Jenkins
The room was completely silent, as Shepard had just entered. There was this feeling of tension in the room that faded with her arrival. This group only existed as a squad because of her. Strong personalities and differing goals brought together under the mission of stopping Saren. This only happened because Shepard had the charisma and drive to pull people into line, and the unease we felt as a group vanished as she entered.
We all paid attention, in our own unique ways. Ashley, Kaidan and I stood at attention, our military training kicking in as our superior officer entered the room. Garrus did the same, years in C-Sec and the Hierarchy’s mandatory military service giving him the same instincts. Tali, who was raised in a culture of respecting a ship’s Captain, joined us in standing at attention, although a moment slower than the group. Wrex had never sat down, but was instead leaning against a railing at the edge of the room, he simply gave a nod in acknowledgement to Shepard as she walked towards the back of the room and turned to face us all.
“At ease people, let’s get started.” Those of us who stood when Shepard entered either took a resting position or retook a seat as she continued.
“We have lots to do and very little time. I want to make something clear to those who are new to me and this crew. While I may be in charge of this mission, I don’t want blind obedience. We are a team, and you all have skills and experiences that will make for valuable insights. I want you all to feel free to share your opinions and Ideas. That being said, we need to discuss what we are doing next.” Shepard’s eyes scanned us all as she spoke. They were firm, and stared into your depths as though with only a glance she knew all she would ever need to know about you.
“We have 3 leads, given information shared with us from the Council and Ambassador Udina. There were reports of Geth in the same system as a human Colony on Feros, which we have now lost contact with. Then we have Noveria, located in the Horsehead Nebula. There have been recent reports that Matriarch Benezia, Saren’s supposed ally, was last seen arriving here. There have been no reports of her leaving as of yet. Speaking of the Matriarch, we also have Liara T’soni. The Matriarch’s daughter is reported to have been working at a Prothean dig site on the edge of the galaxy.”
As the commander spoke she tapped a few buttons on her omni tool, activating the holo projector at the back of the room as it showed images of the places she spoke about. Feros was a world a good bit larger than earth, and the images showed the surface was mostly concealed by a thick grey dust or cloud cover. It was only interrupted by large buildings of the Prothean ruins that covered two thirds of the planet's surface.
Noveria was a stark contrast, showing an icy world, pale blue from orbit. An Image of the Matriarch was shown as well. She was an older Asari in, traditional, white robes, common among her people. She had dark facial markings that resembled eyebrows and held a slight smile as she looked towards the camera.
It was a stark contrast from the Matriarch that I knew from the games, who wore an outfit that would be more in line with an evil empress. Lots of black leather, far more revealing than was necessary.
Next was shown an image of Liara, in a formfitting uniform that was standard issue among Citadel science personnel. Even with the clear age difference, the similarities between Liara and her mother were visible from the photo. They both had the same eyes, and the dark, thin facial markings that resembled eyebrows. We all watched the images intently as the Commander continued speaking.
“We have to decide which lead we are going to follow up first. Before I make a decision I want to hear what you all had to say.” She scanned us all, letting the silence sit and waiting for us to start speaking. Her gaze slowed, and eventually stopped, focused directly on me. I almost flinched at the sudden focus. Looking around the group, I could see everyone else watching me too.
“Um, sorry, why is everyone looking at me?” I asked nervously. I never intended to go first as I wanted to hear what everyone else had to say beforehand, so I could better tailor my argument.
“Seriously? I’ve known you for barely more than a day and in that time I know that you have an opinion on everything.” Ashley responded first leaning back in her seat as she looked at me. It wasn’t really a glare, it was more gentle than that. Still it was enough to make me even more uncomfortable. The fact that more than half the room nodded in agreement didn’t help either.
“Oh come on. I mean doesn’t everyone have opinions? We’re all thinking about this right?” I ask, trying to divert the conversation away from making me go first. Garrus already tore my idea apart. I wasn't fully decided anymore. I didn't like making arguments before I really knew exactly what I wanted.
"I don’t care where we go. I’m here for the fight, and to put Saren into the ground.” Wrex didn’t move from his spot at the corner of the room, his stare on me surprisingly focused.
“I’m also abstaining from giving an opinion. I don’t have a lot of experience with the tactical side of these decisions, so I will have better use just observing for now I think.” Tali spoke next, standing to attention as she spoke before sitting back down as she finished. She nervously adjusted the cloth on her outfit as she sat down, clearly not the most comfortable in this environment yet.
“Jenkins, you haven't been shy in giving your opinions so far. You’re the one who recommended I recruit Tali if possible. You were at the front line shouting at the Council and have rarely hesitated before. If you have a suggestion I’d like to hear it, and if not I’d like to know why. If something causes you hesitation it must be a complicated situation.” Shepard was looking at me intently and spoke with a clarity and focus that made it clear I was giving my answer now, and not later.
