“Aye, I believe I will double-tap that too.” The man on the other screen said. A few of his executives around him failed to keep to their poker faces. The leader did not take it back, but instead sneered even more.
Charyd let out a side chuckle and… did his face get red? Alice did nothing at all while the others grimaced. Charyd stood up and moved around Tony. Fortunately, Pirate Charyd was an imbecile and didn’t override the automatic system and start charging the DME to burst them out of here fast. The Darkstorm could fly faster than whatever they had. The true Officer Charyd would know how to navigate properly.
“I knew it was the Exec pirates.” Ilise mumbled to herself, Alice hushed her. It was obvious they were getting hit by the Exec pirates the moment Tony could not detect the source of the attack. How stupid did Charyd have to be? It had been weeks since Squilla put that wall up to block Tony and none of them had taken it down yet. What was the point of commandeering what was arguably the most advanced ship in the galaxy only to stop it from doing what made it so advanced? With that thought in mind, Ilise also remembered Saar. She would have to suck it up and ask for his help, but then they could grab not only the stealth technology the Exec pirates stole but also take control of the Darkstorm again. As long as Charyd continued to be such an idiot.
The first thing she would need was an opportunity like a chaotic fight happening between the pirates. With these pirates attacking, and likely boarding them soon, there was a chance for her to get a gun - like the one pointed at her. Even better, Charyd was obviously vain, if the way he morphed his body into a visually appealing male was proof of anything.
“It’s always good to see you, Bob, and the rest of Exec pirates.” Charyd was desperately sucking up, he even waved!
Waved like a perfect prince beaming a smile like he greeted an old friend.
Of fucking course, the pirates were friends. They probably dared each other to steal military technology to see who would get the best like it was a frat hazing night. Still, Ilise would not give up, she was relentless. Before starting the conversation, she began to think of her data analyst only. How he was a jackass but did a decent job while sitting at his station, how he worked out, his bruised face and scrunched-up body that was originally hiding behind the wall. “Where is Saar?”
Alice’s eyes narrowed and Ilise felt her thoughts being poked briefly before a small frown stretched across the Nereus’ face and the internal investigation withdrew. “We gave him some pain meds and cooling packs and locked in him in his room as we did you. Sorry.”
“Thanks - but don’t apologize for his actions.” She returned to glaring and thinking about Charyd. He almost perfectly replicated Officer Charyd, enough to trick Tony briefly, which meant he had Officer Charyd’s biochip. That was something she had to question once the pirates were back under lock and key. The biochips were not something that could just be passed from one to another and no matter how good of a morpher he was, even Charyd would not be able to replicate every DNA strand. Could he? She had to hand it to the pirate, he really thought through most of his plan. Still, he could never have predicted Ilise and her tenacity, she may be military blue blood and trained for these situations, by a protocol that Squilla probably got her antennae on, but she also had a younger sister who mastered antagonizing the oldest to get her way and Ilise knew how to stop her. Sometimes. Enough times to make a difference.
“So, how are you going to let us board?” the voice from the console snapped Ilise back to the present and away from the last prank her sister played on her. It had been years since Ilise won between the two of them.
Charyd stepped around Tony again as if he was a solid body instead of a projection and began tapping at the captain’s controls to bring up a display of the nearby planet system. “There’s a moon satellite nearby we can orbit to catch up.”
Bob stood up. “Ah excellent, we can’t wait to hear your story and check out your new rig.”
“I’m not a ‘rig’.” Tony pirouetted around. “The Darkstorm is a sophisticated advanced machine. And this deck will be respected.”
The Exec pirates glanced around, unsure of what to make of being told off by an AI. “Well, I look forward to walking the deck.”
The moment the call ended, Ilise gritted her teeth to keep her from shouting at the two idiots by the captain’s chair.
