crew. Hell even Ritchie the lion was drunk, and dancing on the table. He was surprisingly graceful.
The clown pirate sat back down as his crew began to party even harder. They were excited to be heading back out to sea. Taking over a town was fun and all, but they were pirates, and pirates longed for the open waters. A week of shore leave was more than enough.
"Hey Cabaji, have those three idiots returned yet? They should have been back by now," Buggy asked. The green haired man thought for a second, "I haven't seen them."
Three days ago, Buggy sent three of his crew to attack a small settlement down the way, as punishment for shirking their cleaning duties. They drank the good hooch, threw up everywhere, then passed out in it. Normally, Buggy would have just killed them, but decided to test their worth.
If they didn't return by the time they set sail, he would hunt them down and give them a flashy death. Personally.
Buggy's thoughts of increasingly elaborate ways to commit murder became distracted by his minions' conversations.
"Man, I can't wait to get to the Grand Line. Can you just imagine all the treasure we'll find?"
"Me too. It's going to be great. I'll follow Captain Buggy anywhere."
"But you know, I've heard some seriously scary rumors about that place. They call it the pirate's graveyard."
"Bah! What are you a coward? As long as we follow the Captain we'll be fine."
"Yeah! Captain knows best!"
At hearing this, Buggy's hand began trembling in rage, "What did you say about my nose?"
Everything seemed to stop. The music in the background, the dancing, the juggling. Everything came to a screeching halt. One by one, Buggy's crew turned to face their Captain and the source of his ire.
The man in question stared at him in fear, "I-I just meant that you're really smart is all Captain! I wasn't talkin' 'bout yer-"Whatever he was about to say was cut off by something gripping his throat.
The man grabbed desperately at his throat, trying to remove whatever was choking him. But it was to no avail. All anyone could do was look on in terror as Buggy used his Devil Fruit powers to slowly kill the man.
"Tell me. Do you think my nose is funny now?" asked Buggy, using his power to lift the hapless man from the ground, like a Darth Vader cosplay. You know, if Darth Vader wore a clown suit.
The man couldn't say anything. His vision began to blur. He could hear the sound of a river, and the voice of his brother calling to him from the other side. Which actually made him less eager to depart to the afterlife, considering he owed his brother money. Probably why he was there in the first place.
Then suddenly, he was dropped to the ground. Taking in deep gulps of air, he coughed and sputtered as he massaged his abused throat. Everyone seemed to sigh in relief.
"Let this be a warning. Anyone who insults my nose will meet a flashy death. Got it!"
"Yes Captain!"
Good. That ought to keep those ingrates in line, thought Buggy. Slowly, said ingrates began to party once again, and the man that nearly died slunk off to who knows where to recover.
Soon enough they would forget all about it and drink like there was no tomorrow. Their Captain ordered them to do so, and as God as their witness, each and every one of them would be hungover by morning.