Attempting to keep some kind of control over the situation, Lili finally found words. Glancing back toward the door of the shack, where Miranda tended to Hope inside, Lili called out “we’re going to go down to the river to get some water for dinner, ok?”
Miranda just shook her head at Lili’s continued avoidance, but didn’t press just yet, “I’ll be right here, hon.”
Breathing the tiniest sigh of relief, Lili grabbed Ian’s hand and begun leading him toward the river. Only two steps later though, she and Ian both halted, turned back, and each grabbed one of Will’s wrists to bring him along. They both knew enough to know that Will was completely open and unassuming about sex in general, and also about the fact that that the three of them had made love to each other quite a few times that week alone. On that thought, they knew they couldn’t risk leaving him there with Miranda just yet.
Once they reached the river, Lili slumped down to a seat upon the bank, hiding her face in her hands with more than a bit of obvious stress. Ian simply sighed and moved to take a seat next to her, pulling Will down to the ground with them as well.
“I take it things didn’t go well?” he stated the obvious as he put an arm around Lili’s shoulders as she continued to hide her face in those slightly shaking hands; a sure sign that another anxiety attack was likely quickly approaching.
“I don’t even know how to try to talk to her, Ian” Lili mumbled into her hands.
“Well, she didn’t try to murder me and Will on sight” he stated, causing Will to look up at the words as well, “so I’m guessing it could’ve gone worse, right?”
“We didn’t even get past the point of, ‘how could you let yourself have a baby’ before we got to anything else even” Lili confessed.
“Ok, so are you still planning on telling her all about that ‘anything else’?” Ian had to ask.
Then Lili looked back at him, “don’t I sort of have to?”
“I’m pretty sure there’s no more laws at all anymore, let alone one stating that you have to explain your sex life to your mom” he chided.
“But how, how could I even explain this?” she shook her head as she asked that question again, “I couldn’t even explain to her how I could let myself get pregnant. Hell, I can’t even explain that one to myself” she added, under her breath.
“Doesn’t a boy finishing inside a girl make that happen?” Will asked innocently, which simply caused Ian and Lili to both shake their heads, almost smiling at his comment, almost.
“We’re more talking about why I let myself have a baby, more than how” she attempted to explain.
“Because it feels good when we are inside you?” he offered with his own smile.
“Yes, Will, that it does” she agreed, too defeated to argue his point, not that it was incorrect, anyway.
Ian finally sighed after another moment, or five, of silence, “maybe you actually shouldn’t tell her” he dared.
Lili just scoffed, “we both know she’ll eventually find out some way. The walls are pretty damn thin. And certain people,” she glanced furtively at Will, “don’t understand why it would practically kill her to know... those things” she settled on.
“So you have to tell her, or she finds out herself and then it’s even worse?” he rephrased, “seems like pretty shitty options.”
“Yeah, no kidding” Lili agreed, though the tears had then started, try as she had to hold them back.
“Why do you cry?” Will asked with sudden concern.
“Because” Lili sniffled again as Will moved around to her other side, to join Ian in wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “my mother’s going to hate me.”
“Lili...” Ian attempted, though couldn’t really find any other words himself.
“Why would she hate you?” Will asked, his continued naivete making it nigh impossible to explain the situation to him in a way he’d truly understand.
Lili’s tears only replenished then as she closed her pretty eyes against them there below the setting sun, “because I’ve done things...things she’ll never understand. There’s no way she could. No way anyone else could” she whispered through more tears.
Looking more upset himself then, trying desperately to figure out how to comfort her, Will spoke again, “what things?”
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Lili’s sobs only intensified at being asked for that answer. Ian pulled her closer as he looked over at Will with a sigh, “she can’t really explain that Will. At least not right now” he told him in an effort to stop his questions while Lili was already trying so hard to come to grip with their answers.
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As the sun set outside the ship, Kyle decided to take a break from the computers to grab a snack. Though, once he approached the one still accessible dining area of the ship, he faltered at the door as he heard Tyler and India speaking furtively inside.
“So literally, all three of them?” India was stating with disbelief, “I mean really?” she repeated with a shake of her long curls.
“Shocking I know” Tyler agreed as he took a bite of his meal, “still can’t get my head around it. I mean, when I found Kyle, it was pretty clear that he and the...” he shook his head, “that he and Will were a thing. And that was shocking enough. Then to find out that all three of them were sleeping with Lili this whole time? And they were all just completely cool with it? Even after she had a kid?” Tyler shook his head again, “that’s gonna be one hell of a conversation between her and Miranda.”