****
The Darkstorm’s DME turned off and began a gentle orbit around the large white moon that had surprisingly only one crater on its light side. Seeing it reflecting the nearby sun’s light was hypnotic. It was not perfectly round, but still pure and made Ilise think of -
“Awwooooo,” Scooball titled her head back.
Alice giggled and howled back, Squilla’s response was a higher yelp like a small dog. Ilise covered her ears at the noise. Her movement made Alice wiggle the gun, but the Nereus howled again. “Stop!” Ilise ordered. Surprisingly they did, but they were laughing. “What in all hells was that about?”
“There was a movie we saw where humanoids could turn into a wolf at the sight of the full moon. Constantly changing as they were flying around in space. Like mid-conversation switched back and forth at least five times." She did a light hop. "It's fantastic to do our pack’s howl again! Prison put a damper on it.” She sprinted over to the hallway, doors hissing open, “Everyone, come join us- especially you Charyd!”
“Not now! Squilla - no Posey, how do you work this darn thing?”
By gunpoint, Ilise was guided to the mess hall - which was living up to that description. A fizzing sound followed by wet plops came from the beverage dispenser near the kitchen. It splattered the vinyl floor about with tiny puddles of whip cream melting onto the ground in fat. A splatter outline of a shadow on the ground matched Charyd’s build. He looked like something out of a ghost movie covered in foamed-up whipped cream. Two little bitty eyes stuck out from the mess. The machine spat out the last of the foam, almost a perfect round mound on top of the mug which sat there.
Polo walked out from behind the kitchen, wearing his beanie and a flour and chocolate stained apron, carrying two trays, one filled with dozens of pastries and freshly cut up fruit, the other a tea kettle, and loose bags of tea. He put one down, grabbed a strawberry sliced up to look like a rose, and put it on top of Charyd’s white head. “A few more and you will look like a bouquet!”
Ilise chuckled with the pirates at the display. The beverage machine was a simple thing to use, click which drink you wanted, or customize it. Her eyes darted to the camera above it and winked at Tony.
Charyd’s scowl caused the whipped cream to slide off his face and make a solid “splot” sound on the ground. “This is a failed attempt at hospitality to our guests.” He grabbed the strawberry, eating the whole thing in one large chomping bite.
Polo undid his apron and threw it at Charyd, who failed to catch it when another blob of cream fell right into his eyes at the perfect moment. “Crew, we clean this after our guests leave. We’ll be serving on the deck. Charyd, go clean up in the sink. We’ll delay the Execs until you get dressed.”
Scooball ran into the kitchen and began to fill a tray with iced water glasses. “Should’ve kept it simple.”
The captain of these pirates was whipped, both literally and figuratively. Everyone seemed to give him commands and he followed them with only a slight stomp in his step. A single stomp on top of the apron on top of the cream that had him slipping and falling on his back on the ground with a loud moan. Ilise’s chuckle was easily hidden by the loud laughter from the rest of the pirates. Polo helped his captain up, handed him the apron again, and then Charyd finally walked off and into the kitchen, using the apron to clear his face.
This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.
Ilise glanced up at the cameras, waiting to see what Tony would do next.
The sprinklers in the kitchen showered the fake Officer Charyd. Ilise laughed, along with everyone else. It felt so good to see Charyd’s frown lines deepen even more as he became wetter than the dishcloth Polo used to clean up a pastry tray. Squilla ran out of the mess hall squealing “Don’t get me!” their swimmerets kicked wildly.
Tony was brilliant. She wanted to see a list full of videos of who he was harassing and how. Alice chuckled next to her. “It’s never a dull moment here.”
A chime went through the speakers. “The Exec shuttle has Docked, they will be entering the Darkstorm. The body count is ten.”
Polo gasped. “Ten? They did not give me that sort of heads-up. I need to prepare more fruits and vegetables. Oh dear, maybe I can find some bread and honey…” his voice trailed off as he ran back into the kitchen.
“Free period is over, you need to get back to your room.” Alice’s mouth made a clicking sound, the gun pointing to the door.
