Jenkins

I leaned my back against the wall at the edge of the bridge, listening quietly as Pressly spoke to the crew. Explaining clearly how our stop on the Citadel was going to be limited, and how while they were allowed to look around, they were to remain within an hour's travel of the port at all times. When they got the call to prepare to leave, the ship was leaving in an hour, with or without everyone on it.

Sam looked in my direction, an expression of pleading and hope. I just tapped on my wrist. I was going to be the deciding factor on how long we were aboard the station so I would message her when I was out of surgery and she would know when to get ready to come back without a rush. She gave a smile and a thumbs up before tapping Luther and whispering in his ear. Judging from the sag that appeared on his shoulders she was going to drag him to one of the many bars on the Citadel.

“Hi.” A voice perks up from my left, and I turn to see Tali who must have just climbed the stairs. She stops to lean against the wall beside me. She fidgets with her arm slightly but keeps her stare ahead of the group.

“Hey.” I gave a casual response back, it seemed like she was anxious about something.

“...” Her silence dragged on though, and her fidgeting slowly but surely increased to match.

“You worried about something? You look nervous.” She flinched at my words, the glow of her eyes through the helmet flashing in my direction before staring forward again.

“Ner-nervous? No. No, just um. Nothing. It’s nothing I’m fine.” She said, clearly not fine.

“Hey, if you’re worried about how you got attacked last time you were here it won’t be a problem. You’ll be traveling with us full-time now, nobody is going to give you trouble.” I understood where the nervousness was coming from, almost dying could do that to someone, yet despite what I intended, it seemed she wasn’t comforted by my words, instead shrinking further into herself.

“Right. Th-thanks.” She barely mumbled out the response. I was starting to be concerned about what was wrong but was interrupted from questioning it further by the arrival of another squadmate.

“Oh hey. Jenkins. Tali. Everything good?” Kaidan had come through the same door once again. I was about to answer that something seemed to be bugging Tali when she spoke up, her fastest response to this conversation.

“We’re good! I was actually just checking on if Jenkins was worried about his surgery?” She spoke faster than normal. I was confused for a second, and it seems Kaidan was as well glancing from Tali to me and then back again.

Then unlike myself, a look of understanding passed over his eyes. He smirked and simply nodded along, clearly having picked up something I missed.

“I see. Well, I’m certain Jenkins isn’t worried about it, he’s tough like that. Although you’ll probably need someone to go with you to the hospital and help you back when things are done. I’d volunteer, but it sounds like Shepard wants to get some work done when you're under. But maybe Tali’s willing to wait with you? I’m sure she’d be more fun to chat about the new eye with anyway.” Kaidan gave a wink towards Tali and she simply fidgeted further. It was official. I was missing something and very, very confused.

“Okay. What is happening? I feel like I missed an inside joke or something.” I was never one for subtlety. When people are making you confused just ask for clarification. Kaidan however, the bastard, decided not to answer my question, simply smiling at me in response.

“Um, sure. I doubt I could get up to much of the Presidium by myself anyway, and I would like to know about what eye you’re getting, or the options available.” Tali turned to look at me again, and even though the purple tint of her helmet was unchanged, it almost looked lighter. Pinker even? Was she blushing?

Wait.. was… Did Tali…? Were we…?

“Ah perfect, I’ll let Shepard and the rest know that’s the plan. You two just keep us posted on when you arrive and how things go.” Kaidan patted me on the shoulder and walked off, heading towards the front of the ship where I could only assume Shepard and everyone else were.

I turned to look at Tali, who was still looking at me, and at my glance, she turned away fidgeting with her arm once more.

Did… Kaidan just wingman me? What the fuck was happening?!

“Alright, you all know the procedure. Dismissed.” Pressly’s words cut through the overwhelming sense of confusion I was feeling, and I watched as the crew made their way off the ship.

I have no idea what it is I’m supposed to do here. Tali wasn’t even supposed to be a romance option in the first game, and it was Shepard who got involved with all those choices. I know this wasn’t actually a video game, but I had never even thought that this was an option. I was so focused on the mission and not dying that the idea of seeing anyone like that hadn’t even occurred.

Now that I was thinking about it, I wasn’t sure how I felt. I liked Tali. A lot. In the games, she was sweet and kind and probably one of my favorite romance options, but here in real life, it was something else. She was smart, clever, and brave. She got shy and had insecurities but never let it stop her from acting in the moment. I knew I cared about her, and I was glad she was on our squad, but was there anything more to those feelings?

