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Chapter 103 - Two Symbols

I flipped through different channels but kept coming upon the same program.

- What to make of this new duo-

- Endeavor and All Might-

- two symbols

- ...new era ?

The remote returned to the first channel. Frustrated, I muted it and threw it against the wall.

My cell phone crackled on the bed next to me.

- I've got better things to do than listen to you watch TV, Teka said calmly

I picked up the phone in frustration, raised it to my mouth, then decided to shut up and put it back down beside me.

Teka said nothing for a long time.

- How's your dad?

Knees tucked under my arms, eyes glued to the same interview replay that had been looping since yesterday, I shrugged.

- I don't know.

Another silence.

Then Teka took a long breath.

- The fact that you think I'm capable of fixing everything in your relationship warms my heart, Shoto. It really does.

Her voice was as cold and indifferent as ever.

- But you misunderstand the kind of relationship I have with Enji. He and I are nothing but disappointment and distance.

I picked up the phone again.

- Things went well at Christmas.

Grandma Teka had come to visit us in Japan for the holidays, and my old man had kicked her out after she tried to offer me three different countries in Africa.

I thought she was joking, and so did my dad, until she came up with an official contract that could have made me the youngest dictator in history.

- He's keeping me around because you and I have a relatively cordial relationship.

I almost smiled when I heard her describe our 'relationship'.

Sometimes she sounded more like a business partner than the old woman who threw her knife-sharp heels at me whenever I had the misfortune to call her 'Grandma'.

- Tell me what happened.

I inhaled, rocking back and forth, my eyes resting on the white tile floor with a tiny blood stain.

My chakra exploded like a wave around me, scanning the entire hospital for the umpteenth time that day, to no avail.

No strangely compact groups, no corrosive or hostile energies.

Three days had passed since the whole world knew that Shoto Todoroki was more than he claimed to be, and no one had tried to kill me.

But I was sure it would happen soon, and so was the knife hidden under my mattress.

- Have you seen the videos?

- Of course I did.

- Then you know

The world outside was happy, joyful, full of energy.

The general consensus was that despite the damage to Tokyo, it could have been worse. A strange optimism on the part of public opinion, whom was generally very negative.

Teka inhaled sharply, and I imagined her nostrils constricting and dilating as she sank back into her chair, her burning eyes sweeping over her desk.

- He has reasons to be angry with you.

I know he does.

- You should have talked to him about this a long time ago.

I felt like a whiny child being lectured.

- But you're not mad at me.

- Because I knew.

It should have been a shock, but it wasn't.

I remembered the night I'd finally managed to implant my Sharingan seal, years before. Teka had come to my room shortly afterward, half confessing that she knew I was different.

She'd just told me that she had this information, and since then, nothing else.

Not a single hint or knowing glance in five years.

- The video, right?

That damned shitty video that I should have destroyed myself years ago.

Without it, no one would have known, without it, All for One wouldn't have been interested in me, without it-

- Your father saw it too.

I straightened up.

- Or at least he saw the beginning.

My shoulders slumped.

He'd only seen the flash, and the flash was what I'd passed off as my 'Quirk Awakening'.

Nezu knew, Aizawa knew, the Special Forces knew - and now the whole world knew.

Part of me would have preferred him to see the video in its entirety, so he would have suspected, sensed, that something about me was different.

But another part of me was glad he hadn't seen it, not really, because it had allowed him to ignore how violent and disturbed his son was.

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I ran a hand over my face, tugging at my eyelids as if trying to wake up.

- I don't know what to do.

Even in the days when the Todoroki were a large family, I'd always been my father's favorite child.

He never refused me anything, always managed to find time for me in his hectic schedule, never missed a birthday or celebration in fifteen years.

To be the outcast, the unloved, was something I found strange, stressful, detestable.

- Tell me what to do

Teka said nothing, and I imagined her staring at the ceiling, speakerphone on, hands clasped on his stomach.

- You know what to do

I clenched my fist.

- I can't do it.

- Why can't you?

I bit my lower lip, unable to answer.

At the other end of the line I heard plastic creaking and the faint sound of leather stretching.

Teka was sitting, feet flat on the floor, elbows on the desk, eyes glued to her phone as if she could see me.

- Why can't you tell him ?

Her tone was curious now.

I said nothing.

- Are you hiding anything else, Shoto?

My silence spoke volumes.

My chakra hummed again and I scanned the building once more.

I found nothing.

Yet.

- Your father loves you very much, Shoto. The term 'unconditional love' takes on its full meaning when it comes to you both.

I knew it, I fucking knew it, and was precisely because he was the only one who had ever seen me and would ever see me be the worst, do the worst, and was now rejecting me that it hurt so much.

- He needs to know that you trust him, that it's mutual. Because that's what this is about, Shoto. You betrayed his trust and that's what hurts him.

My heart leapt.

- Of course I trust him, but-

- Let me finish

My mouth closed immediately.

- If you can't tell him the truth - for reasons I hope are valid, and Ion which I won't ask you to elaborate - then lie to him.

The idea had already crossed my mind, but knowing it was my only solution made me sick.

- I have no other choice ?

I could be the best liar, thief, murderer there is, but not to him - not when it comes to my father.

- If you don't want the two of you to drift apart, this is your only option.

A silence as heavy as the weight of the world fell on my shoulders.

I could feel my back buckling under the weight, but I couldn't make up my mind.

I didn't mind hurting other people because they were just that, other people, and other people weren't 'me' and had nothing to do with 'me'.

The man who sacrificed his son, his family, his mentor, who could have died coming to my rescue against All for One-

- Cut me some slack, boy, Teka said. And explain to me why you can't tell him.

