As the fourth week of November began, they still had yet to see any snow, though on some nights there would be a bit of frost outside the circle of heat produced by the fire outside and the heaters inside. Though despite the worry that caused, the three men went about planning their strategy for the search for the ship. As Kyle was the one who would be staying behind with Lili, his preparation involved a crash course in whatever weapons Ian would be leaving, for matters of self-defense as well as hunting for food, as the cold temperatures were taking their toll on the procurement of any edible plant life.
Kyle’s other task in this period of preparation was also to help create a map of the area which they had scouted in their three months there. He and Jared used the programs available to them in their handheld computers to make this map, as paper or writing tools weren’t really something any of them had thought all that necessary for a week long trip which had now turned into something much different, indeed. The two decided that each day of the search, Jared would update the map as best he could and then send it back to Kyle’s own computer in the hopes that if one pair ever had to be able to find the other, for any reason, it would be a bit easier.
As the three went about their tasks, none really seemed to ask for much input from Lili at all, not that she had any to give, aside from her own ever increasing fears, which would be doubtful to help any of them, really. Though, as Lili thought on that fact as she cleaned up after their latest meal, she couldn’t help seething a bit over it. It was true that there was nothing beyond their own ideas, that she felt she had to contribute to the planning, however the more she thought on it, the more she felt herself being relegated to a more and more defenseless, helpless, and secondary role, just as the women of centuries past had found themselves. That fact alone caused a nearly allergic reaction in her 21st century brain despite her common sense agreeing that she should not risk herself by being included on this endeavor in her current condition and considering the weight of what this child’s survival would truly mean, if she did manage to bring it safely into this new world. Though, those two conflicting sets of knowledge still seemed to wage a constant war in her head, especially every time that the three males went about their plans without so much as a word to her about her opinion regarding any of those plans.
As she finished washing out their meal containers in the icy cold river once more, and returning to the shack where the three of them looked over the latest version of the map, an even more upsetting thought occurred to her once her eyes moved over them, stopping at last on Kyle. He wasn’t really a soldier, and his currently known powers weren’t honestly the type that could help them defend against the elements of nature, and he was also the only one she would be left with during what was easily the most dangerous time of her life. She wasn’t sure if her sudden sense of foreboding was more inspired by a lack of feeling secure as much as it was by the very interaction that she and Kyle had had since she discovered the pregnancy. Though, lack of interaction was most likely a more accurate description.
He had truly barely said a word to her since the child’s existence had been discovered, aside from during group conversations. And, though he hadn’t said anything directly to her, it was clear that he had made his opinion of the pregnancy well known to both of the other men. She allowed an inaudible sigh as she moved past where they sat in the common area of the shack looking over the map that night, and headed back to her own sleeping area, where the half-wall wouldn’t allow them to see her continued upset, and where Kyle wouldn’t be tempted to try peering into her brain. Though, that thought really didn’t help calm her, either. After all, she doubted she could lock him out the way Jared could, and Ian was so busy saying exactly what he thought, at all times, Kyle never had much reason to use that skill with the oldest male among them. Another set of conflicting arguments seemed to then take root in her brain: She was sure that Kyle held a bit of animosity toward her in recent weeks, but having him discover that she sensed that, that made the fact even worse, and even more upsetting to her, somehow.
----------------------------------------
When the two oldest men finally did set out on the first leg of their journey, Lili had imagined that the night before would have been a passionate goodbye with each of them, but it somehow turned out much more tearful than passionate. Her upset at the reality of them leaving her, and how much closer that very fact would push them to the worst case scenario of her child’s birth, posed by that vision, made it nearly impossible for her to feel remotely like making love, aside from just how exhausted and stressed the pregnancy had already had her. Instead of making love to them, she curled up between the two men, taking turns at crying softly against one shoulder or another, while they tried their best to comfort her, despite how much fear each of them attempted to keep to themselves, for her sake at the least.
That cold morning, the two finally started away from the camp, her sadness nearly breaking their hearts, while trying to force themselves to remember how important finding the remainder of the ship would truly be for all of them, though especially so for Lili and the child.
