Omake: Into the Potterverse Part 3

Knowing exactly what Kreature wanted and his devotion to his old master was quite easily to manipulate. Of course, his goal was (almost) the same as mine so I got my hands on the locket within a few minutes of discussing the topic with Kreature. He gave off the vibe of Filch and I came to like him a lot more. Filch was usually only in the castle but Kreature, despite being a house elf he has been nearly everywhere!

Sirius: So you’re going to destroy that now?

Me: No. I’m going to keep it until it’s the right time to destroy it.

Sirius: Why not now?

Me: Because Hot Chocolate is best drunken in the winter when it’s cold.

Sirius: I don’t like Hot Chocolate

Me: Sacrilege…but I’ll let it pass this once since you got me the locket. By the way, I heard Dumbledore’s considering Lupin for next year’s position.

Sirius: Moony eh? Guess it’ll start being a wild year again. I might need to visit the Whomping Willow again to furnish it all nicely up for him.

Me: A shame Werewolves here can’t choose when to transform and aren’t in control of their actions. From where I came from, the transformation is willingly done and higher order of Werewolves can stay in control of their mind perfectly.

I thought about Lupusregina Beta, the absolute meme Werewolf Queen. It’s been a while since I’ve visited the Pleiades in Nazarick. Of course some of them were busy now with their new jobs across the planet but as a ruler I should be making time for them. Guess I missed her antics a bit.

Sirius: Really? I’ve never heard of anything like that. Perhaps its another type of Werewolf or perhaps its the other way around?

Me: You really think a human would bite a werewolf?

Sarcasm dripping from my words.

Sirius: Hey, I’m just listing out the possibilities. Anyway, how Lockhart doing? I heard that the entire school’s been pretty much bullying him.

Me: It’s actually the entire wizarding community now since I just handed in a document filled with evidence against Lockhart casting obliviate on scholars and stealing their work. He’ll be fired soon.

Sirius: Looks like the curse didn’t disappear after all. It just moved to another position.

Me: The curse was frightened of me probably. Hopefully Lupin manages to survive it…though I doubt it.

Sirius: He’ll be a good teacher though. One of the best I’ve seen actually.

Me: He is, I know that. The problem is not with his teaching abilities but rather what he is. Sooner or later the school and wizarding community would know about Lupin’s woof woof problem and they’ll get him fired somehow.

Sirius: Well, even if it’s for just one year. He’ll have fun I’m sure. One of his dreams actually; to teach at Hogwarts.

Me: Well then, I’ll make sure to take good care of Mr. Woof Woof during the stay at Hogwarts.

Sirius: Actually, judging that I’m the dog here, shouldn’t I be Mr. Woof Woof?

Me: Don’t crawl up to the wolves pup. Compared to what I’ve seen before, you’re a poodle.

Lockhart resigned a few weeks later (much to the twin’s displeasure) when school was nearing its end. Things were pretty much normal the entire year except for Harry suddenly gaining a new godfather who was cleared of his charges.

The Wizarding community was quite generous to him for being framed and the Ministry but put in a bad light for putting a light side wizard who fought loyally into Azkaban for over a decade with no trial at all. The compensation was a shitload of gold and some authorities in which Sirius just passed to me.

Sirius: I don’t want no pity or gold. I already have enough of both. You can have the pity though.

Me: Wow, thanks so much Sirius. Anymore of that pity and you’d be minister.

I stated lazily before teleporting out of the Grimmauld place. Sirius still asked me about how I did that but I only replied with ‘Magic’. Technically I didn’t lie; it just happened to be a completely different type and brand of magic all together.

Calling him by phone, he picked up the receiver.

Me: Thanks for the Firebolt though. I can probably fly faster than that piece of wood ever would but it’s a nice souvenir

Sirius: Have some gratitude will you? That piece of wood wasn’t cheap. *sigh* …It’s my way of thanking you for getting me out of that hell. I’ll never fully pay that back but it’s the least I could do.

Me: You do realize you technically handed over a priceless artifact right? Salazar Slytherin’s locket?

Sirius: On second thought maybe I should’ve not bought you that firebolt. That locket is probably worth 10 prisoners of Azkaban.

Me: Bullshit! By the way, you should invite Harry to come and live with you. I put up the wards around your place. Mr. Voldy or his followers won’t be coming near you for long long while at the very least.

Sirius: Good to hear. I heard that his adoptive parents weren’t that nice?

Me: More like guardians than parents. They kept him safe but I’m not sure if that was a good thing considering the state I found him in. Maybe once this mess is all over you can perhaps exact some petty revenge on the Dudleys

Sirius: Can I hire those students of yours? The Weasleys?

Me: It’ll cost you a penny but personally I want to see that happen as well. Continue being an absolute prick Sirius and try not to die. Especially not by Death Eaters. *click*

Putting down the phone, I decided to return to my room in Hogwarts.

I missed my sister. Recently I’ve been busy and doing…well…stuff. Teaching, planning, trolling and screwing around as well as the novelty of the entire scenario of living inside the world JK Rowling created (or rather saw and wrote down) has put my mind away from her and our Empire.

Me: I guess it’s time to wrap up…

I had fun. Lot’s of fun to be honest but this wasn’t where I belonged and nor do I honestly wanted to be. No matter how much I hate formality and laying around doing absolutely nothing…ok, maybe I like doing nothing…but only in chunks and not endless strips! I have my family of Society and Nazarick back home waiting for me. I have an Empire to play sims with and an entire Multiverse to (occasionally) rule over and (not) accidentally fuck up.

Standing back up from my bed which I laid down moments ago (subconsciously like a habit), I apparated to in front of the famous blank hallway. Facing the wall, I touched my hand on the surface to make sure.

I could have done it the proper way but I didn’t feel like walking across the place 7 or so times and focusing. Seriously, thinking hard about something? Just slightly imagining something like that brings me a headache.

When the door refused to appear nicely, I nicely crushed the wall and walked through. When it revealed more of the same wall, I felt an anime anger mark appear on my forehead. Pissed off that I was outdone by a fucking wall, I decided to teach Hogwarts a lesson.

Me: Shinra Tense—oh hey Dumbledore.

Dumbledore:… what were you about to do?

Me: Nuthin

Dumbledore: … you tried to break into the room of requirements didn’t you?

Me: *gasp* How could you even think that? I’m not that evil

*crumble* *crumble*

The crushed part of the wall fell as broken pieces of bricks rolled in front of myself and Dumbledore.

Me: You didn’t see that.

Dumbledore: Unfortunately I did.

Me: I have photos of you trying out Minerva’s closet choices

Dumbledore: I don’t remember seeing a thing. Please continue with whatever you were doing

With Dumbledore out of the way and no longer in risk of suing me for property destruction, I was in the process of deciding between connecting myself to mana once again and wasting 10 seconds or pacing around the hallways for nearly a minute, I decided to use my magic and forcefully open the door. As my magic is almighty and all, yattee yatta, boom bam kajaww!!! The (crushed and dented) door appeared.

Sparta Kicking the door open, I entered to see the room of trash that needed some serious recycling to be done. Of course, I had the perfect tool.

Me: Inventory…Universal Pull.

As a literal tsunami of stuff was pulled into my inventory, I let the system do the organizing and I sat back on a chair I found (and pulled out of the wave before it got absorbed into my inventory) and watched as the endless wave of pretty much everything disappear.