“It’s so bizarre” India agreed as she took a bite of her own food, “I mean, Lili was like Miss Virgin when she was up here. Blew Ian off fifty times a day. And then she starts fucking all three of them...nightly? I just don’t get it.”
Kyle’s breath caught as he listened to their commentary, only to be startled when he found Jared behind him in the hallway, “so, did you hear any of that?” he asked Jared quietly as he took the older teen’s arm and led him back out of earshot of the dining hall.
“Not really a surprising opinion though, is it?” Jared returned with his own soft sigh as the two leaned against the wall once they got around the next corner.
Kyle shook his head, “and you still think that it’s not a good idea for me to---”
“It’s not” Jared scolded him before he could pose that plan again. “Besides, Miranda’s with Lili right now. And Lili wanted to be the one to tell her. So whatever the fuck those two think, it isn’t really gonna matter, now is it?”
Kyle shook his head up at him, “I’m pretty sure it’s gonna matter.”
“You know what I mean” Jared stated with another sigh of his own worry and frustration.
“No, I’m serious, Jared, this is why I never wanted Miranda to find out, however the fuck she finds out. It ain’t gonna go well” Kyle told him plainly.
“I’m sure it’ll be a little rough...” Jared then looked down at Kyle’s pointed look back at him, “ok, a lot rough, for a while...maybe a long while...but...”
“Your vision, Jared.” was Kyle’s simple response.
“Not sure I follow” Jared returned as he looked back down at him.
“Us, all still there, on Planet One, in three years...I think that tells us all we need to know about how Miranda’s going to react, doesn’t it?”
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After failing to comfort Lili for several more minutes, Ian knew they couldn’t just stay out at the river all night, and would eventually have to face Miranda, and all that that would mean. Ian took a deep breath as he looked over at Will who looked almost as sullen as Lili, minus the tears.
“Do you think you could go and bring Jared and Kyle back here. I think we just might need a united front tonight” Ian asked, which also caused Lili to look up. Not sure what ‘united front’ really meant, Will nonetheless easily agreed, and blinked away to the pod to ready himself for yet another trip through the nether.
“I love him, but thank you” Lili whispered once Will was gone.
Trying not to read too much into her using a word most of them had tried their best to avoid over the last year, even during their most intimate moments, Ian attempted to move on, “I figure if we’re all here, at least we won’t have to explain anything more than once” he stated with another deep breath, “plus, if she’s outnumbered, maybe she’ll think twice about killing us all.” Lili just shook her head again, and once more laid her cheek upon his shoulder with another sniffle.
“Seriously, how do I even begin?” she asked him a few moments later, despite knowing he didn’t have the answer either, “I mean, how do I even try to justify this all to her?”
Ian was quiet another moment as he tried to find any answer he could for her. He then decided on, “maybe you’re making this harder than it needs to be” he attempted, to which she only scoffed. He then continued, “I mean, how did you justify it to yourself? I know it wasn’t just that you were really achin to sleep with us all for twenty-five years and then suddenly got your chance; there was obviously a lot more to it than that.”
Another small scoff from Lili as she thought on his words, “well, I guess the obvious answer is that I thought we were literally the last four people in the entire world. At least in the world we were now trapped in.”
“See, that’s a pretty good start” he encouraged as best he could, considering he was hardly an objective party in this all.
Lili shook her head again though, “but what about Will?” she asked, looking back to him.
“What about him?” Ian asked, eyes narrowed.
“I wasn’t even with him until after I knew that we weren’t the last people in the world after all. But I still let him make love to me...even though I had already made love with you and Jared both, that very same morning. I still did it...how the hell do I explain that one to her too?”
Ian shook his head, having to give that one some thought as well. But then he decided to use the same logic, “well, that first night that you let Will make love to you, what was going through your head? Why did something make you wanna be with him, despite all the rest?”
“Cause he’s Will?” she shrugged.
“Try harder” he told her scoldingly, though with a slight smile.
Lili took another long breath, “I guess, right then, I was just thinking that the only reason I had not to be with him was... was just because of what other people would think of it. Not because I didn’t wanna be with him...just cause I was scared of being judged for it” she admitted, voice breaking again. She then moved on, “and I guess I just started thinking about the way people did judge each other in the old world. I spent my whole life up there, teaching kids that judging others for being different was sure to lead to nothing but pain and hate. And then, there I was; hating myself, judging myself, for being different than what everyone thought I should be. And I didn’t want to fall back into that kind of world. And I sure as hell don’t want our daughter growing up in that kind of world either.”