The next morning began with the first breakfast the four of them had shared since the search for the ship had begun, two months ago. Though, despite the fact that Jared would finally be getting to stay near to her once again, he seemed just as sullen as the other two men. Though, all three of their moods seemed strange to Lili, as Ian and Kyle were supposedly only heading out for a much shorter journey in the hopes of possibly finding a way to get some kind of message out at last, never mind the actual reason Kyle had had for switching he and Jared’s roles.
Once that quiet breakfast ended, Jared and Lili said their equally quiet goodbyes to the oldest and youngest of the males, who then started away from their ‘home,’ of sorts, once more. Once their companions had departed, Jared couldn’t help looking back toward where Lili was at the river bank cleaning up after the morning’s meal. As he watched her, Jared bit his inner lip worriedly as Kyle’s warning from the previous evening never had left his head for long.
Kyle had already assured Jared that Lili had been none too thrilled with him peering into her head at all, when she hadn’t even truly known the extent of what he had seen there, which put Jared in a particularly difficult position, in more ways than one. If Lili knew where his even more elevated level of concern for her well-being was now coming from, she would be furious at Kyle for not only stealing those dire thoughts from her head, but even more so for sharing them with anyone else at all. These facts combined to leave Jared with the dilemma of how to get her to share those thoughts with him on her own, while not letting on that he, himself, was indeed already privy to them.
Jared finally took a deep breath as Lili returned from cleaning up after the meal and smiled gently up at him as she moved to put their utensils away once more. Jared tried in vain to return the smile, but only managed a slight nod as he moved to follow after her. Once everything was once again in its rightful place, she allowed another almost shy smile back at where he now stood close behind her.
“Back inside?” she offered the simple suggestion with a slightly exaggerated shiver as she reached for his wrist, causing him to offer another more nervous nod as his only response before allowing her to take his hand and lead him into the shack behind her.
Jared followed her inside and silently watched her begin straightening the bedding she and Ian had shared the previous night, before he finally forced himself to speak up, “So, how are you feeling?”
Lili just shook her head as she glanced back at him with a weak smile, “I think I’ve lost track of how many times you’ve asked me that, and that’s even with you being gone for the last two months.” she had to add.
“Well, I do have a few valid reasons to be concerned, don’t I?” he managed, trying to force any accusation out of his voice.
Lili furrowed her brow as she looked up at that response, “Meaning?”
That was when Jared looked down again, searching for a substantially vague yet believable response. After another moment, he finally forced his dark hazel eyes back in her direction, “Well, I am your doctor.” he began, which only caused a slight scowl on her part, which forced him to continue, “And your friend, and the possible father,” he swallowed a bit, “and your lover.” he added more quietly, “Those are all pretty good reasons, aren’t they?” he offered, raising his volume back to normal again after dropping substantially on the former qualifier.
Lili took a deep breath as she found her own response, her eyes moving away from his at that point, “You haven’t really been necessarily all of those things for a while now, Jared.” she added quietly.
Jared’s breath caught slightly at her statement, “Though I haven’t been here lately to be your doctor, or your lover,” he swallowed slightly, “I will always be your friend, Lili. You know that.”
“I know…I just…” she simply shook her head rather than finishing.
“Just what?” he asked, hoping upon hope that she was indeed going to open up to him, as Kyle suspected she might be willing to, eventually.
“I just want us to enjoy being able to be with each other again, at least for one day. Can we do that, please?” she asked in a soft whisper.
That was when Jared looked down with a combination of guilt and disappointment that she had still not been ready to open up about her true fears, but his concern for her well-being was still what was weighing most heavily on him, and had been since the previous evening.
“I’d be able to enjoy it more if I knew for sure that you were ok.” he offered in his own quiet tone.
“Do I not look ok?” she sighed more than spoke, her own pools of blue cast downwards once more.
“Looks can be deceiving.” was his only quiet response.
“Meaning?” she repeated, looking back toward him once again.
Jared faltered another moment before speaking, “Well, you haven’t even been seen by a doctor in the last two months. And they’re pretty important months.”
“You saying you wanna examine me?” she couldn’t help asking, knowing very well of the effect the words would have, taking into account the rest of the facts of their relationship.
Jared bit back a slight smile and a blush as he looked down again, “We talked about distracting the doctor, before, didn’t we?” he chided.