“Yeah, complicated is one way to put it.” I sighed, rolling my neck as I prepared to lay out my plan, as it currently stood.
“My initial plan was that we should prioritize finding this Liara, determining how much she knows about the Matriarch, and then focus on capturing the Matriarch ourselves. In my mind, I thought that removing Saren’s allies and discovering his motives as quickly as possible should be our main objective.” As I spoke Shepard was keeping her reaction hidden, instead choosing to just listen silently. Ashley however was not so controlled and spoke up immediately.
“And you would just ignore the fact that we have an entire colony that’s gone dark in the meantime?! Do you just think--”
“That was my initial thought on the matter. However an entire colony going dark complicates the issue. I don’t think Feros should be left until later, we have no way of knowing the condition of the Colony or the reasons for why they suddenly went dark, they could be in desperate need of support and we are likely the only ship that could hope to respond in any reasonable amount of time.” I gave Ashley a look as I cut her off. I understood why she spoke out but I do not appreciate being shouted at thank you very much.
“Hm, so what if you had to decide now? What would you choose? Feros or Liara?” The Commander asked the question only sparing Ashley a look to let her know to calm down.
“Ideally we’d have two ships. Send a small crew to grab Liara from her dig site, and another to investigate Feros, then join together to track down the Matriarch on Noveria. If I had to choose one though, I don’t know. I think we should still find Liara first.” I knew that most probably wouldn’t agree with my opinion, I understood why they would want us to go to Feros first. In the games we are able to hit all three without much change to missions themselves. I can only hope that stays true.
“I see, Ashley I assume you have something to say as well?” The commander turned to face Ashley, who just gave me a look before turning back to face Shepard.
“I do. I understand in the end it’s your decision how we do this Commander, but I believe we should prioritize the colony on Feros. The whole point of this mission is to stop Saren from wiping out human colonies. If we ignore one in trouble the first time there are multiple options then what was the point of any of this.” Oh hell no really? That’s your argument, it’s my turn to interrupt you Ashley, that’s just too much.
“The point of this mission is to stop Saren from bringing back the Reapers if I recall correctly. Protecting everyone in the galaxy, not just human colonies.” Ashley turned back to look at me, looking annoyed at my interruption.
“So you would just ignore the human colonies in order to accomplish a mission. Sounds a lot like how Anderson describes Saren.” She was raising her voice and I'll be honest in admitting it pushed a button in me I didn’t know I had.
“Why do you keep putting it in absolutes like that? You act as though it's only one or the other. Like somehow prioritizing the mission to protect the entire galaxy means not protecting humans.” I raised my voice in kind and was leaning forward as I began to get louder.
“What you're suggesting is literally ignoring a human colony for the sake of this mission! That’s not the kind of math I signed up for on this mission. We are here to protect people!” She was raising her voice and starting to shout as she stood up and pointed at me.
“Like you care about protecting people! Would you be fighting this hard to go to Feros if it was a Turian colony? Do not try to take the high ground on this when your just ---”
“Enough!” I had risen to fight as well and was stepping towards Ashley when Shepard raised her voice. She was glaring at the both of us, and at her look both Ashley and I stopped shouting and stood at attention.
“Both of you sit down. And not another word. I asked for opinions and the perspective of my crew, not for my team to begin fighting with one another. Both of you will sit there quietly and accept whatever I decide our mission looks like. Am I understood?” Her voice immediately fell back to a calm controlled tone, and we responded to the authority she radiated in kind.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
“Yes Commander.” Ashley and I answered at the same time, while I could feel her staring daggers at me as she sat down, I didn’t bother to look back at her while I did the same. I lost my cool there, in a way I hadn’t meant to. Ashley and I were already on shaky ground and picking a fight was not going to help with that. Ugh why did she have to be so damn infuriating.
“Good. Does anyone have anything else to add? Kaidan, Garrus? You’ve both been quiet.”
“I’m undecided Commander, but in the end I think Feros feels like the most urgent mission to take care of. None of the others seem to be in any imminent danger.” Kaidan spoke softly, seemingly in response to the intensity of the event that just occurred. It was effective at resettling the tone in the room, and calming down the commander who visibly relaxed her shoulders after he spoke.
“I’m in agreement, Commander. Feros seems to be the most pressing issue at hand.” Garrus followed in suit, keeping his tone even and gentle, although he spared a glance in my direction that seemed almost sympathetic.
“I see. Very well. Hearing what you all have to say I’ve made my decisions. We will hit Feros, then we will collect Liara and go after the Matriarch on Noveria, or wherever else she runs off to. I’ll have Wrex, Tali and Kaidan join me on the ground once we get to Feros. Jenkins, Williams and Garrus. You three will wait for further instruction once we land.”