After a while when the stuff was nearly done, I opened up my menu and looked through my inventory and saw things nicely organized and packaged ready to use whenever. It even fixed up some of the broken things in there for me.

I added another category called ‘Quest Materials’ and instantly I had the Diadem of Ravenclaw in my hand…only to be thrown back into the inventory.

Me: I need it. Find it and bring it to me.

Dumbledore: Dear, you’ll have to be more specific.

Me: The Ring Albus. Get me the ring of Thomas Gaunt by tomorrow.

Dumbledore: …So it’s true? Tom really did split his soul and create the cursed things?

Me: Yes and that ring is one of them. Also, if you dare even try and put it on, I promise I will kill you and your brother so don’t even think about that…not unless you want to die.

Dumbledore: There are nicer ways of requesting something.

Me: The ring will tempt you into trying it on only to fry your hand into something useless. Then it will curse you into weakening and drain your life little by little. It will act like a dementor and take in parts of your soul to power itself and eventually bring forth the revival of the Dark Lord should all else fail.

Dumbledore: I stand corrected; your threat was necessary it seems.

Me: Exactly, nor apparate out of here and be back by tomorrow while I manage the school for you.

Headmaster work turned out to be much simpler than I imagined as the wizarding world was generally much smaller and simpler than the muggle ones…especially considering the scale in which I used to work with. There were only a few magical letters I needed to write, a few documents I needed to sign and ignore a couple complaints from some nasty pure blooded families about magical blood this and that until Dumbledore returned with what I ordered him to bring.

Me: Your hand doesn’t look like it’s been through an incinerator with a cursed fire searing it to make sure it’s burned.

Dumbledore: Well dear, the threat you gave me made me rethink my actions when the ring began promising me warm socks for the coming Christmas.

Me: I’ll get you some warm socks…or gloves. I’m sure your hands could use some of the warmth as well.

Dumbledore: The farther something is away from the heart, the colder it is. Is there something for the nose as well?

Me: Buy your own things old man.

Dumbledore: I could say the same to you except I don’t think you are a man. I do remember you calling me an infant though…exactly how old are you Kara dear?

Me: Probably outlived the magical society by many times over. I don’t remember the magical world existing in the prehistoric times.

…silence as Albus took in my words.

Dumbledore: To be honest I think I expected that. Only someone so old would take the appearance and act as someone so young.

Me: Childish. When I was born I was robbed of my childhood, or young adulthood, if you would. I guess that got to me as this is the appearance I always come back to. Always chasing after my sister until everything was taken away from me…being a child and letting loose all of my cares has been my driving force and way of life for a while now.

I picked up the ring and felt two magical things inside of it. First, the soul which stuck itself onto the stone…barely…was Tom Riddle’s own horcrux. A proof of his lineage of the Gaunt family descended from Salazar himself. The second was more ancient…much more powerful and dominating over the soul that held on for dear life. The Resurrection Stone was embedded in the ring.

Me: I lost many on the way as well. Not that I care much about them to be honestly. At least not now with my own morality very different from what it was when I began.

Dumbledore: You must have faced many a conflict

Me: Not much to be honest. Just a few big game changers. Thanks for the ring Albus; don’t ask for it back.

With that, I left the office leaving Dumbledore with his paperwork.

Just before I reached the bottom of the spiral staircase, I heard Dumbledore shriek.

Me: *snicker* I just thought you can use your time to focus on things for once rather than staring blankly at the wall.

Dumbledore: KARA! WHY IS THERE FAKE PAPERWORK ALL OVER THE DESK!!

Man…I didn’t know the old man of screaming at all.

It just had to at the end of my fourth year in Hogwarts (end of 3rd year for Harry) when the Ministry decided that they had enough. I think I knew the reason(s) though. I guess I did stir up more trouble than a nation could tolerate…but just because they had the right didn’t mean I was going to take it like a dog.

The toad looking lady…ummm…*cough* Umbridge walked straight up to me while the professors were in a staff meeting and announced that I was under arrest. The slightly trembling Shacklebolt and nervous looking Moody along with a couple of Aurors didn’t really strengthen her trying-to-intimidate-you look but I’ll have to give it to her for stupidity.

Me: Didn’t Fudge tell you not to mess with me?

Umbridge: This matter is not about the Minister alone Ms. Fujitora. This involves the safety of Magical Britain and the next generation of our wonderful nation. Besides, the educational department is not the only laws you have broken.

Suddenly, a goblin appeared from behind her looking very pissed as well.

Goblin: Ms. Fujitora…you are arrested for using outside banking sources other than the Magical Gringotts Bank which is the only legal banking industry in the magical world for wizards and witches alike. By tracing your use of gold, we have determined that you have not abided by this law.

Me: Says the green fuckers who’s security is mostly name value and nothing more.

I scoffed at them, only to be met with angry snarls. Jesus, anything more and I swear I’ll summon the goblin slayer here right here and now. He ought to teach these greedy bastards some lessons.

I looked at the crowd that supposedly came here to arrest me and saw Lucius in the back as well. He didn’t look very happy to see me; probably half angry and half nervous. Stupid dude, seriously. I should release the scroll to the public (or Rita Skeeter) when this was all over.

Me: Alright then.

Shacklebolt: Um…you’ll actually come with us?

Dumbledore: Kara dear…

Me: Actually, I meant that ‘Alright, I get what you mean’ not ‘Alright, I’ll follow your damn laws and be arrested’.

Moody: Then we have every right to attack you…here and now.

Me: We all fight for what we believe in Moody. You trust in the Light faction and the Ministry. I trust in lazy Justice and my own actions…as well as the importance of sending a message.

Moody: Your point? *grunt*

Me: I’ll see you all at Gringotts *wink*

Goblin: You wouldn’t dare!!!

I didn’t reply as I teleported out of the mess as I transported to Diagon Alley and right in front of the only wizarding bank of the Magical world. As I walked through the dumb looking doors of copper, silver, and gold with that stupid phrase of warning thieves, I walked into the middle of the bank.

Goblin: Ms. Kara Vanir Fujitora…are you here to turn yourself in? We are willing to overlook this transgression for a very light fine of course. *chuckle*

Me: I doubt that’ll be a problem. I have more gold than the entire wizarding world combined. But I’m not here to pay your fine or turn myself in.

Goblin: Your fine Ms. Fujitora, not mine. If you are not here for that, then may I ask what you are planning to do? After all, this is Gringotts.

I looked up at the green creature wearing some very ugly glasses. I looked around to see the entire room was staring at me. Wizards, witches, and goblins alike. Some of the curse breakers had their wands out incase things went south and I could sense a couple of goblins nearing the golden gate to close it should I choose to bolt for it.

I smiled back sweetly at the goblin that addressed me before making my declaration.

Me: I’m here to rob you.

Silence. Absolute fucking silence. I took that moment to copy the entire Gringotts bank just the way it is. I could turn back time here specifically later after destroying it but that would take a ten seconds of boredom.

Goblin: Ms. Fujitora…did I hear you right? I think I must have mishea—

Me: I’m here to rob you. Not only just one thing either…I’m here to empty Gringotts of every galleon and sickle. There will not be a single Knut left in this place when I leave here.

I smirked as I raised my wand.

Goblin: GET HER!!!

Me: Too late. Rinne Art of Planetary Devastation-Small

The moments the spells began to fly, everything floated upwards as the black hole I had created above the bank began to suck in everything. The top of the bank ripped off before crushing itself into a sphere shaped shell around the hole. Despite this, my jutsu didn’t let up. Spells flew upwards and crashed into stone, bricks, and metal. Goblins, wizards, and witches apparated out of the mess as soon as the ground under them began to crack and float upwards.