They had made the final decision that their best strategy would be to search the area surrounding their riverside camp in ever-widening circles, at least until Jared got another vision or some ‘sense’ of where they needed to go, at all. Their first day’s journey was marked by an almost deafening silence between the two as they each hauled almost exactly half of the group’s existing supplies in the large packs upon their backs, both ever vigilant of any danger, or any sign whatsoever of a crash, or any possible survivors, as doubtful as their existence even was.
When they finally stopped to make their camp that night, and finished their quiet meal, Jared updating and sending the expanded version of the map back to Kyle’s computer, was when Ian finally spoke up, “Sent it to Kyle?” he stated the obvious, though hoarsely, considering the cold air, and their lack of really having used their voices much at all that day.
“Yeah.” Jared responded just as hoarsely as he tucked the computer away again and leaned forward to warm his hands over the small fire that was meant to scare off any predators even more than it was meant for heat, as they did have two of the small heaters with them.
“Nothing yet, huh?” Ian asked just as quietly.
“Nothing?” Jared returned with a slight glance his way.
“Vision-wise.”
Jared just shook his head, "I think it’s pretty obvious if I get one when I’m awake, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Ian returned, his own eyes down, as he seemed to not even be his usual sarcastic, humorous self at all, anymore, all things considered. He then swallowed harder as he looked back at Jared, seeming to force himself to ask his next question, “So, how bad do you think this is going to get, really?”
“If only I had any idea.” Jared admitted softly.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“Didn’t just mean the search, though.” Ian managed to add.
“Hmm?”
Ian then sighed slightly as he moved through his next statement, “Do you think she’ll really be ok, there, with just Kyle?”
Jared swallowed a bit before responding, “Remember, I can hear Kyle’s thoughts when he wants me to. So, if something happened to her, I could let him know what to do. He is a genius. It should be pretty easy for him to follow my instructions, telepathic though they’ll be.” he attempted to assure.
Ian then looked down quietly, “I didn’t mean just that either.”
That was when Jared narrowed his eyes a bit, “Then what did you mean?” he found himself being the one asking that question for once, when the roles were most often reversed between the two of them.
Ian let out a deep breath, which was easily visible in the thin air of the night-time forest, “That last time me and Lili were, together,” he began with a slight pause, “she told me she feels like Kyle hates her now, cause of the baby.”
Jared swallowed hard again, “Did Kyle ever say anything to her about it at all though, really?”
“Not that I know of.” Ian admitted, “But I think that’s probably a big part of why she thinks so.” another slight pause, “I mean, he did go from wanting to crawl in bed with her every night, if he could, to barely even speaking to her, at all.” Ian reminded Jared of the facts that the younger man had honestly already been aware of, himself, even without his psychic sensibility.
“It’s a lot to deal with, for all of us, let alone, when Kyle already had this other stuff in his head, like his sense of guilt, misguided as it may have been.” Jared tried to assure, though his words lacked weight.
“You’re really good at not answering things directly, aren’t you?” Ian scoffed, though weakly.
Jared just shook his head, “Being psychic doesn’t always mean reading minds. I get visions of things, not thoughts. Thoughts are Kyle’s thing.” he added more quietly.
“Exactly.” was all Ian returned with.
“Exactly?” Jared furrowed his brow again.
“If he does read thoughts, and he uses it on her…” Ian just shook his head, “He’s gonna know that she thinks he hates her, and even if he doesn’t, really…” another breath, “Well, how do you feel when you think someone else thinks you hate them, whether or not you actually do?” Ian pointed out quietly.
Jared allowed another shaky breath as he thought on the words, “So, you’re asking me if I think she’ll be able to depend on him, when she really needs to?”
Ian allowed another deep breath before continuing, “Well, if we’re still out here, come time for the baby, then we won’t be there when she has it, and according to your vision, no one else will be there for her either, will they?” Ian asked, though his voice shook slightly as he did.
Jared attempted to steel himself in the face of that question before offering his own answer, “You gotta understand, I only saw a portion of her actual labor. Sometimes labor lasts for hours…just because no one was there during the moments I saw…” he just shook his head again, not sure he was even able to convince himself of her safety, let alone anyone else.
Ian just scoffed as he stood to head for his own tent, “Another half answer, great.” he mumbled.
“I’m sorry, Ian, but I haven’t seen all of that portion of the future yet. I wish to hell I had, but I just…haven’t” he finished with defeat.
