Part 1: The Great "Retirement"

The battlefield was a mess. Scorched earth, broken weapons, the charred remnants of what used to be an army of demons, and the faint smell of burnt brimstone filled the air. The once-mighty Demon Lord's army—well, what was left of it—lay scattered across the desolate land. Some demons were unconscious, some groaned, and some were already slipping back into the underworld, their bodies reduced to nothing more than wisping smoke as they "respawned" for their inevitable return to the frontlines.

And there, sitting atop a crumbling obsidian throne, was Fujino Tetsuya.

His hands wrapped around a can of iced coffee, which he sipped casually as he surveyed the battlefield. He leaned back, feet propped up on the broken remains of a once-proud demon general, and sighed dramatically.

"Another day, another 999th defeat," he muttered to no one in particular.

He could almost hear his elite generals' groans from across the field. They'd long since abandoned any hope of a glorious victory. A hulking demon with flaming horns attempted to rise to his feet but ended up collapsing right back down into the dirt, face first. A succubus with tattered wings sighed in frustration, glaring at Fujino as if he were personally responsible for this catastrophe.

"Honestly, this is getting ridiculous," Fujino continued. He popped the tab on his iced coffee and took another sip, thoroughly unbothered. "What did I even sign up for? A demon lord job? More like the world's worst part-time gig."

One of his generals, a demon with a heavyset body and a spiked club, crawled over to him, trying to catch his breath. His eyes were wide with panic.

"My Lord, are you—are you really giving up? You... you can't! Not after everything we've been through!" he pleaded. "The battles! The glory! The power! The—"

Fujino interrupted him with a lazy wave of his hand. "Glory? Power? Dude, I haven't had a single peaceful day in three years. This whole thing is just one big dumpster fire of humiliation."

He tilted his head back and stared at the sky, where the faint traces of magic still lingered from the battle. His mind wandered briefly to the absurdities he'd endured: stripping naked to cast spells, confessing his undying love to his enemies (while getting stabbed in the process), and mimicking some of the most ridiculous battle stances imaginable.

One time, he had to imitate his opponent's warrior pose, only to find that his foe's stance was a bizarre, exaggerated version of a dance move. How was he supposed to take that seriously?

"The worst part?" Fujino mused aloud, "The humiliation. Every single time, I lose and I have to get up and try again like some kind of RPG character, but with way less gear and way more embarrassment."

The general, now trying to stand and failing miserably, raised a trembling hand. "M-My Lord, please, we've come so far! We're just one step away from victory! Just… just one more battle, and—"

"I'm done," Fujino said flatly, cutting him off mid-sentence.

"W-What?" the general gasped.

"I'm done," Fujino repeated, standing up from his throne. He stretched lazily, cracking his neck with a satisfied sigh. "I've been at this for three years. Three long years of nothing but crushing defeats. My army's in shambles, I've lost to that Hero chick—what was her name? Oh right, Loraine Lionheart. And now I'm just… I'm so over it."

The demon generals exchanged confused glances, like they were waiting for him to break out into some villainous laugh, or maybe a speech about revenge or conquering the world. But Fujino just stared blankly at them.

"No more. I quit," he declared, brushing some ash off his coat as though it were an inconvenience rather than a symbol of the countless battles fought and lost.

"I'm retiring," Fujino said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

The general's jaw dropped. "B-but… but… My Lord! You're the Demon Lord! You can't just leave!"

Fujino turned to face him, deadpan. "Oh yeah? Watch me."

He gave the battlefield one last, unimpressed glance, making sure there was no more "heroic last stand" nonsense to deal with.

"No more. I'm done. No more summoning hellfire, no more being 'the Demon Lord,' no more fighting, no more getting stabbed mid-confession. I've had enough. Time for a new life." He put a hand to his chin, thinking aloud. "Maybe... I'll get a goat farm or something."

The succubus gasped in horror. "A-a goat farm? But… but, you can't! What about your destiny as the 665th Demon Lord?! What about—"

Fujino shrugged, cutting her off. "Destiny? Please. That was a mess from the start. Have you guys read the fine print of my powers? You think being an overpowered Demon Lord is all it's cracked up to be? No, thank you. Goats don't have 'ultimate abilities' that require me to strip or confess love in the middle of battle. It's simple, peaceful. Just me, some goats, and maybe a nice crop of tomatoes."

He turned and started walking away, as if he'd just finished a boring meeting at the office.

"Good luck with your next Demon Lord, guys. I'll be at the farm. I'll send a postcard."

And just like that, Fujino Tetsuya, former Demon Lord, walked off into the horizon.

His generals stared after him, frozen in shock. The Hero, Loraine, would be furious—but honestly, Fujino couldn't care less.

For the first time in three years, he felt… free.

Part 2: The Hero's Party Reacts

As Fujino walked away, the battlefield behind him still smoking and littered with the wreckage of yet another pointless defeat, Loraine Lionheart stood frozen. Her gleaming armor, which looked like it had just been polished in a divine spa, shimmered under the fading sun as her perfectly manicured fingers gripped the hilt of her holy sword. Her eyes flicked from the retreating figure of the Demon Lord to her party, who, by some cosmic irony, were just as confused as she was.