The very floor I was on groaned as the parts around it all cracked and was crushed under the pressure before joining the rest. Only the small part of the marble floor in which I stood on was safe from the attack. Seeing around me, the dark chasm below me was open for everyone to see. The wide and deep vaults of Gringotts so open and vulnerable for perhaps the first time since its opening.

Of course, I had a promise to keep, didn’t I? I promised the damn creature that I would rob them of everything. I raised my hand as I prepared to do something I had not done in a long while.

Feeling the souls around around me, I gathered them out of the air. Invisible ghosts, spirits of regret, shadows, and mana with a will gathered as I molded them all into a pure and mindless soul.

Me: Treasures of the Land Below. Riches of the Hidden World…I give you life, I give you strength! Break down the barrier that holds you and free yourself from the shackles of the magical and avaricious owners.

The world shook as hundreds of millions of items suddenly gained a will, a purpose. An earthquake shook London as the vault doors shook, weaken…and burst.

The wealth of a thousand years of the entire magical world exploded out of their containers and flew up. They roared with such a passion. The dragon guardian was ripped apart by the passing gold by it’s velocity alone. The curse breakers were unable to defend themselves against the torrent of endless gold and silver.

Within moments the riches of the underworld roared through what used to be the floor of Gringotts to join the new planet floating above London. As the torrent continued to ravage its way to my jutsu, I managed to catch a very specific cup on its way up before I put it safely in my inventory.

With the final horcrux excluding nagini all in my possession, I felt satisfied with how things will end up. Of course, it was just that moment when the Aurors…including Shacklebolt, Moody, and a few other noteworthy ones arrived on the scene.

Moody: Fujitora! Surrend—whaa??!!!

Shacklebolt: Impossible…what sorcery is this?

Me: Chibaku Tensei. Or you can call it ‘Planetary Devastation’. I’m sure you understand where the name comes from. What are you so impressed for? Grindelwald probably could have done better honestly. While I can go for more I don’t have his charisma to make it looks as cool.

Right then, the goblin I had talked to a few minutes ago appeared in front of me. His face very pale for a goblin and sweat forming on his face. His arms were slightly trembling and I could tell he wasn’t having a good day. Poor guy.

Goblin: Ms. Fujitora! Stop this at once! Even if you take everything, nobody will sell you anything! We forbid you from using any of the gold!

Me: Who said I’m taking the gold?

Goblin: Eh?

Me: Hey frown Moods, you remember what I told you a few minutes ago at Hogwarts?

Moody: It’s Moody girl. You said something about a message…No! THAT WILL BE THE END OF BRITAIN!

Me: Exactly! It looks like he understands it（smile)

Goblin: Wha…what are you planning to do?

Me: Your Ministry have pissed me off for the last time. Your pure-blooded society is stuck up with a very long dildo with duds straight up their ass. Did I mention that your Ministry is corrupted to a dysfunctional degree?

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Shacklebolt: What are you going to do…?

Me: Force a change young padawan. Because I am no thief of robber. I am a revolutionary!

Somewhere far away worlds away from me, I think I heard ‘??’ Yell “Bullshit!” But I ignored that and continued.

Me: It was never about the money. Never about my wealth or yours. It’s the message. It’s the change and challenge that what I am about to do will bring.

Moody’s hex bounced harmlessly off me as I looked above me to the shining planet. I raised my wand to utter a very classic spell.

Moody: STOP HER!!

Me: Fiendfyre

A massive flame dragon engulfed me as it took form before flying up towards where it felt the most magic- my jutsu. The dragon spread its mouth and wings as the flames began to devour the magic and gold, strengthening the thing. A thousand year old collection of wealth really did do the trick as the planet, which was pretty much the size of a town in diameter alone, overfed the fire causing it to balloon up in size before it stabilized (through my magic) and grow to impossibly giant proportions.

I looked down from the fire to see hundreds of magical denizens collapse onto their knees and begin to sob as their life savings were turned to nothing. Of course, that was nothing to the goblins’ reactions as their straight up fainted while a couple of them committed suicide…not wanting to see what happens after.

The Aurors were in full panic as they tried to blast the fire with all they had but…really? Fiendfyre was made to eat magic and they were pretty much feeding it. Only Moody was doing the right thing by blasting dark arts at the thing but even then it didn’t show any sign of it working.

Looking at Lucius who had apparated in and seeing his reaction to his wealth of the Malfoy family burn to nothing felt me with a nice warm cozy feeling in my gut as I apparated away. Of course, I left a nice note on the ground.

To whomever it may concern

I’m sure you are all excited and glad that the goblin’s source of power has been destroyed! They no longer control the economy and hold a dictatorship over the banking industry…cause they no longer have a bank to do anything with!

What? I’m hearing complaints about this? Well, first of all fuck you! Next, allow me to offer you some solutions.

I was not lying when I told that fat goblin (the guy who used to sit at the head of Gringotts) that I have more gold than your entire tiny community combined. I even have a spell that can reverse the damage the fiendfyre caused as well! Ta-da~ Hope to you fools.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to recompense the gold nor restore Gringotts into what it once was. Reason why? Easy. I’m pissed at all of you!

The Magical Isolation worked in the 15th century up until the 19th century because magic was frowned and looked down upon. People did not understand what they did not know and only sought to destroy it.

Now? Things have changed. The Muggle world is a different place than it was 4~500 years ago. They are open to change…they will embrace it. Humanity is ready to take it’s next step forward with you magicals.

The isolation has also led to great corruption of power and authority both in and out of the Ministry. The Malfoy family and the Lestrange…how many times have they managed to wiggle out of a murder? Bias and unreasonable killings over an unproven fact of blood superiority? Can you guess why? Stolen money and bribed politicians. Actually, here’s the proof.

Slide to Unlock Evidence of Corrupted Members of the Ministry Here ——)

Slide to Unlock Evidence of Crimes committed by the Pure Blooded Here ——)

Slide to Unlock a picture of Lockhart wearing a mankini (NOT FOR YOUNG EYES) (MUGGLE BLEACH (DISTILLED) RECOMMENDED FOR AFTER VIEWING)

Slide to Unlock Evidence of the development of the Muggle World ——-)

I can continue going about this for a long time but what I really mean is that you need to change. You, your family, your friends, Fudge, and even you Dark Wizards and Witches. Also, did you know that Voldemort’s still alive? That’s not really important now though.

Once I see a change…once I receive a truly heartfelt apology from the right people…then I will return what belongs to you. Of course, you’ll have to try and find me first! Good luck with that! Only Fred and George Weasley along with a couple of Ravenclaws have ever managed to find me when I was napping at Hogwarts.

See you folks and don’t be too grateful! I know I’m awesome.

Also, @ Ministry & Goblin Fuckers: You really should research who you’re going up against.

With No Love at all

-Kara Vanir Fujitora

P.S: If any of my students who graduated are reading this, know that I support your decisions no matter what path you take! Never lose heart and never lose hope! Remember that you all have passed my tests to become great Wizards and Witches! Also, don’t bother me anymore since I’ve been losing my nap time by an average of 12 minutes and 23 seconds a day ever since I decided to allowed Exceeded Expectations Students to take my course instead of just Outstanding.

Moody: WHAT. THE. FUCK

Shacklebolt: I’m with you on that one old friend…I’m right there with you.

