Part 1: The Field Inspection (Permit Chaos)

Fujino stood in front of his field, clutching the latest document he had received—a notification of an official farming inspection. He had been staring at it for a solid ten minutes, blinking in disbelief.

The Farming Oversight Bureau had dispatched an inspector to evaluate his land, to make sure it met all the magical, bureaucratic, and completely absurd requirements needed for him to keep farming.

It was the moment of truth.

"No turning back now," he muttered, scanning the letter again. "This is either the start of a new chapter in my life, or the point where I lose my sanity completely."

He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, Fujino, calm down. You can do this. It's just some silly inspection. Nothing to worry about. It's not like—"

Suddenly, a loud whirring noise interrupted his thoughts. The air above him turned ominously dark, and the sound of mechanical wings filled the atmosphere. Without warning, a massive, floating drone descended from the sky with a deafening whizz.

Fujino’s eye twitched as it hovered above him. The drone, sleek and metallic, was covered in glowing symbols, and a floating screen blinked to life in front of him.

“HELLO, FARMER TETSU,” the drone chimed in a robotic, cheery voice. “YOU ARE NOW UNDERGOING AN OFFICIAL FIELD INSPECTION TO ASSESS COMPLIANCE WITH THE FARMING REGULATIONS.”

Fujino’s heart sank. Official inspection? That sounded ominous. He tried to compose himself, but the ridiculousness of it all was already sinking in.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” he groaned. “I just wanted to farm in peace...”

The screen flickered, and a list of requirements appeared.

“TO BEGIN YOUR INSPECTION, YOU MUST COMPLY WITH THE FOLLOWING:”

Fujino squinted at the first item on the list.

PROVIDE PROOF OF LEGITIMATE FARMING PURPOSE

"What does that even mean?" Fujino muttered. "I’m farming because... I need food... and because this land is literally my only option. Is that not legitimate enough?"

The drone beeped, as though responding to his internal frustration. "IF YOU CANNOT PROVIDE PROOF OF PURPOSE, YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED."

"DISQUALIFIED?? I didn’t even know there was a competition!" Fujino yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. "Who the hell needs to prove why they're farming? What’s next, a reasonable justification for why I want to harvest some carrots?!"

The drone emitted a soft whirring sound, like it was processing the sarcasm.

"PROVIDE EVIDENCE OF FARMING SKILLS," the screen continued, unbothered by his outburst.

"Farming skills?" Fujino echoed, rubbing his eyes. "I’ve been trying to survive this whole time. Does that count?"

The drone beeped again. "YOUR FARMING SKILLS MUST BE DEMONSTRATED THROUGH THE COMPLETION OF A MANDATORY RITUAL. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN DISQUALIFICATION."

"A ritual?!" Fujino screamed. "Are you kidding me? What, am I supposed to sacrifice a goat to the farming gods or something?!"

The drone didn’t respond, but the words on the screen changed.

COMPLETION OF FARMING RITUAL: DANCE OF THE FARMING SPIRIT

"What the hell?" Fujino said aloud. "A dance? I don't even know how to dance!"

Before he could voice his frustration further, a massive mechanical golem appeared from the ground. It was towering, covered in farming tools, and its eyes were glowing an unnervingly bright green.

"Initiating Farming Spirit Dance," it said, its voice robotic but somehow oddly solemn.

Fujino just stood there, his face blank. “...What?”

The golem raised its arms in a grand, sweeping motion and started moving in exaggerated, mechanical jerks. It was as though it had no understanding of rhythm at all—swinging its rake like it was a baton and twirling its giant, saw-blade scythe with far too much enthusiasm.

The drone’s voice chirped once more.

“PLEASE JOIN THE DANCE TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR FARMING SPIRIT.”

Fujino’s eyes twitched as he watched the golem perform its awful version of a dance, completely unaware of how ridiculous it looked.

“Oh no…” Fujino groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Please don’t make me do this. Please don’t make me do this…”

The drone’s lights flashed, indicating it was waiting for him. "YOU MUST SHOW ENTHUSIASM. FARMING IS AN ART, AND ART REQUIRES SOUL."

“I’m about to lose my soul if I do this,” Fujino muttered bitterly, but before he could protest further, the golem reached out with its farming rake and literally pushed him into the circle of absurdity.

