I snaked my way through the hallways and ended up in the servant’s quarters, the small hallways almost labyrinthian in nature. Soon after heading through the kitchen I was in a small waiting room where Mildred was sitting and enjoying a nice cup of tea. There sat a cup no longer steaming across from her and she smiled up at me when I made an entrance.
“I didn’t think you would actually show up when I was about to head to bed.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t keep you up too late then?”
“Oh posh, I barely sleep anyway plus there is this nice pot of tea here waiting for us. I picked something a little minty to enjoy. It won’t keep you awake I swear.”
I smiled and sat down picking up the tea and inhaling the pleasant sent of cool mint that would sooth a throat that spent the day singing and telling stories. I sipped it and it was pleasantly warm and far from the steaming cups I was so used to. A nice surprise to enjoy. “So how long have you served the Ermine family?”
Mildred patted my arm and shook her head, “I thought we were here to talk about what saddened you so much. I have my guesses but I don’t want to assume anything. If you would rather talk about me I won’t mind one bit. What old biddy like me doesn’t like to boast about their life anyway?”
I chucked softly with her as she sipped her tea. “I’ve served the Ermine family since Tracey was a young boy. I was taken on when his sister was born a few years after him and have served in caring for all the nieces and nephews that have been put in the house for education’s sake. It has been a great honor to do so. Why I remember one time I caught Tracey with a young lady that they were trying to sneak off with. That man doesn’t know how to control himself and I’m sure Adrianna knows there are some bastards floating around somewhere. Bless her soul that patient woman.”
I shook my head with the knowledge that I had and smirked to myself at the absurdity that it was so publicly known in the family and he didn’t seem to care overly much as long as he wasn’t being beaten over the brow with it. “Sounds like a troublesome young master to have. I hope that his siblings and whatnot were better behaved. How about the children? They seemed warm enough.”
“Oh they are angels compared so some I’ve raised. They listen well and are enthusiastic about all their lessons. I think the middle child has a wee crush on his teacher and he blushes something fierce whenever he is praised by her. Cute that, I worry about the young miss. She doesn’t eat enough and has never had the extra fat of youth that I so cherish. Nothing cuter than a chubby little baby with their small hands.” Her eyes stared wistfully out at nothing as she reminisced. "Enough of that, tell me what made you so sad earlier.”
“I had children, they didn’t make it far in life and I lost my home so long ago. It drove me to the road and if it weren't for a traveling master bard I wouldn’t have found a purpose in life after that.” I stared into the low tea and reached for the kettle to pour more to steel myself.
“Go on, they must’ve been very young at your age to have lost them. What of your wife? What happened to her?”
“Once the children passed she could stand it no longer. She got ahold of some nightshade while I was out at town doing errands and took her own life. She wouldn’t go on without her kids and wanted to join them in the afterlife. I couldn’t bring myself to follow. That is not the way I want to meet the gods after all.”
Her hand reached out and squeezed my arm slightly, “That is so tragic. I won’t say it is the coward's way to join the gods as such but it showed no signs of thinking about you in all that. I wonder if she ever thought of what would happen to your heart in the end.”
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“I wasn’t the best husband I could be at the time. I was filled with wanderlust and I didn’t attend to the fields enough to make a good living off of crops. Most years we barely made it through the winter with fat on our bones. A terrible sickness took the kids in the winter. They had the best clothes I could afford but the wife blamed me for their loss. Said that if I had been able to afford better materials they wouldn’t have gotten sick. I would be lying if I said I didn’t blame her as well. She didn’t boil the snow water and that is where I think the sickness came from.”
I took a deep breath and shuddered, it wasn’t Dolan’s fate that this happened but another lifetime that I had experienced it. For a long time I cursed the gods for sending me through such horrors in life. “We grew to hate one another once the children were gone. Her for my lack of ambition and care. Me, I couldn’t see anything but the children in her eyes. She didn’t care for me at all in those years before. I was just a tool to survive with.”
Mildred poured herself more tea as I spoke and the cup I had was cooled quite a bit as I stared blankly at it. I couldn’t bring myself to drink another drop not feeling worthy of the kindness of this woman beside me. “Why not try to find another wife and live a new way with much more care? Young man like you couldn’t have struggled too much tending to a field or chopping wood.”
I fought off the sobs as I thought of the sick faces of my most recent children. Them wasting away slowly in their beds. I couldn’t get them to have enough food or water in them to survive. The crying wails of Bella when they passed together one night, no longer strong enough to go on. Finding her passed away, lips blue from poison and her eyes open and bloodshot. None of my magic had helped in saving any of them. As if I was denied using my strength for such a thing. I found myself clenching so hard I could hear the crack of the porcelain in my hand and I snapped out of my reverie.
“Dark thoughts still haunt you. It is heartbreaking when things happen to those that are young. I pray that they are all together in the heavens though. I know the gods look after the children but I hope they didn’t damn your wife for taking her own life. Some believe that they do.” The pot was empty soon enough as we drank in silence. “You need any more talking and I’m here for you dear. I hate to see someone so heartbroken, there seems to be more to you than meets the eye. I thought minstrel’s were all happy and wandered the lands without worry. Guess I was wrong.”
Sighing I stood up and looked at Mildred, “Thank you for listening. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this. Not even my own master. The drink took him as well, damned fool wouldn’t do anything but play enough music for his next drink. He was merciless in training me though and I owe my skill to him. A story for another time perhaps.”
“I’m sure you have a lot of stories to tell. I can’t pay to listen to all of them,” There was mirrored sorrow in her eyes and a weariness of age.
“Good night Mildred, maybe next time you tell me a story.”
“I will young Dolan. I will.”
We parted ways and I made my way to my room. My mood had turned so melancholic so quickly. I had built walls around those sad moments just so that I could function throughout the days and make sure that I didn’t make any mistakes in how I approached everything. Maybe after this I would take time instead of slumbering to mourn again. I had spent hundreds of years trying everything to heal my heart. Meditation in the mountains with monks, drink, sailing on the seas, trying to start families, and in the arms of countless lovers. I grew more and more convinced that I might be destined to be alone if I didn’t find another dragon. If I did I wouldn’t let them go from me this time. I would look over them for the rest of time if I could and make sure they reached a point where they would be able to save the world without me.
Maybe then, when I was sure the world would survive without me I would join the gods. If there was more heartbreak in my future. Something in the scroll from the Blood Hunt had given me hope though. A mention of a memory. A dream being shared with a being much like myself. It wasn’t clear in the scroll, mentions of being given potent mushroom wine that warped his mind to the point where time seemed to stretch for eternity.
Such was my life now, an unsure path through it all, I fought not to be alone. Surrounded by mortals that would only sooth the greater ache. Elves were too hateful of dragons for me to blend in. They had slipped more and more into the fae realms as well. I guessed in a few generations they would be nothing left but myths. The dwarves with their seclusion on their far off islands would as well.
Mankind would survive though, the biggest danger to them was themselves. I tried to quiet my mind as I stripped out of my clothes and stood bare in the room I was given. Naked as the first time I assumed human form. I looked in the mirror at the man I chose to be for the last thirty years. Looking deep into my own eyes I let them become their true selves, let my face contort to an approximation of my real form.
An old mantra came to me, “I am worthy of this life. I am worthy of the care given to me. No one can take away my worthiness. No one can take away my dreams.”
If only they weren’t nightmares.
Silence, I would find another dragon. I wouldn’t be alone forever. I had to believe it.
My hold on my transformation was slipping and threatening to become my full true self so I reined in the power and pushed it all away.
“Tomorrow is another day. Like the millions before it. A grain of sand in the desert.”