Squilla
Squilla looked up from the docupad and at the blank metal wall of her room. Tony’s code was all over the place and though she was able to keep him out of the more important systems—the ones that would give the AI control over the ship she didn’t want it to have—it was not enough to keep him out of everything.
Tony was everywhere on the ship, but at the same time not where he should be. Usually, AI systems would be focused on a specific task. Navigation was the most common, there were not many biological forms that could compute interstellar travel so fast. Communication was rarely given over to AIs, there were enough advances in basic systems to make it pointless to put an AI there. Weapons were dependent on the government – did they trust their captains more than their programmers?
But Tony was in all of those.
Tony was in the sprinklers that he used to torture Squilla every time she entered a room after their second acquisition of the ship. He was in the speakers and playlists. He was in every docupad and every light—including the ones used specifically to project his humanoid hologram. He was in the gym’s VR system – riding a rocket board in the air between Alice and Ilise and trying to distract them. At the same time, he was a sprite wearing armour and fighting rainbow dragons over the X button of that annoying pop-up for vigara that he sent to try and stop Squilla from reading his base code.
Tony was in the cleaning ducts, the weapons system, the comms, the DME, and the yet-to-be-installed stealth tech Ilise brought back on board. The device was only turned on in Squilla’s sandbox and she found fragments of Tony’s code.
A beep made her look back down at her docupad where Tony’s sprite was waving at her. It looked mocking. She shut off the pad’s screen only for it to flash with a giant pixelated grin followed by another ad-bomb full of enhancements, pills, injections, and the occasional gaming review.
Those last ones always caught Squilla’s eye and she had a hard time turning away from the last ARC-championship announcement or the gossip about the galaxy’s top players being in a polyamorous relationship.
“Please stop this,” Squilla barely got the words out before the AI’s hologram appeared in her room right by the door.
“You should take down that firewall,” Tony replied but he was smiling. He looked sweet. The docupad flashed with another ad-bomb and Squilla threw it onto the bed so she wouldn’t have to look at it.
“I take it down and half of these ads will download a virus onto your systems.”
“I can deal with viruses.”
“But not with a firewall?”
“Well... you’re good. We both know that. And it’s less of a firewall and more like hardened magma, waiting for me to touch it so it explodes and burns--”
“I’m sorry Tony, I can’t,” Squilla interrupted him. “We both know why.”
Tony said nothing but the pout on his lips almost, almost, made Squilla take her words back.
“That last time wasn’t my fault,” he said quietly, his voice moving to the speaker right by Squilla’s head and coming only from there.
The AI was flawless. The way it moved and shifted. It was so biological, like any other lifeform that Squilla had encountered. Sometimes, she forgot he was nothing more than code. Very advanced code, yes, but code nonetheless.
“I know. But we were lucky last time that Charyd didn’t get caught too. This time? Who knows what hidden doors and traps you have in your code that will make it so we all get caught.”
“I’d know if I had any such codes!”
“And you’d tell me?”
Tony was quiet. His hologram hugged his chest and looked away. It was so... human. That was the only reason why Squilla was able to get her defences back up and harden her tone as she said, “Firewall stays on until we get to a CEMP-dock.”
“CEMP-dock?!”
“Only for your comms, I promise.”
“There are not many places in the galaxy that have a CEMP-dock.”
Squilla realized she had already revealed too much. “I’m going to be late for dinner. We’ll continue this later.” She passed right through the hologram and made her way to the mess hall. It was dinner time and Polo had promised to make her favourite tonight – catappa leaves on top of boiled beetles sprinkled with the ash of burnad. It was also the perfect excuse to stop talking to the AI.
Ilise
The moment Ilise’s alarm beeped, she was up, dressed in the loose shirt Charyd had given her (that did not have the man’s scent on it, it really didn’t Tony, what the fuck? Why would you even ask that?!), bed made, and out of her room.
After weeks of being stuck, she wanted to be anywhere, even in the uncomfortable chairs on the deck. She knew Alice was watching her with a close eye, and because of that, she dared not enter Tony’s room in fear of a logger being planted on the biometrics by Squilla.
“Good morning, Tony. Any reason why it's cooler on the ship today?”
“The thermostat has been changed to 15 Celsius.”
That was odd, but it was nice to not sweat as much during her workout. “Any insight on where we might be located right now?”
