I woke up feeling more exhausted than I was when I went to sleep. A quick glance at my phone told me it was 5:37am, meaning I had been asleep less than four hours.
Initially, I just grumbled at my misfortune and l tried to go back to sleep, but when my eyes were met with the beautiful sleeping face beside me, my heart was lit aflame once again, and I knew I wouldn't be able to calm myself down enough to sleep.
“Last night, we…” I felt my face burn red as I recalled the events of the prior evening. Saki… and me…
I had wanted us to be together for so long, so very long, that it hardly felt real. Now that the buzz of the night had worn off, it sunk in just how much things were about to change.
She confessed to me her feelings, and I returned them in kind. She even asked me to be her girlfriend… we were finally ‘official.’ So what was this sinking feeling dominating my stomach? I was happy… I think? Everything I had wanted had fallen into my lap, how could I not be?
But there was something bugging me. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but I knew there was something.
Guess I’ll just spread my wings a little…
I put on the clothes I had shed the night before (not that it would matter after my transformation anyway), and crept out of Saki’s house. I felt bad about leaving her the morning after, but I promised myself I’d be back before she woke up.
Shaking that guilt out of my mind, I assumed my magical girl form and took to the skies. I had often found myself doing so on sleepless nights and exhausting days recently. It helped me clear my mind in a way. In fact, I had done it so often that a social media page documenting sightings of me had picked up steam recently. “Angel of Tokyo” was a nickname I’d actually grown quite fond of.
Gently gliding over the quiet streets, the bright light of the moon my only guide through the night sky, I felt my heart begin to calm down, though not enough to quell whatever this terrible feeling was in my chest.
I had come to know the city’s skyline like the back of my hand, so I was able to absentmindedly weave my way between the streets and buildings without issue. I found myself simply flying around areas I was familiar with while trying to clear my head, albeit to little avail.
I flew along the train line, mindlessly tracing the route from Saki’s house to school, which happened to pass the train station I used in the mornings too. I flew low over it, expecting it to be nearly devoid of people at such a quiet time of day.
Much to my surprise, however, there was someone leaning against the wall of the station, staring up at me as I passed by. What surprised me even more was that I recognised her face.
“Her… why?” I muttered to myself as I turned in a large arc, flying back towards her and landing gently just in front of her.
“You should be more careful about hiding your identity.”
“Wh-what are you doing back on Earth, Shiko?”
Yes, the girl stood before me was none other than Aya Shiko, Flame Of Time member and traitor to humanity.
“Needed to speak with you. Walk with me.”
I sensed no hostility in her tone, and I figured this could be an opportunity to get some information, so I begrudgingly accepted her offer, though I consistently remained a step or two behind.
For a little while, the two of us simply walked aimlessly without saying a word. I had no idea what she could possibly want from me of all people, and she seemed to be having difficulty finding words, so we were locked in a silent impasse.
Eventually, I decided to break it.
“Wh-why were you waiting at my train station?”
“Figured out where you get to school from and decided to wait for you there. Seemed fitting, since that’s how all of this started.”
It took me a second to understand what she was saying, but after a moment it hit me. All of this magical girl business kicked off when me and my friends waited for Shiko at her train station in the morning. In that sense, she was right, it was fitting in a way.
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“S-so… why me? I’m the least important member of my team, if you needed to talk to someone, why not Saki?”
She didn’t respond right away, but she did stop walking. With the sun still yet to rise, she stared at the moon, almost as if worried it would cease to exist.
“Growing up an outcast is hard, isn’t it?” Shiko said, after a long and heavy silence. “The judgement of your peers weighs heavy upon you, and even the friends you do have feel like they could slip away at any moment. Our society is one that punishes those who deviate from the norm, and it’s those like you and I who suffer for it, do you not agree?”
Though she didn’t address it directly, her words answered my question well. She chose me because she saw me as like minded.
“I-I know what you mean. I-it can be really hard sometimes… sometimes I worry that I’ll make everyone upset if I join in with them because I always say the wrong thing, but then they get upset with me anyway for not participating. I-It’s hard, growing up different.”
“So then, why are you so desperate to defend this world that’s so cruel to you? This society that mercilessly kicks you down? These people who treat you so badly? Why do you insist on putting your life on the line to protect a status quo that has never done a damn thing good for you?”
