“Hey there, it’s Big-Tuber-San and I got some BIG news for you. Well, it’s not really news, just a weird new novelty, because today I have some guests!”

“Hiya, it’s Gaia!” I flexed a muscle.

“And ValsPlays.” She sounded way less enthusiastic than us.

“I’m sure you could tell, but Val isn’t very excited to be here,” Big-Tuber-San continued her introduction. “That is because today I forced her to team up with Gaia and try to beat a game together. Will these two be able to put their differences aside and work together? See for yourself!”

“I am so excited to be here!” I exclaimed.

“I wanna die,” Val muttered on the other hand.

[Oh wow!]

[What’s this? A three-way stream?]

[Oh no, I’m having some nasty pictures inside my head, heheh]

[Lmao, this gonna be fun!!!]

[These two work together? Ahahahah]

[This could be fun]

As expected, the chat filled with lots of positive comments about this event.

“So, you might be asking yourself: What game will these two be playing? They have just as little of an idea, as you.”

Big-Tuber-San changed the screen and the title screen of a game showed up.

“It’s going to be Dctooad! A game about an Octopus pretending to be human.”

“Groan!” was Val’s response to this.

“Hahah, this is amazing! ’Three girls and an octopus’ also makes for an amazing stream title ...”

“Shut it you perv! Harghhhhh, this is why I was so hesitant to agree, sob, sob.”

[Woah, Val’s acting is insane!]

[She’s acting. Right? Right??]

[Help, I’m already dead, and they haven’t even begun to play!]

[Oh my god, this game of all]

“So, for those of you who don’t know: Dctooad, as the title says, is a game about an Octopus. Octopuses have eight limbs, and the game has you control each limb separately. So when these two play the game in Coop, they each take control of a set of limbs to accomplish tasks. Needless to say, this is hopefully going to be hilarious.”

We connected our controllers and started the game.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

“Okay, so the first mission is: get to your wedding, without people finding out you’re an Octopus.”

“Oh my god, what are those controls,” it came from Val immediately after the introduction cutscene. “Rag-doll physics nooooooo.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction.

“Why can’t I move forward?” she asked. “I can only flail around my tentacles, like the pathetic little b- being I am!”

“It’s because Gaia-chan needs to move the other set of tentacles. I told you, it’s about teamwork.”

“I think this is it. This might be the stream that finally breaks me.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll ... TRY ... to move my tentacles, there we go. Okay, yeah, this might become exhausting very quickly,” I admitted.

“TEAM. WORK!” Big-Tuber-San shouted. “How about some good, old-fashioned communication between the two of you. Trust me you’ll be way quicker, if you talk about your next moves, and not leaving your PARTNER in the dust.”

“Okay, Val, for now, let’s just try to leave this room. I move my leg, and now you.”

“Okay ...” she muttered begrudgingly, as she moved her tentacle leg forward.

“Great ... lets-a-go ...”

[Lol, so Gaia’s Italian now?]

[From evil wizard to italian lol]

[Wanna place bets on how long till they lose their sanity?]

With a steady pace we placed one leg before the next in tandem. As we made our way to the aisle, where the octopus was supposed to get married, our wonky steps became quicker and quicker, with the octopus seeming to spill away to all sides. Until suddenly, we lost our rhythm and sent this poor cephalopod flying, knocking away a couples vases, that were unnecessarily placed on top of pillars lining the aisle!

“Damnit, ragdoll physics!”

The games UI alerted us to our suspicious behavior, but luckily no-one around us seemed to even suspect us not being human.

“Lol, the concept of this game is incredible. Incredibly stupid,” I commented.

“That’s what happens when you force a bunch of university students to develop a game I guess,” Big-Tuber-San said.

To top it all off, there were random banana peels on the floor, because, sure why not!

The whole thing took us almost ten minutes, but finally, we were about to get that rewarding cutscene of an octopus marrying a human woman.

“Ohh, I really don’t wanna know how these two make children,” I said to myself.

“I ... share that sentiment,” Big-Tuber-San replied.

“Make it end ...” Val muttered.

“Don’t worry, there’s still a couple more stages ahead,” I replied.

“Oh my god, these controls and physics are insufferable!”

“That’s kind of the point. Don’t worry though, the game isn’t long.”

“Okay, you two! Seems you can’t get married yet, you first need to retrieve the wedding ring from a chest. This is literally the worst marriage ceremony I’ve ever witnessed,” Big-Tuber-San tried steering us back on track.

“I feel like I am playing a game version of Mee Bovie,” Val commented, always the sunshine.

“There actually is a game of that,” I said.

“Stop!”

Despite our bickering, we somehow managed to retrieve the ring from the chest. Now, on to make our way back to the aisle, without slipping on banana peels, or knocking over any more vases.

“Ladies and gentlemen we have gathered today, to witness the union of ValsPlays and Gaia the destroya.”

“Woah, what’s with that cool nickname!”

“Wait, what’s happening.”

“Do you, Gaia, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do!”

“HUH?!”

“And do you, Val, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, also? How do they do this with gay couples?”

“NO WAY IN HELL!”

“That was a yes. You may now kiss the bride.”

All the while I was getting married, the Octopus staggered towards his bride.

As he slapped her in the face a couple times, trying to put the ring on her finger, she told him how handsome she was.

Wasn’t this what we all wanted?

Being repeatedly slapped by a tentacle monster, as you tell him that he is the best?

As the first segment of the game came to a close, the octopus and the human woman ... as well as ValsPlays and Gaia leaned in for the big kiss.

“Huh, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY AVATAR!”

This big romantic moment was meant to foreshadow years of a loving relationship to come.

“Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.”

In reality it was just Big-Tuber-San having Val’s avatar repeatedly hump mine, by dragging it across the screen, while making kissing noises.