“Jenkins?” Tali spoke, her voice bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Ye- yeah?” My voice cracked in my first attempt at speaking, and I had to cough slightly before giving a full response. Jesus one implication of something and I was acting like a nervous wreck.

“Are we going to go?” She gestured forward to what was now the mostly empty ship.

“Ah right. Of course. Yeah, we should go.” I needed to stop overthinking it. There wasn’t time for that sort of thing right now, and I wasn’t on the Citadel for some kind of date, I was here for surgery to get a new eye. We would be in and out as quickly as possible.

We made our way out of the ship. I walked in front, taking care not to keep looking back at where Tali was following me. Keeping focus on what’s ahead of me I gave a wave to Joker who was watching from the cockpit. He only waved back before turning his chair back around and focusing on his console. Turning to head out of the airlock Tali and I stepped out onto the catwalk.

Stepping out I could see the team waiting. Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley, Wrex and Garrus. And as we joined them, Tali and Jenkins. It was something else, seeing them all together, to stand beside them. Shepard faced me the look on her face solemn.

“Jenkins. Good. We can’t spend too much time here, unfortunately. The Council already reached out to make sure your appointment was ready. Make your way to the Huerta Memorial Hospital, and when everything is done let us know. Everyone else, you have some downtime, don’t go far but try and relax a little. This is the last break we will get for a while.” Her voice was gentle and calm, but her expression was tense. She was feeling the weight of things, even if she was trying her best to hide it.

“Hmph, I’m going to get a drink.” Wrex was the first to turn and begin walking off. To my surprise, he wasn’t going alone.

“Second that thought.” Ashley turned to follow stopping only for a second to look back towards me. “I’ll get you a bottle, Jenkins. Celebrate a fixed eye.” The smile she gave was kind and she turned off, just behind Wrex.

Garrus turned to look at them and our group, before shaking his head.

“I’ll keep an eye on them, Commander.” And with that, he was walking off with them. Shepard just gave a nod before looking over at Liara and Kaidan, who were still present.

“I’ll be stopping in to talk with Anderson for a moment, and then getting some replacement armor for what was damaged from the Spectre quartermaster. You are welcome to accompany us if you want.” Kaidan nodded along and Liara spoke in agreement.

“I will stick with you Commander, if that’s okay.” Shepard just nodded and together they began making their way. Oh shit, wait.

“Shepard wait.” She turned to look back at me as I spoke. “If possible could you get an extra model of each of the Spectre weapons? I know I’ll be out of commission for a while, and I wanted to try and tinker with some new weapon and armor designs.” She looked surprised at my words, and thoughtful for a moment before she spoke once more.

“Sure, Jenkins. I’ll see what I can do. Let me know when your treatment is done.” She gave a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She was worried, more than I even expected. I guess things had been pretty non-stop since everything had started, but here she was just doing some more work. She needed to relax to slow down at least a little.

“Shepard.” I had only one idea of what could help now, but I couldn’t be too direct. “You should visit some of the other ambassador offices while you're waiting for me. If you're bored. I heard the Elcor are very open to talking about their race and what’s going on.”

Shepard gave me a look, as though she was confused as to what I was trying to accomplish by mentioning that, but eventually, she just nodded.

“Right. I’ll keep that in mind. See you two soon.” She nodded at Tali and me and left, leading Kaidan and Liara away.

I didn’t know how the timing or anything would work out, but the Elcor ambassador led to the Asari consort sidequest, and she provided a comforting and reassuring voice to Shepard in the situation. Even more than that if it was something Shepard pushed for. Guidance I couldn’t offer, not as things were now. Maybe she would find it. Maybe not. But I did what I could and that’s what mattered.

I watched them walk off, only a slight smile on my face. Things would only get harder for Shepard from here on out. She would have friends and allies to help her on her journey, but to survive it all, would she need more? You could go through the Mass Effect games without romancing anyone, but was Shepard the kind of person who could handle that? There is a comfort that comes from the intimacy of that kind of relationship. Being able to trust and love someone like that, I liked to think it made you stronger.

I’d be lying if I hadn’t considered it, in the months after my arrival leading up to the Normandy itself. Being one of many romance options on the ship, who wouldn’t be tempted by someone like Shepard, Liara, or Tali? But ever since the mission began the thought fell to the wayside. I hadn’t even thought about romance since the incident with the beacon on Eden Prime. And now here I was, dealing with the fact that Tali most likely had a crush on me and the opportunity for romance, for a relationship might be there. Did I want that? Did I deserve it?