A perk of being an almighty immortal with nigh endless power as well as an energy being was that I can change my appearance however I wanted to. It wasn’t like an illusion or something I needed to hold either, it was literally changing my body configuration for it to be my new look for however long I wanted to look like that for.

So changing into a random witch and roaming around the wizarding world would be what most creatures in my position would do. Me? I returned to Hogwarts all high and mighty. Of course, I took care of a special business before that though.

1 hour later…I stood over the dead body of Barty Crouch Jr before burning his remains into ashes. He was already dead in the eyes of the public; no need to bring him back. If this was 4000 year old younger me, I would have relaxed or stressed about how Voldemort was never going to get a body and return properly but I knew better.

The guiding hand of Gaia, or the world theory, would guide the events to be as close as canon as possible. My guess would be another death eater would take over Barty’s role but manage to stay clear of my way and only stay with Voldy until it’s time for his resurrection. How such a thing is possible when Peter is dead, Crouch is dead, Moody’s active, Fudge is very suspicious of everything, and most Death Eaters (soon to include Lucius) are in Azkaban…oh wait. I kind of took all the dementors didn’t I?

I’m such an idiot. It’ll just be a matter of time before the Death Eaters escape and return the story back to canon.

Aww god. Sometimes for someone so powerful and is deemed responsible for keeping the multiverse in order…I am so stupid.

2 major things happened after that. First happened to be a major prison break from Azkaban because the Aurors were too weak and dumb to hold a couple Death Eaters and actual horrible Dark Magic practitioners from escaping. Where they are now? Who knows? Actually I do know- Malfoy Manor, but it’s really none of my business and I’m too lazy to do anything about it anyway.

Second was that I was given a full pardon for everything I did blah blah blah by the Ministry on accounts of something like I raised some very skilled Aurors and other bullshit. They tried to make it sound as if they were letting me get away with this but everyone knew. Everyone knew what it really was.

My stunt at Gringotts left the world in a daze as, in their mind, I did the unthinkable and impossible. Not only successfully robbing Gringgotts but doing it so openly and casual threatening pretty much the entire world. Not only that but actually succeeding in a show of absolute dominance in magic compared to anyone they have seen so far.

The Fiendfyre continued to burn the millennia old wealth for a couple of days before it had completely devoured everything before it itself burning out with nothing more to sustain its humongous body. Still, that was enough time for Witches and Wizards all over the world to come to Diagon Alley and see for themselves what I had done.

Damage control didn’t really work when there really wasn’t anything left. Gringotts closed officially…or so the Ministry tried to say before the Goblins revolted against the Ministry until the Ministry announced that Gringotts was ‘Temporarily Closed for Remodeling’. I mean…seriously?

The staff meeting we had when I returned was honestly hilarious with literally all of the staff members just staring at me with their mouths open (except Snape) at seemingly in disbelief of what I had done and how casually I just retuned to my post.

Me: What?

Dumbledore: *sigh* Nothing…though I am glad that I do not have to look for another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher again this year. It has been quite hard before you came and I would rather keep it this way; a teacher who would stay for more than a year…and preferably doesn’t want to hurt, kill, or maim our students.

Me: Sucks to be you Albus but Lupin was fired by the Ministry I think, am I right?

I was met with sulking (except Snape…again) nods of confirmation.

Me: So anyone on your mind Albus?

Dumbledore: Actually, Mad Eye Moody handed in an application for the Eastern Magical Arts role. While I am skeptical about his knowledge about it, there is no doubt that his name and recognition is proof of why I should at least consider him.

Me: And exactly when did he hand this in?

Dumbledore: Yesterday

Me: *snicker* Then it’s just the Ministry’s way of keeping an eye on me. Very well Albus, I don’t mind if you hire him. It’d be nice to have someone from the Ministry poking around here and there. Especially since you might want his extra grumpy nature judging that it is the Tri-Wizard Tournament coming up, am I right?

It was at this time that Sprout decided to speak up.

Sprout: Ummm…sorry but could we please turn our attention to what happened to Gringotts? I understand Hogwarts keep most of our funds to ourselves but we had a major vault in Gringotts and it’s now destroyed. As much as I love teaching, I do have a family to feed? Albus, how are we in financials?

Dumbledore: *cough* About the financ—

Me: Oh don’t worry you cuties.

I opened my inventories and let the floor begin to flood with Galleons.

Me: I’m pretty rich.

The stupid (and dumb, and dimwitted) ministry decided to not take my advice and keep themselves hidden from the muggle world. In my opinion, they could have at least adopted the mule currency for their current lack of one (dollars or Pounds or Euro I don’t care) but the Wizarding society in their stupid pride decided it was gold or nothing. Instead of asking the Ministry or the Goblins to create a new form of currency, they decided to scrape together the remains of gold from all over the country and continue where they left off. Of course, they led to a major increase in the value of money in general. Value of Galleons as well as the wizarding money jumped a thousand in value as many began to trade objects and goods rather than currency. Of course, for those who still had their coin…they were accepted into any shop with open arms,

Surprisingly, I didn’t receive any complaints about my stay and teaching at Hogwarts. Personally I thought I would receive hate mail by the hundreds from dumb parents who would write something about how I wasn’t a safe teacher for their children or anything but it seems like they understood two thing; I was very good at what I teach and the consequences for getting me fired would result in something kind of bad for them.

Anyway, soon it was time for the beginning of Harry’s 4th year as well as the Tri-Wizard Tournament. We’ve already heard news from 2 other schools (because I don’t bother remembering their names) with French Baguette Beaux something and German Pretzel Strong something. Dumbledore told me later on that their actual names were Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and Durmstrang Institute but I continued calling them ‘Baguette Bakery’ and ‘Pretzel Factory’ which ended up pissing a few people later on. (I do call Hogwarts ‘Wart’ sometimes as well so it’s fair game. I have no bias whatsoever)

Teaching Harry’s 4th year class was far more entertaining than I could have imagined. I managed to force a extra charged Imperio on Harry to make him confess his love to Malfoy and Crabbe AT THE SAME TIME. I made Malfoy strip down into his underwear and declare that he is proudly gay, just like his father, and is willing to hump any man in the room (for free). As expected, the class roared in laughter as I made each of the students perform their worst nightmares…and trust me I know.

Me: Crucio, the Cruciatus Curse, or the torture curse. Call it whatever you want but this is often the downfall of most wizards and witches who face a Dark Wizard or Witch capable of wielding the Unforgivable Curses.

I looked straight at Nevile

Me: Usually I would do to a spider like I have done with the Imperius and the Avada Kedavra but there are more psychological effects of seeing a curse in action; however to compensate for that loss…all of you get a page of written homework.

The classroom filled with groans as homework, which was rarely given in my class, was added to their list. I knew that they were all stressing over Potions already but seriously, this is my class so I do what I want.

Me: One page or more of How to resist the Cruciatus Curse before pain takes effect. Extra points will be given if another page of How to resist the pain of the Cruciatus Curse is added.

Hermione: Professor? How many points exactly?

Me: I am willing to set 130% as the full score for this homework assignment. In other words, if you get this full score then some of you might be able to pull your Acceptables into Exceed Expectations.

I looked directly at Neville

Me: It is important to learn and face your fears. Dissect the curse…break it down and analyze it. Know the curse better than anyone else so that when it is used on you…fear it as much as you would fear your own wand.

I turned back to the board and began to put up some notes for the class to copy down and important points their essays (recommended) should contain.

