I blinked.

What ?

“It would be an informal visit. Just family", Rei explained.

“You will never be alone with him”

I could feel the ghost of his cold fingers on my neck.

“We'll visit him, we'll talk to him, and then we'll leave”

“You’re not force to do anything. If you don't want to, you won't go”

“Yes, it's just like your father says. But you should know that the doctors said that he has made a lot of progress. They think it would be good if he could see you”

Enji frowned.

“Rei...”

She raised her hands in defense.

“I just said that it would be good for him to see you, that's all”

Enji turned his attention back to me.

“No one forces you to do anything, Shoto. It's your choice”“I-”

My voice was hoarse.

Rei hastily served me some water. She spilled some on the picnic table.

“Here, drink a little”

I drank the glass in one gulp.

“So what do you think ?”

There was hope in Rei's eyes.

“Leave him alone”

She twitched but added nothing. Enji put his hand on my back.

“Think about this seriously, Shoto. And remember that there is no right or wrong decision”

The last time I saw him was months ago, in this forest.

“If I say yes... when shall we go ?”

“Immediately after that, for about an hour”

Rei could not hide the excitement in her voice.

Enji gave her a sideways glance.

A lot had happened since the incident.

I had trained tirelessly, morning, noon and night.

I had learned to wield knives with the intent to hurt.

I knew how to defend myself against a grown man and break his wrists.

I had learned to use my chakra to cut through trees with my fists alone.

Yes, things were different.

I was different.

“Okay. Let's go”

Rei leaped happily. Enji looked worried.

But there would be no more incidents with Touya.

Because if he attacked me again, I would kill him.

*

The hospital was no hospital.

There were gardens with pruned trees, bushes with flowers and fruit, birdhouses hanging from the trunks.

The hallways were not like hospital hallways.

The floor was covered with fleece carpets, paintings hung on the walls, hand-painted vases adorned mahogany tables.

It was not a hospital.

It didn't smell of antiseptic, the phone at the reception didn't ring off the hook, no one was screaming to get ahead, the nurses weren't running around, none of the patients were bleeding, my neck wasn't burning, I wasn't having a panic attack, the neon lights weren't yellow, I wasn't drowning in the open air, everyone was happy and smiling when I almost died, the fucking walls-

“Shoto, are you okay ?”

I blinked.

We stood in front of a lacquered wooden door.

Two large white ceramic vases framed it. Inside were Higanbana.

The flowers of death.

“Yes”

The nurse exchanged glances with someone over my head.

He had his hand on the handle and had not yet opened it.

“You can come back another time if you prefer”

“Oh no, it's been so long since I saw Tou-tou...”

Natsuo added:

“Yeah, we didn't come all this way for nothing !”

I had to see him.

I had to know.

I had to understand.

I met the nurse's eyes.

“Yes. We didn't came for nothing”

New glance exchanged over my head.

The nurse opened the door with a smile on his face.

“Touya is always a bit busy at this time of day, but I think you'll be able to surprise him if you enter discreetly”

Fuyumi and Natsuo looked forward to it.

They slipped through the door, suppressing their laughter and elbowing each other.

A triangle of yellow light fell on the brown carpet. Rei was the next to enter. I could hear their cheerful voices from the other side of the door.

My eyes went back to the Higanbana.

There were no leaves, only scarlet flowers.

A hand slipped into mine. I looked up at Enji.

“I am here”

His hand was warm. Comforting. Familiar.

I squeezed his fingers to thank him.

And then we entered.

The room was as large as a Haussmann apartment.

The white walls were covered with golden moldings, as fine and detailed as the finest embroidery.

The ceiling was frescoed like the Sistine Chapel.

A crystal chandelier with brand new candles was the main light fixture.

Three huge golden windows, as high as they were wide, gave a breathtaking view of a marble terrace. Sculpted busts of illustrious personalities were placed between them.

Flowered silk curtains framed the windows and were held to the walls by ribbons.

The bed on the left, against the the wall, was a four-poster. There were hand-embroidered pillows, and the blanket was perfectly ironed. Someone was probably making his bed as well. On the nightstand was an open book.

The right side was a living room.

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There was a rough wooden fireplace with candlesticks on top.

Armchairs and a cream-colored sofa surrounded a coffee table with golden legs.

A sable coat had been negligently left on one of the arms of the big chair. Golf clubs had been left on the large Moroccan carpet.