"Great," he groaned. “Now I’m part of some farming cult.”

Resigned to his fate, Fujino awkwardly mimicked the golem’s dance, trying not to trip over his own feet as he spun around with a rake like it was some sort of ceremonial staff. He tried his best to follow the golem's movements, but he couldn't help but feel like he was actively participating in a nightmare.

Each of his movements was a parody of farming spirit, and to make matters worse, every vine and magical plant around him started reacting. The crops, as if sensing the absurdity of the situation, began to grow at an unnatural rate. They sprouted faster, some of them began to pulse like they were alive, and others twisted like they were mocking his every misstep.

"This is... a nightmare," Fujino moaned, feeling the heat of embarrassment creep up his neck. "This is like a fever dream in a bad isekai anime. I want to get off this ride!"

The drone chirped happily. "FARMING SPIRIT: ACTIVATED. FIELD INSPECTION COMPLETE."

Fujino fell to his knees, gasping for air. "Complete? It's complete? What just happened? Did I just... finish a farming ritual?"

The golem stepped back, having finished its "dance" as well. “YOU ARE NOW CERTIFIED AS FARMER TETSU, TEMPORARILY.”

Fujino groaned. “Temporarily? What the hell does that even mean?”

The drone smiled, or at least it seemed to. “FARMING PERMIT GRANTED. ENJOY YOUR ONE HOUR TRIAL.”

"...ONE HOUR?" Fujino exploded. "What the hell? I just danced like a madman and got one hour?!"

With that, the drone and the golem ascended, leaving Fujino standing in his field, feeling his sanity slip away.

Part 2: Denial, Madness, and a Naked Summoning

The field had been nothing short of a disaster, the remnants of Fujino's attempt at farming barely resembling anything that could be considered "agricultural." A strange wind blew through the mess, and, in the distance, the mechanical hums of the golem drones faded into nothing. But for all its absurdity, the worst was yet to come.

Hidden in the shadows, Dahlia—one of the Demon Army's top generals—watched from afar, her eyes narrowed in disbelief. She couldn’t comprehend what was unfolding before her. What happened to the Demon Lord she once served? The man who had once commanded legions of darkness? And now here he was, dancing in the middle of the field with golems, flailing like a windmill in a storm.

Stolen story; please report.

Fujino stopped abruptly, gasping for air. His crimson eyes darted around, and his face twisted with frustration. How did this happen?

“No, no, no! This can’t be my life now!” he yelled at the heavens, kicking dirt in frustration. “How did I end up dancing like a complete idiot in front of these stupid golems?!”

He flopped onto the ground dramatically, hands clutching his face as if the weight of the world was bearing down on him. “I’m not even supposed to be a farmer! What happened to the good ol’ Demon Lord life of power and murderous evil?” His voice dropped an octave, doing a dramatic impression of himself in his Demon Lord days. “I am the ruler of darkness! Fear me, peasants! I shall crush all who defy me—”

But before he could finish his brooding, he heard a rustling in the bushes.

Not this again...

He looked toward the shadows with wide eyes. "Oh, great. Another disaster waiting to happen. Who's watching me now?!"

From the shadows, a figure emerged—none other than Dahlia, the ever-beautiful, silver-haired Demon General. But she wasn’t here for a grand confrontation. No, she was just... staring at him, perplexed, trying to process what she was witnessing. Her eyes, filled with disbelief, shifted from him to the carnage in the field. She stood there, completely still, unable to process the absurdity of what she was seeing.

Fujino froze, mid-groan, eyes widening in panic. “Crap!” He sprang up from the ground, attempting to play it cool despite his completely ridiculous appearance. “W-Wait a second, this is NOT what it looks like!”

He threw his hands up defensively, stumbling backward and tripping over his own feet. “Whoever you are, I’ll have you know I’m...” He squinted his eyes, trying to piece together the excuse. “I’m just... uh, a... a humble... farmer, yes! Farmer Tetsu! That’s me! I don’t know any Demon Lord or evil magic stuff!”

Dahlia blinked, her face barely able to hide her shock. “...Farmer Tetsu?”