“Jenkins?” I was pulled from my thoughts by her voice. Soft and gentle. I turned to look at her. “Are you okay? You keep zoning out.” She looked concerned, or at least I believed she did.

It was incredible how much expression and emotion you got out of Tali’s voice alone. Her body was covered by a suit, and her face was barely visible through a visor that only left the eyes truly recognizable. That suit was the hardest part of all of this. Taking it off, even for a moment is risky for Quarians. They could and would most likely get very ill from even a small time outside of it, and while experience from the games told they could do so, and Tali herself could be willing, was that okay? Asking someone to risk their health for that kind of intimacy.

It might be inappropriate to think of someone in those terms specifically, but that kind of compatibility was an important detail in a relationship. If Tali and I tried to pursue something it would come up at some point. And then there’s the problem of my knowledge.

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“I’m alright Tali. Just overthinking things I guess. Nothing ever seems to be simple.” I answer, not able to help the somber tone.

“Hey.” I was surprised as she put a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see her looking me in the eye, and despite the suit, I could tell she was worried.

“It’s not like you to be down. And I don’t think you’d get this way about a surgery.” I chuckle at her joke as she tilts her head slightly, a smile likely somewhere on her face.

“Whatever is going on. You can talk to me. If you want to that is. You were there for me when I was worried and homesick. You listened when I needed to talk. The least I can do is the same for you.” She was sweet. Kinder than most people I had known even in my old life. And I was going to lie to her.

“Thanks Tali. But I’m okay. We should get going though. I need to get this eye dealt with as soon as possible. I’m sure it’s the weight imbalance in my head throwing everything off.” I give a smile and lighten my tone, and while she sinks just a little at me stepping away she eventually nods in agreement.

“Of course. Let’s get that sorted for you then shall we?” I nod and we begin walking off, Tali only slightly in front leading the way. She doesn’t notice as the smile on my face drops as she turns away.

A relationship requires trust and honesty. And while I trusted Tali completely, my reason for that trust was the future I knew. It was a secret I couldn’t share. I would have to hint more and more about the things I knew, and eventually, she would question how I knew those things. And when she did I would have to lie or redirect, because no one could believe the truth of my story.

And if I did tell her the truth… that would be it. How could you be with someone who had already been with you, watched you fall, and opened yourself to a video game character? How could you trust someone who knew so much about you from before you had even met? Honesty would ruin any chance of us, and hiding it would only make the relationship dishonest.

It just wasn’t in the cards for Jenkins to love. He was supposed to die, and even if I avoided that outcome, it was clear I was meant to be a supporting character in all of this. The one time I tried to act as the hero, to rescue the girl and stop the villain, I almost died. My place was best served on the sidelines. Tali would be happier elsewhere, any of them would. The best I can do for her is be a friend in her corner.

It was a bittersweet feeling, but there was a comfort in knowing where the line would be drawn. I put the smile back on my face and pick up the pace.

“So. I notice you taking the lead, I assume you know where we are going?” Tali flinches for a moment, and her pace slows as she stops.

“Um. Well, it has to be in this direction.” She points forward to the C-Sec admissions. A look of embarrassment moved through her.

“Tali. We are on the docks. This is the only direction.” I can’t help but smile at her embarrassment. She was cute when she was flu- nope. Not allowed to think like that. Dammit Kaidan why did you have to expose me to the idea this could happen.

“Okay well, that still makes me correct.” She put her hands on her hips and looked at me annoyance quickly replacing her embarrassment.

“Ah of course, well if you are so confident in directions you can continue leading. Unless of course, you think directions might be more difficult once inside.” I was expecting another flash of embarrassment but was surprised to see defiance instead.

“No, nothing of the sort. I just recall it being in the man’s job description to take the lead when traveling to a destination.” She looked at me, and I realized quickly that the look was smug. Oh, how dare she pull that on me. I’m trying not to like you don’t you recognize that?

“Oh really. I didn’t think Quarians subscribed to traditional gender roles.”

“Well... We don’t. But I know that humans do. Even if you’ve moved away from such practices over the last century the concept is still prevalent.”

“While that is true I am curious as to how you know that. Aren’t you new on your pilgrimage? Where would you have picked up on human gender roles?”

