Much of the rest of my day passed by as usual, with the occasional message or short call from Hana to mix things up a little. All the while I was trying to keep my mind off my conversation with Nao on the train.
As I crawled into bed that night, however, there was no way to stop my mind dwelling on the day’s events.
Just what was the relationship between Nao and I? Could it really be said that we were no more than good friends? I knew the feelings I had for her were more than that, and I believed that she felt the same way, but neither of us was willing to take the first step in taking our relationship to a new level.
It was my own cowardice stopping me. My fear that I would put too much of my own problems on Nao, that I would overwhelm her with my inability to be truly independent, stopped me from saying those three words that I so desperately wanted to say.
I thought back on what Shin said about Mai. ‘She’s my rock.’ It was obvious to anyone that Shin and Mai relied on each other heavily. So much so that one was hardly complete without the other. But was that truly okay? To get by by pushing your problems onto the person you love? It seemed to work for them, but I couldn’t feel right about it myself.
Nao was precious to me. As precious as the sun shining through the clouds on a rainy day. The thought of forcing a greater burden on her than I already had… it was one I could hardly hear.
Time ticked by as my mind remained occupied by frustration over my own imperfections. The world was in a stasis, everything around me in a silence that was overwhelming when you stopped to take it in.
All of that came to an abrupt end with the sudden arrival of a jarring ping from the computer in the corner of the room.
“Nao’s spynet…?” I groggily dragged myself out of bed and checked the camera that had pinged a positive ID. It took my eyes a moment to adjust, but when my vision became clear, so did the identity of the party on the screen. “No way…”
I grabbed my phone to call the girls, but upon realising that it was after 2:30am already, I assumed they’d all be in bed.
Besides, something told me this was something I had to do alone. I couldn't shake the feeling that she was waiting for me specifically.
I hurriedly put on clothes warm enough for the negative-Celsius temperature and rushed out of the house. I knew the city like the back of my hand, so it didn’t take me long at all to get to the spot she was standing in.
When I arrived, she was exactly where she had been on the camera. Standing stock still, looking up at the sky in the middle of the high street walkway. She almost seemed entranced.
“Nakama. You’re alive.”
“That’s Nakama-senpai, Sakichan. I’m still your upperclassman, remember?”
Juno Nakama stood there before me, continuing to look up at the sky with her back to me, not a care in the world in her tone of voice.
“I thought you and your team had joined up with the demon army. What brings you back to the world you betrayed?”
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“To talk to you, of course. Why do you think I’ve been standing here waiting for you?”
“What makes you think I’m not here to capture or kill you?”
“Look at yourself, Saki-chan. You came alone and unarmed in the middle of the night. Logically you should have assumed this was a trap, but part of you knew it wasn’t. Because deep down, you want to talk with me just as much as I want to talk with you.”
I had no counter argument. My curiosity over her had got the better of me and I had walked straight into a potential trap. But she was right: both of us came here knowing this would be an exchange of words, not fists.
That being said, there was little I actually wanted to hear from her.
“What would I even have to say to a coward who abandons her home, her entire species, for the might of the devil himself? Some leader you are.”
“You’re more of a fool than I thought. Do you truly believe that your feeble resistance is indicative of good leadership? A good leader does not send her team to an early grave, Saki. A good leader protects them at all costs.”
“And that’s the difference between you and I, Nakama. I’m willing to die standing. You’re determined to live kneeling. Don’t ever think to compare us again.”
“You disgrace the very word “leadership” you meat headed imbecile.” As Nakama raised her voice at me, I felt that same pressure as before. It made me Instinctively back up and flinch. Her very being set off alarm bells in my mind.
This… this wasn’t just that work of a person with a terrifying disposition. This was different.
“Your power…”
“You understand now, do you? My power is 「Overwhelming Presence」, it strikes fear into the hearts of those I use it on. That’s the difference between you and I, Saki. You use your power to help your teammates rush into battle and get themselves killed faster. I use mine to keep their enemies away and protect them from harm. And yet you dare to claim that I am not a true leader? You parade yourself around with bravado, declaring yourself above those around you, but when it comes time to make the hard decisions you’re willing to put those close to you in unnecessary danger. The reason is obvious. You simply don’t love your friends the way I do.”
“Like hell I don’t!” I practically spat as I felt anger course through me at her words. All this time, she remained looking at the sky, not moving an inch. It was infuriating. “I love my friends more than anything else on the planet. I love Mai’s ability to make any room brighter just by being in it. I love Shin’s relentlessly protective nature that makes him push his own limits for the people who are important to him. I love Nao’s… I love Nao. I love everything about her. And every second she’s in danger is a second I’m filled with worry and doubt. But even so, I push through all of that turmoil and rise to meet the expectations of the friends I love so much. I lead them into danger because danger is something they’ve accepted as part of their mission. And you expect me to trample on that? That’s not love. That selfishness. You don’t love your team. You just want to posses them. You’re no leader. You’re a coward.”
By the time my outburst ended I was practically out of breath. That deafening silence from before returned, broken only by my own breathing and the slow whip of the wind. And that whole time, that whole fucking time, Nakama just stood looking up at the sky, as if she expected the black void above us to open up and swallow her whole.
I’m not sure how long we stood there, metres apart on that huge empty pathway, a suffocating silence between us. Until eventually, she broke it.
“I had hoped to find a like mind, but it seems our ideals are irreconcilable. Farewell for now, Saki Tachibana. I’m sure we’ll meet on the battlefield some day soon, and when we do, we’ll see who the true leader between us is.” As she finished speaking, she snapped her fingers next to her head, and less than a second later she was gone.
I recognised the purple glow around her hand when she clicked. Time dilation. She could now cast it far faster than before. I had no doubt she could have killed me then and there if that’s what she wished to do.
It was a challenge. She was letting me live now so she could beat me properly further down the line.
“I’ll prove to you that I’m the real deal, Nakama. I promise you that much.”
With no more business left to attend to, I slowly made my way home, cursing my luck that I now had another thing to plague my mind at night.