It was a perfect sunny afternoon, though it was hard to tell from Fujino's perspective. The sun blazed down on him, and he was knee-deep in absurdity. The farm was his domain, and today was the day he would summon an apple grove. Sure, it had started as just an ordinary farming project, but through a mix of desperation and sheer madness, it had evolved into something much... weirder.

Fujino stood in the middle of his field, wearing nothing but a pair of tight, camouflaged underwear that barely fit him—he was definitely regretting his decision to wear this outfit. His face was smeared with dark green camo paint that made him look like he was preparing for a final showdown with some unknown boss in a video game.

"Gotta focus. I CAN DO THIS." He muttered to himself in a strangely heroic tone. His hands gripped a small, crooked stick as though it were a sword. His stance was heroic... or at least, he thought it was. He shouted at the apple tree in front of him as if it were the last boss of a game.

"By the power of this soil, I shall summon the grand apple grove!" He raised his arms dramatically. "Foolish tree, prepare to feel the wrath of my legendary farming technique!"

The apple tree in question was... rather unimpressive. It looked like a regular tree, the kind you'd find anywhere in the world—nothing special. But Fujino was determined.

The ritual was strange, utterly nonsensical, and definitely not something that anyone would call "normal farming." He'd received a scroll from the authorities after passing some bizarre "temporary farming permit" test. The scroll, which appeared to have been written by a drunk farmer, clearly outlined the requirements:

Perform a dance of triumph under the sun.

Make sure to chant the phrase "Apple Tree, Appear!" five times in different languages.

Offer the tree a sacrifice of fruit, but only apples. (No cheating with other fruits.)

Wear nothing but your underwear while completing the task (for the sake of "harmony with nature," apparently).

End with a dramatic pose for the tree to acknowledge your determination.

Fujino groaned, feeling humiliated as he performed each absurd step. The shame burned in his chest, but he had to do it to get that stupid apple grove.

"Apple Tree, Appear!" he chanted in a mix of Japanese and whatever gibberish came to his mind. "Fruitis arboreus, appear!" (Was that even Latin?)

And then, in a burst of deep self-loathing, he dropped to the ground and began his "victorious dance" with exaggerated flailing. His movements were as ridiculous as the situation itself, legs kicking wildly like he was trying to fight off invisible enemies. To an outside observer, it looked like the most pathetic ritual in existence.

Just as Fujino was about to throw himself into an uncoordinated somersault, he noticed movement in the distance.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Standing behind some bushes, a pair of watchful eyes stared at him in disbelief.

"What in the name of the heavens..." Fiora, the Duke's daughter, whispered as she peered from her hiding spot, her elegant robes swishing in the wind. She had heard rumors about the perverted sage who lived on the outskirts of the town, but seeing it firsthand was... a whole other level of bewilderment.

Her eyes widened in shock as she watched this supposed "genius of farming" perform a bizarre, half-naked dance in front of a normal apple tree, complaining loudly as he did so.

"WHY DOES THE WORLD MAKE ME DO THIS!?" Fujino wailed dramatically, his voice rising to a pitch that could've shattered glass. His movements became more desperate, and he started worming on the ground like a snake in front of the tree.

"This apple grove... better grow, damn it!"

Fiora couldn't tear her eyes away, her face a mix of confusion, disbelief, and an odd curiosity. Was this really the genius farmer she had heard so much about? This was nothing like the rumors—this was pathetic, and yet... there was something oddly charming about his absurd antics.

Just as she was about to step out and confront him, something unexpected happened.

With a creaking sound, the apple tree started to grow. Slowly at first, but with increasing speed. The small tree's branches stretched out and upward. Its leaves turned a vibrant green—larger, thicker, and more robust than any ordinary tree in sight. In moments, it went from a mediocre sapling to a full-fledged apple grove, the trees standing tall and proud.

Fiora blinked. Her servant, a tall man with a bushy mustache, stared in astonishment beside her.

"Did... did that tree just...?" the servant asked.

Fiora rubbed her eyes, thinking she was imagining things. But no—there it was. The apple grove, fully grown, standing strong.

Fujino, meanwhile, continued wriggling on the ground, yelling at the top of his lungs.

"YES!" he shouted in triumph, not even noticing the grove growing behind him. "Take that, you stupid tree! I'm the greatest!"

Fiora and her servant exchanged a glance, both equally dumbfounded by the scene. They had expected a wise sage, not this deranged lunatic wriggling around like a worm in the dirt.

But before Fiora could open her mouth to ask him anything, Fujino stopped his ridiculous wriggling and stood up in a triumphant pose—his underwear barely hanging on, camo paint smudged over his face, his chest heaving with the effort of the ridiculous dance.

"I AM THE GREATEST FARMER IN THE WORLD!"

Fiora's servant took a hesitant step back, and Fiora, despite herself, felt a faint blush rising on her cheeks. What was she even seeing?

Fujino, meanwhile, was completely unaware of the situation.

"What's a Duke's daughter doing here?" he mumbled, scratching his head. "This is MY farm. I don't know what you want, but don't get in my way!"

Fiora stared, her face turning slightly red from confusion and embarrassment.

"I... I..." she stammered, struggling to comprehend what she was witnessing.

She wasn't sure what was more absurd—the ridiculous ritual she just witnessed or that it actually worked.

"...I need to report this back to the Duke," Fiora said, a nervous smile creeping onto her face as she slowly backed away.

Fujino, still flexing his muscles in victory, didn't even notice. "Yeah, go ahead. This farm's my masterpiece, okay?"

As Fiora and her servant walked away, still in shock, Fujino stood proudly next to the newly grown apple grove, completely oblivious to the chaos he had just caused.