Nao and I took our seats on the mostly empty train cart, the excitement from Shin and Mai’s announcement still not having completely left us.
“Man, marriage at our age. Can’t they even do that? Legally speaking?”
“There’s nothing stopping them from having the ceremony and everything, but they won’t be able to do the paperwork until they’re both 18.” I smiled a little as Nao talked, having noticed that her stutter seemed to be improving when it was just the two of us. It was still pretty bad around anyone else, even Mai and Shin, but it seemed like she was comfortable enough with just me that her anxiety had chilled out a little.
“I know I said about going dress shopping with Mai, but I’m gonna need a tux too. If Shin’s trusting me to be his best man I gotta look the part.”
“Was that really why you wanted to be best man? Just so you had an excuse to wear a tuxedo?”
“That, and I wanted us both to be a major part in the wedding. If both of us were just bridesmaids Mai would have to choose one of us to be maid of honour, leaving the other out. This was the best way it could have gone. And besides,” I wrapped my arms around Nao’s midriff and pulled her into a bear hug, “everyone knows the best man and maid of honour always hook up after the wedding and I couldn’t just let someone else take you from me like that.”
“Gah- Sak- sto- let g-“ I released my grip on Nao and watched as her face grew into a blush. God, this girl is so cute. “I appreciate the sentiment, but that would never happen anyway. If it wasn’t you, Shin’s best man would probably be… y’know… a man.”
“Come on, he goes to an all girls school and only ever hangs out with us, do you really think he has any male friends? No, I was worried about some other girl swooping in and stealing you away. The thought just breaks my heart.”
“Gah, why do you always have to tease me like that.” She tried to hide her face but I could see it becoming more red with every word I said. “H-hey, Saki? Do you ever think about stuff like that? Like… marriage and things?”
“Is this a proposal?”
“I-I’m trying to be serious here! Like, way off in the future when college is over and you’re starting to think about settling down. Do you ever think about that sort of thing?”
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“Sometimes. I think about married life, I think about having kids, I think about the sort of person I wanna marry, all kinds of stuff. I’m not exactly chomping at the bit like Shin and Mai, but it’s definitely something I want some day.”
“The sort of person you want to marry?”
“Yeah, y’know, the type of person I could see myself settling down with. Maybe a strong guy I can spar and fight with as equals. Or maybe a timid genius girl with a cute smile and a heart of gold, eh, eh?” I said, elbowing her in the side.
“Jeez, what’s with you today?” Nao tried even harder to avoid my gaze, but I could see a smile start to form on face. “To tell the truth, I didn’t expect you to have thought much about this kind of stuff. I always thought you were the type of person to live independently without needing a husband or wife.”
“I don’t think those two things are mutually exclusive though. A spouse isn’t a crutch you lean on to make up for your faults, they’re a partner that you share your life with. Being independent doesn’t mean I have to be lonely, y’know. And besides, I rely on you all the time.”
“Not nearly as much as I rely on you. With me not around you’d probably get by fine. I’m useless on my own.”
“Hehe… you’d be surprised,” I said under my breath. She didn’t get it, but Nao was an integral part of my life, more so than anyone else in the world. I’d be lost without her by my side.
Maybe that’s why I hesitated so much to close the distance between us. After all that hot air I blew about not using your significant other as a crutch, would it not have been hypocritical to take that step with Nao while I was still relying on her so heavily?
She was so close. So very close to me. And yet, we felt so far apart. That gap between us was one that was so hard to bridge. So much of me wanted to take that leap and let everything I felt for her out then and there, but something always held me back.
I had to be strong enough to stand on my own before I could take her hand. I simply couldn’t have it any other way.
While I was deep in thought, the brakes of the train began to screech, and I knew that meant we were finally at Nao’s stop.
“Ah- do you want me to walk you home?” I blurted out as she got to her feet.
“Then you’d have to wait for the next train to get back home. I’ll be fine, really.” She smiled as she spoke, but I felt a tinge of melancholy in her voice.
“Nao, wait…” I called out to her as she stepped out of the doors, though I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
“Hey, Saki…” Nao turned around and looked me in the eye, that sad smile never leaving her face. “I think about it too, y’know. All the time.”
The doors closed as she spoke, as if the barrier between our hearts was made manifest. The train began to pull away, and I was left alone with the image of that smile burned into my eyes.
“I know you do, Nao. I know.” I said to the empty carriage.