“Your free period lets you play ping-pong, I get a tour at gunpoint?”
“I was better behaved.”
By the time they entered the hallway, Squilla had returned with an armful of a military uniform. “This was all I could find.”
“Ugh. Not sure if that’s better.” Alice grumbled. “But at least he won’t be sticky. Take it to the kitchen.”
They walked down the short hall that held the individual living quarters. All the doors were open except one. A quick glance as they passed it revealed the shoulder-height window was open and Saar was lying on his bed, tossing something into the air and catching it.
Ilise’s door was wide open and she scowled at Alice.
“What? Nobody went in there!” Alice immediately defended herself.
“Sure they didn’t.”
“Who would do that? If you haven’t been able to escape the past few weeks, I doubt there’s anything in there for us to look for.”
“Maybe I’m just biding my time.”
“So, we should search your room, is what you’re saying?” Alice asked with a raised eyebrow, the soft and teasing tone from earlier falling away as she got to business.
Ilise startled for a moment. On the one hand - she was glad that this pirate crew had somebody on it that took their job seriously. On the other hand - Alice was too fucking good at her job.
Without Ilise’s response, Alice looked thoughtful as she scanned all the open doors. There were eight rooms in the Darkstorm, all the same size and mirrored layouts. When Ilise was in charge, two of those rooms had been unoccupied. Now, every room had someone in it, including Saar and herself.
A door opened further down the hall, out of sight, but the sound of voices quickly echoed from down the halls.
“Fuck it. I’ll deal with it later. Go,” Alice shoved Ilise lightly into the back of her room. Ilise stumbled but refused to enter when a large group of people appeared at the end of the hall.
The Exec captain was walking in the front. He was a fashion disaster that some of the core planets would applaud without any irony; the cufflinks on his sleeves sparkled brilliantly against his purple suit, the purple of which came from at least five different materials meshed together like a pixel painting, the orange bowtie untied and hanging around his neck to stay up with the latest trends while a similar orange hung in wisps from his eyebrows, mustache, and beard, and his heels were at least five inches tall and so wide that he could barely walk without hitting his ankles at every step. His crew was in similar colors though one man had to shuffle in tiny steps that sounded like nails on a chalkboard with how tight his skirt was. One thing that seemed off about their fashion though was the purple scarf the Exec captain had wrapped around his head and the glaringly bright orange billed hats the rest of them wore.
“Alice!” Bob’s arms were wide. She shook her head no and he dropped them down. “Well then, who is this little mouse?”
“I’m no mouse. I am the Captain of this ship.” Ilise snapped out of the color-induced haze from their uniforms at the name and growled out at the man,
The whole crew of Exec pirates laughed. “I know when I see a cornered creature, the gun pointing at you makes it obvious. But I would love to hear you give the tour of the ship, Captain.”
She had no clue what his plan was but she was fanged and ready to snap back. “I shouldn’t pass off the opportunity to show off an advanced ship to the Executives, what are you CEOs of again? A garbage ship held together by tape?”
The man charged over to her, stopping mere centimeters outside of her reach. His suit coat was not well fitted, a sharp line at his hip sticking out too much and a bit too loose around his shoulders, showing off the handgun hiding there. “Exec is short for Execrable.”
A little more edging and she would have him. She lifted to her toes to look over his ridiculously bulbous shoulder at the rest of his crew.“You sure do look like it. With that fashion sense from at least three seasons ago. You know that purple tinting your skin has been outlawed in some of the core planets, right?”
He growled and started to reach for her, she went to grab his wrist with one hand, the other reaching for his gun.
“Stop!” Charyd’s voice shouted from down the hall.