Me: Since a lot of Ravenclaws have been worried about the quiz next Tuesday, I have agreed to hide within the Student boundaries for my nap time. If you are lucky or had a drink of Liquid Luck…perhaps you might be able to find me for questions.

A Slytherin raised his hand at my words and I let him. Humorously, it wasn’t a question as much as it was a remark.

Slytherin: I think that solves the Ministry’s questions of why their new Aurors from Hogwarts are all expert trackers.

I smirked at that before turning back to the board.

Me: Now, onto some concoctions you can bribe Severus to make for you that might or might not help in these life and death scenarios. I recommend insulting Mr. Potter’s face or his father…especially his father. Apologies Mr. Potter but you know what the Potions Master hates. *wink*

The room was left with a roar of laughter as everyone, even the Gryffindors and Harry himself, began laughing uncomfortably at the thought of bribing the ever emo Potions master and gossiping with him about Harry Potter’s behavior.

Me: As much as I want to joke around, we need to continue our discussion about possibly the most useful potions that could save your life. Now pay attention Mr. Potter, what if you almost drown or something? Here’s a few options on what you could take…

The opening of the Tri-Wizard ceremony was pretty boring like I had expected. Seriously, Hogwarts could have prepared something at the very least to welcome the schools but instead Dumbledore in his (not) infinite wisdom decided to be like.

Dumbledore: Let’s not remind anyone that the schools are coming and let them just clap it up when they enter our Great Hall

Me: Like no preparation or whatsoever?

Dumbledore: Yeah! Let the other schools seesaw Hogwarts feast! How Hufflepuff house makes an absolute mess and the Slytherins act like a bunch of spoiled brats while the Ravenclaws are too focused on their books to even eat. Great way to show our school, don’t you think?

Ok, in truth the conversation did not actually go like that but it might have well been what it was. Dumbledore was much more passive against it while I fell asleep sometime during the meeting, thus I missed the part where he told us the actual plan for the arrival.

The other Magic schools were pretty nice if I say so myself. If this was canon world and I was powerless as well as knew what as to happen, I would wholeheartedly prefer either Baguette Bakery or Pretzel Factory over Hogwarts any time of the day. Seriously, every single year there was a life threatening event to the students. In the final year there was even a war at Hogwarts as the battleground. Ummm…safety anyone? Not to mention mutual death eaters had and has taken up the position of position (and for a short while Headmaster) of Hogwarts and had no idea what ‘Good influence on the next generation’ meant at all. Hell, during Harry’s 7th year I heard they taught actual Dark Arts! Don’t they know that each time you cast it your Karma lowers and the more pain you have to face upon bathing in the Sea of Mana for reincarnation…? Oh, that’s just me. I guess they really don’t know.

Things went as expected but when nobody came up all night and put Harry’s name into the Goblet of Fire I decided to take things into my own hands and…

Me: Imperius

Long story short I controlled a 7th year to put Harry’s name into the goblet of fire. Obviously I wasn’t an idiot to do it myself. Of course I can turn back time or make everyone forget all the jazz but I’d rather use that time for some extra Zzzz.

Judging that I am the awesome Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, it was no surprise when Harry came for my counseling as his name was called and the first test was scheduled.

Harry: Professor…I just don’t think I’m ready for it! I’m only a 4th year, I mean…what can I do?

Me: You can always give up. I wouldn’t say 10 Galleons is a lot for a prize anyway really, even counting the massive skyrocketing gold value in the market.

Harry: That wasn’t what I meant Professor.

Me: Well then Harry, you should think about your sentence a bit more before you ask. Make sure all points of your question is correctly built for the right person. Now think about it again and ask.

Harry paused for a moment before asking.

Harry: Professor…do you happen to know what is the first event?

Me: Oh! Easy, yes I do.

Harry: …

Me: What?

Harry: *sigh* Could you tell me professor?

Me: Depends on your reasons. If it is to win…then I will not help you.

Harry: Then what will you tell me for professor?

Me: If you are looking for the 3 G’s or a better reason. I prefer the better reason though honestly.

Harry: The 3 G’s? What are those?

Me: I do not help those who do things just for the sake of doing things. You don’t fight a war for the sake of fighting. You don’t steal for the sake of stealing nor should one kill for the sake of killing. Bad deeds must have a moral reason or explanation, justification, if you want my help.

Harry: I don’t want to lose professor?

Me: And why exactly is that Harry? Why would you hate to lose? Even if you give up nothing will be lost. To begin with you were not meant to be part of the games nor did you even try to be part of one either. It does not matter.

Harry: But I was chosen professor. I don’t think any of this is a…um, any of this is a coincidence. Someone did put my name in the Goblet for a reason and now I represent Hogwarts. This is my home, my one true home. The place where I belong and I want to represent my name proudly.

Me: Glory, is it?

Harry: Pride, professor. And I will not see the Pride of Hogwarts giving up just because something had happened.

Me: Good answer Harry. Now then, the Triwizard Tournaments were always full of cheating anyway so as long as you aren’t caught or rat on me, I should be fine. What do you know of Dragons?

Harry beat his first task wonderfully well. Much better than how I think he did it in the book (or movie). Of course, this was all thanks to my wonderful guidance of course. I take all the credit.

For the last few days I taught Dragons their habits and makeup as well as how to avoid or take their interests off of you. I taught him a spell I created in just a few moments for him.

Me: Maxima Leviosa

This enhanced version of the levitation charm will float pretty much anything if used correctly at the cost of not being able to control how much it floated. This was exactly what Harry would need. Of course, I did tell him to get a couple of smoke & fart bombs from the Weasley twins as well as his broom should things go south.

It worked wonderfully as the moment he was out onto the field he flew up on his broom before pissing off the dragon and taking her skyward. He then cast my spell on the Dragon forcing it continuously to float upwards without being able to come down the however long the charm will last. Of course, before it can do that Harry managed to throw the fart bombs directly at the Dragon’s nose blocking it’s sense of smell before diving for the egg. The moment he got the egg was when the Dragon was freed of the charm in which Harry proceeded to throw the smoke bombs around protecting himself from the Dragon’s sight before entering into the tent for safety where he was met with thundering applause. I would say that every part of his exploit was one me but…oh well, arrogant boy wizards and all.

Me: Not too bad Harry, though I would have physically punched that dragon at least once to show it who’s boss.

Harry: Only you and Hagrid would think that professor. Most people would run away at the sight of that.

Me: Well, you can thank Dumbledore and his friends for making such a safe test. I’m sure you won’t drown on your next one seeing as you did fine on this. I hope you paid attention to my class *wink* Bribing Snape’s always an option

Harry rolled his eyes at me before thanking me once more and dissolving into the crowd to party.

Moody: *grunt*

Me: Oh come on it couldn’t be that bad.

Moody: You…!!! You spiked my bottle!

Me: It’s just poison. What’s wrong with that?

Moody: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT??! IT’S FUCKING POISON THAT’S WHAT! DO YOU SPIKE EVERY DRINK YOU COME ACROSS???

Me: …I’ve only done it to Dumbledore, Snape, Minerva, Flitwick, Sprout, all the previous EMA teachers, Hagrid, and maybe a quarter of my class who leave their bottles unattended.

Moody: … how are you not in Azkaban yet?

Me: Technically I’ve been to Azkaban but I wasn’t sent there by you guys.

Moody: Exactly *grunt* Who am I kidding. By the way, what was that poison?