I felt anger bubbling in my chest as I finished observing the place.

A library. Stacks of board games. Rollerblades left in a corner. Leftover chocolate cake on a rattan desk. A half-colored drawing book.

It wasn't a cold, hostile hospital room. It wasn't punishment.

It was a fucking reward.

For the first time in my life, I was seized with such intense, violent rage that, for a second I saw nothing but white.

There was no more space, no more questions, no more need to know.

There was just me and this boundless rage scratching at the inside of my chest, screaming at me to let it explode. I could feel its heat, I could taste its heaviness, I could hear it begging me to let it consume me.

I had a very clear vision of what I was going to do.

First it would be the floor.

It would go up in smoke in the first few seconds. Then the drapes would catch fire. The furniture would soon follow. The desk, the toys, the pictures.

The fire would spread to the other rooms. To the other inhabitants.

Enji wouldn't be able to channel the flames. Not if I poured all my chakra into them.

He would hear them screaming. He would run to save them.

I'll go out on the terrace and grab Touya by the collar of his shirt.

Fuyumi and Natsuo would scream. Rei would cry, but she would let it go because that's all she was good for - crying and letting things go.

He would fight.

I will hit him if necessary. As many times as it would take to get him to come back inside with me.

I'll get on top of him. Put my hands on his throat.

And I'll squeeze, just like he did for me.

My nails would dig into his throat.

I will feel his blood between my fingers.

I will see his frightened eyes as he begged me to stop.

I was not a murderer.

But I will make an exception for him.

“Shoto”

I blinked.

The white scattered but floated in the corners of my vision.

I heard laughter. I looked up at the patio.

Touya was painting the gardens.

Fuyumi slipped behind him and jumped on him. He dropped his brush, laughed and hugged her.

Natsuo joined in. They fell to the ground.

They looked happy.

Rei was talking with a smile on her face, but I couldn't hear her. She looked happy too.

Enji pulled me gently.

“Come”

The white disappeared.

He led me to the chair and pushed off the coat. One movement and I was on his lap.

Five clean cups lay on the table. Enji held me with one hand as he leaned forward to pour himself some tea.

He straightened, holding me close to his chest. He stroked my hair with one hand and sipped his drink with the other.

Enji was not an affectionate person. In fact, he was uncomfortable with anything that had to do with emotions.

But that didn't mean that he was blind or unaware of what was going on around him.

I let myself fall back against him.

My anger had subsided - but it was not gone.

A comfortable silence surrounded us.

I started to play with the zipper of his jacket. I could still hear laughter in the background.I was practically slumped over him.

He was so tall that my legs, even stretched out, did not reach his knees.

“Say”

His cup came to rest right in front of his lips.

“Do you think I'll be as tall as you when I grow up ?”

He replied with a straight face.

“You're quite short even for your age”

A small laugh escaped my lips.

The window opened. Their cheerful voices pierced the stillness of the room.

“Let's have a drink. I asked for tea to be prepared”

“Wow, Tou-tou, it's great here! It's like you're a grown up !”

Fuyumi continued to rave about the place.

She and Natsuo threw themselves on the sofa to our right. Rei sat between them and served tea to everyone.

The patch of white hair appeared behind the back of the sofa. I straightened.

My father's arm was around me. He pulled me closer.

“Wait, I have cake too”

The patch moved away.

Natsuo went to choose a game from the boxes piled near the desk.

“How about Monopoly ?”

Touya's voice carried.

“Nah, last time Fuyumi cheated”

The little girl laughed happily. Natsuo continued to rummage through the pile.

“What about Scrabble ?”

“You can't even spell your own name”

Fuyumi and Natsuo argued again.

Touya appeared, a pile of brownies in a crystal bowl in his hands. He smiled at Enji. Then his eyes fell on me.

A shy smile touched his lips.

“Hi Shoto”

Rei watched me, waiting for me to say something.

Anger clawed at my chest again.

“Hello ?”

His smile widened. He put the plate on the table.

“Help yourself. They're all warm”

Rei took one.

“They’re delicious ! Can you get me the recipe ?”

Touya put his hands on his hips, proudly puffing out his chest.

“I made them myself !”

Fuyumi handed us the plate. I shook my head: I could be dying of hunger that I wouldn't touch any of the brownies made by that lunatic.