Fujino nodded emphatically, his face contorting as he struggled to control the absurdity of the situation. “YES! I’m a simple farmer, trying to grow... carrots. That’s it. Not sure what you’re talking about with demons and evil—maybe you’ve been drinking?” He added, squinting suspiciously at her. “Yeah, you’re probably drunk! Shouldn’t be walking around in the daytime like this! You’re seeing things!”

Dahlia stood, still staring, completely taken aback. This... is not the Demon Lord I used to serve...

Fujino wiped his brow dramatically, then struck a bizarre pose, pretending to hold an invisible pitchfork. “I’m just out here, tilling the soil, ya know? Like a real farmer does! This is totally what every farmer does! No demons, no darkness... Just good ol’ nature!”

In that moment, Fujino thought he heard something... a rustling from the scroll in his pocket. His eyes grew wide, and he fumbled to pull it out. "Wait—wait a second! This is it!"

Dahlia watched in confusion as he unfolded the scroll and quickly read the instructions in complete disbelief. The scroll required him to perform an ancient summoning ritual in order to summon an apple tree, of all things. But there was one condition: he had to strip naked and perform a bizarre, completely nonsensical dance to call forth the tree.

Fujino blinked, his mind racing. “I... I can’t be serious right now, right?”

He looked at Dahlia, who was still staring at him, utterly perplexed. With a sigh, he shrugged. “Well, I guess it’s time. Here we go.”

Fujino threw off his clothes in a dramatic, over-the-top manner, fully committed to the ridiculousness of it all. After all, I’m already a joke, right? What’s the worst that could happen?

Standing in his birthday suit, he quickly grabbed a few large leaves to cover himself. Then, in a move that could only be described as both absurd and nonsensical, he held two candles above his head, positioned like some sort of demonic priest. The ridiculous dance began.

“By the powers of the earth... grant me the apple tree! Rise from the soil and let your roots reach the heavens!” he chanted in an overly theatrical voice, hopping around in circles. “Come forth, mighty apple tree! BLESS MY LAND WITH YOUR FRUIT!”

Every movement he made was exaggerated, utterly ridiculous. He spun, twirled, and even attempted a somersault, all while naked, covered by nothing but leaves and candles.

Meanwhile, Dahlia stood frozen, mouth agape, her face a mixture of disbelief and horror. As his movements became more erratic, the sight of him in all his absurdity was enough to make her face flush a deep red. She couldn’t help but notice the way his body moved—each jump, spin, and awkward lunge exposing more than she ever wanted to see.

This... this cannot be real, Dahlia thought, trying to avert her gaze, but her eyes were locked on him. She was both horrified and intrigued, unable to pull away from the madness that was unfolding before her.

Fujino's movements were now growing more frantic as he continued the absurd dance. “Rise! Rise! Apple tree, COME FORTH AND BLOSSOM!”

Suddenly, there was a loud crack in the air, and the scroll glowed. A massive tree began to rise from the ground—but it wasn’t just an apple tree. The ground cracked open, and a mix of vines and apples burst through, wrapping themselves around his legs.

As Fujino stumbled in place, trying to maintain balance, Dahlia’s expression broke completely. Her face flushed brighter than a tomato as she watched the scene unfold, her eyes darting everywhere but at his face.

Finally, unable to take it anymore, she turned on her heel, her face burning with embarrassment. “I... I can’t...!” she stammered, her voice cracking. “What the hell did I just witness?!”

And before Fujino could even react, she ran off, her footsteps echoing in the distance, leaving him standing there alone, victorious yet utterly humiliated.

Fujino, panting from his ritual, paused to catch his breath. He glanced down at the fruit-laden tree and then to the place where Dahlia had just been.

“I did it...” he said proudly, even though everything about this situation made absolutely no sense. “Well... that went better than expected!”

Part 3: The Assassin’s Hilarious Mishap

High up in a nearby tree, hidden from view by the thick branches and leaves, the Assassin from the Hero Party—Jelani—watched with intense focus. Her sharp eyes followed every movement of the strange scene unfolding before her. She’d been tailing the Demon Lord for some time now, but nothing in her experience had prepared her for this utter madness.

There, in the middle of the field, stood Fujino, naked, surrounded by a bizarre mess of candles, leaves, and whatever twisted ritual he was performing. And then... that.