"Oi! Demon Lord!" Loraine shouted, her voice filled with a mixture of righteous fury and utter disbelief. "You can't just quit! Not now! Not like this!"

Fujino didn't stop walking. He didn't even look back. The man was in retirement mode, and nothing, not even the glorious hero standing before him, could stop him.

Loraine's mouth opened and closed, as if she were trying to form words, but all that came out was a pathetic, "Wh-what?!"

From behind her, the first voice to chime in was that of Saint Aurelia, the party's healer. She was a saint in both title and fashion, with a long, flowing robe that practically screamed "holier-than-thou." Her hair was immaculate, her smile always gentle, and she had the kind of voice that could make you feel like you'd committed the gravest sin just by existing.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"But, but… but what about his destiny?" Saint Aurelia gasped, her hands fluttering to her chest in disbelief. "The Demon Lord is supposed to bring the world to the brink of destruction! This can't be right! What are we supposed to do now?!"

Loraine opened her mouth to respond, but before she could speak, a deep voice interrupted her.

"It's simple, Saint." This came from Jelani, the party's assassin. She was a dark-skinned beauty, dressed in ridiculously revealing clothes that, frankly, seemed designed to distract more than protect. Her leather outfit hugged her curves so tightly that it seemed like one wrong move could cause her entire wardrobe to fall apart. And yet, somehow, she wielded twin daggers with an elegance that betrayed the chaos that was her fashion sense.

Her cold, emotionless eyes locked onto the retreating figure of Fujino. "We find a new Demon Lord. One who doesn't have to strip in the middle of battles or confess his undying love to people who want to murder him."

Saint Aurelia gasped in shock. "Wait, he had to strip?!"

"Yep." Jelani nodded. "And not just his shirt. All of it. Including his dignity."

Saint Aurelia clutched her pearls. "But—no! A Demon Lord is not supposed to be that kind of person! How can we face the world knowing that the Demon Lord was... was a pervert?!"

Loraine, still utterly flabbergasted, turned toward her third party member, Sirael, the elf mage. Sirael was the quiet, studious type, always buried in a book or examining magical runes. She wore glasses—thick ones—so big that they practically obscured half her face. And the size of her chest? Let's just say the magic in her robes didn't seem to be aimed at keeping her well-supported, if you know what I mean.

She blinked, pushing her glasses up her nose with a bit of a frown. "I… I don't understand." She tugged at her robe, which, for the third time that day, was threatening to snap under the pressure of her assets. "Why would he quit? If he just kept fighting, there could be… more mana, more spells, more magic!"

Saint Aurelia looked at her with wide eyes. "Sirael, do you even hear yourself? More magic? We just saw the guy strip off his pants and recite a poem of love to a sword just to cast a fireball. It's embarrassing!"

"Oh, trust me," Jelani chimed in, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "The fireball was nothing. You should've seen the time he had to re-enact a romance drama scene to summon a thunderstorm. Like, dramatic poses and everything. It was horrible."

Sirael adjusted her glasses, lost in thought. "So… what you're telling me is that the Demon Lord's most powerful magic came from his… humiliating actions?"

"Yup," Jelani confirmed. "Magic through awkwardness. Such a good system."

Loraine's face twitched. "I can't—this is too much!" She stomped her foot, clearly not ready to accept the utter absurdity of what had just happened. "We can't just let him quit! We need a climactic battle to wrap up this whole Demon Lord vs. Hero thing! There's supposed to be drama!"

Sirael tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… a climactic battle... But if he's gone... does that mean we get to skip all the embarrassing power-ups?"

Jelani rolled her eyes. "That's the only good thing about him leaving, honestly. I can finally go to sleep without worrying about whether or not we'll have to do a group therapy session after the next battle."

Saint Aurelia wailed, clutching her head dramatically. "No! This can't be the end! How will I explain this to the church?! They're going to think I failed as a healer if the Demon Lord quits halfway through the story!"

Loraine, however, was not about to let this go. She took a deep breath, trying to refocus. "Alright. Alright, listen up, everybody!" She pointed at her party, her voice suddenly full of that hero-like resolve. "We're not giving up yet! We'll find a new Demon Lord. We'll keep fighting. And we'll make sure to give him a proper dramatic send-off. And we'll make sure he doesn't have ridiculous conditions like… like…"

"Stripping?" Jelani suggested with a smirk.

Loraine clenched her fists. "Exactly. No more of that nonsense. This is our moment. This is the beginning of the next climactic battle!"

The party members exchanged glances, their faces a mixture of disbelief and hesitant excitement.

"Well…" Sirael said slowly, "At least it'll be different."

Part 3: "A New Demonlord? Yeah, Good Luck With That!"

Fujino walked away from the battlefield, his back turned to the stunned Hero and her absurdly colorful party. He wasn't looking back. He was done. Finished. He'd already been dragged into an isekai world that wasn't even close to the one he'd imagined. All those years of fantasizing about a grand fantasy world where he'd get all the power, a harem of beautiful women, and endless glory? Yeah, he'd gotten all of that. But with way too many conditions.

