It was a sunny afternoon.
The sky was a clear blue, birds were chirping in the trees, and a cool breeze was blowing more or less regularly, cooling the sweat that was clinging to our clothes.
We'd taken a path behind the house. It oscillated between a paved road and upturned earth. It led past a small village of no more than thirty inhabitants, where the few people who saw us did nothing more than wave from afar.
A stone bridge, surrounded by a rusty metal railing, crossed over a wide river.
Halfway across the bridge, Fuyumi stopped the procession.
She pointed to the stream.
“Look at the fish !”
Natsuo stood on tiptoes.
“Where? Where ?”
“Don't get too close, children. These old fences don't look sturdy”
Fuyumi pulled Touya by the collar of his shirt. He let himself be pulled and laughed.
“I see them very well, Fuyu”
“Look at him, he's big”
A simultaneous 'wow' of admiration escaped their lips as they stared at the chimeric beast. Even Rei approached to see the object of their ecstasy.
Judging by her impressed expression, the fish must have been quite large.
“Did you see that, Sho-sho ?", Fuyumi asked without looking at me.
Touya wiped his wet forehead with his forearm.
His clear eyes reflected the deep, turbulent waters of the river.
“Yes. Huge”
Rei stood up.
“We should get back on our way”
The sound of a car reached us in the distance.
Everyone looked up at the newcomer.
I listened carefully, even though I knew there was no danger. The engine sputtered more than it purred, and I could only sense one person inside.
Touya slipped between Natsuo and Fuyumi to stand in front of the road. The children had already turned their attention back to the river.
Rei looked a little bit worried, but her face relaxed as the car made a turn to get onto the bridge.
Touya watched the vehicle suspiciously. I didn't even take my eyes off my target when the pickup passed me.
It stopped at Rei's level.
“What lovely children you have, ma'am !”
My eyes rested on the old man for a split second before returning to Touya.
Male. Sexagenarian. Scratched van. Tires in bad shape. Hay bales well packed.
Connors had taught us to be very concise in our information gathering. We had to be efficient and most of all, not seem interested in what we were looking at.
Rei smiled at them.
“It's a nice day, isn't it ? Where are you headed ?”
He sighed.
“My little nephew recently bought a farm, but he doesn't know how to run it and he doesn't have enough hay to feed the cattle this summer, so I'm on my way to help him.
He took off his cap and fanned his face with it.
“What about you ? What are you doing out here on such a hot day ?”
Touya walked over to the car and pretended to take a curious look at the bushels.
He put his hands on the metal ledge and leaned over it. One of the pieces of straw brushed his cheek.
I wondered how long it would take him to set it on fire.
“We're going to the regional park where my husband's waiting for us.”
The old man's face lit up.
“Oh yes, we often go there with my little Mary. It's very beautiful there. I guarantee you'll like it”
The way he said it was eerie.
Or maybe it wasn't.
But the children at school all unanimously agreed : the people who seemed the most normal were actually the most disturbed.
Do I look normal ?
I think I'm losing it.
Rei and the old man exchanged some banalities, then the old man left. Right after the bridge, he turned right and followed the river downstream.
Touya watched him until he disappeared behind the canopy of trees. He met my gaze.
Smiled.
My muscles tensed.
“Let's go, children. Your father is waiting for us”
*
A huge pink and red patchwork blanket had been set up under a weeping willow tree.
A heap of food in glass saucers had been laid out in the middle of the blanket.
I felt the tension ease from my shoulders as I saw Enji leaning against the tree, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes closed. He was still in his hero costume.
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I dropped to his right and grabbed the first bottle of iced water I could find. I hadn't even had time to open it before Enji snatched it and opened it for me.
He handed it back to me.
“Hi", I said.
I took the bottle and drank until I was bloated.
A trickle of water ran down my chin and I wiped it off with the back of my shirt.
“Where's your hat ?”
“It got lost”
There was a gleam of amusement in his eyes.
“Hello, Enji”
Rei didn't dare meet his gaze and sat shyly to his left.
It was a bit awkward between them at the moment - Rei hadn't gone back to sleep in the master's bedroom yet - but I think their relationship was on the mend.
Enji nodded in her direction.
“Rei”
Natsuo sat next to Rei and Fuyumi sat next to me. Touya completed the circle and sat down across from Enji.
The latter greeted him as well.
“It's good to have you back, Touya”
An uncontrollable smile formed on the boy's lips. He looked down and played with the hem of his shirt.
“Yes, I'm happy to be home too”
Fuyumi nudged him.
“Look who's so shy”
Touya looked at him red-faced. Natsuo giggled behind his hands. Rei admonished them without much vigor.
“Don't bother your brother”
Enji straightened up.
“Let's eat”
“Wait, I have a great game for a great day !”
Natsuo pulled a pack of Uno out of his pocket.
Fuyumi's shoulders slumped.
She grunted.
“That game again ?”
“Hey, it's not my fault that you can't cheat without getting caught”
Enji took a sandwich and started eating.
“You'll play after lunch", said Rei
Natsuo did puppy dog eyes.
“Come on, Mom. All my friends always play games while they eat when they go on picnicking with their families”
Rei hesitated.
I knew that not being able to offer her children a normal life - where they could go out whenever they wanted to play with the neighbors or even invite their friends over - was something that saddened her a lot.
“Say yes, say yes, say yes!
She sighed.
“Alright-”
“Yes !
