II. The Girl with Multiple Issues – Side Aneki

Mother died way back when I was young. I forgot when. Or more likely, because I still didn’t exist back then.

Ara had been crying lots. I was crying a lot.

Being a spoiled sweet little girl by my mother and her suddenly being involved by an accident and leaving me must have led to this identity being born. Father was a loving parent too, in fact he raised a child better than mother. It was a standard not to spoil someone too much.

Ara had been in a great shock. She didn’t talked for weeks, and it took more for her to start talking again. I can’t let this continue.

For the very first time I was able to get out, to manifest in her, I immediately learnt of the situation above Ara was currently having. I looked at the mirror: Uwah!—I almost leaped in surprise.

A girl this sweet

A girl this pretty

A girl this happy

Why did she have to experience events to this extent?

I went to the kitchen. It was late night and the dining room lights are still open. Ah, Father must have been weeping for nights.

For starters, let me try to console him.

I went and entered the dining room. He was sitting with his head looking down on the table. He’s sobbing. I approached him, hoping I could make him feel better by consoling him.

I was wrong.

“Father, please don’t cry.”

“Who are you?” He stopped sobbing and asked a question. I took a quick glance around, no one. Eh?

“Don’t try and make me look like a fool. Please don’t make things harder for me.”

“Father, it’s me Ara” I smiled, looking at him.

“Ara have always addressed me as Papa. She’s not the type to console someone she knows hurt, or even if she does, I know she will just look at me with a smile. She is a very sweet and honest girl, you know? Quit faking it, you’re not even trying.”

I was in a complete shock. I never expected it to be this way. Ah, I knew it, I was too naïve. I really thought I could handle this my own, but a father’s knowledge and experience always wins.

He loves Ara.

Ah, I tried to be mature as much as possible but my child qualities shown. I’m hurt too. I'm hurt by the death of my mother, I’m hurt by my pride being shattered, and most of all, I’m just a sad child and I was hurt.

I went crying. No, worse, I was just  just screaming out. Father held me towards him. That moment I remembered that was a similar feeling. That must be like when mother was still spoiling me over my ice cream falling at the ground and I went on and crying.

“Don’t get me wrong sweet little girl, YOU ARE STILL ARA. Ara, my sweet little child. I still love you. We’ll get through.” As he held me he started crying too.

That was the memory of the night I started to exist outside the real world.

The day after that we went to the psychiatrist to have me checked, where I undergo a series of tests. The specialist asked father if we are willing to undergo long-term treatment and he looked at me. He wanted to have me decide.

What was good? What was better? What was wrong?

Questions filled my head. Was it alright for a parent to have the young ones make these kinds of heavy decisions? In the end, will it be only me? Am I the only one left that could protect Ara? I was so confused. What about father?

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I looked at the doctor, then looked at father again.

I looked down afterwards. Teary-eyed, I tried to contain my sadness and confusion as much as possible.

“We won’t do it, not until Ara have decided.” That’s when father spoke. He should be talking to the Ara that was me. In the end, he still cared about both of our feelings. But was it the right decision? Won’t having me undergo therapy and have me perish pose a better outcome?

And that closed negotiations and we went home. I swapped with Ara and didn’t appeared for a time being after that.

There have been incidents at her grade school that triggered switching with me. Being a happy-go-lucky, all-yes girl, Ara was just being abused by her friends, her classmates. She’s being too kind for their own good. It could only be my instinct but it told me I should do something about it. I acted the total opposite of how she does. Results are instant: abusive friends now hangs out less and less each and every time.

But I went overboard. Ara graduated without friends.

Middle school. She must have noticed already. She have started leaving out notes on her desk for me to read at times. “Papa is worried, please don’t make him worry. He’s all I have left.”

I was practically aware of that.

That night I went at father’s room. He was laying at the futon and sleeping. His eye bags were deep, he looked really stressed. Father, please don’t be so sad: is all I can think of. I patted his head and prepared to leave.

“It is you, huh?” he tried to stop me. So he was awake. “I can’t think of anything to resolve this, I’m sorry.”

Ah, he’s breaking down.

“Lately I haven’t been able to take care of Ara like the way I used to. I’m a failure of a father. Right at the time she needs me the most. I’m nearing my breakdown.”

He just talked and talked. Feeling my helplessness, I just sat on the direction away from him.

“May I request something of you?”

I sat silently, hoping he understood my silence.

“There will be a point where Ara will only live with the two of you. I beg of you, please be the one to be able to support her. Don’t ever leave her side. Love her like her papa and mama do. Please promise me.”

I sat sobbing, I could not control my tears. Again, I am tasked with something nearly impossible. Again, it will be only me. Me and her. He must’ve been crying too. He’s nearing his limit. I must take this task. I must accomplish it. For Ara, for father and for me too. I was determined.

But I'm lost... How?

That’s where everything went astray.

---

High school, the times I swapped increased. It seemed like having no friends at school took a toll on her mental health. I needed to find someone. A boy, a relationship: that must be it.

I was wrong.

The first relationship. I tried not to commit as much. All I need was to have someone who she can lean her shoulder, someone who would lend an ear.

I swapped. The next time I appeared they broke up. I tried the second time, the third time, still the same outcome. She must have sealed herself, not wanting any outside help, not even from me. I didn't want it. I didn't want her to cast aside her last option. I stopped.

It was when it happened. I was swapped in all of a sudden. It stank. This must be the boy’s comfort room. Who was the man in front of me? A teacher? A punk? I was being pressed towards the wall. I was about to be assaulted.

Ara was not that weak of a girl, retaliating was easy. I trashed the man myself.

I went out of the cr. There were lots of bystanders. There are teachers were ready to escort me to the faculty room. I can’t let Ara see this.

I messed up. I wanna cry, but never did I once thought it was not the right thing to do. I needed to protect her chastity, her purity as a sweet little girl.

I felt the sudden feeling swapping out. I held out. Not until we went home. This was not a situation I wanted to put her in, I wasked her not to swap out yet.

But I could not. There was a sudden darkness. I was swapped out.

---

I was swapped in again.

“I did it, I played the role of the bad father.”

“Father…”

What happened? Is this after school? I looked at the documents at the table, Ara has been kicked out. Father should knew it is already me right now.

“I have disowned you. Losing mama when she’s young, losing papa when she needed him the most. I wonder if my sweet Ara hates me now.” He’s crying already.

“I know she won’t. Please just give us time. Please give me time.”

“I will give you all the time you need. Please just promise me you will return before I leave this world.”

“I promise. I’ll do everything within my strength.”

I hugged him.

We both cried that night.

---

I packed up my things that morning. A set of clothes, the pocket money he gave me, good for a few months probably, and a manga volume to entertain myself whenever i would feel bored.

I’m on my own now. We’re on our own. I’m gonna protect Ara as much as I can, so please don’t swap me out until I tell you so. The train to the next town is arriving in a few hours, guess I can take a nap.

That moment I couldn't take a nap. The weight of the responsibility is now being pressed onto me.

Suddenly my thoughts were being clouded.

I did not know what was happening around me. It was my subconscious that kept me awake.

With that, I missed the first train and have to wait for another 3 hours.

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