“Um. Well, I was uh. I’m not that new on my pilgrimage. I’ve been traveling around on my own for the last half of a year. I encountered a decent number of humans in that time.” It was cute that she thought the lie worked, but her stumble at the start made it clear that the gender roles thing is something she must have learned recently. But I wasn’t going to push her on it. This conversation was far too close to flirting already, I needed to redirect.

“How has that been going by the way?” I asked the question, catching Tali off guard as we stepped on the elevator that would take us up to the Presidium.

“How has what been going?” She seemed confused by the change in tone in the conversation but I carried it forward.

“The pilgrimage. I know you wanted to find something of value to bring home, earn your place and everything.” She looked thoughtful for a moment before staring towards the door of the elevator, watching as the floors slid by.

“It’s not about earning our place. No Admiral would turn someone down if they returned. They would find them a place somewhere on one of the ships under their command. It’s about showing you understand that everyone’s work and effort is required on the flotilla.” Well, that was interesting, a little more in-depth than the information we get in the games, so it was well appreciated.

“Then why search for something specifically good to present, and why not just get some needed supplies?” I was genuinely curious, I think she went over it in the games but I could never remember the reason you were supposed to find something important.

“Because the more impressive resource or information you bring back the more interest the Admiral you present it to will have in you. It’s one thing to be on some ship under an Admiral’s control, and another thing entirely to be on the Admiral’s ship yourself.”

“I see. So bring back something shiny and you’ll get a better spot in the fleet.”

“Basically.” She laughed a little at my interpretation of her culture, but I could tell there were no hard feelings.

“So what Admiral do you want to present to? I assume you have one in mind?”

“Well, I’m not completely decided. There’s Zaal’Koris, but he has views on the Geth I don’t agree with. There’s Han’Gerrel but he’s a problem in the opposite direction, too aggressive militarily for my liking. Daro’Xen is a tempting option, she’s a brilliant scientist and one of the leading researchers in Geth programming and function. But I think the one I’m most interested in joining is Shala’Ran. She’s a brilliant leader and cares about the lives and prosperity of our people on the fleet.”

Well, that was interesting. I could never remember the Admirals by name, Quarian names are always a pain like that, but I was confused by one thing. Wasn’t Tali’s father an Admiral? Why wouldn’t she want to join his section of the Fleet?

“That’s very interesting, although I do have another question now. You mentioned four names but I thought there were five Admirals. Who’s the last one, and why don’t you want to join their crew?” The elevator, finally reached its destination, opening onto the ground floor of the Presidium. The sound of flowing water from the central river was immediately relaxing, and we were both silent for a moment as we took in the view.

“The reason I only mention the four is because I can’t join the last Admiral’s fleet. Due to our limited space and population size, we have certain rules to keep our population viable. No Quarian can be deployed on the ship of their birth. And well. Admiral Rael’Zorah vas Rayya is my father.” Ah, the reveal. I knew that part already, but I had forgotten the bit about no same ship redeployment. Neat.

“Oh cool. So you’re like a Quarian princess then?” Tali had seemed almost down as she admitted her father's role but immediately snapped to attention stuttering.

“What! Prin-Princess?! No! Nothing like that, where did you even get that idea?!” Her voice was raised and got us a couple looks but I couldn’t find myself caring. It was far too funny.

“Well, you’re dad’s an Admiral. That’s basically a ruler right on your fleet, right? So that makes you a princess.”

“It does not! And it’s not like that at all. Admirals are military leaders, and while their positions aren’t elected the same way the Conclave is, they can’t veto decisions the Conclave makes unless they step down from their position. They only really have control over civilian matters on their own ships, and even those still have elected councils most Admirals and Captains defer to.” Right, the Quarians were pretty democratic. Even if the Admirals held a lot of power in theory, there were a lot of balances in place to keep a limit on the power.

“Ah, so Admirals are more like Dukes than Kings or Queens?”

“Yes exactly!” She seemed relieved by my analogy. Not for long though.

“So that would make you a lady then. Sweet.” I can’t help but grin as I watch her squirm under my teasing. It was far too fun, and much too easy.

“I’m… I am not… Ugh. You are infuriating.” Good be annoyed with me, much better than the alternative. Playful friendship is good for us.

“Mhm, I know what I’m about. Now come along Princess, we have places to be. Medical appointments to make it to.” I could hear her sputtering as I started walking off.

Huerta Memorial was on the Presidium, I know that much at least. Although I wasn’t certain exactly where it was, my instincts told me heading towards the tower the Council used was a good start. I’d put a major hospital central to the seat of government. It just looks good, and sends the right message of healing and care the government is supposed to have. Manipulative construction yes, but what else was government if not manipulative?

