Mr. Drake was sitting in a chair across the table. His expression was serious and filled with concern.

I knew that he only had good intentions, but that didn’t make his words any easier to accept.

Mr. Drake only sat without speaking obviously not knowing what to say.

“I know that I have to apologize to her, but I don’t know how.” I said, part of my heart trying to push forward the conversation.

“So you do know… but why did you say those things to her in the first place?” He asked.

I hesitated before speaking my words stuck in my throat. “I… it’s dangerous for her to be around me.” I finally got out.

“Then why do you feel like apologizing?” He asked me. I could understand what he was trying to say.

“The way I said it hurt her, we shouldn't have any deep interactions in the first place, but I don’t want to leave it like this.” I replied.

“That’s wrong.” Mr. Drake said.

“Why is it wrong?” I asked coldly.

Mrs. Drake answered my question, “You hate yourself too much.” I did not understand.

Mr. Drake started, “That's right you are-,” but was interrupted by Mrs. Drake.

“That’s not our problem to solve, the two of them need to talk this out.”

“Why?” I asked amidst my overwhelming confusion.

“You only need to know that ever since you met Kaede you have started to change. I know you think you are the scum of the earth, but right now you only need to know what you really want.” Mr. Drake replied.

Thoughts or rather questions started to scatter around my head.

Me, Change? Have I ever really changed, is anybody even important to me enough?

Scum? Of course I am scum, I even did ‘that’.

What do I really want?

Justice? For those girls?

For myself?

Unfortunately these thoughts did not make anything clear to me. However I did feel like it swirled the pot, and change would follow.

“Do you know what to do?” Mr. Drake asked, expecting a special moment.

“No," I replied.

“Useless,” Mrs. Drake replied.

“It’s okay, sometimes people just need to clear their head to come to the answer.” Mr. Drake said while laughing.

“Clear my head?” I asked.

“Get rid of all the useless thoughts, and reaffirm your goal.” Mr. Drake answered.

“You sound like a self help book.” I replied.

“Then I am not wrong, I think you need my self help.” Mr. Drake smiled.

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I left the shop shortly after, my mind filled with too many ideas. I decided to go for a walk to try and clear my head.

I walked down streets, and felt the people rush past me. My being not even worth a second glance. Shops filled with dancing lights, and happy faces.

The outside is cold and grey, with everybody rushing around with a purpose.

An alley to the side suddenly caught my eye. A familiar pure white catching my sight.

I snapped back to reality and walked down the alley as fast as I could. Hoping to confirm my prior spotting.

Why would a god come here? I thought to myself. God certainly wouldn’t do anything without purpose. Right?

However that thought was not exactly supported by his childlike appearance and actions.

I turned around the corner of the alley where I spotted the glimpse of white.

There was nothing, just another street less packed with people. No white hair in sight, however a similar color caught my eye.

A very light blonde.

I moved without thinking towards the colored hair. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

“Azure.” Kaede said after she noticed me walking towards her. Kaede’s expression was reserved.

“Kaede.” I answered still unknowing what to say. Kaede stood still waiting for me, without making a peep of noise.

“I-Can we talk?” I asked, any part of me devoted to my safety not working. Absolutely no caution was put to my being.

Kaede only nodded and continued to walk. I followed her while staying quiet. My mind raced to try and find the right words.

We eventually made our way to an empty park. A bench that might have appeared too many times.

We sat and Kaede waited in silence while looking at me. As if saying; What are you waiting for?

“I wanted to apologize for my words the last time we met.” I said, this was the only thing I knew for sure right now. I at least wanted to apologize.

“What do you want to apologize for?” Kaede stared at me with curious eyes that were only a bit scary.

I could not answer, and Kaede picked up on this.

“Why did you say those things?” The look on her face was unbearable, it was so sad even without tears.

I once again did not answer.

Kaede stood up and began to leave. My heart crumbled, was my only chance to apologize gone? Without even being able to say anything.

She looked so sad, and I caused that. I was to blame.

“Wait.” I said, I could not allow it to end here.

Kaede turned around waiting for anything I had to say.

“I said those words, because I didn’t want to hurt you.” I said.

“What do you mean? I won't understand it with just that.” Kaede replied angrily.

“I am not a good person, being around me will only be bad for you.” I said.

“Don’t you think that is for me to decide.” She stated.

“But, I am a really horrible person.” I responded.

“You don’t even know the good parts about yourself.” Kaede replied.

“What good parts? I am a hypocritical liar who treats everybody around me as a servant.” I said desperately.

“I say I want to help people, but I only hurt people. I hate people who do bad things, but I do worse things. I say that people are disgusting but I am worse. I say I know people, how the world works. I say I am above everybody, but I was never above them, I was the one abandoned by them. I say I know how everything works, but my own thoughts are harmful. You don’t need to be around me. I have no good parts, I am only filthy and disgusting.”

“You do have good parts. You have justice in your heart even if it is only your own. You say you only hurt people but you do it all for them. You give up yourself for them. You save people who are in need of help like Abby. You forgive people like bell. But you never think of yourself. You will walk alone injured carrying somebody without a whisper of complaint. People come to hate you and you keep moving forward, you take all your pain to yourself.” Kaede immediately responded fiercely. She knew that much?

“I am really not a good person, you only look at it optimistically.” I said.

“Then you only look at it pessimistically.” Kaede responded on point.

“That really isn’t true.” I said.

“How do you know?” She asked fiercely.

“Do you want to know the truth?” I asked.

“Yes.” She responded.

I knew that if I revealed the truth she would stay away from me forever. She would spread rumors across the school. However, if I went and agreed with her, and never told her this… I could not move forward with this secret between us. That would be worse, I wanted somebody to see the truth.

“I know I am the worst. I even killed someone.”