Jelani narrowed her eyes and squinted, trying to get a better view. “What the heck...?” she muttered under her breath, adjusting herself on the branch.

At first, she thought she was imagining things. The scene was already bizarre enough to make her question her own sanity, but there was something... something she couldn’t quite make out. She pulled out a magic scroll, hoping to use her spatial manipulation magic to zoom in for a closer inspection.

“Focus, Jelani,” she whispered to herself, activating the spell. A magical lens appeared in the air before her, expanding the image of Fujino's ritual.

What she saw, however, was far beyond her wildest expectations.

Through the magic lens, she could see the full absurdity of the situation, but the image zoomed in just a little too much. Right as Fujino performed his ridiculous dance move—one where he spun dramatically in a circle—the view landed directly on his private parts.

Jelani’s face immediately flushed a deep shade of crimson.

“What... What is this...?” she stammered, clutching her face as she tried to avert her eyes. “No, no! I didn’t—I wasn’t supposed to see that!”

But it was too late. The damage was done. The spell had locked in on the view, and no amount of flailing would stop it.

Oh gods, why is it so... so exposed?! Jelani thought in horror, her mind short-circuiting. This was not what she signed up for. Her eyes darted frantically around, looking for an escape, but the magic lens was stubborn, following Fujino's every ridiculous movement.

As she tried to shift her focus, she felt herself losing balance on the tree branch. “Ahh—!” she gasped, suddenly slipping.

CRASH.

With a loud thud, Jelani fell from the tree, landing in a bush with a painful splat.

“Ughhh... I hate my life!” Jelani groaned from the ground, completely disoriented.

She sat up, rubbing her head and trying to piece together what had just happened. The magical lens had already dissipated, but the mental damage was done. Her face was still burning, and her mind was plagued by images she could never unsee.

Just then, a voice broke through the chaos.

“Jelani, what the hell are you doing?” A voice echoed from above. It was the Heroine, Loraine Lionheart, looking down from the trees with an incredulous look. “I’ve been calling your name for a while! What are you doing on the ground?”

Jelani scrambled to her feet, now in full panic mode. She had to come up with something—anything—to explain this mess. She wiped the dirt from her clothes, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “I—uh, I... was investigating, yeah, that's it! I was investigating! Looking for the Demon Lord!”

Loraine raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “You were investigating? I’ve been waiting for an update! What did you find?”

Jelani froze. She couldn’t possibly tell Loraine what she just saw. The very idea of repeating it made her want to curl into a ball and disappear forever. She quickly scanned for an excuse, her mind scrambling for words.

“I—uh... I didn’t find anything, really. No sign of him at all,” Jelani lied, grinning nervously. “Just a... strange, uh... wild animal in the field! Big, huge thing. You should’ve seen it! It was really big, and scary, and totally not the Demon Lord!”

Loraine gave her a skeptical look, clearly unconvinced. “Really? A wild animal in the middle of a field? You sure you’re okay? You don’t look too good.”

“I’m fine, I’m FINE!” Jelani stammered, her face now a deeper shade of red than her usual uniform. “Just, uh, tired! Really tired from all the... running around and, uh, spying, you know?”

Loraine crossed her arms, eyeing Jelani with a smirk. “Okay, if you say so. But next time, report to me before you fall out of trees, alright?”

Jelani quickly nodded, desperate to end the conversation before things got even more awkward. “Yes, yes! Totally! No falling out of trees next time! I promise!”

Loraine simply shrugged. “Alright, I’ll let you off this time. But remember, we still have to deal with the Demon Lord. We’ll reconvene at the base soon.”

Jelani breathed a sigh of relief, watching Loraine walk away. As soon as she was out of sight, Jelani collapsed against the tree, her face still flushed from the embarrassment. “I can’t believe I just... I can’t...” She buried her face in her hands, groaning in absolute shame. “I am NEVER going to live this down.”

Meanwhile, far off in the field, Fujino stood proudly beside his freshly summoned apple tree, completely unaware of the chaos he had caused—and even less aware of what he had put Jelani through.

As for Jelani? Well, she would never be able to look at a fruit tree—or a naked man—the same way again.