“Well, you’re pretty easily distracted.” she had to return with her own tiny smile.
“Only by you.” he agreed as she moved closer to him, gently touching his hand as she did.
“Well, how many other female patients do you even have?” she teased.
“I don’t know, Ian does try pretty hard to distract me at times, too.” he allowed a slight smirk as she moved to her tiptoes to gently place the lightest kiss over his neck.
“Uh oh, were there some cold nights camping out that I should know about?” she teased again.
“He wishes.” Jared allowed himself to return the tiniest amount of her playfulness, though there was still plenty of worry evident to his entire demeanor, despite the light touch of her lips, which he had missed more than a bit.
As Jared’s only other reaction was clenching his hands a bit in an effort to perhaps keep from reaching for her right then, as well, Lili finally moved back from where she had offered him that tiny kiss and shook her head up at him with her own mix of disappointment and disbelief.
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“What?” he asked, allowing himself to look back down at where she now took a slight step back, and easily caught her expression.
“You’re not gonna drop this, are you?” she asked him with a slight scowl returning.
“Drop what?” he asked with a swallow, a slight furrow to his own brow then.
“The whole doctor thing.”
“Doctor thing?” he asked with a raise of his eyebrow. Though her only response was to look down and move away again with a shake of her head. He then sighed again and continued, “I am the only doctor here, and in your current condition, it’s not that bizarre for me to be worried about your well-being, is it really?” he then couldn’t help adding, “I just wish you were acting like you were even half as concerned as I am, and the fact that you’re trying to blow off all of these concerns, that really worries me too.”
Lili sighed once more, though didn’t establish eye contact again, “I’ve spent every day of the last four months being nothing but worried, and scared, and I just…I just wanted one day not to be. You know?” she whispered with a slight sniffle.
Jared’s breath caught once again at the obvious sadness in her voice, which only made Kyle’s warning that much more believable. Hearing her admit to at least part of those fears she had, if not using the exact words Kyle had, easily caused Jared’s feet to carry him over to her and wrap her in his arms from behind, placing a gentle kiss atop her red locks.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered as she curled back into his arms, “I guess maybe that’s why I’m pressing so hard. I guess I’m just hoping that if I could give you some kind of medical assurance that you are going to be ok, maybe it would actually help you to believe that you will be after all.”
“I know.” she finally returned, “I was just desperate for a break from thinking about it all. I guess I was just hoping that you and I finally being back together again, that that would give me a reason to stop thinking, and just be happy, for at least a little while.”
“I want you to be happy too. That’s the main reason I wanted to make sure you were ok.” he assured again.
“And if I’m not?” she responded, barely audibly.
“Not happy…or not ok?” he asked warily.
“There’s a difference?” she returned, only causing another small sigh from him. Though she didn’t allow him to answer again as she finally took a step forward and turned back to him, “Ok, let’s just get this over with.”
“This?” he asked for clarification.
“You know, the doctor part of our day together.” she explained as she took another breath and looked around the shack again.
Jared allowed another smile, but didn’t question her suggestion, not wanting to give her the chance to rethink it right then, “Ok, can I see?”
“See what?” she asked with a slight raise of her eyebrow.
“Your belly, for starters, can hardly see a thing underneath all those layers you’re wrapped in.” Jared allowed another soft smile as he moved to reach for what few medical supplies they had stored in the corner.
“It has been a bit cold.” she argued weakly.
“I promise not to keep you out of your clothes for long.” Jared smiled again as he retrieved the imager once more.
“Well, this doesn’t sound any fun at all.” she mumbled, though loudly enough for him to catch the statement.
“You’re doing that distraction thing again.” he scolded her, though with another smile.
“That won’t last though.” she returned in the same mumble.
“Meaning?” he was the one who repeated the word that time as he approached where she now grudgingly moved to discard the first few layers.
“Another reason for hiding under so many layers. I’m four months pregnant now. That hardly screams sexy.”
“Well, I haven’t seen beneath the layers yet, but as long as you and Ian were in here last night. I think he might disagree with that appraisal.” he smirked.
“Yeah, well it was dark.” Lili mumbled once more as she finally made her way down to the last layer above her under things.
Jared just shook his head with a slight chuckle, “Lili, darling, you’re pregnant, you’re supposed to be happy about gaining any weight, remember?”