Me: *snicker* It’s no fun if I tell you though, isn’t it? Besides, you should feel it soon.

I waited a moment staring at Moody’s furious face before his face paled and his knees buckled.

Moody: No….no…You wouldn’t dare…

I held up a small brown bottle. One which would be available at nearly any pharmacy.

Me: Concentrated Muggle Misoprostol. Induces Diarrhea within 20 minutes of consumption. *snicker* And lasts for 24 hours at least.

The face of a horror stricken Moody was the last thing I saw before a broom appeared out of nowhere as Moody rocketed off down the hallway to the nearest bathroom he could find.

The Daily Prophet

Kara Vanir Fujitora; who is she and where did she learn her Magic?

Kara Fujitora, the current Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is well known as the most powerful witch of all time. While not classified as the Dark Witch, Kara Fujitora has done many deeds to earn a raised eyebrow in the realm of morals from both the Ministry and the Public.

The Break-in&out of Azkaban, stealing and taming the Dementors without the permission from the Ministry, threatening multiple Aurors on the case of her continued employment at Hogwarts, and finally the grand show of magic in which led to the dissolving of the Headquarters of the Magical bank of Gringgotts.

While all her deeds can be answered, where and what magic did she use? Where did she learn them? What does she wish to accomplish by teaching the next generation of our magical community?

Seeing another Bullshit article, I felt really fuzzy and warm inside. Of course, with people recovering from their shock there were a couple of brave souls who did try and challenge me or blame me what what I didn’t (not) do. Seriously, fools.

The Water breathing gillyweed 2nd task of the tournament went fine as well. Harry did what was done in Canon by saving the other contestants and doing the right thing blah blah blah. Ron also began to exaggerate the stories more and more until it began to sound like an alien abduction story more than it did like ‘Go to sleep you’ll be fine’ as Dumbledore said he did all of these things.

With only the final maze task to be completed, I decided to wrap things up a bit and sent out mail to a few specific people all over the world. Some closer than others…some muggle and some not.

Me: Hey Hermione.

Hermione: Hello Professor

Me: Nothing bad is happening but I would like it if you would call your parents on the day of the final day of the TriWizard tournament. I won’t hide that it is more for Harry than you though.

Hermione: Umm…May I ask why?

Me: I’m just planning on pulling a little stunt like I did at Gringgotts. But I’llgive you my word that nothing bad will happen to either you or your parents.

Hermione: And Harry?

Smart Girl isn’t she?

Me: I can’t promise that honestly. That boy attracts more trouble than honey draws in bees. I will try to watch over him but I can’t promise that he’ll come out unscathed. Of course, for one I don’t plan or want him hurt.

Hermione thought that over for a while before nodding.

Hermione: Alright professor. I trust you. So, you want my parents to arrive at Hogwarts to see the final award ceremony?

Me: Sounds about right, yes.

I slipped away from the crowd waiting for the contestants to appear out of the maze. I slid into the shadows and out of view when I felt Harry and Cedric both touch the trophy that had somehow been changed into a portkey (I swear it wasn’t me).

My observation tracked the two around the globe as they were dropped into a graveyard where the similar thing occured. Upon arriving Cedric was killed instantly leaving Harry to fend for himself.

By a Death Eater’s hand Harry was dragged and tied to the cross where the same old ritual began to revive Voldy once and for all. The bone of the father, flesh of the servant, and blood of an enemy. Why Voldemort would even know if he couldn’t touch Harry when Quirrel hadn’t faced Harry I would not know but perhaps it had some other value to it.

Once Harry freed himself from the cross (or rather was untied) and Voldemort challenged him, I decided to intervene there.

As I landed right in front of Harry where both him and Voldemort had their wands out ready to duel. It looked as if Voldemort was trying to get Harry to bow but I already knew I trained him much too well for that. At least it wasn’t Voldemort’s own servant who taught Harry too well this time.

Me: Long time no see Voldy

Voldemort: …You!!!

Harry: Professor?

Me: Sorry but I don’t really have time for all of this fanciness and jazz so let’s get on with it. Inversio Protego Diabolica!!

A ring of blue fire appeared around Voldemort and his followers. One fool thought it would be fine to apparate out of the mess but he was instantly burned to ashes.

Me: Good good. It seems like you are all here. Wonderful! Now…let’s change to a better location shall we?

Harry: Professor? What are you plan—AAARR

Without any warning whatsoever, I took the space around me including the ring of fire and teleported up right into the open space of Hogwarts…in front of the crowd. I did remember to bring Cedric’s corpse as well. Seeing as he is still my responsibility to a degree.

As we all stood there in the daylight with Voldemort’s new and ugly body in full view, there was utter chaos among the crowd. I wasn’t one for this type of behavior though.

Me: SILENCE!

As I imbued my voice with haki, people froze their actions and turned to look at me. Some with fear and some with curiosity.

Me: First of all, I must congratulate Mr. Harry James Potter and our newly diseased Cedric Diggory for winning the TriWizard Tournament. Though who’s idea it was to grab the Cup at the same time when it’s a portkey that was made to take you directly to Voldemort and his followers…

I shook my head disapprovingly.

Me: Not wise Harry. Not wise.

I turned to look at the captured Death Eaters and Voldemort who looked just as surprised as the crowd was. He tried to study the flames, looking for a way out or a weakness but obviously my flames wouldn’t have that type of weakness.

Me: Onto the next order. Why don’t we all give Voldy here a round of applause for his amazing return! He did it! He cheated death! Only to have his soul broken to shatters, look more like a snake than man and by touching Harry all over the place has proven to be a pedophile!

I smiled directly at Voldemort who looked at me as if I was utterly insane. He was probably right to a degree, though I would never admit it. During this time the crowd began to yell and shout bullshit and utter craziness again in fear.

Me: Albus, a little help here please?

Dumbledore: *cough* Yes, of course. Just a little surprised dear. I would have never imagined that you would capture him like this.

Voldemort: Silence Old man! I am Lord Voldemort!

Me: And I am Patrick. Shut up Tom and sit down until it’s your turn.

I increased the gravity on him tenfold as he was crushed down onto his knees with his hands supporting him to keep himself from lying on the ground. Once he looked like he’ll stay quiet for a while, I turned and faced the crowd.

Me: Whether you like it or not…Voldemort is back! He is right here!

I pointed at the downed man

Me: Many of you have lost precious people to this man. Family…friends…perhaps a lover. Regardless, those of you who remember the first war, you have lost something to this man here.

As people realized that Voldemort was immobilized and trapped, they began to lose their fear of him and turned to face me properly. I was met with nods and a few sobs as people remembered what had happened many years ago.

Me: Now he is here. He is trapped…he is weak. He deserves to be killed once and for all from this world. Those of you I had called, please step forward.

A handful of members stepped forward. Most magical, 2 in a hospital bed and seemingly unconscious and was pulled by another member, and finally Granger’s parents.

From my inventory, I dug out the Horcruxes. All of them except for Nagini as seemingly she was trapped in the fire with Voldemort. As he saw the things I was drawing from nowhere, his eyes widened in fear as he began trembling against the gravity.

Me: Many of you must be wondering how Voldemort managed to survive? He had the killing curse rebounded on him after all? Shouldn’t nobody be able to survive the Avada Kedavra?

I summoned a white desk and laid out the Horcruxes I had gathered.

The Diary. The Ring. The Diadem. The Cup. The Locket. The Scar.

