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[ Adolescence ] Secrets of mana 3/3 : The most Beautiful emotion

[ Adolescence ] Secrets of mana 3/3 : The most Beautiful emotion

Wiping my face, I vowed from this day forth I'd never cry again.

I no longer was afraid of death. Death was a constant and stability was a myth, so what was so bad about it. It seemed to me that everybody died.

All my goals were now crushed , there was no chance I would ever see my family again nor be able to join the military. Not that I ever really wanted to anyway , it was just something that was decided for me. Still the thought of starting a new life and meeting my family once again is what kept the life in me. It felt like no matter what would’ve happened things could have returned to what they once were.

I understood this wasn’t possible now

“So what are you waiting for?” I asked between deep breaths .

“ mhh? “ the empress said pondering my words

“Why don't you just kill me? “ i asked

Why else would I be here if not to be killed , the natural circle of life.

“ Oh? ” The queen motioned her finger from her elevated throne

Sending a beam of familiar purple light that pierced my hands . The heat from the attack cauterized the wound leaving a burnt hole behind along with the aroma of burnt flesh.

Ahhhh!-- I gritted my teeth and silenced myself.

I was in so much pain the sudden and unexpected act of violence caught me off guard , But it didn’t mean anything anymore and I refused to let them see me suffering like this.

“Only speak when you are spoken to” The queen said in a cool calm collected voice , as if she was in control of all things .She already saw my life as hers to toy with, so any opinion I had was easily discarded.

I was already ready to die, so what did a few more injuries matter.

I clutched my burnt hand and continued in defiance

“ ALL because of you my life is ruined” I said in a creaking voice full of gurgling fluids.

Unamused, the queen asked her pet“- Khaja why have you brought this thing into the Sanctuary ? did you perhaps suffer a lapse of judgment? “

“No , of course not your graceful magnificence , I believe this child has somehow obtained an extraordinary amount of mana . I thought that you would be interested in a new slave servant whose mind could be rendered “

“Only the best for you my queen”

“Ah” the queen stopped and considered her idea

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Deep inside something boiled beneath. Something indescribable.

It was an emotion I had never felt before.

What was manifesting was like the flames of oblivion. Black and tarnished emotion , this peculiar creature first observed me , danced around me , mated with me , and then fused with me. like a gift I welcomed it , If anything what else was there . It felt so comforting and like a blanket , its warmth radiating from my being. Was this tun tun?

No. This was something else.

Because unlike tun tun beneath its warmth was fire , an ever blazing furnace much more sinister than the devil himself.

Looking at me the queen sized up her new worthless victim whose life had no meaning.

“ you do have quite the amount of mana . “ she responded icy

“I leave your mind intact and you follow my orders ”

After a minute or so she added “... aren't you going to thank me for my humbleness? “ She asked, seeming genuinely angry. Her conceit was truly first class in all this world.

When you lose your sense of fear , a situation like this becomes boring.

Idealistic nonsense of the past had no quarters here , in the end it made no difference.

I said nothing , as the woman before me was nothing.

Tun tun was still with me , but I was too injured to check on her.

I was just incapable of moving.

Appearing in front of me the queen was tall, very tall. Much bigger than she looked like from afar on her throne . Now that I was closer I could see her much more clearly, 6 eyes and two protruding staples from her head. Her form merely mimicked a woman but if you paid close attention she was a demon straight from the pits.

She was aloof , above mortal matters. Akin to a demi-god , I was truly a worm before her.

Towering over me she bent and contracted her body to meet me face to face.

“You have beautiful eyes “

What would usually be a compliment aired on the unnerving side because of the gap in her appearance and sickeningly sweet words.

Using Her hand-like appendage she slowly moved them closer to my eyes . Two long finger-like needles inched closer slowly to my eyeballs. In anticipation my body tensed and I closed my eyes.

Like a doctor doing a surgery her knife-like hands pierced my eyelids , as she palmed both my eyes ripping them off clean. The pain was unbearable but I couldn't move , so all I could do was bear with it.

My eye sockets sent a searing sensation to every region of my body. It was like hot coals being raked over the surface of the sun.

I was sweating and my body was trying to stabilize. She pretended to be a deity but my intuition told me better . A false prophet and a pretender.

If she wanted to blind me why not just use a spell , but she added her own touch of cruelty to cripple me. Her very mortal vices and impulses were apparent.

Moving her bloody claws from my eyes to my neck she traced my skin purposefully so that I could still feel what I couldn't see.

A sadist

Slchh

Her talons cut my neck in a horizontal line just deep enough to disconnect my esophagus.

AHahah I gagged but no sound came out

I was molested, changed like a paper burnt and shattered away. Blind and a mute unable to speak or see.

….

It was dark. Just like when I died , funny how I always find myself in the dark.

My body had become numb and the pain had subsided .

I was teetering on the rope of a silver lining. Due to the inability to speak or see mixed with the quiet, I was forced into a hyper focus state. It was like time stopped and I was given a moment all to myself.

Again the pleasurable slow burn feeling came into me , spreading from out to in.

Raising my head and looking up into the void I took a deep bloody breath. It was dark

… At first

But as that feeling slowly tangled itself into my fibers , becoming a tangible trophy that began brightening up the pitch black of my abyss . Like colorful raindrops millions of hues and saturations of crystalized illuminations flickered , the very essence of all life. Inviting me to their whereabouts with thoughts forever more.

This… this was mana wasn’t? That thing that had escaped me for so long had called out to me on its own accord with visages of treasures and blessings.

This feeling , I know what its is now

The one emotion that I had that had been trapped in my Pandora's box of a mind had grown to adulthood and brandished its wings. Twisted and tormented it devoured all of its cousins in an event of carnage that carved itself into the rocks of history .

Yes, in this child this was the one thing that had conceptualized in all of my agony.

The world had created a true monster and thus was the birth of hate.

At Last

the secrets of mana have been revealed.