I opened my mouth to rebut, but I struggled to find the words. In a way, she was right. For so much of my life, both my teachers and my peers treated me as defective because of my social phobia. I was an outcast, and society hated outcasts. There were lots of things about this world that were cruel to someone like me, so perhaps protecting the status quo truly wasn’t in my best interest.
“No… that’s not right.” I finally muttered after a long silence. “The world you’re looking to create is one I still can’t accept. Perhaps it would wipe away all the things about society that have hurt me in the past, but it would also wipe out everything that’s wonderful too. I couldn’t bear to lose my relationships with the friends who’ve supported me so much over the years. And… I couldn’t bear to lose the love I have for my g-girlfriend either.”
“None of that shit matters, don’t you understand that?!” Shiko, who I had only ever seen calm almost to the point of boredom, suddenly erupted in anger. “Friendship. Love. Loyalty. All things they use to shackle you to other people. Other people who’ll use you when they need you then throw you aside the moment they’re done. We have the chance to change all of that. To do away with the society that bullies you into conformity. All the suffering you’ve had to endure because you dared to deviate from the norm. So why are you getting in our way?!”
She stamped her foot in anger, and I suddenly felt myself get pushed backwards with immense force, almost losing my footing as I tried to steady myself.
I knew the feeling of the force that was pushing me… magical power… this was Shiko’s ability. A field around her body that forced people away from her. The barrier in her heart that stopped her from getting close to people emotionally was now manifesting to keep people away physically too. Even her power was filled with anguish and hate.
“I understand why you feel that way. I probably understand better than the majority of people on Earth. Sometimes I do wish we could just wipe the slate clean on the society that’s chewed me up and spit me out all of these years. But I want to protect it anyway.” Shiko, who had been staring at the moon the whole time, finally turned to look me in the eyes. “There’s a lot wrong with society that I would change if I could. But that doesn’t mean I hate everything about it. The difference between us is that I value the things society has given me more than I resent what it’s taken away. I love my friends. I love my city. I love the people who see me fly overhead and dub me their guardian Angel. There are plenty of diamonds in the rough if you go looking for them, but you just throw them out and say they’re the same as everything else. That’s why we’re different, Aya.”
She didn’t respond for a long time, instead staring me down as if trying to determine how serious I was. The atmosphere was suffocating, but I stood my ground with every ounce of confidence I could muster.
After what could have been ten seconds or an hour, she sighed and looked away, releasing the magical ability that had been exerting a force on me this whole time.
“Perhaps the two of us aren’t as like-minded as I had believed. Sorry for wasting your time.” She turned away and prepared to use her flight ability, but stopped to speak one more time. “At sunset on the longest night, when the Hot Gates open and this war truly begins, we’ll see which of our beliefs comes out on top. I’ll wait for you. Don’t disappoint me.”
Before I could even try to think of a response, she launched off the ground and flew out of sight, disappearing like a leaf in a strong wind.
“I’ll prove that there’s good left in this world. Wait for me.”
After saying my piece to the empty winter air, I once again spread the wings upon my back and took to the skies, the sun now beginning to peek out over the horizon, bathing the world in a dull orange glow. I decided to return straight to Saki and confront my feelings head on instead of running away to the clouds.
In just a few minutes, I was greeted by the front door I had exited a little while earlier, and the disapproving face of the girlfriend I had unceremoniously left in bed just before.
“Awful rude to get up and leave in the early hours of the morning after a night like that. Don’t make me feel like a cheap one night stand, you womaniser.”
“Saki… I’m sorry. I just… I had some things on my mind and I had to think through them with a clear head.”
“Do you reckon you managed to think them through okay?”
“…yeah. Yeah, I think I did.”
Saki’s frown, which I assumed was deliberate for dramatic purposes, softened into a smile as she turned to the door behind her.
“In that case, you’re probably tired from all the thinking you’ve been doing. Come in and have some morning tea. I already have a pot ready for you.”
I couldn’t help but return the cheeky smile on the face of the woman I loved as I followed her back to the room where we had professed our love to one another just hours ago.
I’ll prove this world isn’t all the way rotten, Shiko. I promise you that.