Facing back to Voldemort, I forcefully teleported the giant snake to me before turning it into a Garden Snake before Duck Taping it to the desk as well. Finally, it was complete.

Me: Voldemort thought that life was connected to the Soul and not the body…and he was correct. In the most foulest of way he had managed to separate his soul from himself and attach it to these items. So when he was struck with the killing curse…his soul remained in some way in this world.

I felt a familiar dark presence watching me…watching us. I decided to entertain or include him.

Me: Of course. No I’ll give you a reason as to why exactly not you should do this. First of all, you lose your humanity and get to look like Voldemort. But most importantly…what happens once you do inevitably die?

I turned to face the shadow that was manifesting.

Death: Eternal Damnation. Nobody Cheats Death…not the brothers, not Grindelwald…nor you Tom Marvel Riddle, or Voldemort.

Thankfully it seemed as if the crowd ad expended all of their ‘Get Surprised for the day’ already so while it did draw a couple screams and yells, the Spectre of Death did not cause mass chaos like I thought. Shame.

Me: Mr & Mrs. Longbottom. Victims of the Cruciatus curse and was locked in insanity due to it. You have suffered enough…be free.

I saw Neville begin to cry as he saw his parents’ eyes clear over before blinking for the first time in over a decade. Mr. Longbottom, who didn’t seem like he aged a day, sat up and looked around before beginning to shake awake Mrs. Longbottom as well.

Me: Mr & Mrs. Longbottom. Both of you have been asleep, or insane, or in a coma for a very long time. Only now have you awoken. But as you can see…

I pointed to the middle where Voldemort and his Death Eaters were captured as well as cursing us with all they’ve got. I showed them the table of horcruxes as well as a vial of poison in which Brownie had so nicely filled up for me while I was making the speech.

Me: You have the chance for revenge. But the question is, will you allow your son to do it for you? Your son Neville who is right there.

I didn’t get another word out before Neville, who somehow didn’t trip, crashed into the arms of his parents and began crying. Such a beautiful scene and a shame it broke away a bit too quickly but it seemed like Mr. Longbottom had convinced Neville to take this chance.

Me: Good Afternoon Mr. Longbottom. It’s a wonderful afternoon don’t you think?

Neville: It’s the best afternoon Professor. I don’t know how you did it but you have my undying gratitude.

Me: You’re as brave as you are loyal so I know how much that means. Thank you Neville. Now if you will follow me.

I took him to the table which was in full view of everyone. Of all the Horcruxes there, I took the Garden Snake (a.k.a. Nagini) and tied it in front of him and handed him the vial.

Me: Basilisk Poison. It melts away the charms and the soul which has anchored itself onto the snake. Try not to spill any of it on yourself Neville…it’ll be quite a painful death.

Neville: Umm…

Me: Would you like some gloves then?

He nodded. I took the vial of poison back before I gave him some very poison resistant gloves. Once he was ready, I gave him the vial again.

Me: Whenever you see fit Neville. But remember exactly why you are doing this. For whom, for what.

It took a moment but Neville tilted the vial onto the twisting and cursing (I understood exactly what it was saying) snake. As the poison touched Nagini, she began to melt into herself.

From inside the ring of fire, Voldemort began to scream in pain as a Horcrux so close in proximity was destroyed. His hands which used to support him turned to jelly as his torso as well was crushed against the ground.

As Neville put back down the vial of poison, I gave him a clap on his back to cheer him up. He did good today…he was brave and he did it for his family. Good man that Neville.

I called up Sirius Black and Kreature together and had them destroy Slytherin’s Locket. It was only fair that the Poor House-Elf get to see how his master’s last orders were completed and it being him that completes it.

I had Hagrid up and do the next part.

Me: Nice to see you again Hagrid. It’s a good day isn’t it?

Hagrid: Good day ar’igh but I don’t know wah yeh called meh

Me: Because this Diary is linked to you Hagrid. 50 years ago you were accused of opening up the Chambers of Secrets and expelled from Hogwarts for doing that. Only Dumbledore trusted your word…but do you remember who it was that got you expelled?

Hagrid: Tom. It wuz Tom.

I held up the book for him to see carefully.

Me: Hagrid…this is the diary of Tom Marvolo Riddle. As some know…he would later go on to become Lord Voldemort. That mess over there.

Hagrid’s hairy face paled as he realized, then contorted in anger. His reason for expulsion…his reason for all the shame was right there!

Me: It’s your choice and justice Hagrid. The Ministry will never know the truth but you do. You know who framed you. You can have a bit of personal satisfaction over this at least.

Hagrid: … give meh the phoison

I smiled as I handed him the vial in which he took…uncorked…and poured directly onto the Diary. The Diary burned through almost instantly accompanied by another scream of Voldemort as another fragment of his soul was burned.

Me: Good job Hagrid. Good Job.

Hagrid: *snifflle* Thank yer Kara…I might need’te havf sum to drink af’ter dis.

Me: I patted his coat on the back as he shuffled back to the crowd where they were standing in respect for the Gamekeeper. I looked up to see Dumbledore with his eyes shining in pride at what his old student and most trusted staff member had managed to do.

Me: Hello Griphook

The goblin turned to me first in disgust then in respect. I did take something very precious from him…from them all…but I was still including them in our history. The goblins who were often forgotten and looked down upon.

Griphook: We still have not forgiven you for what you had done to Gringgotts but this and that are a separate matter. Thank you for this chance Fujitora.

Me: I don’t expect to be forgiven because otherwise I would not have done it. I acted that way because I thought, and I still do believe, that it is for the better; however, as you said, if the magical community is going to move forward…then it needs everyone and that includes your kind.

I handed him the cup of Hufflepuff which no longer had the duplicate charm on it.

Me: Stolen directly from the Gringotts, LeStrange Vault with many many charms on it to protect it.

Griphook: …how cruel you are Ms. Fujitora that you would make a member of Gringgotts to destroy a customer’s property.

Bellatrix from inside the ring of fire began firing curses at us which were all burned away before it could reach us. Still, it got our attention.

Griphook: Of course, I’ll still do it but this hurts my heart way more than it should.

Bellatrix: You’re breaking the rules! I trusted Gringgotts!!!

Griphook: Oh~ I’m so sure that I must have lost a valuable customer…especially a dead one with no money at all now.

With that, the goblin destroyed the Hufflepuff Cup leading to another round of screaming.

I had the Lovegoods destroy the Diadem seeing as it was ironic as how the queer (and weird but lovely) duo of Ravenclaw destroy the Diadem which would give them intelligence.

As for the ring…? Well I did pull some strings to make it work. Because just in that moment a very small girl appeared. Looking no more than 8 (and she is 8) with a pale complexion. Slightly cute but also showing an aura of danger.

Me: Hello Delphini Dear. How have you been? Did Sirius treat you alright?

The Daughter of Voldemort nodded and smiled cutely. I continued to give her a rub on her hair before handing her the ring.

Me: I told you about this, didn’t I? The sins of your father is not your own…but due to his own actions you have lost the people you can call your parents.

Voldemort was horrified that I had brought out his daughter from hiding (and it has actually been a while truthfully) and Bellatrix didn’t even seem to recognize her own daughter. Seriously, this was quite a messed up family.

Delphini: But…but I gained you and Sirius because of it. You two both really really love me. Don’t you?

I smiled as I looked down at the little girl that once was fated to fight the Wizarding world in search for her father…lost and alone. I pulled he head into my chest as I gave the little girl a hug.