“But if one of you spills anything, we'll stop immediately”
Natsuo handed out the cards and explained the rules. Apparently, Enji had never played before.
“Shoto will play with me so I don't make any mistakes”
I gave him a sidelong glance. I suspected he didn't want to play at all and was just using me as an excuse not to.
“Okay, so...”
Natsuo retrieved the seven cards in front of me and I found myself holding Enji's. I drank some raspberry juice and watched the game distractedly.
Touya squirmed for the seventh time since he'd sat down. He'd been acting strange since we arrived.
“Sho-sho and dad, you've lost again !”
I looked at my cards. Fuyumi had just hit me with a +4 and finished fourth.
“Really ?”
Enji didn't seem the least bit interested.
“Okay, one more time !”
Rei looked a bit weary.
“Why don't we play something else? What other games did you bring?”
Natsuo frowned.
“Nothing”
Fuyumi stirred.
“What do you mean, nothing ? Did you think we'd do nothing else ?
My eyes slid from the little girl to Touya.
He rubbed his hands over his jeans and pressed his lips so tightly that they were white.
“If you're not happy, you should have brought your own games”
Rei sighed.
“Natsuo, Fuyumi, calm down right now”
Touya clasped his knees with his hands.
“But it was he who-”
He looked up at Enji.
“Dad, mom, I have something to tell you”
He was unusually serious.
Fuyumi's angry cries died in her throat. She and Natsuo exchanged a look before they obediently went back to their seats.
There was no sound.
“Go ahead, Touya. We're listening”
Rei offered him a gentle smile.
He looked down at his knees for a second, then inhaled as if to gather his courage.
“The last time I was in the center, some people came to visit me”
I didn't miss the concerned look Rei gave Enji.
He put down his plate and crossed his arms over his chest. A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows.
“By 'people', you mean journalists ?”
I took a glass of water and drank a few sips to get an overview of the family's reactions.
Touya shook his head.
“No, they said they were from the Heroic Commission”
I swallowed hard and choked.
Enji absentmindedly slapped me on the back. I had to use my chakra to brace myself against the floor and prevent him from knocking me over our lunch.
“What do you mean, from the Heroic Commission ?”
Rei continued, confused:
“And the hospital let them in to talk to you ? Without informing us ?”
Touya shrugged.
“They said they had a waiver or something”
Enji's face grew more and more tense.
“They said they'd heard about me and wanted to recruit me to become a hero”
Natsuo's eyes widened.
“People came to you and told you that they want you to become a hero ?”
“Touya, tell me you didn't sign anything", Enji asked.
“Cause it would have been a problem for what I have done ?”
Enji frowned.
In a gesture of appeasement, Rei put her hand on his forearm.
“Touya, it's not...”
“Of course mom. I know it is”
Touya turned to me.
Natsuo and Fuyumi watched, confused by what was happening.
“Shoto, I know that what I have done to you is unforgivable and that even though you said that you have forgiven me, you haven't done so”
He leaned over Fuyumi's crossed knees.
Instinctively, I leaned back.
He took my hand in his.
Everyone was staring at us. I could feel their eyes burning my skin.
I had to fight hard not to yank my hand out of his.
“But please believe me when I say that I am very, very sorry and it will never happen again”
He looked at me with his big, innocent, childlike eyes. He looked sincere.
He really did.
I looked at his left hand. He had it tucked under his thigh.
I almost frowned, but I stopped myself at the last second.
Does he know I've noticed his tic, or is it just a coincidence ?
He gave me an unsure smile.
Believing him would have been the wise choice.
The easy decision.
Everyone would have been happy.
I wouldn't have to scrutinize his every move, wondering what he was thinking and how far he was willing to go to get rid of me.
I wouldn't have to rack my brain trying to figure out how to strike, if I were in his shoes, so that nothing could be traced back to me.
Believing was a tempting proposition. Enticing.
But for heaven's sake, I couldn't.
What little trust I'd ever had in him had died that day in the bathroom.
Maybe he was sincere. Maybe it really was an accident and he regretted it more than anything else.
Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I was getting paranoid.
Maybe I was going to screw everything up.
But how could I know?
The only certainty I had was that it made me sick to think of him as anything other than the man who'd tried to kill me.
I can't forgive him.
I hated him.
I wish he were dead.
“I...”
My throat was dry. Swallowing my saliva felt like swallowing a rock. Slowly, with difficulty, a smile appeared on my face.
My cheeks ached.
No smile ever seemed harder than this one.
It was as if my muscles were fighting against me, refusing to give him what he wanted.
My face burned. I wondered if I would tear a muscle off if I smiled too hard.
So I smiled so hard that tears of pain blurred my vision.
Touya wanted absolution and if I didn't give it to him now, I ran the risk that he would remain suspicious of me.
And if he suspected me, he'd be much more thorough with his next murder attempt.
I'm losing it.
“Okay, Tou-tou”
He watched me silently.
I wondered if he could read me. If he understood that this story wasn't over for me either. I'd have loved to smash his skull open with a stone and read everything within.
He smiled.
I felt sick.
He let go of my hand and stepped back.
Fuyumi straightened up and pointed at us in turn.
“What is he talking about? What happened ?”
Everyone ignored her.
“Dad, mom, I know it's going to be hard to win back your trust.”
Rei was moved to tears. Enji had lost his usual aloofness.
My stomach heaved as if someone had put a sack full of stones in it.
“Touya...”
“But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to become a good person”
He took a deep breath, as if to give himself courage.
“The people from the commission... I told them yes”