“It’s not genetically possible for a female to be happy about gaining weight.” she told him firmly, though somehow with a lack of much real force to the words.
“You never struck me as the type to give into the male world view of what a woman was supposed to look like, Lilith.” he pointed out to her with another raise of his brow.
“Well, that was when I was a virgin. It didn’t matter much then.” she grumbled.
“Oh, would you stop.” he chuckled again.
She finally sighed again as she faltered once more at removing her t-shirt and the loosest pair of jeans she could locate in what little clothing they had to choose from, “Can’t we do this after dark?”
“Yes, cause it’s always safer to do anything medical when you can’t see.” he told her with a playful sarcasm, “Come on, Lili. You’re down to your last layer now, and I can’t see a lot of this supposed weight gain you are so worried about.” he told her, trying not to sound too worried about that fact, himself.
Though, it was Lili who looked down then, “I know.”
“Pardon?” he asked, a little caught by that response.
“Kyle and Ian, they probably wouldn’t exactly complain that I haven’t gained a lot of weight, themselves. I had a feeling you might be a little more upset by that fact though.” she allowed.
Jared swallowed again as he thought about her words, “That’s why you didn’t want me to examine you? Not because of weight gain, but because of a lack of it?”
“I didn’t want to have to do this exam thing at all. I was hoping that if I got naked in front of you again, it would be at a time when I was deliberately distracting you, so hopefully you would overlook it.” she confessed.
“Lili, things like this are things that I can’t afford to overlook. You know that.” he told her softly.
“Yeah, which is another big reason I was trying to put it off.”
Jared sighed heavily again, “Lili, you can’t hide stuff like this from me. You just can’t. Doing that, it could be what does cause things to go wrong. When it comes to this pregnancy, you have to be completely honest with me. That’s the only way I can even hope to keep you and the baby both healthy and safe at all.” he told her, though managed to keep a gentleness to his firm warning.
Lili then shook her head again, allowing another slight sniffle, “And why are you assuming that’s what you’re meant to do?”
“That what’s what I’m meant to do?” he asked, thrown again.
“Keep both me and the baby safe, and healthy, and alive. Maybe that’s not what’s supposed to happen at all.”
Jared was floored by her words, unable to form any of his own for several long, tense moments before finally finding his voice again, “Why would you say that? Why on earth would you think that you’re not both meant to survive?” his voice shook as he forced the words.
“We’re not on earth, remember.” she returned, forcing a wryness into her tone despite the gravity of her words.
“Lili.” he scolded again as he took a step closer, “Where the hell are you getting this idea?”
“Intuition?” she shrugged sadly.
“I’m sorry, but you’re not the one that gets to claim that as your area of expertise.”
Lili just scoffed, “That’s right. I don’t really have any area of expertise, or any real skills at all. The only thing I bring to the table is my womb, right?”
“Stop it, Lili. You know you have a lot more to offer than that.”
“Doesn’t seem that way. I mean, seriously, if something happens because of this pregnancy…” she just shook her head again.
“Something like what?”
“Like anything. I mean, anything could happen. I could lose the baby, I could die before I have it, while I have it…maybe I’ll end up not being able to even have children at all, after this. I mean, it’s hardly the most ideal conditions for a first time mother, now is it? And that’s not even taking into account this whole planet, what I’ve been living on since getting here, since getting pregnant…who the baby’s father might be…and what that would even mean….There’s a million things that could go wrong, Jared, and if they do….” her voice then trailed off again.
Jared looked down again before speaking, “That’s my point.” he sniffled a bit as well, “I want to do everything in my power to make sure nothing does go wrong. That’s the whole point in me wanting to make sure, every second, that you are ok.”
“Some of those things you can’t control though, Jared. Some of those things none of us can control, despite it all, some of those things, you can’t stop.”
Jared just shook his head at how hopeless she really did seem at that moment, which only solidified the facts behind what Kyle had seen in her head, after all. With another deep breath, he finally spoke up, though in a barely audible whisper, “Yeah, you may be right, but that doesn’t mean, that I’m not going to do everything in my power to make sure you aren’t. So stop fighting me every step. Cause I won’t stop trying to prove you wrong, and nothing you say will ever get me to stop, cause let’s face it…” he took a breath, “We both know that I care more about you than you care about yourself, and nothing will change that, not ever.”