Like any good military-trained soldier - they don’t stop and listen to a pirate. She yanked Bob’s wrist and snatched the gun out. He tried to counter by throwing a punch, but she rolled with it and slipped the gun under her shirt. It was a bulky thing and hid probably worse on her than under his coat. That was until he lifted her up by her collar, her legs swinging. She tried to pressure pinch his wrists, but they were like logs to her stick of fingers. His head reared back, and she felt a headache ignite as if the word STOP was trying to sear into her brain. The Nereus telepathy did nothing to stop the pirate, his head swung forward.
It missed and crashed down on her shoulder hard enough to drop her on the ground. Which still hurt and was going to leave a massive bruise, likely sprained, but at least it was not broken. A crashing sound of metal warping echoed next to her as Bob and Charyd bounced off it. With his hair still wet, Charyd clambered over the Exec Captain, clawing to get the wrap off his head. The other Exec swarmed over to save their captain. Charyd’s crew did the same. Alice shot at one with the stun setting on, the poor human flopped over instantly.
A shot fired back from the Exec’s right at Ilise on the ground, she cursed at seeing a crisped-up vinyl. The Exec’s did not seem to have the same compulsion as Charyd and his crew to avoid killing and every shot fired was one that could be fatal for Ilise.
Being in the middle of the fire of two different enemies, she made the logical choice of siding with the people who had not killed her yet. Fortunately, it also brought her closer to officer Saar’s door. The tiny window was still open and Saar’s wide eyes startled Ilise right into another shot by the Exec pirates. Alice shoved her back and out of the way, though Ilise wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not. Then Alice’s voice came to her. Four shots were fired quickly from Alice’s side. Two hit as more Exec’s fell into the hall. One shot went off, hitting near where Charyd was resulting in a small burn hole in the metal, exposing the cables behind it.
They have rings on, probably hiding under their hats.
Ilise felt the direction change toward her. Can you not be an ass for a minute before meeting someone?
She knew how to be polite, just not to the people messing with her job.
Squilla and Alice stepped in front of her, guns drawn. Squilla even had two pointing at the large group. And then there was the last member of Charyd’s crew, a short figure that Ilise had not seen before but shot in the right direction. She had to assume it was from Charyd’s crew.
Charyd finished undoing the wrap and yanked the cobalt crown off, it rolled on the floor near his crew. Ilise eyed the crown but felt Alice’s mental pressure pushing down on her, a thought threatening to shoot her if she even touched the blue metal. Ilise took a step back as a precaution. Saar pounded on the door right by her head. The gun in the back of her pants was heavy.
Alice turned to her with sharp eyes, narrowing, but another shot had her facing the Exec crew. “Is that why you are all wearing those ridiculous hats?” accused Alice.
“That’s not what you wear for treats and tea.” Squilla lectured.
A blue hologram appeared next to the pirate captains. “You will all stop putting holes in my ship now. Or else I will knock out everyone - including the Captains.”
Charyd and Bob were still in a tangle in the middle of the hallway, probably the only reason why nobody had actually been shot as the two were throwing one another against the walls without remorse. At Tony’s call, they both tripped through one of the open doors with matching yelps of surprise.
Alice snorted, clearly unable to stop the laughter. The others followed shortly. Ilise reached for the gun at her back and started laughing, imagining Charyd’s face. She dropped the gun and kicked it towards the open door of her own room. It disappeared from sight and she stopped thinking about it. Alice lowered her gun and wiped tears from the edges of her eyes as her laughter calmed down.
“He can’t do that, I put a limit on him.” Squilla complained, whining under her breath.
Her voice was a little too loud though and the Shicor among the Exec pirates heard, smiled smugly, and took aim at Squilla. Ilise didn’t think about it. She reached for Alice’s hand beside her and raised it again, startling the Nereus. As the Exec pirate took aim, Ilise was faster and pulled the trigger, her fingers squeezing Alice’s over multiple spots on the gun. One of those spots, however, was to flip the switch between stun and incapacitate.
Blood flew and stained the suits of everyone around them.
Charyd, poking his head out of the door, got covered in it. He screamed.