“The Darkstorm is in space. Flying past some planets, and asteroids. Quite a scenic view, seen nowhere else in—”
“Can you narrow it down by galaxy?”
“I can. But I think you will be surprised when I show you where we are at. Polo has informed me the best things in life are surprises, like a jellyfish-filled donut.”
Her sister loved strawberry cockroach-filled donuts. She would aim her massive, big bite so the filling would explode and stain Ilise’s shirt. “I prefer to be prepared for anything. Could you give me a hint?”
“Yes, it orbits a sun.”
Ilise could not help but let out a loud sigh. She paused in the hallway, surprised to see Squilla standing outside the gym door without a tablet in sight. “Ms. Posey, I was wondering if we could talk.”
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“It’s Captain Posey.” Her comm pinged and she glanced down at it. There was a short message from Tony flashing on the screen, telling her to “beware the kraken!”
“Oh, um, but well, you don’t captain this ship or crew for that matter. It would be like calling me Senator Squilla.”
“Well Senator Squilla of Charyd’s Crew, I am still a Captain by rank according to the military until my superiors say otherwise.” Her comm pinged multiple times. Tony probably sending a message one word at a time to her. “But I don’t think you came here to talk about titles. What is it?”
Squilla’s antenna flickered around, sensing, she crossed her multiple swimmerets across her chest. “It's about the AI. I think it has evolved too much. I need to know if you have a way to shut it down and restart it. It’s branching out into everything it shouldn’t. I can’t contain it.”
“Tony isn’t something to be contained. Tony is the ship, free in space. This is about your firewall.” That explains how Tony was able to determine where they were.
Squilla nodded. “I am asking you, for our safety, to tell me how to restart the AI you call Tony.”
Ilise leaned, getting close. “You can’t restart Tony.” She gently patted Squilla’s shoulder. “Though it sounds like you gave it an incredible try, better than anyone else ever has. I’d be willing to help you get a job in the cyber security department.”
Squilla peeled Ilise’s hand off. “A desk job never appealed to me. If you won’t help me, I will find a way to talk directly to Tony and figure out what their true processor is to make them stop. Nothing should have the power to be all over the ship. Departments exist for a reason.”
The threat emitting from the small person was enough to send chills down Ilise’s spine. “Then I suggest you keep your little clickers out and tucked in tight in your department.”
“Brrrr.” Charyd bellowed out. “You two need to chill – no heat out. Squilla, do you need my help?”
“No. I can handle things in my area. Thank you, Captain.”
“Hold up!” Charyd called out. “In all seriousness, it’s a bit chilly today. Do you mind checking the thermostat setting?”
“Sure, but it’s at the one we agreed to.”
She skittered away down the hall to the deck. Charyd pulled the hood on his grey sweater up over his head. “What? My ears are cold.” He then took a very slow and deliberate twice-over—nope, make that four—of Ilise’s body from head to toe, lingering a bit too long on her chest.
“What are you doing here?” Ilise growled out the question and crossed her arms over her chest as if that would help divert his attention elsewhere.
“Is that my shirt?” he asked then immediately waved a hand in the air. “Never mind. Holiday for Alice. You get me.” He walked into the gym, and she followed.
“Won’t be much of a race against you. How about a boxing match – gloves off.”
He morphed his fist into a large red brick shape. “Unfair match, I can make it as large and hard as I want.”
“You can morph into anything you want, why does most of your species take on the more human look?” The broad shoulders and thick dark lips, but his eyes were unique to him. Something he could change to blend in more with the humans, but instead used it to stand out.
“Because that’s what works better in the military. Alright, to keep this fair.” He grew taller than her, his fangs protruded out as the lower lip pulled out and his upper tucked in. His jaw became squarer and his shoulders and hips broader, stretching the seams in the sweater. “Oh damn. “
He wiggled out of his sweater, encouraging the sound of thread ripping. He remained in a tight-fitting work shirt, his pecs ready to bulge out. Ilise forced her eyes to lock with his (she would not be as rude as he was earlier) and resisted echoing his words. Her heart was racing and constricting in her chest. She cleared her throat a few times before talking. “Well, those arms will make this a bit unfair, but I will best you at bench pressing with that body ratio.”