Me: Of course I do Delphini. But I won’t do this one for you. This one is your birthright as a member of a Riddle.

The girl looked up to me once more for confidence before putting on the same gloves that Neville used and dropping the poison onto the Ring. Unlike the others, the ring did not melt or shatter but rather washed away the soul as the screams from Voldemort confirmed that.

Me: There. That screaming mess of a man is your sperm donor and that seaweed hair witch of a bitch is your birth giver. Both of them so obsessed with immortality, death, and insanity to care for what truly mattered…you. I am so proud of you Delphini. Now run along to Sirius. He probably has some Cold Chocolate from Starbucks if you ask nicely enough.

As she went away, much of the people who were with us stood blankly with shock coloring their faces.

Dumbledore: Was that…?

Me: Yes. Don’t ask…just accept her when the time comes.

His face relaxed into a warm smile.

Dumbledore: Of course.

Finally I turned to see Harry who looked a little disgusted by the entire scenario.

Me: How are you holding up Harry?

Harry: Honestly not so well Professor. I see you’ve done the impossible again. But forgive me for asking but is that my-

Me: Your scar? Yes. That is the layer if skin and soul I had removed from you the first time we met. Your scar remains as a residue of the Avada Kedavra but the soul the Voldemort had put into you has been removed.

I handed him the refilled vial of poison (thanks Brownie)

Me: It’s only right for you to do it. Don’t you think?

Harry: …thank you Professor. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you. Though you could have told me about Delphini living with Sirius. How long has it been?

Me: Ever since school started. I asked Sirius to keep it a secret and he reluctantly agreed after I pestered him. Also he’s the secret keeper…except that I know how to break it of course.

Harry: Of course you do professor. When has a charm or spell ever worked on you?

With his bandaged arm he took the vial from my hand and poured it over the old scar. Destroying the final horcrux of Voldemort.

Me: ALL HORCRUXES ARE DESTROYED! YOU ARE MORTAL ONCE AGAIN TOM

Unfortunately Voldemort was in no shape to even listen to anyone. Nearly foaming at the mouth from the shock and pain his soul has taken today. The other death eaters were trying to get their savior up again so they can formulate a plan to escape or something but, hey, it doesn’t work that way you know?

Me: Filch, Mr & Mrs. Granger?

They nodded.

I held up a hand as the crowd turned completely silent as I began my monologue.

Me: Voldemort is a believer in Blood Supremacy. That the magic belongs to the pure blooded while the half bloods should serve them and the muggles to die. He thought himself so pure and mighty. So correct in his belief…after all, he was a pure blood and wasn’t he so strong?

I looked back at the struggling form of Voldemort and smirked.

Me: I find this ironic as Voldemort was born a bastard. As a Half-Blood. So Tom, when are you going to lick Lucius’ shoes?

The crowd who have finally gotten over their fear of You-Know-Who began to chuckle with me. After all, they had nothing to fear.

Me: I thought it would be fitting…to end Voldemort not by a duel with Harry who carries the name of the ancient house of Potter. Nor die by a traitor’s hand by a Pure Blooded Death eater nor a Half-Blood.

I motioned towards the Grangers.

Me: He will die at the hand of those who has never touched magic before. By Filch, our lovely and trustworthy Caretaker, who was born without magic and Mr & Mrs. Granger who has sired one of the greatest witches of the new generation.

Me: I understand that none of you want to kill so I thought of a solution. The same way Firing Squad works in the muggle world.

I handed the three identical wands.

Me: Once swung, one of them will activate the second stage of the fire and burn them all to nothing; however, two of them are blanks.

The three nodded. They could always believe in their chance as someone who might have killed Voldemort.

Me: Ready?

The three nodded.

Me: Do it.

As the three twirled, swung, or lifted their wands, the fire of hell burned brighter blue and inched closer to the Death Eaters and Voldemort. The fire manifested animals which ran around and burned those who were unfortunately not fast enough. Finally, a snake like that I had summoned from the Fiendfyre (except this one blue) appeared and encased them all before the fire covered everything.

Screams of pain were heard for just moments before it was gone. Once the fire cleared, there was nothing. No one. It was over.

I turned to the shadow which began to show itself again.

Death: This one sends great thanks to the Unity for this favor. How could I repay you?

I thought for a moment. Honestly I had enough in my inventory to play around me for a couple thousand years but a nice and expensive souvenir would be nice. After all, I was sure sis would be doing the same thing.

Me: The Deathly Hallows. Not the best I’ve seen but it’s more of an artistic and historic value than anything.

Death: So It shall be.

Suddenly, Dumbledore’s hand jerked forward as his wand holster shattered and the Elder Wand broke free.

Death: The Elder Wand, fashioned by the Elder Tree on the banks of Styx. As the true wielder of this wand, you are unbeatable in Combat.

He handed the wand to me which I pocketed into my other wand holster. The ring which was once a horcrux shattered before revealing a stone. A very small red stone which flew into Death’s skeletal hands.

Death: The Resurrection Stone, picked up from the banks of the Styx. As the holder of this stone, you may recall shadows of the dead from my realm…though it is more yours than mine.

Finally he pointed to Harry in which a cloak was torn away from him.

Death: My own Invisibility Cloak in which I had carried since my birth. Under the cloak, I will never be able to find you.

As I took the cloak, I found the 3 Hallows resonating with each other. Lightly humming in joy at finally being together after so long.

Death: The Wand, The Stone, The Cloak. You wield all three together. Together you are the Master of Death and Champion of the Deathly Hallows…though why would someone of your stature lower yourself to this?

Me: Like I said, it’s a nice souvenir. Thank you.

I turned back to the crowd who probably felt like a tornado has gone through them.

Me: It’s been a fun 5 years in this world but in the end I have my job as well. Honestly I miss my sister as well though I managed to last longer than I expected.

I turned to Dumbledore.

Me: You might have to restart the tradition of looking for Defense Against the Dark Arts Position but I truly hope not.

I turned to Harry

Me: Grow strong and stay loyal to your friends and you’ll be fine. I feel like you’ll make an excellent Auror with your talent and skill honestly.

Finally I turned to Delphini

Me: Man…I really just can’t leave you can I? I can’t promise I’ll always be there but I’ll visit from time to time.

I gave her one last hug before I slid a mirror into her hands.

Me: If you wish to talk to me, just call my name in the Mirror and I’ll be there. Alright? If Sirius or Harry ever mistreats you then you just need to tell me and I’ll blast them to pieces off the plain of reality, alright?

Sirius: Hey! I won’t do that to my daughter!

Harry: I’m an older brother now?

Me: Don’t listen to them Delphini. You make sure to be careful around boys but I’m sure Sirius will tell you all about it.

I gave her a quick kiss on her forehead before I turned to leave.

Me: I really enjoyed this place. I might visit every once in a while.

Dumbledore: You are always welcome to visit dear.

Me: Live long Dumbledore. I’d hate it if you’re dead before I come for my next visit.

Dumbledore: I try Dear. After all, those Lemon Drops have extra Vitamin C in them, or at least the Pharmacist said.

I smiled before I drew on my power once again and opened the portal home. Before I stepped through, I looked back once more and saved the beautiful image in my head.

Everyone there. Most of them happy (I revived Cedric secretly so he’s just sleeping now). Voldemort and his followers dead and a few precious people I would call my friends.

Me: Well…it was fun while it lasted.

Quoting Momonga’s last words before the game ended, I stepped through the Portal. Back home. Where I belong.