“Well, someone better see something, cause if something happens to her or the baby…it’s just over, for all of us, one way or another.” was Ian’s final statement as he disappeared inside the tent, forcing back more emotions then he ever allowed himself to show. Though, as they had all admitted at one time or another, things had definitely changed now, in every way.
----------------------------------------
That first day without Ian and Jared there with them was just as deafeningly silent between Lili and Kyle. Though, most of the day, she had stayed inside while he braved the cold to attempt stocking up on their supply of fresh fish. The only time they were even both outside at the same time was when they did take a moment to eat, though even during their meals that day, the silence continued throughout the entire meal, before Lili quickly rushed back inside and out of his company.
When dinner had finished, Lili heading silently inside once more as Kyle added the last few branches to the fire for the night, he couldn’t help sighing after yet another quick departure of hers. Finishing with the fire and shivering again in the cold night air, Kyle took another breath and headed inside as well. He paused momentarily at his own bed and the small heater next to it, before glancing across the shack, where Lili had seemed to have hidden herself away once more inside her own sleeping area.
Finally, he moved to reach for his own heater and headed toward her ‘room’ with another soft sigh as she looked a bit startled at his appearance there around the corner of the half-built wall, “I think it may have dropped another five degrees just since you came inside.” he offered a hoarse greeting.
“Wonderful.” she mumbled, looking down as she spoke, so as to not make it any more obvious how startled she was by him even speaking to her at all.
“I figured it might be warmer if we had both heaters in one part of the shack, since we only have two instead of four, now.” he managed to offer further.
“You’re going to sleep…in here?” she managed, not able to keep from glancing up at him at last.
“Well, if it keeps getting this cold at night, I’m thinking one room, two sets of covers, two heaters…two bodies,” he added more quietly, “that would probably be the way to go if we really don’t like the idea of freezing all night, or risking getting sick. I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing either of us need, right now.” he added softly.
“Yeah, I guess so.” she agreed weakly, her eyes turning downwards once more.
Kyle swallowed a bit, forcing back the urge to say, or do, anything in regards to her obviously shocked reaction to his idea, even though the idea itself was basic common sense, “I’m gonna go grab my covers and stuff, then.” he offered with another deep breath as he set the heater near her own bedding and went to retrieve his.
When he returned, her tension was even more obvious as he started up the second heater and then went about bringing the blankets and furs over to where she swallowed hard and moved aside to let him combine their two sets of bedding.
After a few moments, he finished combining the large pile and glanced back at her, “Any preference for a side?” he attempted a smile, though it didn’t quite come to life on his lips.
Lili took another shaky breath as she continued averting her eyes, “I guess the inside, away from the outer wall.” she offered with a slight shrug, “But…” she just shook her head instead of finishing the thought.
“But, what?” Kyle forced himself to ask for her answer, rather than trying to collect it, himself.
“But, it’s only like, nine. You going to sleep already?” she offered an answer which was clearly not her original one.
“It’s way too cold to stand out by that river anymore today. Plus, not a lot else to do out there at night, in the dark, anyway. Figure I’ll wait ’til tomorrow for my first attempt at a solo hunt.” he allowed himself to offer a response, despite having a feeling that the question she asked wasn’t really her original question, at all.
“You’re going to go hunting, alone?” she swallowed a bit.
“I won’t go far, or stay out long.” he attempted to assure as he moved to reach for the top layers of the blankets, awkwardly gesturing for her to join him, “But if the river freezes, I gotta get this hunting thing down. There’s really no choice about that, Lili.” he told her, though kept his voice gentle, despite how warily she forced her feet to bring her toward the bed.
“So, you’ll be even more alone than Jared and Ian, out there.” she whispered as she forced herself to crawl under the covers, while still trying to stay out of contact with his own body.
“Like I said, no real choice about that. We’ve gotta eat, and it’s either fish, for as long as we can get any, or other animals. Those are the only choices until it gets warm enough for any fruit to grow, again.” he repeated just as softly as he narrowed his eyes at the way she pulled the cover up, rolling to her side, away from him while trying to stifle another shaky breath.
“And I’ll be alone, back here.” she managed in an even more broken whisper, “But I guess that’s something I really need to get used to, isn’t it?” she managed, burying her face against the pillow, as more of those tears were replenished once again, almost as though they’d never stop, at all.