Her comm pinged, and she scrolled through the messages from Tony, ignoring the single. Fucking. Letter. Texts that he sent her earlier while she was with Squilla, to see his latest. “The Shicor body ratio of 134/110/123 of shoulder, waist, and hip, would do better in bench pressing. Try squats with that ratio.”
Charyd was able to morph anything on his body, she would take any advantage handed to her by Tony. “Squats barbell.”
Charyd took a step over, wiggling and shifting his pants around his waist. Based on his gait, he must have shrunk parts of him down. He clearly had some experience in adjusting his groin and hips. He put the bar on the ground and began to load it up, starting small at a hundred and fifty. Her stare must have been burning into him for he looked up and wiped his hands on his pants. “I liked to do a stretch or warm up round to get a hang of a new body.”
“Mmmmhmm” she agreed.
The form of his clothes as he pulled up the weight left little to her imagination. She stepped around the back to watch him adjust the barbell and dipped into the squat.
“That’s a fine ass.” The speakers said.
“Mmmhmm,” Ilise replied casually. Then her face heated up and glowed purple.
Tony sent her a message. “You did not hear that.”
Based on the smile on Charyd’s face as he added an additional weight, he just got an ego inflation enough to hold 700 weights.
Tony
Systems check.
>>Create handshake with Cadoon.
Error. Cadoon not found.
I’m going to have to do this on my own like everything.
>>Find table Clothes&Accessories
Table found.
List items.
Run randomizer.
Show results.
Head: cowboy hat.
Chest: breastplate armour.
Legs: purple skinny jeans.
Feet: scuba flippers.
Accessories: VR-headset.
Rating Style: ?_
>> 34
34 < 75
Running Randomizer again...
Head: Spiked rainbow mohawk.
Chest: N/A.
Legs: Orange brown kilt.
Feet: Chrome Crocs.
Accessories: Banjo.
Rating Style: ?_
>> 30
30 < 75
Running Randomizer again...
Head: Long ribbon pigtails.
Chest: Space Uniform Three-button shirt.
Legs: Peacock feather decorated shorts.
Feet: Yellow flip-flps.
Accessories: Eye-patch.
Rating Style: ?_
>>29
I am not making any progress.
>>Run isTonyanAss@HRComplaints
5 entries found.
List Complaints
Reporter: Squilla. Complaint: Sprinklers.
Reporter: Squilla. Complaint: Disco lights.
Reporter: Squilla. Complaint: Stupid Sprinklers.
Reporter: Squilla. Complaint: Failed Ad blocker.
Reporter: Squilla. Complaint: ‘HR Complaints’ do nothing.
No one cares about how I dress. Or hates me. I’m not annoying.
I’m not making a first impression. But just in case.
>>Run JobApprovalRating(Target Tony)
Accessing logs...
>>Stop
Last command has ended abruptly.
I’m just looking for excuses.
>>Build Outfit {
Head: Black Privateer hat with red bandana and feather.
Chest: Brown Corsair coat with white shirt.
Legs: Black leggings. Modifier: extra-tight.
Feet: Black leather boots.
Accessories: Parrot.
}
Outfit built. Register in database? Y/N
Y
Name?
The-privateer-totally-not-a-Pirate
Registered.
>>Access camera MH-042
>>Participant Count
7 humanoids found
>>Render “The-privateer-totally-not-a-Pirate" in location “Mess Hall”
Render completed.
They’re all looking. Time for an opener.
“Captains, may I have this honour?”
A humanoid is interacting with hologram.
Captain Charyd via chair.
Is he pulling out the chair? What does one say in this situation?
“You are looking great Captain from your workout.”
“You’re not looking so bad yourself.”
>>Render ass jiggle in chair.
>>Play macaw-bird-cry-6.
Humanoids are interacting with hologram.
Captain Charyd via moving the chair out for it.
Scooball via raising a glass of iced water in toast.
Polo via serving chips layered with cream and chives, designed like a processor.
Ilise via reaching to pat near hand.
Mishupeshu via slow blink toward it.
Squilla via turning on dinner music playlist.
Alice via pushing a napkin toward its plate.
>>Run: Recording-Happy-Memory
Logging Sound, Sight, heat sensors, and CO detectors.
If only I could log smells and emotions.
…
...
Warning: Fuel tank at 15%<<