I thought of the scars on my back, of what the revelation of my clones and the extent of my abilities would mean to the world, of the swarms of killers of all kinds who would hunt me down, of the countries that would do anything to stop me and prevent Japan from possessing such a military asset, what they would do to me once they realized they couldn't hurt me - not anymore - how they would try to get to me, what levers they would try to use against me, the constant and eternal threat my father would be under, and the day - the day - when I would prove to not be enough, not damn enough, even after years and years and years-

- Because someone might hurt him to get to me.

If he knew, others would take it upon themselves to force him - in whichever way - to tell them.

And from then on...

I imagined myself a puppet, moved by someone else's will, forced to do things I didn't want to do, until I died and was dumped nameless, faceless, in a pit of which I would never recover from.

I added, barely audible:

- Because he might be in danger

I knew that whoever got to my father could make me commit the most horrible atrocities this world has ever known.

Worse, I knew that there was something deeply disturbed, unhealthy, malevolent inside of me that wouldn't hesitate for a second.

And that terrified me.

- So here's a second option, Teka said. If you don't want to lie to him, make sure he has no reason to be in danger anymore.

I froze, blinking stupidly, my eyes glued to the screen where my father and All Might were shaking hands with the anchorman.

Suddenly, I had a terrible idea.

*

Author's note :

I have been very surprised by some of the reactions I got concerning Enji's anger last chapter, so I'll explain what his motives are here - if you understood him at least a bit, I strongly suggest skipping the next bout as it is something that Enji himself will explains in the story.

From Enji's POV, he always has done everything he could to be a good father to Shoto. He was always there when his son needed him, provided him physical and mental support, tried to make a solid man out of him and never, ever blamed him for anything, not even expressing the slightest amount of negativity when his son killed people (justified, of course) and send kids repeatedly to the hospital because of his pent up anger.

The amount of support and love he provided to his son (that I indeed showed throughout the story) is the pinnacle of what a father - a parent - can do for his child.

And yet, what does he learn ?

That his son lied to him for eleven years. That his son, who was not even four when he unlocked his Quirk, made the conscious decision to hide it from him, the man who has always been there and has never done anything that could warrant this lack of trust. He was a child, and yet he decided the best course of action would be to not tell his father.

And you know what's worst ?

Shoto didn't even reveal his power willingly : he did it only because circumstances forced his hand.

Enji learned it at the exact same time as the whole world, as if he wasn't valued enough to learn it beforehand. Shoto could have told him 'Hey dad, there's something I need to tell you about' a hundred times before starting Yuei and during the previous months and Enji would have taken it way better than he does now.

Someone mentionned the fact that Enji should be happy for his son because he is strong : the thing is, Enji is not angry about the fact that his son has an insane Quirk.

In other circumstances, Enji would have been happy and very proud of him.

Yet here he can only be angry because he thought Shoto trusted him as much as he does, and yet his son doesn't.

Enji is hurt. Very, deeply, insanely hurt.

He would lay down his life for his son without a thought, and yet his son doesn't trust him as much as Enji himself does.

Worst is that it his coming from the one Enji loves the most in the whole world, his own flesh and blood, the most precious thing in his life.

Enji has every right to be angry, every right to say he is disappointed, every right to say he wants a bit of time away to cool down.

It doesn't mean that he wishes for Shoto's death, doesn't mean that he loathe Shoto, doesn't mean he will never talk to him again, doesn't mean he will let him fend for himself now that the whole world knows what he is capable of.

Enji is angry but it doesn't mean that he loves Shoto less.

Their relationship has taken a hit, yes, like every relationship does at some point when someone fucks up. I haven't invented hot water, you can't tell me this is not something usual for people to go through.

Also cute the poor dude some slack, he has been an insanely good single father and is one of the reason Shoto hasn't gone batshit crazy a long time ago.

I will absolutely stand by what I said, Enji has every right to be angry.

Something else that someone mentionned : why has Enji asked about Shoto's power in the hallway where there were so many people around ?

The thing is, Enji is the only person that knows Shoto better than he even knows himself.

He asked the question there because he knows the paranoid tendencies of his son, and he wanted to know if his son was still lying about his power. And wow, surprise, he does.

Last question I got : Why can't Shoto tell him in private when there is no one around ?

Two reasons : because of Quirks and his paranoia.

Quirks are the most versatile thing ever.

There is this inspector in the original story that knows when people can lie or not. If, for whatever reason, he - or anyone else with a similar Quirk - asked Enji and Enji knew, people with ulterior motives would flock Enji to know what it really entails.

Now enters the paranoia.

If someone deems that Shoto is too much of a threat, that the Japanese government shouldn't have such a weapon in their hands, they will try to kill him.

And how do you plan a succesful murder ? By gathering information, of course.

People could either use whatever way to force the information out of Enji, or they could deem Shoto an asset and use - threaten - Enji to make Shoto whatever they want.

I'm not talking about villains, I'm talking about military groups, military private societies (PMS) and the likes.

Maybe Shoto is correct. Maybe he's not.

But if there is one thing that he knows, it's that no one is infaillible and that, above all, he may have had this second chance at life, but he is not more special than someone else.

He is scared of failing his father, which is why he won't put him in harm's way.

It doesn't mean that Shoto will stay on the side and let things unfolds (passivity was for when he was a kid).

That's it, I think I responded to the major points that you asked about.

Thanks to everyone who read until here and, as always, see you in the next update everyone !

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Nar_cisseENG = P@treon to read up to 50 chapters ahead of schedule