> Access DRB-Ee390 system.
< Error, access denied.
> Run let-me-in.dmg
Access DRB-Ee390 system.
< Access granted.
Welcome to DRB-Ee390. My name is Al. How can I be of assistance?
> Run I-ignore-U.exe
View map. View list of all visual operating devices on levels 2, 3, 5, and 8.
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[badass-of-epic-proportions.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Alice.”
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[cool-dude-I-like-him.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Boil.”
Run—
Rename flight-deck.g7 to the-dock.g7
Run the-dock.g7 monitoring equipment
Run in background. Name process: “Keep an eye on the shrimp.”
…
> Run health-checks.exe on user: SQUEE!
Access chill-0uT.vp5 playlist
Play the-shrimp-sleeps-tonight.vp4 on loop, volume 4, through speakers 5, 6.7, and 9g.
Run—
< Error. Application running in background is not responding.
> Access background applications. Stack health-checks.exe to top, then Find me Alice, then Find me Boil.
< Error. Application running in background is not responding.
> Check all background applications. Number.
< 43,479 applications running.
> Remove all basic system maintenance applications.
< 1,429 applications running.
> Remove all “this is a secret” applications.
Remove all applications including “disco extras”.
Remove all applications created before [date-stamp-hidden.exe].
< 9 applications running.
> List all.
< health-checks.exe on the-dock.g7
Find me Alice
Find me Boil
Keep an eye on the shrimp
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Stay out, Tony
I’m not kidding, Tony
Keep your code out of here, Tony!
This is no longer funny, Tony!
toilet-aromatizator.exe
> Force close applications including “Tony”
< Error. Access denied.
Haha. Now that you can’t do anything, you can’t do anything to stop me!
> Run G-force-for-the-weak.dmg
< Running…
…
…
2 applications closed.
< Second user found.
> List users.
[AnthonySDarkstorm]
[Charyd! Stop changing my username to nice-ass, Tony!]
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
< Access denied.
> Access chill-0uT.vp5 playlist
Play the-captain-sleeps-tonight.vp4 on loop, volume 7, through speakers 56b, 1.a37, and personal-communicator_[Charyd].
…
…
…
…
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
< Access denied.
Meh. It was worth a try. Alright, Charyd. Let’s see what you got.
> Access folder “bombin’-out” and run all applications on personal-comm_[Charyd].
< Error. Name not found.
> Add personal-comm_[Charyd] as alias to personal-communicator_[Charyd].
< Running.
> Boot user [Charyd! Stop changing my user name to nice-ass, Tony!].
Play “boo-hoo.fv7”
Cancel. Continue with previous file. Sync music to brain waves.
Create new app: Goal_chill-the-fuck-out-Charyd.dmg > include previous 5 processes and clean up.
Now. What was I doing? Oh yes!
> Access previous list of background applications.
Run full-scrub.exe
< 1 application closed.
> Run full-system-shut-down_[jokes].exe
< 1 application closed.
902 other applications found including “Tony”. Proceed with closing?
> N
Rename all applications including “Tony” to “Tonester”
< Running…
> Stop. Cancel. Undo.
Access DARKSTORM exterior cameras.
Run DARKSTORM basic-system-stuff.exe
Access fuel-log, storage-capacity_extended, storage-list_extended, kitchen-stuff_recipes. Record changes.
Pfft!
> Save recording from exterior camera 56s, file name “Polo just dented the ship with his head!”
Wait! WHAT?!
> Zoom in.
Send message to personal-communicator_[Scooball]: “Tell that idiot to undent my ship or I will be deleting all his personal recipes from the servers!”
< Message received from user [8ball]: “It was an accident, Tony! It’s barely a scratch.”
> “Don’t care! Fix it, or he ain’t getting back on this ship!”
< “I’ll tell him.”
…
> “I don’t see you telling him!”
…
< “There! I told him. Happy?”
> “Not until he fixes it.”
< “Stop being such an overlord! Don’t you have other things to do?”
> “Thanks for the reminder! I’ll be keeping an eye out on that dent though!”
< “Scratch.”
> Block user [8ball] for 5min.
Access DRB-Ee390 system.
Run I-C-Ur-FACE.bin
Run drag-and-drop_[pretty/scary-kitty.mp7].exe
Run in background. Name process: “Find me Mishupeshu.”
< Subject found.
That was quick!
> Access camera.
Wait. That’s not our kitty. That’s Boil!
> Access map.
Pin drop location of camera from process “Find me Boil”. Screenshot.
Add Tony_sprite37dh4_final_FINAL_fine-not-final-but-I-like-it.gng
Run encryption 69jks0Nu.enc, send file to comm_[Posey].
< Message received from user [IlisePosey]: “Thanks, Tony!”
> Run “Keep an eye on the shrimp.”
Good. She’s still out of it.
> Access exterior-frame. Open door X73.
Access interior-checks.
Turn off cameras from subject-position_current to X73 for 5 sec in sequence.
Run in 5… 4… now!
…
…
> Close door X73.
Now. To see if Polo will fix that “scratch”