He stopped in his tracks and sighed, dragging a hand down his face.

"Stripping to cast a fireball... Confessing my love to a freaking sword... I've had enough," he muttered to himself, his voice weary. "I should've stayed at that convenience store."

He could still hear Loraine yelling in the distance, probably rallying her entirely ridiculous party.

"Can't they just get a real Demon Lord to fight? One that doesn't need to strip every time they use a spell?" Fujino thought bitterly. "What the hell kind of summoning circle was that? Why was I the 665th candidate? I don't even care about this stupid demon army! I was fine with just collecting anime figurines and occasionally going to classes I barely passed! Is that too much to ask for?"

His mind drifted back to the "good ol' days" in Tokyo. The convenience store, his tiny apartment with posters on every wall, the regular meal of instant ramen… Ah, the memories. And now this?

"I swear, the more I think about it, the more this whole 'Demon Lord' gig feels like a bad video game," he continued, pacing in small circles. "Like one of those mobile games where they ask you to pay money to upgrade, but the rewards are just... humiliating power-ups." He shook his head. "Why does everything involve my dignity? I can't even look at a sword without feeling like it's judging me."

He grumbled under his breath, letting out a frustrated sigh. The entire situation was a mess, and yet here he was—walking away from it all.

Meanwhile, back at the battlefield:

Loraine's party had finally managed to pull themselves together after Fujino's shocking exit.

"Did you hear that? He just... quit!" Saint Aurelia exclaimed, her hands clasped together in disbelief. "What do we do now? How are we supposed to save the world without a Demon Lord to fight?!"

Jelani crossed her arms, leaning against a nearby destroyed tower. "Honestly? I don't know, but I'm kind of glad he's gone. Who needs a Demon Lord who strips down and has romantic episodes in the middle of battle? It was embarrassing just being in the same room as him."

Sirael, still adjusting her massive glasses (which kept slipping off), looked around the battlefield as if she were about to make a scientific observation. "Hmm… You know, there are historical records of much more dignified Demon Lords. Maybe we can study them and find a new one? It might be more efficient than looking for some random substitute."

"Great idea!" Loraine snapped, her voice sharp as she raised a fist to the sky. "We'll find a new Demon Lord who's as strong as the last one… without the embarrassing clothes problems!"

Jelani snickered. "Good luck with that, princess. You're gonna need a miracle to find someone like that. I don't think the Demon King's got a 'Demon Lord for Dummies' manual lying around."

Back to Fujino:

He finally found a nice patch of grass under a tree and plopped down, rubbing his temples. The weight of the world was literally not on his shoulders anymore—thank god. But this whole hero party thing was still bugging him.

"Wait a minute… did she just call herself 'Princess'?" He snorted. "Are you seriously going to act like you're the royalty in this mess, Loraine? You're just a glorified hero with a fancy title! Who does she think she is—Princess What, exactly?"

Fujino let out a long, drawn-out groan as he flopped back against the tree. He stared up at the sky, wondering what was even the point of all of this. Why had he been dragged into a world where nothing made sense? Why did he have to be the guy who got summoned into this ridiculous story just to be humiliated every time?

"First I'm supposed to be this 'Demon Lord,' then I'm supposed to love my enemies out loud like some kind of ridiculous rom-com protagonist. And the hero party? Please. What are they, some kind of bargain-bin version of those high school girls who get paired up in those super dramatic group projects, thinking they can save the world with 'true love' or whatever?"

He groaned again. "I don't even know what to do now. I can't just retire in peace without them showing up at my doorstep, right?"

He glanced around, noticing a lone squirrel peeking at him from a tree branch, probably judging his life choices. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, furball. You don't know what it's like to be a 'Demon Lord.'"

Back to the Hero Party:

As the hero party began brainstorming ideas for their next move, Saint Aurelia stood up dramatically, eyes sparkling. "I believe I know exactly what to do!"

"Oh, really?" Jelani raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "What, are we going to send him a thank-you card for his 'service'?"

"No!" Aurelia beamed, hands clasped together. "We'll find a new Demon Lord… and make him fall in love with me! It'll work!"

The entire group paused.

"You do realize that might not be the most effective strategy, right?" Jelani deadpanned.

Loraine, always dramatic, threw her hands up. "I knew this would be a challenge! But we must rise to it, for justice and the future of the world!"

"Right," Jelani said flatly, "And in the meantime, I'll try not to vomit every time I think of that ridiculous, 'let's find love' strategy."

Back to Fujino:

Fujino slapped his face with both hands. "Oh, great. So now they're thinking they're gonna fall in love with some other Demon Lord? Yeah, good luck with that," he muttered, looking at the horizon. "Honestly, I don't even care anymore."

And so, with a new headache and a lot of complaints, Fujino's retreat into ordinary life seemed more impossible than ever. And the Hero Party? Well, they still had no clue what to do either.