She stopped speaking as she looked around the room at us for a moment, our group responding with a series of ‘Yes Commander’. She nodded with approval.
“Then you’re all dismissed. I’ll have Joker chart a course for Feros, you’ll have a few hours to rest in the meantime. Make good use of it.” She left it at that, being the first to walk out of the room as our course had been set.
The room was silent as she left, all of us remaining in the places we were when she had arrived. Wrex was the first to leave, not bothering to say anything as he marched out of the room, the floor thudding with each step of his heavy boots. Garrus was next simply giving us a nod as he left. Tali stood as well, looking more awkward then the other two as she also turned to leave.
‘I’m, uh, I’m going to go look around the ship a little bit. I’ll uh, see you all in a bit.” She sounded nervous as she spoke, and turned to leave rather quickly after we gave her a nod in response.
That just left Ashley, Kaidan and I sitting in the Comm room. Kaidan was silent, shifting his look as he glanced between Ashley and I. He seemed uncertain of what to do or say, and didn’t appear to be completely comfortable leaving us alone together. I was about to say something but was surprised that it was Ashley who spoke first.
“You’re fine to go, Lieutenant. I need to talk with Jenkins.” She was surprisingly quiet in her tone, sounding almost exhausted as she spoke. Kaidan looked about to respond but she continued. “I promise I’m not going to fight with him okay. It’s just to talk.” She looked up at him, face neutral.
Kaidan looked at her, then back at me. He was clearly asking me if I was fine with that. I wasn’t certain what Ashley would have to say given how heated we had just gotten, but given he change in her tone I wasn’t concerned about it being a fight.
“It’s fine, Kaidan. I’ll be out soon okay.” Kaidan breathed a sigh of relief at my response, and gave me a nod.
“If you’re sure. Just let me know if you need anything, I’ll be down in the mess.” I gave him a nod in return and watched as he exited.
It was just Ashley and I sat alone in the room now. We were only a couple chairs apart so I was turning to look at her. She spoke first with Kaidan so I waited to see what she had to say. I didn’t expect it to be a pleasant conversation, but at the very least it didn’t seem like it would be another shouting match.
“I… I want to apologize. For raising my voice and instigating that fight there. It was unprofessional of me.”
Well, shit. I was not expecting her to apologize. Like at all. The shift in her attitude caught me off guard, and I was silent for a moment as I processed what she said.
‘You’re… sorry?” I ask the question, unable to hide my surprise.
“Yes. My reaction was more than what was necessary. I stand by disagreeing with what you said, and I do truly believe Feros was the right decision. But the way I handled things was not appropriate. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you.” She wasn’t looking at me as she spoke, instead choosing to stare at the floor.
“Right. Um, I’m sorry as well. I said some stuff that was… I crossed a line with one of those accusations. So I’m sorry for that.”
“No. You were right. I wouldn’t have pushed so hard like that for Feros if it wasn’t a human colony. I keep thinking about it and I try to tell myself that I would have pushed for it no matter who lived there. But it’s not true.” Again I’m surprised to hear her say this.
Ashley is notorious for being a bit of a racist in the first mass effect game. Not trusting or liking aliens to much extent. It was something she grew out of as the series went on if you kept her around, but it was a pretty big hurdle that affected how much I liked her character. The biggest problem with her attitude in the first game she almost never acknowledged that her views were a problem. Even as she improved and grew to trust the crew it was always with an attitude that felt like she saw the aliens on the crew as exceptions from the rest of their species.
Yet here she was now admitting that there was a problem with how she was thinking. What changed?
“I just. I know that I must seem like I’m a human supremacist like those Terra Firma or Cerberus wack jobs. I’m not, I just… I just believe in looking out for our own first. Our first encounter with the first alien species was being shot out of the sky on sight. Turians didn’t even bother to negotiate with us as they just saw us as uncivilized pests. When we actually fought back we were viewed as the bad guys until it looked like we might actually put up a decent fight. Since that moment the Citadel Council has done everything they can to undermine and ignore human issues.” Ashley looked over at me as she spoke, her voice filled with emotion and discomfort as she discussed what appeared to be a difficult topic for her. I listened silently, wanting to let her continue.
“I pictured what might be happening on Feros. A colony, understaffed and unprepared for an attack. Being swarmed by Geth. I see that and I can’t help but picture what happened on Eden Prime. I only survived because you guys arrived. If you had been faster, if you had gotten there sooner then maybe more of my unit would have survived too. We… I owe it to those I lost to be there, to try and save them. I heard you argue against Feros and I just. I heard the Council, debating that Saren did nothing, that it was our own fault we got attacked, that we died. That they had no obligation to try and help us.” Her voice sharpened; she sounded angry, but sad. There was a lot of pain in these thoughts, in these memories for her.