“You. Ugh. Do you even know where we are going?” Tali sped up, falling into step beside me as we walked. She got more looks as we moved, since Quarians were pretty much banned from the Presidium she would be a rare sight up here.

“Of course not. But If I don’t find a sign pointing directions in front of the central spire then we can just ask someone for directions. It can’t be that hard to find the biggest hospital on the Citadel.” Tali just mumbled and my perfectly sound logic, unable to beat to find a flaw in the perfect reasoning.

“Hmph.” I took her sigh as a sign of my victory.

We walked in silence for a while. The Presidium wasn’t the largest area of the Citadel and was much much smaller than any of the wards were, but it was gorgeous. The sleek white metal that made up most structures, the artificially lit ceiling that both felt and looked like actual sunlight. The flowing water and lush plant life filled the interior. It was something I didn’t get to take in too much of when I was here last, and even if I was only seeing it half as well now, it was still something else.

“This place is crazy.” Tali’s voice was a whisper once more. I noticed that was something she did when she was contemplative. Saying out loud the things she was thinking in her head.

“Yeah, it’s kind of crazy thinking someone built all this.” She flinched as I spoke, clearly not having noticed she spoke aloud.

“Right. I mean our liveships are the largest ships in the galaxy and it’s still nothing compared to the Citadel. What were the Protheans capable of to have built this? How are we supposed to beat an enemy that wiped out the species capable of this?” She gestured around, looking at me for an answer for reassurance.

I just looked back at her. I could have gone into the explanation about how the Reapers are the ones responsible for building the Citadel, and it’s actually part of a trap that led to the Prothean’s downfall. We had already dodged that trap so stopping Saren was all that was needed, from there we would have almost three years to prepare. A better headstart than most races in the countless cycles the Reapers have wiped out.

Of course, I couldn’t just explain all that, since I shouldn’t know any of it just yet. Instead, I just gave her a look, one of sympathy and understanding. I had already explained the solution to her before, I would explain it again if she needed it, but I would hope she could get it on her own. She looked at me for a moment, before she sighed. She clenched her fist and when she looked back up at me her stance was solid, determined.

“No, you’re right. We will win because we have to. It’s as simple as that.” I smile at her words. She would be fine, and when it came down to it, she would be one of the Reaper's greatest threats.

Wrex would return to Tuchanka, unite, and lead his people in the largest war ever fought. Garrus would climb the Turian hierarchy and advise generals in fighting their greatest enemy yet. Anderson would guide and lead humanity in a resistance on Earth against the occupation itself. Tali would help negotiate peace with the Geth and lead the largest Fleet the Galaxy had ever seen against our foes. And Shepard would bring them all together, making such an effort possible in the first place.

“Exactly, now let’s stop worrying about these things so much. For now, let’s just enjoy the view and find this goddamn hospital. Besides you’re probably the first Quarian getting to check out the Presidium in a hundred years at least.” I smile, giving her a nudge with my elbow and gesturing around. We were approaching the front of the central spire itself, and a series of signs and maps were in the central area, making navigation much easier for those involved.

“At least that long. I haven’t heard of any other Quarians being on the upper levels of the Citadel since we were kicked out of the Citadel program. It’s kind of exciting actually.” I could hear the excitement in her voice, and it couldn’t help but make me smile. I was turning to talk to her again when she suddenly stopped walking. She was staring ahead, and if my read of Quarian body language was right, she was doing the equivalent of having her jaw drop.

I followed her gaze to see what she was looking at and felt my own jaw drop in surprise. Stepping off of the elevator that would take you up to the Council chambers was a group of five aliens. They were regal and held a certain level of dignity and grace in how they walked. Their enviro-suits were spotless and gleamed as though they were brand new. The group was official, and more surprising than that they were Quarians.

“What? Who the hell are those guys?” To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

Tali being the first Quarian in the Presidium in generations wasn’t just talk. The Quarians wouldn’t strike a deal and start appearing in the higher levels of the Citadel until the third game, years away still. I closed my jaw but Tali still seemed to be recovering from her shock. I get it was a big deal but it couldn’t be so unexpected that it left her paused for this long.

The group of Quarians themselves finally took notice of us and paused in their step as well. The man in the front had the same surprised reaction that Tali did, and there was a moment when they just stared at each other, neither moving.

“Um Tali. Do you know-” I was cut off as Tali finally shook off her surprise, shouting as she did.

“DAD!?”