Enji took one.

“So, how's life here ?”

“You must be so good ! You can do anything you want !”

Touya smiled indulgently.

“I can't do everything I want, but it's true that it's pretty cool”

He started to tell about how he used to live.

A lot of sports activities.

Apparently he had met a whole bunch of teenagers who were as crazy as he was. Not surprisingly, he didn't mention any doctor's appointments or therapist sessions.

He seemed to enjoy having all the attention focused on him. He exaggerated each of his memories to make them more exciting and added more grandiose details whenever he was asked for more information.

Natsuo and Fuyumi looked at him as if he were the messiah.

I hated the way he looked into our eyes one after the other, as if he were a politician trying to win votes in the middle of an election.

Enji began to stroke my hair again.

Touya's eyes darted back and forth between Enji and me. At some point, he stopped looking at us. He spoke. For a long time.

At some point, I even wondered if he wasn't trying to kill me out of boredom. There was a knock at the door.

Touya paused and turned his head.

“Yes ?”

The nurse from earlier entered.

“I would like to speak to you personally, Mr. and Mrs. Todoroki. To discuss Touya's progress”

The boy beamed with happiness.

Rei opened her mouth to speak but Enji cut her off.

“We will do it here”

Touya looked at Enji and then clapped his hands:

“Natsu, Fuyu, let's play !”

“That's what I've been saying for the last hour !”

Rei helped them move the coffee table so they could play on the carpet. Touya took a cloth bag from the pile of games: cards, a totem pole, and labeled dice fell out.

“Oh yes, the Jungle Speed !”

“What is it ?”

Natsuo launched into an explanation that was just as hard to understand as it was badly done.

Fuyumi frowned and nodded seriously.

Enji stood up and carried me with him.

Touya raised his hand.

“Sho-sho can play with us”

The three adults exchanged glances. Rei whispered:

“Yes, why not ?”

Enji turned to the nurse.

“I don't see any problem with it”

Enji hesitated. And then he finally put me down on the carpet.

“I'm right next to you, okay ?”

I nodded.

Enji, Rei and the nurse stood right next to the bed and talked in low voices. Enji had positioned himself so that he had us in his direct line of sight.

Natsuo pulled his face when Fuyumi told him for the third time that she didn't understand the rules.

I looked around. No one was looking at me. I slid the totem to me and hid it behind my thigh, but within reach of my finger.

I grabbed a deck of mixed cards and started building a castle.

Touya sat down across from me. I forced myself not to react openly.

My fingers closed around the totem pole.

He prevents me from seeing Enji.

He took a deck of cards and began to build a castle.

Silence surrounded us, broken only by Fuyumi and Natsuo screaming.

“How are you ?”

I watched him from under my eyelashes. His eyes were glued to his rickety castle. I shrugged.

“Long time no see, huh ?”

I continued my building work quietly.

“I wanted to tell you, about the incident-”

I broke the totem pole.

“Why ?”

Splinters sank into my skin.

Touya looked up from his stack of cards. I met his gaze without flinching.

“Why what ?”

“Why did you try to drown me ?”

He froze, his hand gripping the cube of the letter 'H'.

He cast a nervous glance at Natsuo and Fuyumi. They hadn't heard.

I wonder how long it will take Enji to separate us once Touya decides to bash my head in with it.

He dropped the cube.

“I don't know, it just came to me. It wasn't personal, Sho-sho”

He turned red. His eyes glowed.

“You have to believe me, Sho-sho”

I could feel the ghost of his fingers on my neck. I remembered how he had kicked me in the legs to stop me from fighting back.

He leaned forward and grabbed his pants with his left hand.

“But I'm sorry, Sho. I really am”

I looked down at his shaking fingers.

He is lying.

And this realization, this simple realization that he didn't regret it, was such a relief that I almost smiled.

Thank you, Touya.

“If you're sorry, it's forgotten”He was stunned.

“What, really ? It's all forgotten ?”

He must have thought that it would be difficult to earn my forgiveness, but that once I did, my guard would be down.And after that, he must have planned to finish me off when my back was turned.

But this time it would be subtle.

He would make it look like an accident.

“Yes, of course”

He was their son. Their brother. I couldn't keep him away forever.

But I refused to live in fear.

And I refused to die.I knew that in the game Touya was playing, only one of us could win.

One way or another, I would soon put an end to this story.