I rose to my feet, I walked over and sat down beside Ashley. She looked over at me as I sat beside her, and scoffed.
“Ha, what you’re going to try and comfort me now. I’m not that pathetic thank you.”
“Nah, I doubt I could comfort you anyway. But I do want to say that I understand.” She looked at me suddenly, a look of surprise, and a touch of anger rising to her eyes. I understood, It hurts for someone to claim they know how you feel, when you’ve experienced a pain like that. But I did know how she felt. I lost people I would never see again, my family, in another world somewhere who would never know what happened to me. Then once more in Jenkins parents, who I could have warned but I was too busy trying not to be noticed for being different to consider talking too. I got people killed through my actions, people I cared about. I understood more than Ashley could ever know, and more than I could say.
“Seriously, I do. I lost my family on Eden Prime too. In the wake of that thing, that massive ship Saren had. I still see him. His smug face staring at us during the hearing, insulting us and acting innocent after he killed my parents less than a day earlier. I HATE him Ashley. I know I seemed unconcerned about the colony on Feros, but it wasn't a lack of care. I had tunnel vision on stopping Saren, on weakening Saren no matter what. And it caused me to neglect the people who needed our help in the moment. Garrus was actually the one who pointed it out to me first, and why I was even saying I was unsure in that meeting.” Ashley’s look softened as I continued speaking, and she settled into a look of understanding as she stared towards the opposite end of the room.
“I see. Tunnel vision. Yeah, I think I was suffering from the same. I saw Feros as another case of my squad being left for dead. I didn’t care about the bigger picture, or the fact that we might have to prioritize stopping Saren over rescuing a colony.” She looked back down, sounding almost ashamed of her actions. It was strange, seeing a woman that was normally so abrasive looking regretful. I needed to stop seeing her as a shallow game character. Ashley was a person, with her own history beliefs and motivations, I had to quit acting like I knew everything I needed to know about her. About anyone.
“Hey. You know, given everything that happened I don’t think we ever properly introduced ourselves.” I stood to my feet, stepping in front of Ashley, and I held out my hand towards her.
“I’m Richard Jenkins, although most just call me Jenkins. I like coding and messing with technology, and I have a tendency to hide my anxiety behind a bad sense of humour.”
She looked at my hand, and looked up at my face, seeing that I had a genuine smile as I looked at her. She turned her head away and chuckled lightly, before standing to her feet, and taking my hand, giving it a firm shake.
“I’m Ashley Williams. I like poetry and care about my family more than anything.” She gave me a small smile, and for the first time it felt like we might just understand each other. We broke the handshake, and both turned to leave.
“Listen Ashley. This won’t be the only time I end up focused on stopping Saren and end up neglect individuals threatened by his actions. I want you to call me out when that happens. Don’t let me forget what our goal is out here. We are saving people from Saren, not just stopping him. I don’t want to forget or ignore that an entire colony might be in danger just because It’s not directly related to stopping Saren at the moment.” I meant what I said. I had been getting too into my own head, letting my knowledge of the games and events that should happen cloud my judgment. There were things that needed to be handled in the moment, not just treated as an item on a checklist.
“Yeah, you bet your ass I’ll call you out on it.” She gave me a punch on the shoulder. Not enough to hurt but enough to knock me off balance. She dropped the attitude quickly though and gave me another look. “But I want you to do the same for me. We are out here to protect everyone from Saren. Not just humanity. Don’t let me lose sight of that. I might think we should prioritize our own, but don’t let me neglect the other races because of that.”
“Of course. Nothing better than to have the two people who disagree the most keep an eye on each other.”
We walked out of the room in a more comfortable silence, and made our own ways down towards the bunks. We only had a couple hours to rest before we arrived at Feros, and even if I wasn’t on the ground crew, I needed to take the opportunity to rest where it was possible. Things would only get more hectic from here, and sleep would be a rare opportunity. Still I couldn’t help but feel more positive about things as they continued. The meeting may not have gone according to plan, but I still felt like I had made progress. Ashley and I were probably never going to be friends, but for once it felt like we could actually work alongside each other.
However my good mood faded quickly as I thought about the things that would come next. According to the games, when it came to Ashley and Kaidan, one had to die before Saren was stopped. I had always planned to try and avoid that, but in my head I had always considered Ashley as an acceptable loss if there was no other option. No longer. I needed a solid plan, something concrete to confirm I could save both. Ashley was right that our job was to save people, not just stop Saren. So I was going to find a way to save them both, or die trying.