Walking To Katy’s house did not take long, but a feverish worry came over Jane and I. The sky was covered in dark clouds, and without the fear of rain I continued to think about the immediate future.
I asked myself questions. How had I treated the girls before? Was it really the right thing to do? Why was I doing this?
I had asked myself these questions hundreds of times, only to come to the same conclusion. What I am doing now is right, don’t look back.
Though not completely convincing, I would not betray my previous emotions.
It felt like I was lost, and would only continue to walk in the same direction.
We eventually arrived at Katy’s house, and in accordance with Jane's words there were no cars in the driveway. Her parents must be out.
Jane pulled out her phone and held it to her ear. Was she calling Katy?
They quickly finished their conversation, and the result, “She doesn’t want to see us.”
“Then I just have to convince her.” I spoke confidently, and once again put on a mask.
“And how are you going to do that?” Jane asked, was she looking down on me?
“Can you try calling her again?” I asked lightly. Jane pulled out her phone again, and surprisingly she handed the phone to me. It seemed that Katy had answered the phone.
“Hello.” I said normally.
A voice from the other side of the phone answered rudely, “Who are you?”
“I am Azure, and I want to talk to you.” I told truthfully.
A short silence from the person on the other side before she finally answered, “I don’t want to talk to you.” However she didn’t hang up the call, which likely meant she was not entirely opposed.
“Do you know what I want to talk to you about?” I asked.
“Of course not, what is it?” She asked.
“I want to talk about Kurt.” I said softly.
A silence once again was heard from the other side of the phone.
“Why?” One shy word was heard from Katy.
“Because I want to help.” I answered
“You think you can help?” she said angrily.
“It might be hard to argue over the phone, let's talk in person.” I tried a small trick.
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“Fine.” Katy said exasperated before she hung up. I smiled at Jane while returning her phone. Quickly the door opened. Jane seemed to be shocked by my ability.
Katy was wearing gray sweatpants and a purple sweatshirt. She was short with messy brown hair, and her face unadorned by the usual makeup that girls wear. Overall she could be said to be cute but likely fierce.
“How did you do it?” Jane whispered in my ear. I ignored her and greeted Katy, who only nodded with a frown on her face.
“Let's continue inside, you arrogant unlikable kid.” She said while walking into the house, leaving the door open. I followed her in and was led to a table.
“What was your question again?” I asked feigning ignorance.
“What makes you think you can help?” She asked loudly.
“It is a little difficult to answer that question.” I said, I was a little conflicted.
“So you can’t answer, that sounds about right, why are you even doing this?” She continued.
“I didn’t say I couldn’t answer. And for why I am doing this, it's because I want to.” I responded confidently. My words made a very obvious result on Katy.
“If you can answer then answer, and what do you mean because you want to? Do you think you can involve yourself in this so easily?” She put forward her own rage.
“Then with which do you want to start? What qualifications I have or why I want to involve myself.” I spoke with utmost confidence, which might be crucial to convincing her.
“Let's start with why, even if you can help, why you are helping is equally important.” She responded with equal confidence.
“Then shall we? Do I need a deep reason to involve myself? I just want to help you move forward.” I spoke as honestly as I could.
“What? Do you even know me? Why would you want to help?” She responded loudly.
“Do I need to know you to want to help you? I know what happened to you and I want to help.” I responded.
“Know what happened to me. DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? What it feels like? The pain. What do you even know about suffering?” This hit too deep, and I could only fall silent.
What I knew about pain and suffering? A dark wave flooded my heart once again, washing my mind with suspicion and hate. My body slowly relaxed and I no longer had a smile, but piercing cold eyes.
My sudden change caught the attention of the two girls. They looked slightly shocked but had no further question of the change.
“I guess it will have to go this way.” I talked to myself, both Katy and Jane were frightened by my selfish words.
“Katy, let's talk about the other question, my qualifications. What makes me think I can help? It's because I already have.” I spoke coldly, with no emotion or niceties in my speech.
“What do you mean?” Katy asked obviously off put by my change in demeanor.
“Aren’t you a little selfish?” I asked knowing full well that my words would end in pain.
“What do you mean selfish?” Katy asked angrily.
“You don’t know that Kurt assaulted five people besides you right?” I spoke clearly. Katy’s eyes widened, then her thoughts and words followed.
“What does that have to do with anything?” She asked but it was obvious that she was affected by the content of my words.
“I have already gotten the cooperation of three of them. I hope that will prove my ability.”
“I see, well that does prove your ability to an extent. But how does that make me selfish?” Katy only got more docile as she spoke.
“One of the six victims of Kurt is Jane.” These words carried a lot of weight, too much weight for Katy. Her jaw dropped as she looked over to Jane and then tears slowly fell from her eyes. Jane quickly embraced Katy in a hug and also shed tears.
The embrace lasted for minutes, this time I tried to heat up my heart a bit. However I still needed to say what was left in the back of my throat.
I looked over at the two of them and said, “Katy it is true that I don’t know you, but it is also true that you don’t know anything about me. You know nothing about my past, so don’t think that I have no place helping you based solely on lack of suffering.”